"The Life of David Gale"

The Life of David Gale (2003) was reviewed by Scoopy the day I received it, and his review started by saying that it would be a total spoiler, so don't read it if you intended to see the film. I took him at his word, and didn't read it. The subject is capital punishment in the world capital of that practice, Texas. Kate Winslet is a hot shot magazine reporter given a three part interview with a man who has lost his last possible appeal, and will die the day after the three days of interviews. The man, Kevin Spacey, is convicted or raping and murdering fellow anti-capital punishment activist Laura Linney, who was his only remaining friend, and dying of Leukemia. He had not always been friendless, but he lost his job as the darling of a university Philosophy department, and his wife and son, when an expelled graduate student seduced him, then accused him of rape. Already an alcoholic, his life was not in good shape. That is the set up. If you have an interest in the rest of the story, there are three good options. You could rent and watch it, read Scoopy's lengthy review (which I agree 100% with), or go to the 33 minute of the film and listen to a short conversation to learn the ending.

This film was made by talented people, both director and cast, but is one of the worst disappointments I have seen lately. Even the full nudity from Laura Linney couldn't take the bad taste out of my mouth. You would think these people would understand that to make a thriller suspenseful and therefor interesting, there has to be some doubt about the outcome, and preferably at least one surprise. The final solution comes in an epilogue, and, even with only seconds left of the running time, I was absolutely certain what secret would be discovered.

This is a C-, as it has some following, but, were it up to me, I would sue the production company for wasting my time and insulting my intelligence.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Laura Linney (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Rhona Mitra (1, 2)

    "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

    The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988) was made before the breakup of the Soviet Union, and told the very politically controversial story of the Russian invasion of Czechoslovakia. The novel was very political as well as philosophical, and had a narrative style that many thought made it impossible to make into a film, but, by focusing on a young doctor and womanizer, Tomas, his wife (Juliette Binoche) and his bevy of conquests (most notably Lena Olin), they were able to develop a linear story line that was, in fact, cinematic. Although you would swear much of the film was shot in Prague, the novel was far too controversial for permission to film in Eastern Europe, and was mainly filmed in France and Switzerland.

    While an American production, much of the cast and crew were European, and the film has the pace and sensibilities of a European film. Despite the historical facts of the Russian invasion, which unmercifully crushed what had looked like freedom for the Czechs, and the fact that this is a tragic love story, the film contains much humor, and is mostly light in tone. Performances were wonderful all around, and the incorporation of actual footage of the Russian invasion gave an air of authenticity to act two. Lina Olin was the sexual counterpart to Tomas (Daniel Day-Lewis). Both saw sex as a very different thing from love, and used it as one of the few expressions of freedom left to them. Binoche was provincial, naive, doted on Tomas, and tended toward jealousy.

    There was a lot of nudity.Juliette Binoche showed breasts, buns, and bush close-ups in two scenes. Olin showed breasts and buns frequently, and has hints of bush here and there. Pascale Kalensky as a nurse and one of Tomas' conquests shows breasts, Consuelo De Haviland shows breasts and buns as another of his conquests, and several woman show full frontal in a Binoche fantasy sequence.

    IMDB readers have this at 7.4 of 10, with women and men scoring it about equally. It was nominated for script and cinematography by the Academy. Ebert says 4 stars and the Rotten Tomatoes score is 100% positive. The film looks wonderful, the Criterion Edition I watched sports a commentary track and a very nice transfer, and the film held my interest for the entire 171 minutes of running time, despite an almost actionless third act. This is an A-, appealing to people who would not normally like this sort of film.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Consuela DeHaviland (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  • Juliette Binoche (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

  • Lena Olin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)

  • Pascale Kalensky

  • Swimmers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Kingpin (2003)

    I guess that things have a way of balancing out. If you read yesterday's page, you know that everything turned out worse than I expected. A movie with Morgan Freeman turned out to be a zero-budget flick with some Freeman scenes kinda tacked on. Then a highly-acclaimed French movie turned out to be not as good as advertised, with very little nudity.

    Today the whole thing turned right around for me.

    I wasn't going to look at Kingpain at all. After all, it was an NBC mini-series, so I figured it would suck, and that it would be shot on cheap videotape in a 4:3 aspect ratio, and have no nudity. I don't even know why I brought the three disk set home from Blockbuster, and I set aside only an hour to fast forward through the five hour mini series. WRONG! It is watchable - pretty good - kind of a Latin American version of The Sopranos. It has some beautiful cinematography, and the DVD transfer is a gorgeous 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with vivid colors. Best of all, there is miscellaneous nudity from the opening credits, and substantial nudity from two nude cinema veterans, Maria Conchita Alonso and Sheryl Lee.

    Now that's a pleasant surprise. Obviously, they had planned to release an unrated version for the DVD market. Cool.

    Not only did I spend time doing caps, but I actually watched about three of the five hours in unaccelerated motion! (It consists of six 50 minute episodes).

    • Maria Conchita Alonso (episode 4) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
    • Sheryl Lee (episode 6) (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Unknown 1 (she's naked in the opening credits) (1, 2)
    • Unknown 2 (I forget which episode)

    For the purposes of the descriptions above, I have considered the pilot to be episode 1, then the other five episodes are numbered 2-6 in the order in which they were broadcast.



    The Hole (2001)

    My good luck didn't end with Kingpin. I expected The Hole to have some Keira Knightly nudity, so I watched it because Keira is now in everyone's radar. But I got plenty of nice surprises on this DVD as well:

    1. The movie is actually a good thriller. It's very atmospheric, with excellent and innovative use of background music to create mood, and it is nicely photographed. (I'll post a review later)
    2. The anamorphic PAL transfer (it's a Region 2 DVD) is beautiful.
    3. The DVD is loaded with features, including deleted scenes, two alternate beginnings, and full-length director's commentary.
    4. There is more of the Keira Knightley corpse nudity in the deleted scenes.



    Who is El Flautista de Hamelin?

    He's our latest contributor, and the ol' Pied Piper sent me his first contributions.

    His caps of McShane got me curious, so here's what we have on her.




    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today we feature Susan Dey, the former "L.A. Law" star, and of course probably best known as Laurie Partridge.

    Here are vidcaps from the 1986 movie "Echo Park". We have Susan teasing us the whole movie with cleavage, pokies, brief flashes of bare boobs and finally having her top pulled down by a man to give us a decent look at the goods.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    From the "so bad it's good" department comes 2002's "Play-Mate of the Apes".

    Yes, this is a sexplotation take-off on Planet of the Apes and yes, it's loaded with nudity and a total rip-off of the Planet story, and yes, it's also all-lesbian for those that are into that, but it's also hilarious as hell. In fact, I enjoyed it better than the recent Planet remake, just because it's so goofy.

    This thing isn't low-budget, it's no-budget. Looks to me like they shared maybe three ape suits among all the actors. I think one of the reasons for all the nudity was so they wouldn't have to buy wardrobes. :-)

    Some great dialog in this one, too. "You pressed the 'Do Not Press' button?" asks the commander. "We're all gonna die!" In another scene, an ape talking on the phone says he's going to hang around the ranch alone and "spank the human".

    Taken for what it is, there's no way you won't like this one. Since there's hardly a scene without nudity, there's way too much to cap. The girls appeared together a lot, so I tried to feature each one in a collage, but the others appear also just because of the way it was filmed. As for trying to tell the story in a collage like I normally do, the story is just everybody screwing everybody. :-)

    Emelyne Bayart
    Souad Amidou

    Full frontal and rear nudity from these two, plus a bunch of other unknowns in scenes from the French movie "3 zéros" (2002).

    Fanny Cottençon Full frontal in "Poil de carotte" (2003).

    Héléna Noguerra
    (1, 2)

    The Belgian actress topless in a bubble bath scene from "Ah! Si j'étais riche" aka "If I Were a Rich Man" (2002).

    Loredana Cannata
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The Italian beauty bares breasts and bum in the Tinto Brass movie "Senso '45" (2002).

    Angel Boris The former Heffer (July '96) topless in scenes from the sequel that just begged to be made..."Warlock III: The End of Innocence" (1999).

    Angelina Jolie Another excellent production still from "Tomb Raider 2". This time it's Jolie in a bathing suit while riding a Jet Ski.

    Colleen Fitzpatrick aka "Vitamin C". The singer/turned actress topless in scenes from "Dracula 2000".

    By the way, a straight-to-video sequel called "Dracula II: Ascension" just came out...and my lord is it a stinker! In fact it's so horrible, I think copies of it can be used to kill vampires. Just show them the box and I think they will melt as if it were sunlight.

    It's written and directed by the same guys (Patrick Lussier and Joel Soisson) and is a well filmed movie, but....there are Skinemax-lesbo-vampire flicks with plots and writing that are at least 10 times better! Seriously gang, it's not even worth the rental on rent one get one free day.

    Holly Hunter
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Holly topless in a love scene from "Jesus' Son" (1999).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Celeb Nudity news...
    Reese Witherspoon Furious Over Video

    Reese Witherspoon is upset that people are seeing her topless in the movie "Twilight." Odd, she didn't seem too upset when she did it. I paid to see that movie in a theater when it first came out, just because it had Newman and James Garner, and I make it a point to pay to see all movies with gray-haired old actors, just to baffle all those 20-year-old studio executives who think I should only be fascinated by vacant young squirts such as Mandy Moore and Josh Hartnett.

    So there I am, waiting to see my grizzled, gravely-voiced favorites, and what pops up on screen as an extra added bonus but Reese Witherspoon's maracas? I didn't ask to see them, didn't expect to see them, didn't even know I was going to see them, but somehow, it's my fault that I saw them and I should be ashamed of myself? They way she's acting, you'd think it was a porn clip shot through her window with a telephoto lens.

    The lesson for Reese should be, "If you want to maintain your 'squeaky clean image,' don't walk around topless in major Cinemascope motion pictures starring Paul Newman and Susan Sarandon."

    Marlon Brando Has Dreams About This - It's official: Kansas really is flatter than a pancake. Geographer Mark Fonstad and his colleagues at Southwest Texas State University used a digital elevation model of Kansas to compare its topography to that of a pancake. While Kansas does have some hilly parts, on the average, if there were a pancake the size as Kansas, Kansas would be "considerably flatter."

  • And not nearly as tasty.
  • Also, if there were a pancake the size of Kansas, it would require a bottle of syrup the size of Vermont.
  • Kansans protested, but the geographers refuse to waffle.
  • When people drive through the hilly parts, they think they're not in Kansas anymore.

    Roy Loves Its Bottle Nose - While visiting Las Vegas with Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore had to get out of the pool at Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden & Dolphin Habitat when a male dolphin became very sexually aggressive toward her.

  • It must've been a really young male dolphin.
  • It kept trying to find her blowhole.
  • That's Roy's favorite dolphin.
  • If it's Siegfried and Roy's dolphin, I'm amazed it didn't try to hump Ashton.

    She SOUNDS Like Cancer! - Liz Smith reports that due to a computer glitch, a cancer charity began blasting people awake in the middle of the night with a fundraising phone call recorded by "Nanny" star Fran Drescher, in her famous grating voice. Fran insisted they all get letters of apology.

  • She'd call them all personally, but they've suffered enough.
  • Considering Fran's voice, a check should be enclosed.