"Do or Die"

Do or Die (1991) is another Andy Sidaris film. This time the evil Kane (Pat Morita), with the help of his main squeeze, Carolyn Liu are out to assassinate Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez. They are doing it by playing a "death game," sending 6 teams of assassins one at a time to get them. Among the good guys are Erik Estrada, Pandora Peaks and Cynthia Brimhall. Ava Cadell makes a brief appearance to add some nudity in an otherwise boob-free section. The plot is easier to keep track of than most Sidaris efforts, but the "expert assassins" are not especially bright, nor are the girls. When the final team confronts Dona and Roberta, the girls have them nearly unconscious, and run off, allowing them to recover and chase them. We have breasts and buns from all six women, and exploding helicopters, bombs, gun fights, car chases, and remote control helicopter models.

IMDB readers have this at 3.1 of 10, again on the low end of the Sidaris Spectrum. I agree. The plot was too lame this time, and the sex lacked any passion. This was Pandora Peaks' first film, according to IMDB. This is a very low C-. Even if you enjoy the Sidaris formula, this one is a little hard to take.

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  • Ava Cadell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Carolyn Liu (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Cynthia Brimhall (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Dona Speir (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Pandora Peaks (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Roberta Vasquez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • New volumes: Shelley Michelle, Juliet Mills, Roxanne Michaels

    • Updated volumes: Kate Moss, Misty Mundae, Julianne Moore, Sophie Marceau, Andie MacDowell, Madonna, Amy Madigan, Shirley Maclaine, Josie Maran, Nina Moric, Audrey Marnay, Carolyn Murphy, Kylie Minogue, Ana-Claudia Michels, Lorissa McComas, Tane McClure, Robin Mattson, Emily Mortimer, Demi Moore, Marilyn Monroe, Jillian McWhirter, Mathilda May, Sarah Miles, Mason Marconi, Shannon Tweed, Charlize Theron, Christy Turlington



    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Francesca Neri, topless and close up bush views in scenes from The Ages of Lulu" (1990).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    'Caps from the Jim Wynorski, bimbo filled movie, "Sorceress"...

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Laurel Canyon"

    A predictable and at times slightly boring movie is made a lot better by an outstanding performance by Frances McDormand, including a nude scene (which kind of surprised me :-).

    An engaged couple goes to live with his record-producer Mother while finishing his internship and her research. What he didn't know is that his mother is in the middle of producing a record at the house.

    While being drawn into the hell-raising record world of the mother, she winds up in a relationship with both the mother and the mother's lead-man boyfriend, while he gets envolved with a female resident. The big problem is you always know where the movie is going, and only McDormand's performance was outstanding.

    Scorpion's Skinemax
    From the late night flick "Desire: An Erotic Fantasy Play"

    Other odds n' ends....

    • Jacqueline Lovell, breasts and bush in scenes from the kinda funny, low budget Skinemax flick, "Head of the Family" (1996).

    • Julie K. Smith, the busty B-movie babe and former Pet topless and showing some pubes in one of those "here are a whole bunch of nekkid babes posing to music" things.

    Catherine McCormack Topless in a very lively sex scene from "The Tailor of Panama".

    Victoria Silvstedt
    (1, 2)

    Two points of interest in these paparazzi pics of the Swedish mega-babe.

    #1...I find it curious that someone who is such an obvious media junkie and has billions of pictures taken of her every month would pretend to be shy and cover her face when the cameras start going off.

    #2...It appears that she's not wearing undies :-)

    Kelly Hu
    (1, 2, 3)

    The sexy Hawaiian actress barely dressed in scenes from "The Scorpion King".

    Yvonne Sciņ
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Yvonne topless and showing a thong view or two while gettin' it on with Fun House hero, and Germany's favorite singer, David Hasselhoff. Vidcaps from the movie "Layover" (2001).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    And When Stallone Says Your Movie Sucks!... - Sylvester Stallone, now in "Spy Kids 3," slammed this summer's mindless blockbusters by saying "if you got a little drunk and you had an editing machine," you could have the Hulk chasing Charlie's Angels, then Lara Croft saves them, and the Bad Boys and X-Men shoot the Hulk. He said you could release it in Russia as a 25-hour CGI bonanza "and they will never know the difference."

  • Because they'd be even drunker.
  • But if you edited in five minutes of "Rhinestone", "Over the Top", "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot", "Judge Dredd", "Get Carter", "Driven". "D-Tox" or "Avenging Angelo", they'd walk out.
  • If I had an editing machine, "Charlie's Angels 2" would be 15 minutes of Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore in bikinis.
  • This gave him an idea for a 16-hour movie in which Rocky fights five opponents while dodging bullets fired by Rambo.

    He Must've Already Seen "Gigli" - Brad Pitt has ruled out making a movie with Jennifer Aniston, saying he thinks movies starring couples "always come out crap" because there's too much baggage. He cited the sex scene in "The Getaway" with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. Pitt said, "Put her with anybody else and yeah, I'm paying," but with Alec Baldwin, "it doesn't work."

  • Even Kim Basinger finally realized it didn't work with Alec Baldwin...That's when SHE had to "get away."
  • This just proves that nobody will pay to see even the world's hottest woman have sex with Alec Baldwin.
  • Jen won't make a movie with Brad because he's prettier.

    But It Came With A Plaque! - A tooth allegedly pulled from the mouth of Elvis Presley has now been pulled from an auction on eBay. It came with a gold record and a lock of his hair, but after 10 days, nobody met the $1 million minimum bid. The news came as a relief to die-hard fan Joni "Elvis Babe" Mabe, who owns an Elvis wart and a possible Elvis toenail she got from the carpet while touring Graceland. She hopes the tooth will be reoffered at a price she can afford. She said, "Then the wart would have a friend, and we could put the King back together in pieces."

  • She loved him, warts and all!
  • Then he could go back out on tour! That's all that's left of Keith Richards, and he's still touring!
  • She also stole some dental floss from Graceland, but it's obvious from the tooth that Elvis never used it.