Diabolique (1996) is a pathetic remake of the
French Film Les Diaboliques (1955). It features
Sharon Stone (who received a Razzie as worst new
female star for this performance) as a conniving
girlfriend, and Isabelle Adjani as the wronged
wife. Adjani married Chazz Palminteri, who rules
her boarding school, and terrorizes her, with
equal tyranny. Meanwhile, his mistress (Stone),
who teaches at the school, plots with Adjani to
kill him. Adjani, however, has a weak heart,
which is the basis for a double-cross.
Ajdani is such a whining wimp that I wanted to
kill her myself and put her out of her misery.
Palminteri gives new meaning to the term flat
performance, and Stone's character is less than
one dimensional. The film is dark and fuzzy
throughout, and I found myself not caring about
the plot at all. This is another case of a PG
film with an R rating. Adjani is shown briefly in
a steamy bathroom, mostly from the back. There is
a little public hair, and one stretched nipple. I
tried this once from VHS, and decided it was not
worth the effort. Although they did an excellent
job of giving the DVD the look and feel of weak
VHS, I was able to grab a few images that are
Isabelle Adjani (1,
Planet Are You From"
What Planet Are You From (2000) starts off as
an over the top SCI-FI comedy (or at least tries
to), and sort of meanders into a romantic drama.
There are some lovely women, some real talent,
and a few funny moments, but it is an often slow,
and mostly incoherent film. Garry Shandling plays
an alien who is given a short course on the
seduction of the earth woman, then sent to earth
with an added penis, to impregnate a woman as
quickly as possible. This is all in the interest
of intergalactic expansionism. We are never told
how a mixed-race baby causes the annexation of
Earth, but that is a minor flaw for this film.
Transit is accomplished through the toilette of
an airliner in flight. Shandling starts hitting
on women from the moment he leaves the john.
He has been given a cover as an investment
banker, and a co-worker (Greg Kinnear) takes him
under his wing and tries to get him laid. After
hitting the strip club, he takes Shandling to the
ultimate babe-mart -- an AA meeting. There
Shandling finds the woman of his dreams --Annette
Bening. You can see her at the AA meeting in
image one with great pokies. At one point,
Kinear's wife, Linda Fiorentino tries to seduce
Shandling, and she also comes into the bank in a
white fishnet outfit that is hot, even though
little flesh is exposed. Shandling also has sex
with a stew ... excuse me, flight attendant
played by Samantha Smith.
This isn't a bad film, it is just sort of a
nothing film. I have a hunch some of the best
footage was left on the cutting room floor by the
fact that sub-plots start, then just sort of go
away. Better editing might have made for a much
better film, and they should have gone all the
way with either comedy or romance.
Annette Bening (1,
Sakelaris Stripper (1,
Judy Greer (1,
Linda Fiorentino (1,
Knightriders is a terrific
independent film directed by George Romero, the
" ... living dead" dude. On the surface
it is simple. A band of modern itinerant
performers re-enacts the jousts of the Arthurian
legends, except they compete on motorcycles
rather than horses. In addition to the jousting,
they have chosen to maintain the trappings and
live by the code of honor of King Arthur. Their
traveling act is gradually becoming popular with
a wider audience.
The modern commercial world invades their
little road show. Promoters want to take them
big-time, make them a Vegas act, give them a
slick facade, and spiff up their costumes and
promotions. Disco music replaces the madrigals,
some of the knights pose for magazine covers,
etc. The movie is about how the situation gets
The movie works on at least three allegorical
levels. On the one hand, it shows the
deterioration of their ideals in the same way the
original Camelot fell. In another sense, it
parallels Romero's own mixed feelings about
selling out his indie ideals to make Hollywood
pictures. And finally, it chronicles the failure
of the hippie ideals of the 60's, which were
gradually co-opted by the mainstream media and
culture, until the symbols remained, but the
spirit was dead.
It's not too bad as an action-adventure,
either, with some pretty good jousts, which
appear to be halfway between actual jousts and
the chariot races in Ben-Hur.
Plus four different women showed some flesh,
and three of them were lookers. Maureen Sadusk,
however, I might have done without.
It's a unique and worthwhile picture that is
must viewing for serious film buffs. I liked it
more this time than when I first saw it. I
recommend it with only one major hesitation. It
is about two and a half hours long, and it
doesn't really have enough content to drive that
much screen time, so there are some long static
Notwithstanding the running time, it is a
reasonable contender for the title of "best
independent film ever made". Patricia
Amy Ingersoll (1,
||See-thru nipple peak from
"Wyatt Earp". Probably the only good
thing about this Costner movie.
||Topless vidcaps from "Oh,
What a Night". I haven't seen this one, so I
shouldn't jump to any conclusions, but check out
this cast...Corey Haim and Keir Dullea. Now there
is a power duo! This movie was made around '91.
The other Corey was having some trouble with the
law at he time, so I guess he wasn't available to
turn this into a zany comedy, chock full of nutty
hijinks. Instead, you have "Dave" from
"2001". Who is right up there in Al
Gore territory when it comes to wooden
||Apparently the UK version of the show offers
a little more flesh than the American version.
||A collage of some of her "Baywatch"
|WhyScan's Page Three
|If Page Three is unfamiliar to
link describes the Page Three tradition.
|Today's Page 3 girl....Melanie,
19, from Watford. (1, 2, 3, 4)
|New topless 'caps from "The
Beach". These are a little dark, but I'm
sure we'll be seeing more vidcaps in the near
|'Caps of the "Mission
Impossible 2" star from 1996's "The
Leading Man". Here we have two collages with
Thandie gettin' it on with Jon Bon Jovi. #1 has
some breast exposure, and #2 surprisingly
highlights a more southern portion of her
||Topless paparazzi pics of the British actress
and singer, by Bobdfish.
||Here's a flashback to 18 years
ago! It's really hard to imagine that "Fast
Times at Ridgemont High" is that old! This
movie truly defined the early 80's, and
introduced the world to one of the most memorable
characters ever put on film.....Jeff Spicoli! The
epitome of the perpetually stoned, California
Once in a while when I leave the
computer and head down to the beach, I run into
guys in their 40's and 50's who really are the
Spicolis of the world. I haven't decided if it's
horribly pathetic, or truly unique and wonderful
that some people live their whole lives stoned
and always looking for the perfect wave.
|Dear Mrs. Jones:
We have found
your daughter, in Africa of all places. However,
it is unknown how she got here, nor is she able
to talk because of lockjaw, but we are under the
impression that she does not want to leave. We
have tried for several days to bring her back
home, but she is insistent of staying here with
her discovery. I have enclosed a picture for you
to show you that she is okay, and not let you
worry because she is in good hands in this
Please contact us if there is anything else
you might want to know.
Minnesota Police Department
Lost Daughter (hint: the picture is the
|The Top 17 Ways to Tell
Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped
got Windows on your laptop. 16. Sailor Ned's
trying to take a little shore leave. 15. Your
dork is ajar. 14. Quasimodo needs to go back in
the tower and tend to his bells. 13. I can see
your Gap dancers. 12. Paging Mr. Johnson...
Paging Mr. Johnson... 11. Your pod bay door is
open, Hal. 10. Elvis Junior has left the
building! 9. Mini Me is making a break for the
escape pod. 8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull
breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7. Captain,
sensors detect a wormhole in the forward
quadrant! 6. Lil' Shaq's at the free show line.
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica"
instead of "Hillary." 4. Your closet
door is open and Donato's peeking out. 3. You've
got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. I see
you have an opening in senior management.
....and the Number 1 Way to Tell Someone Their
Fly Is Unzipped: 1. Our next guest is someone who
needs no introduction.
TERMS TO ADD TO YOUR VOCABULARY IN THE EARLY
BLAMESTORMING- Sitting around in a group
discussing why a deadline was missed or a project
failed-and who is responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER -
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
craps over everything and then leaves. SALMON DAY
- The experience of spending an entire day
swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die in
the end. CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among
microserfs to describe ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a huge CLM. OHNO-SECOND - That
minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake. PERCUSSIVE
MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap
out of an electronic device to get it to work
again. UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious
standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as
in "This is Bridget, my ... um,
friend." BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and
weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone
who doesn't work out obsessively. CUBE FARM: An
office filled with cubicles. IDEA HAMSTERS:
People who always seem to have their idea
generators running. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line,
wired generation's answer to the Couch Potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops
something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going
on. SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they
have children and one of them stops working to
stay home with the kids. Stands for: Single
Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage
that ends in divorce with no kids, no property
and no regrets. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems
to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED
OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered
useless because the magnetic strip is worn away
from extensive use. TOURISTS: People who take
training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. Example: "We had three serious
students in the class; the rest were just
tourists." GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being
totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes
reference to the unfortunate track record of
postal employees who Have snapped and gone on
shooting rampages. CHIPS AND SALSA - Chips =
hardware, salsa = software. i.e.: "Well,
first we gotta figure out if the problem's in
your chips or your salsa." G.O.O.D. Job - A
"Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying
job people take in order to pay off their debts,
one that they will quit as soon as they are
solvent again. IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and
media spectacles that are annoying but you find
yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J.
trials, Ally McBeal, Monica Lewinsky, etc.
DE-INSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard
on the voice-mail of a Vice President at a
downsizing computer firm: "You have reached
the number of a de-installed vice president.
Please dial our main number and ask the operator
for assistance. VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing
hand position required to reach all the
appropriate keys for certain commands. For
instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer
involves simultaneously pressing the Control key,
the Command key, the Return key and the Power On
key. Sometimes referred to as the THREE-FINGERED
SALUTE. YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20
bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used
when trying to split the bill after a meal:
"We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are
yuppie food stamps." ASSMOSIS - The process
by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up.
A good laugh
One day, in line at the company cafeteria,
Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow
hurts like hell. I guess I better see a
doctor." "Listen, you don't have to
spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore on
the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong and what to
do about it. It takes 10 seconds and costs
$10.00... a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a jar and
takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten
dollars and the computer lights up and asks for
the urine sample. He pours the sample into the
slot and waits. Ten seconds later the computer
ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve
in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this
new technology was, Jack began wondering if the
computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into
the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back
to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He
deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction,
and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him
with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a
cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife
is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get
a lawyer. 5. If your don't stop playing with
yourself, your elbow will never get better.
|Feedback and Requests
Subject: Silly Fox Sports Commercials
There's a pretty cool site, www.adcritic.com,
which has quicktime movies of many popular
commercials. I don't recall seeign the Fox ads,
but the site is still worth a look if you're into
that kind of humor. Plus the Fox Sports ads might
end up there eventually.
The CNDB lists Heather Thomas doing nudity in an
Austalian mini-series called "Flair".
Anybody have any more info?
There are lots of nude scenes in Charlie
sheen's movie "Postmortem (1998)"
Anyone have any good 'caps?