"Henry & June"
Henry & June (1990) is the film that pretty much caused the MPAA to invent the NC-17 rating, and was the first recipient. I can't for the life of me figure out why this particular film upset them so much, unless it was the whole idea that Ana´s Nin and June Miller both enthusiastically enjoyed sex. The nudity is not that extensive, the sex is not that kinky, and there is no violence at all. It is the story of the love triangle among Nin, Henry Miller and his wife June in 1931 Paris. Despite the title, it is really more about Nin's transition from fantasy and voyeurism to living out her sexual desires. The story was long in hiding, at Nin's request. She asked that that portion of her diary not be made public until everyone involved was dead.
The film runs 136 minutes and was only nominated for one award (an Oscar for cinematography). I can't imagine that most kids would sit through it even if it were rated PG-13. All of the principles gave great performances, and the film showed 1931 Paris bohemia in all its glory. While the story is pretty heady, I ran out of interest long before the end of the film. Writer/director Philip Kaufman (Quills, The Right Stuff, The Unbearable Lightness of Being) and his wife researched the story carefully, and we can assume that the story was told reasonably accurately.
Maria de Medeiros plays Nin, and shows breasts and buns several times, including a lesbian scene with Uma Thurman who played June. Thurman looks sexy, but showed nothing other than cleavage. Brigitte Lahaiie, as a prostitute, shows breasts and buns. Maite Maille also shows breasts as a prostitute. Several other women show breasts and or buns as hookers, or in a street party. Fred Ward nailed the Henry Miller part, and Richard E. Grant was also good as Nin's International banker husband.
IMDb readers have this at 6.2 of 10. Ebert awarded three stars, but mostly talked about the rating. The film is just over 50% positive at Rotten Tomatoes. If a Long, leisurely period character piece about arguably the two most important writers about sex in the 20th century is your kind of film, there is much to admire here. Many will find it slow going. C+.
Maria De Medeiros
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated. Charlie begins
his summer vacation. His next update will be August 21st.
The Bourne Supremacy (2004):
I've been trying to find someplace where The Door in the Floor is
playing, in order to report on the allegedly extensive nudity. No
luck in Austin. Hence, a look at The Bourne Supremacy.
I suppose that there will be or already has been a
lot of carping from critics who have read the book and are
disappointed that this movie has just about nothing in common with
it. So it goes. Interesting point, I suppose, but just not relevant
to whether this is a good movie. Let's get all that out of the way.
The first film in the series, The Bourne Identity, had something
like a 50% correlation to the eponymous book. Both sources started
with the same premise, a secret agent of some kind with amnesia, on
the one hand hoping to regain his memory, but on the other hand
afraid to find out just how big a scumbag he really was. That basic
premise was pretty much all the film retained from the book.
Compared to the book's Jason
Bourne, the film's Bourne found out quite different things about his past.
It is true that the film lost some of the very best elements in
Bourne's search for his identity, and I'm not sure why the
scriptwriter chose to change some things which I found to be
fascinating and even moving, but it was his call, and the new
elements worked just fine for those capable of evaluating the movie
as an entity independent of the book. (And, indeed, the things
Bourne finds out about himself in the book, or some very similar
things, could still come out somewhere later in the movie series,
which has no reason to end here.) In the second film, Jason Bourne
is no longer a character acting in a Robert Ludlam plot. He is
simply a character originally created by Robert Ludlam, as the
recent James Bond movies have simply featured a character originally
created by Ian Fleming. OK, do we have that out of the way? This
movie has almost nothing in common with the book of the same name.
That's sort of interesting, but irrelevant. Let's move on, shall we?
The Bourne Supremacy is a very good movie. It is not
without its flaws, which I'll discuss momentarily, but it works and
it works well. The key reasons are as follows:
1. Most important, the audience identifies with
Jason Bourne. We feel his sense of loss when he loses his beloved.
We feel his sense of outrage at being something that other people
have created. We feel his frustration when he can't figure out just
who the hell he is in the first place. We feel every bit of his
anger when he encounters betrayal and unwarranted attacks when he's
just trying to be a peaceful hippie living in India, trying to build some kind
of life, trying to mind his own business. Screenwriter Tony Gilroy
and the two directors who have helmed this series can take credit
for a portion of our bond with this character, but Matt Damon can take
the biggest chunk of the
honors for bringing a special quality to the character. He has
forged an everyday guy trying to figure out why the hell he knows
how to be a killing machine, an apparently decent guy who is really
scared and ashamed of what he once might have been. The humanity of the
character, and our empathy with him, are what really lift the film
toward greatness. We're not just rooting for Bourne, we're inside of him.
He manages to kill half the innocent population of Berlin and Moscow
in this movie, but we're still with him all the way.
2. Second, Jason Bourne is a cool character. He's
kind of a combination of James Bond and Snake Plisskin, always in
command, yet always pissed off, and of course always fucked over by
corrupt authority. In fact, I like him better than James Bond. When
you really get down to brass tacks, James Bond is a glib, show-offy
twit. He's Dean Martin with a British accent. He's Hugh Grant with
muscles. If Bond is a particularly shallow society character from a
Thackeray novel, Jason Bourne, on the other hand, is a character
from Dostoevsky or Conrad, a tortured, conflicted soul struggling
mightily to sort out what is right from all the world's wrongs, and
possibly even to do the right thing after he finds it. If he drinks
anything, it isn't a vodka martini, and if you hand him one of
those, he won't give a shit whether you shake it or stir it. If he
walks into a bar, he'll sit on a stool and ask for "a beer", then
get on with his reading, or fall deep into his thoughts. The end of
this film sets up a sequel in which Bourne tries to find his real
identity. I hope they do more of these films, and I hope they manage
to maintain the integrity of the character without jumping the
shark, because Jason Bourne is the most interesting repeating
character to come around in a long time.
3. The story line and the action scenes are OK. To
tell you the truth, they are not
great, but I suppose they are good enough that the overwhelming strength of the first
two characteristics is not enervated by a gimmicky plot.
I said I would mention the weaknesses.
1. One evil hyphenated word: hand-held. I got dizzy watching some action and exposition
scenes. This new director is really into that wacky hand-held
aesthetic, and he's got a whole jittery, dark, Blair Witch thing
going here. They really need to lose that whole cinema veritÚ
feeling, or at least most of it. This is a big budget film,
not an NYU film school project, and
they can surely afford better more sophisticated camera movement techniques and better
lighting. In some of the fight scenes, the audience can't tell who
is who, no who is winning. It is simply a matter of waiting until
the camera stops spinning, then observing who can still breathe. I
guess that a little of this is OK, but there is just no reason for
so many scenes in this film to look like the cinematography was done by Katharine
Hepburn with a home camcorder. I think the director did a great job
on the pacing of the film, which is his main job after all, so I had
no trouble with the jittery, frenetic editing. But I nearly heaved
from all the superfluous camera movement. At one point, when the
audience is looking over Damon's shoulder, they even used a jittery
camera and fast edits when they zoomed in on stuff I was supposed to
be reading along with him.
2. Julia Stiles is back, as the head of the CIA's
crack unit of moon-faced 12 year old girls who over-enunciate their
words and act really scared when they talk to Matt Damon. Without
that team, well, frankly, America simply could not guarantee your security.
3. I would have preferred more mystery, fewer chase and fight scenes, but that's really
just my personal bias showing through. Chase scenes generally bore
me, and there are many here.
Bottom line: good flick. No nudity, dammit.
It's an awful movie, but it is now available on DVD, if you are a
volleyball fanatic. Skip that. I'm a volleyball fanatic, and I still
didn't like it.
The basic plot:
A midwesterner (C. Thomas Ponyboy Soul Man) goes to
California in the summer after his junior year of college to earn some
tuition working for the law firm of his sleazebag rich uncle. While he is
there, he becomes interested in 2x2 volleyball, and ends up paired
with a guy he was supposed to evict. Luckily for him, he was supposed
to evict the King of the Beach. There are a few plot twists, but all
of them are secondary to the meat of the film, which is
volleyball, lightly salted with romance.
Billed as the first major
studio film devoted to the subject of beach volleyball, it actually
used real beach players like Randy Stoklos as characters in the
film. I wouldn't be surprised if Miller
Lite and Jose Cuervo actually financed this film, because I suppose
they control the players' contracts (about 20 of the tour players
appeared in the film), and their product placements were everywhere.
As marketing experiments
go, it wasn't very successful.
In order to show actors playing
successfully against pros, the director had to rely on lots of
close-ups of spikes, so the audience can't see the difference in
talent. Unfortunately, that also means the audience doesn't get a feel
for the flow of 2 man volleyball, which is a great game.
And then there is the cast. I guess
you can imagine how poorly Stoklos read his lines, but the real actors
in the film weren't that much better. A list including
supermodel Kathy Ireland, and that blond guy who looks exactly like
Bjorn Borg (Peter Horton is his name) will give you a
representative sampling. The
best actor in the film was that guy who played Bernie the Dead Guy, and even his
performance was somewhat hamstrung by the fact that he wasn't dead.
Of course, I don't know why I'm
whining. If it had been acted by the Royal Shakespeare Company, it still would have stunk.
If Kenneth Branagh could play volleyball like Karch Karaly, his
presence would still not make this watchable.
Let's just say that future plans for
the micro-genre of beach volleyball movies are not expected to require
any massive hiring of personnel in the studios. Don't look for "Side
Out 2, the wrath of Sinjin".
- Harley Jane Kozak
2). A clear shot of Harley Jane's very minimal
exposure in this film was about the only thing accomplished by
this disk. As Tuna would say, the rest of the disk would have been
better used as an AOL promo.
Paris & Nick Split--A Nation Mourns: Paris Hilton has
kicked her Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter, to the curb. Or
Here's a trailer for the sequel you've REALLY hoped for? The
Usual Suspects 2? NAH! It's gotta be
Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2
The trailer for The Grudge: "An English-language remake
of the Japanese horror thriller 'Ju-On', starring Buffy. 'The
Grudge' is about a murderous supernatural curse born of a grudge
held by someone who dies angry. The curse passes like a virus to
The trailer for
National Lampoon's Gold Diggers : "Calvin Menhoffer and
Leonard Smallwood are two lovable losers, but grand dreamers,
desperately searching for the so-called 'Good Life.' 'All we want
is the best that life has to offer,' Cal tells his partner. 'You
know, without working for it.' After an unsuccessful attempt at
robbing two 70 year-old sisters, Cal and Lenny find themselves
behind bars. Within days, the charges are mysteriously dropped and
the two older women invite the boys to their Beverly Hills
mansion. As Cal and Lenny enter the grand foyer, they find the
interior of the spacious home to be a throwback to the late
sixties. From the top of the staircase a voice suddenly calls out,
'Hey, you two little jailbirds!' Cal and Lenny glance up and the
sight is enough to wilt their flowers and melt their candy. Doris
and Betty Mundt (Lasser and Taylor) stand dressed to kill. Seventy
year-old women transformed! Doris wears a Baby Jane outfit, while
Betty sports a skin tight, red Sequins dress complete with patent
leather Go Go boots!"
The trailer for Warriors of Heaven and Earth: " In the
tradition of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, 'Warriors of Heaven
and Earth' weaves a thread of battle, comradeship and honor"
The extended international trailer for Exorcist: The Beginning.
The trailer for A Sound of Thunder: "Based on a short
story by master of science fiction Ray Bradbury, the sci-fi action
adventure A Sound of Thunder is set in the future, when time
travel is not only possible, it's a lucrative monopoly. It's
especially profitable for Charles Hatton (Ben Kingsley), the owner
of Time Safari Inc., a travel agency that specializes in escorting
wealthy clients on exclusive hunting trips back to the Prehistoric
Age. Under the leadership of seasoned scout Dr. Travis Ryer (Ed
Burns), participants are permitted to hunt and kill dinosaurs
provided they follow a set of strenuous rules. These guidelines
are intended to protect the creatures' natural habitats and
prevent time travelers from impacting the course of evolution.
When an expedition is compromised and the rules are broken, the
hunters return to the future...and discover the world is a
markedly different place than it was when they left. As 'time
waves' ripple from the Prehistoric past through the present to the
uncharted future, Ryer teams up with Sonia Rand (Catherine
McCormack), the inventor of the time travel technology, to unravel
the mystery behind the catastrophic historical changes that are
threatening to erase humanity from existence."
Santa Claus is Danish?
San Francisco Examiner: "He has spit on peoples' pizza, lain on
Market Street in nothing but an open trench coat and a pink bra,
touched his genitals in public and defecated in doorways".
Man, they are pissed. That's the last time they let Colin Farrell
make a movie in 'Frisco.
Ebert reviews Catwoman: "The director, whose name is
(just) Pitof, was probably issued with two names at birth and
would be wise to use the other one on his next project."
Japan's top science council adopted policy recommendations that
would permit the limited cloning of human embryos for scientific
Screenwriter David Sheffield won this year's Faux Faulkner contest
by imagining William Faulkner as a writer for the Three Stooges.
URL says it all:
What could be more exciting than miniature golf? VIRTUAL miniature
Everything you were afraid to ask about 'Donnie Darko.
Be transformed. Before you read this article, you are a guy who
doesn't understand Donnie Darko. After reading the article, you
are a guy who doesn't understand Donnie Darko or the article.
JoBlo.com interviews the writers of Harold and Kumar go to White
Catwoman ended up getting 12% positive reiews, although
a few of those were the "so bad it's good" type of positives.
British office workers are spending almost half their day surfing
the Net and sending emails, according to employment law firm
Peninsula. And thank God for that, or nobody would read
OSAMA FOUND IN SANDY BERGER'S PANTSWar on Terror Over
an 'emergency' conference aimed at preventing the 'meltdown' of
the Internet -- You may bring your own tinfoil hat, or
you may elect to trust the ones handed out at the door (wink,
Virus Purporting Bin Laden Suicide Hits Web
Center for Inquiry - dedicated to exposing myths, quacks, hoaxes,
Judge Will Allow Bryant Accuser's Sexual History At Trial,
Says Sexual Conduct 72 Hours Before Rape Exam Relevant To Case.
(Well, du-u-u-h! We needed a considered and deliberate ruling on
this? I wonder how long it took ol' Judge Solomon to figure out
that it would be kinda relevant whether she had rough sex with
every one of the Green Bay Packers and the entire hospitakl staff
an hour before her so-called "rape exam". Even Dean Wormer would
have had a tough time declaring that irrelevant.)
The complete Milk and Honey erotic galleries (some
specific samples linked below)
Joerg Auerswald - erotic pics
Heinz Eylmann - erotic pictures
Manolis Tsantakis - erotic pictures
The 'Jeopardy!' geek won his 38th straight game on Friday,
shattering the one-day record by earning $75,000.
- Amnesia update:
The President's campaign bus has broken down, but he has resolved
to hitchhike through all 50 states.
The adventures of Johnny Whoop-Ass (Funny stuff based
on old He-Man cartoons)
Here's Episode 1
Now that most reviews have been logged, there are generally
outstanding reviews for
The Bourne Supremacy: 77% positive.
A Whole Year Without "Sopranos": "HBO honcho Chris
Albrecht has confirmed that the mobster drama, which wrapped its
fifth season last month, will not unspool its sixth, and final,
lineup of new episodes until 2006. "
Here's some nostalgia for you older folks ...Whatever
happened to Mercurochrome? Whoa! Turns out mommy could
have killed ya by rubbing this stuff on your owie.
'Butlers in the Buff'. I think I'm going to go over and
Ask Jeeves where his fuckin' pants are.
Kiefer Sutherland joins a male strip show in a tiny town on the
North Island of New Zealand.
Low-cost airline Ryanair faces an investigation after flying
earlier this week with people seated in the aircraft's toilets.
The August 2004 issue of Maxim magazine features Digital
Playground's contract girl Jesse Jane.
Joanie "Chyna" Laurer admits to making a sex tape. It's
the golden age of pseudo-celebrity sex tapes! At this point, I
believe it's time for Anson "Potsie" Williams to release his
long-suppressed sex tape.
Broadway Joe hopes to promote a new Jets stadium not too far from
Broadway. The story is fairly interesting, but I really
wanted to see a mock-up of the stadium and the exact location
where they plan to build it, so
here is that info.
- " ...makes me long for the quiet dignity of Arnold
Schwarzenegger's performance in 'Batman and Robin.''"
- "So bad that I actually recommend you see it. It's the movie
you and your friends will rip on all summer long."
- "you could find screen savers with better animation."
- "Catwoman is destined for immortality as one of the
subtlest, most thorough parodies I've ever seen."
Michael Jackson hopes to date Nicole Kidman, for
reasons we can't even begin to imagine.
Aftenposten Norway has digitized all of Norway's important stories
since 1767. It worked out like your college term
papers. They managed to fill two pages, but they had to
A South African woman has mistakenly plunked a 100-year-old gold
coin into a parking meter. In Norway, that wouldn't be
enough to cover the parking.
Denis Leary's new firefighter series is blazing hot.
Marion Jones' ex says she was juiced in Sydney
Steven Spielberg will serve as an executive producer on the
proposed Transformers movie.
Can you guess who they are describing?
"With real DD-size breasts, model looks, a five-octave singing
range and a 160 IQ ... "
Car dealer was asking women to perform sex acts in return for
discounts on cars. That's illegal? Best of all, he's a
car dealer named Carr, and his business is called the Carr
"This is a real headline" department:
Red wine - good for the breasts
What wer the Olympics like - back in the day. I mean WAY back in
the day. Interesting article. Fast read.
"I didn't make this up" department:
Canada bans dog biscuits shaped like postal carriers.
"Sperm race" is the new reality TV concept: "New German
technology would film the 'sperm race finale', giving viewers a
chance to see which of the finalists' sperm reaches the female's
egg first. "
Scientists find that watching The Bridges of Madison County can
turn you into a girly-man. The good news: it will make
your date horny. The bad news: your testicles will shrivel up deep
into your body somewhere, and you'll have to call in a substitute
to satisfy your women.
Girls Gone Wild to seek reparation for illegally seized jet.
Radio reporter mugged while on the air.
Build your own extra large keyboard
eBay item - The K.I.T.T. car from Knight Rider
Selected pages from the 1978 Sears Catalog
Nude female bodybuilder shows off her hard muscles.
URL says it all:
Meryl Streep works her magic
Las Vegas: Sin City turning into Broadway West
Saturn's Rings in Natural Color
ChuckPalahniuk.net presents Chuck's Invisible Monsters as a
graphic novel. (Chuck is the author of Fight Club)
Justin Timberlake is still in love with Cameron Diaz, and he's
willing to go to court to prove it. He says he'll sue
News of the World, a UK tabloid, unless they apologize for and
retract a recent story.
The first trailer for Meet the Fockers, which pairs up
Robert DeNiro and Dustin Hoffman for just the third time in their
careers. (Sleepers, Wag the Dog)
Smile, the platinum age of comedy has arrived. I agree
with much of what they said, but they hit the mainstream
performers and missed our two true comic geniuses - Trey Parker
and Matt Stone (South Park).
Cruise the Caribbean with REO Speedwagon! I hear Terry
Jacks will also be on hand to fill out your volleyball team.
2004 Election Remains a Tossup as Conventions Get Underway.
- It's one of those glass and reflective metal things, and it
is proposed for the old Hudson rail yards, between 10th Avenue
and the West Side Highway, from 30th street to 33rd. It's an
exciting redevelopment scheme. I like the project's concept, but
I think the design needs to be less like Orlando and Vegas, and
more like New York. (Sorry for getting so involved, but one
never really stops being a New Yorker, and New Yorkers are
protective about the city.) Also, if I were still paying New
York taxes, I would like to compare the various alternate
proposals for development of the area.
- Kerry holds a insignificant 49-47 lead among likely voters.
- The President's job approval rating has now stabilized at
49%, and has not varied from that number by more than a point
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)
When I think of this
film, I always think of Titanic and The Bodyguard. My mental
association is based on "Movies with irritatingly overexposed theme
songs". The song "Jean" was one of those awful sappy things that was
played so often that those of us who remember it will never get it
out of our heads. I've just caused a bunch of grief to some old guys
merely by reminding them. I guess I will have to break down
and watch Jean Brodie again, given nice nudity an an excellent 7.6
at IMDb. I haven't seen it since I was in college - I
think John Quincy Adams was President then. Maybe I can filter out
the fucking song.
Anyway, Pamela Franklin
looked great, although her career went straight to the crapper after
this film, and she was soon appearing in merde like Satan's School
for Girls (one of Satan's less successful entrepreneurial ventures,
I would guess. "Say, honey, have you thought about the Satan School?
There is no tuition, they have some excellent extracurriculars, and
they get 100% of their graduates into the college of their choice.
You know, eternal damnation isn't so bad if you can get into Hell
with a Phi Beta Kappa pin from Harvard." "Oh, I don't know, dad. My
friends say that Mr. Satan is so picky about Latin declensions, and
both of his penises are so painful"). (.avi- zip) (.wmv - zip)
The other day, we had
this film's brief nudity from the porn actress turned mainstreamer,
Kristine DeBell. Here are the two mainstream stars who joined her in
Margot Kidder. Lois
Lane had some mighty nice knockers on 'er. (.avi- zip) (.wmv - zip)
Jerry Hall. 24 years
later, she's STILL getting naked in public. I saw her on stage
recently as Mrs Robinson in The Graduate (.avi- zip) (.wmv - zip)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
- Here are a few scenes of Eva Green making a fantastic film debut with tons of beautiful nudity in the Bernardo Bertolucci film "The Dreamers" (just released on DVD).
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
A few classic moments in Nude Cinema History. Today's history lesson is from the the chapter I like to call..."The 80's".
- Kelly Preston...young, beautiful and topless in scenes from "Secret Admirer" (1985).
- The very busty Michelle Johnson and pre-implant Demi Moore both topless in scenes from "Blame it on Rio".
|Talk Show Goodies
Some highlights of this week's celebrity appearances on the Late Night circuit.
- DeadLamb 'caps of Halle Berry showing some cleavage and a little bit of booty-liciousness on Letterman.
- Halle Berry showing off a little more cleavage. This time on Thursday night's episode of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien".
- Looks like all the ladies are enjoying "The Con-Zone"...Here is former "E.R." star Julianna Margulies looking lovely and showing some leg on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien".
||Brooke looking amazing in a bikinin from a recent episode of the FOX series "North Shore".
||Actress/comedian and former correspondent for "The Daily Show" stripped down to black undies and looking great in scenes from another FOX series, "Method & Red". It's not a bad show, and Method Man and Redman are funny guys (Scoop Sr and I thought "How High" (2001) was hilarious), but I doubt this show will last long since network TV probably places too many limitations on their drugs, hoochies and damn 'the man' style of comedy.
|The star/producer/co-creator of the WB series "Summerland" looking pretty darn good in a recent episode. The former "Full House" star is seen here wearing tight tops in links 1 and 3, plus a bikini in link #2.
|Making a cleavage filled guest appearance on "The George Lopez Show".
||Paparazzi pics of the supermodel doing a little topless sunbathing.
||Paparazzi pics of the former model and Mrs "The Donald" also caught topless at the beach.
|Monsieur Skin 'caps of the French actress baring all of her fantastic body in scenes from the 1979 Jean Rollin, low-budget-erotic-horror flick, "Fascination".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
"GIRLIE MEN" CRACK BOOSTS CALIFORNIA ECONOMY
They Come In An Array Of Pastels! - California Democrats may be crying over
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger calling them "girlie men," but he's boosted the
state economy. A San Francisco entrepreneur is selling T-shirts that read
"Sacramento Girlie Men," with 20 percent of profits going to the Democratic
Party. Meanwhile, the College Republicans are selling shirts that read,
"Don't be a Girlie Man. Vote Republican." They say their shirts are
cheaper than the Democrats'.
Of course: they don't charge any tax.
But the Democrats' shirts are softer against your sensitive skin.
If the guy in San Francisco really wants to get rich, he should offer
shirts that read "San Francisco Girlie Men."
PLAYBOY VIDEO GAME LETS YOU BE A VIRTUAL HEF
The Closest Computer Geeks Will Ever Get To A Playmate - A new computer
game called "Playboy: The Mansion" promises to let players become virtual
Hugh Hefners. The role-playing game lets you design your own Playboy
mansion, hang out with celebrities, manage a magazine and invite hot
virtual women to live in your mansion, where you'll train them to be
Playmates and oversee their photo shoots. Players advance by getting rich
following the Playboy Philosophy of "living the good life, having a
positive sexual attitude and promoting tolerance and individual freedom."
You know: pimping.
If you're not a good player, you'll end up stuck in the corner at a
Playboy party with a virtual Andy Dick.
Of course, those aren't real Playmates, they're just phony
two-dimensional images of female beauty created by modern science.
FRAMPTON SUES OVER BIKINI
I'm In You...r Pants - Peter Frampton is suing Billabong surfwear for
unauthorized use of his image on a T-shirt, surf top and a bikini. The
bikini features Frampton's face on the rear and the phrase, "Baby, I Love
Your Waves," a play on his 1975 hit, "Baby, I Love Your Way." Frampton is
seeking a halt to sales of the Frampton Bikini and unspecified damages.
The Frampton Bikini makes your boyfriend's swim trunks "Come Alive."
This does give him a perfect excuse to say, "Do you feel like I do?,"
then feel the girls' butt.
He doesn't mind the bikini that has his face on the front and reads
"Show Me The Way!"
Whenever anyone tries to bring back the '70s, we should all sue for
MOVIES AFFECT YOUR HORMONES
All Talk, No Action - A study by the University of Michigan found that
watching a movie physically affects your mood. When men watched a violent
movie like "Godfather II," their levels of the aggression hormone
testosterone soared by up to 30 percent. And when both men and women
watched a romantic film like "The Bridges of Madison County," their levels
of the romance-stimulating hormone progesterone rose by more than 10
percent. However, men's testosterone level fell.
That's the only Clint Eastwood movie that LOWERS testosterone.
Proof that watching movies that don't have Arnold Schwarzenegger turns
you into a girlie man.
A man's progesterone levels rise when he watches a chick flick because
he expects to get sex for sitting through this.
KIRSTIE TO STAY IN "FAT ACTRESS" SHOW
Theme Song By Linda Ronstadt - Kirstie Alley has sold to Showtime a new
reality/comedy series called "Fat Actress." It will include improvised
scenes of the life of an overweight celebrity, inspired by Alley's real
life coping with Hollywood's obsession with weight and beauty, her own
weight gain and her problems getting work.
Come on, she's over 40: she wouldn't be getting work anyway.
Kirstie really needed this gig...A girl's gotta eat.
The producers told her they'll start filming "Fat Actress" as soon as
she loses 30 pounds.
A fat actress can't get hired...She becomes a starving actress...PROBLEM
Kirstie wanted to star in "Fat Actress" herself, but Showtime cast Lara
DUMPED "CSI" STARS MAY RETURN
Back From The Dead - Jorja Fox and George Eads, the two "CSI" actors fired
by CBS after they reportedly failed to show up in a bid for more money, may
return after all. Both made $100,000 an episode. They now claim it was a
misunderstanding: Fox says she believed she had mailed in her new contract
on time, and Eads claimed he just missed his on-set call because he
And his dog ate his contract.
When you only make $100,000 a week, you can't afford a good alarm clock.
They realized it still pays better than waiting tables.