Spun (2003) is a brilliantly filmed portrait of the Crystal Meth culture, including pusher, cook, and assorted speed freaks. The story takes place over the course of three days, while everyone is on a speed trip. The cast, which included Mickey Rourke and Ron Jeremy, together with the cutting and special effects, gave a compelling insight into what Crystal addiction must be like. Nothing was glamorized, not were any moral judgements presented, although it was obvious, once again, that drugs suck.

It was a somewhat easier watch than more serious films about drug abuse due to the very dark comedy, but I couldn't relate to any of the characters. While I admire the effort put into the film, and see its strong points, it was not a movie I could really enjoy, other than the full frontal nudity from Chloe Hunter through the entire film, naked and tied to a bed. IT is a very well mad efilm, but targeted to a very narrow audience. C+

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  • Chloe Hunter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Read My Lips (2001)

    Original French title: Sur mes lèvres

    Carla is a frumpy 30-something secretary in a construction company. Her career and private life are going nowhere. She's almost completely deaf. At work, people either ignore her or exploit her. At home, she has no love life, and her friends use her to baby-sit, or ask if they can use her apartment for wild sex while she sits quietly in a cafe until they finish. She allows herself to be exploited without more than a peep of protest.

    When her boss lets her hire an assistant, she chooses a scruffy ex-con with no office skills. He is barely on society's edge. Unable to get any other job, homeless, without friends and family, and deeply in debt to baddies who don't believe prison paid his debt to them, his life is headed nowhere but down. It isn't clear why Carla would hire such a man.

    But it made for a good movie.

    Amazingly enough, the two losers form a symbiotic relationship that creates one highly competent individual. His tough-guy skills come in very handy for intimidating office bullies and people in the construction industry who hold up her projects waiting for kick-backs. On the other hand, her lip-reading skills are indispensable for planning criminal activities.

    There are no lovable characters. Carla is truculent, pathetic, and anti-social. The con is a sleazeball. The fact that their interaction isn't predictable makes things more intriguing as they lead up to their big score, and possibly a romantic involvement as well. If it were an American movie, we would know full well that the frumpy goody-two-shoes secretary (Sandra Bullock?) would stop short of criminal mayhem, and the unkempt sleazeball (Mickey Rourke?) would eventually reform. But this is a quirky, amoral French premise, and not an American formula. It is never quite clear just how far Carla will venture toward the dark side.

    It's kind of an odd movie in that the first half is kind of a comedy/drama which takes place mostly in the office, while the second half is a bloody and tense caper film. Overall, it is neither, but an interesting dual character study of the interaction between two people who make each other better.

    The critics absolutely adored it. It garnered 96% good reviews, and James Berardinelli picked in in his annual Top 10.  I can see why people like it so much, but I didn't really share in the mass enthusiasm. The movie simply didn't bring me the pleasure that it brought most people, and I was mystified that the critics seem to have overlooked its flaws. It has a sub-plot with the con's parole officer, for example, which is confusing, slows the pace, and is completely supererogatory.

    I think it was a good movie, but I'm at a loss to understand why it met with such universal acclaim. The 7.3 at IMDB pegs it more accurately that the 96% positive reviews. It is solid and creative, but not at the masterpiece level.

    • Emmanuelle Devos (might be a double, I suppose.) (1, 2)

    The nudity in this film was disappointing, but Charlie bailed us out with a comprehensive look at her career.

    Guilty by Association (2002)

    Whoa, did I get suckered in by this one. I'm pickin' up all the worthwhile new releases at Blockbuster this week, and here's this movie sitting there with a picture of Morgan Freeman on the cover. The DVD box has been beautifully engineered to look like a clone of Along Came a Spider or Kiss the Girls, with Freeman dominating the box, staring meaningfully and compassionately off into the unknown. I should have wondered why I never heard of the movie, but what the hell, I can't keep track of every movie everywhere, so I figured it just slipped by me.

    Turns out it is a confusing, no-budget black urban street drama shot on DV, indistinguishable from about a zillion similar films in the new releases section at Blockbuster (with exactly one copy of each on the shelf). Morgan's part is almost irrelevant. I guess it was a vanity project financed by the rap group Section 8 Mob. I found it difficult to understand the dialect, the editing was confusing, and one guy plays two parts, so I'm not too sure what the hell this film was about, but the plot is something like this:

    Two friends work their way up from the streets to the rackets. The one guy gets a big head, starts to show off his wealth, and recklessly attracts the attention of the cops. They nab him, he rats out his friend. A gang war results in a dead little girl.

    Then Morgan Freeman comes out as a police captain, and looks soulfully into the distance, and pontificates about how "evil" is bad and certainly worse than "good", because "good" behavior usually doesn't result in little kids getting gunned down while they slide in the playground, and it would be much better if we had more good and less evil. Especially for little kids.

    Then Morgan thinks about the crimes in a musical montage, solves them, punches the timeclock, and collects his paycheck.  To be fair, I can't believe Morgan did this for money, because they couldn't have paid him enough to make it worth scheduling around, and he certainly couldn't have done it because he was attracted by the aesthetics of the project. So I'm guessing that he has a friend or relative involved somewhere, and he agreed to appear for a couple of minutes as a favor to someone who felt that Morgan's face on the DVD box would trick some old white farts into renting it at Blockbuster.

    That may be sleazy, but it sure ain't stupid!

    • Miscellaneous unknown ho's. (1, 2, 3)



    • Updated volumes: Julie Smith, Amber Smith, Raelyn Saalman, Holly Sampson





    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Gruschenka Stevens Serious see-thru pokies, and side breast views in scenes from the German movie "Voll normaaal" (1994).

    Monika Baumgartner Topless in the tub scenes from "Sau sticht" (1995).

    Claudia Michelsen Full frontal nudity in scenes from "Tödliche Besessenheit".

    Jeanette Hain Toplessness in scenes from "Die Reise nach Kafiristan" (2001).

    Luise Helm Breasts, and almost frontal views in scenes from "Königskinder".

    Sabine Vitua Very nice breast exposure and subtle full frontal views in scenes from "Erotic Tales Nr. 23".

    Kristin Minter
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    She's best known as one of Macaulay Culkin sister's in "Home Alone" (1990) and of course from my pesonal favorite, the Vanilla Ice movie "Cool as Ice" (1991). Here she is topless in scenes from "Diamond Men" (2000).

    Jennifer Garner
    (1, 2)

    Some very nice cleavage from the "Alias" star in 'caps from "Daredevil". Thanks to nmd.

    Tia Carrere
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Showing plenty of cleavage in several 'bra revealing scenes' from the movie "My Teacher's Wife". Great collages by DeadLamb.

    Gretchen Mol
    (1, 2)

    Some far-off toplessness in scenes from "The Last Time I Committed Suicide" (1997), by C2000.

    Stacy Haiduk
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

    Awesome 'caps by the Skin-man. I think these are the best images I've seen of the Haiduk's amazing toplessness in 1990's "Luther the Geek".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Really Hot Merchandise - Thug rapper 50 Cent, who hit #1 with the CD "Get Rich or Die Tryin'," has signed a deal to endorse his own line of clothing, leather goods and watches. Every item will have a 50-cent price point: for instance, a T-shirt will be $29.50.

  • But it'll be worth 50 cents.
  • Of course, the prices won't matter, since his fans will just shoplift them.
  • He charges $29.50 for a T-shirt?! No wonder he was shot nine times!
  • Look for them on sale out of a car trunk near you.

    Men Will Look For A Message There Anyway - Supermodel Heidi Klum told the German GQ that she uses her eyes to send a clear message to men to approach her by staring at them. She added, "My breasts don't have any message to send. They just have to fit into my bra and that's that."

  • They really don't even have to do that...Really!
  • If you want to send men the message to approach, wear a bra that your breasts DON'T fit into.