This zipped .avi is a massive download at 64meg, but is well worth it if Star 80 is not already in your collection. Ten DVD-quality film clips of Mariel Hemingway showing off her then-new store-bought hooters as doomed Playmate Dorothy Stratten. (Movie House Review)

This zipped .avi is a small one, but it represents one of the greatest celebrity nudity finds of the DVD era. As far as I know, before people started to assemble the DVD of Baba Yaga, nobody was really aware that some discarded  footage included a full-frontal scene performed by Carroll Baker. The film itself is a bizarre cult item based on underground comix. It has some unintentional laugh-out-loud moments, but also some incredibly colorful period-based ideas about set and costume design. In terms of 1970s nostalgia, it documents not only the way we were, but the way we barely had enough sense to avoid. (Unless of course we happened to be Italian.) The Movie House Review is more about Carroll Baker than the movie, which is mostly a curiosity.

Did you know that the two movies above, although from different countries in different eras, have something major in common? Both feature former sexpot Carroll Baker. Baba Yaga was made in 1973 at the end of her sexy woman roles when she was 40ish (and still looked darned good). Star 80 was made ten years later when Baker had ended her Eurocrap exile (1966-1979). By that time she had aged enough to play the sexy woman's mom!

Just for you movie geeks, here are some facial shots of Carroll Baker from the DVD version of Baby Doll (1, 2), the controversial film that made her a star. Scripted by Tennessee Williams, the film was condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency. Here is Ms Baker as she looks today, from the Baby Doll DVD special features.

This is a clip (zipped .wmv) I found among the extra features on the Tanya's Island DVD. It's the trailer for a comedy/erotic/cannibal film called Cannibal Taboo. It stars Ashlie Rhey, who frequently appears on this page in the caps of Crimson Ghost, Hankster and others. This film is rather obscure. There are no caps from it in our Encyclopedia, and I couldn't even find an entry for it at IMDb. Here's the listing from the Encyclopedia of Cannibal Movies. This is not for everyone, but is a clip for you if you are into some seriously fucked-up, brain damaged shit. Which is a strong likelihood if you're reading my comments.




Tanya's Island (1980):

Speaking of brain damage, it's time to discuss the Canadian masterpiece Tanya's Island, which can best be described as the film in which Vanity gets naked constantly, starting in the opening credits, and eventually gets sodomized by a guy in a gorilla suit.

Vanity plays an aspiring actress who seems to be involved in an unfulfilling relationship with a sensitive artist. One night she hears some heavy breathing upstairs in their apartment. There is a glowing light behind the  bathroom door, and when she opens the door she is transported to a tropical island where she and her artist are running around in flimsy clothing or no clothing at all. Their life on the island seems to be getting along better than their life back in Canada, except that she is in the process of forming a relationship with a guy in a  cheesy 1930s-style gorilla suit. Given the pretentious, yet incompetent nature of this film, and the fact that the entire island adventure is obviously a dream, this could mean one of three things:

1. She longs for a man with a more bestial nature than her sensitive artist.

2. She longs to have a relationship with a gorilla

3. She longs to have a relationship with a guy in a gorilla suit. Because sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

They are the only three living beings on the island. The artist is jealous of her relationship with the gorilla, so he traps the gorilla and cages him. Vanity is outraged by this, so she frees the creature, whereupon the gorilla traps Vanity and cages her. Vanity tries to escape, whereupon the gorilla catches her, mounts her from behind, and ....

She wakes up, and it was all a dream.

I didn't make that up. In fact I didn't make up any of the above. That's really what the film is about.

I reckon that 1980 was an especially poor year for Canadian films, because this ridiculous no-budget leftover from the 1970s zeitgeist was actually nominated for a Genie, the Hoser Oscar. To place it all in context, Meatballs was nominated for many, many Genies that year, including Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay, and FOUR (that's not a misprint) acting awards. Meatballs won the Genie for Best Original Screenplay and its female star, Kate Lynch, was honored as the Best Actress. Tanya's Island received a Genie nomination for the best costume design.

Tanya's Island seems to think it has something to say about the psychology of love or dreams or something, but I'm not really sure what that might be. I know it's a very difficult film to watch. It has almost no dialogue,  the presentation is smugly arty, the acting is sub-par, and the director is far too impressed with his own symbolic cinematography. At one point I was exhausted and hoping the film was near the end when I checked my DVD player and was disheartened to discover it had only been on for 28 minutes.

To make matters worse, the DVD seems to have been created by simply converting a VHS tape.

Oh, well, Vanity is naked a lot  ...





"Top 10 sports moments that will never be forgotten."

Jeez, I miss the sixties! Some groovy chicks dance to the Batman theme.

JULIA ROBERTS says motherhood requires her to juggle crap, much like her film career.

Texas raises maximum interstate speed limit to 80

"Barry Manilow has revealed his anger at an Australian borough's decision to use his music to ward off teen gangs"

Allied math nerds deduced German tank production from serial numbers.

The trailer for Children of Men

  • "Children of Men envisages a world one generation from now that has fallen into anarchy on the heels of an infertility defect in the population. The world's youngest citizen has just died at 18, and humankind is facing the likelihood of its own extinction."
  • Directed and co-written by acclaimed filmmaker Alfonso Cuaron

The trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
  • "TMNT", the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie will be the first all CG animated movie in the history of the franchise. The PG-rated movie will derive its tone from the original comic-book series and will be grittier than the previous live action pictures.

  • At a press briefing at the White House, the president said that if Hezbollah continued their rocket attacks on Israel, he would see those attacks as 'an assault on my vacation itself.'

Cop's Night Job As Hooker Is Nixed
  • "While prostitution is legal in New Zealand and police are allowed to take approved second jobs, a top officer said sex work and police work don't mix."

"... the strangest military installation ever spotted by the Google Earth Community"

At 54, William Windsor sleeps in a crib, eats in a high chair and does it in his diaper -- by choice
  • ... and is currently negotiating to sell his life story to the Wayans brothers

Practice your Spanish. It's worthwhile: "Christina Aguilera no Lleva Sujetador"

John Hodgman, the Daily Show's resident expert, discusses Net Neutrality

"Daily Show: Headlines - Musical Montage ... Apparently, the war in the Middle East is also taking place in the middle of a rave."

Jon Stewart: "After 5 1/2 years of Bush's presidency stem cells were really the only moral boundary left to cross."

Anne Hathaway's naughty scene from Havoc

Another porn star running for governor, this time in Nevada.

LatinoReview has the inside dope on the identity of the next actor to play the Joker. Not Robin Williams, but ... (You'll be surprised)

You think hedge mazes are boring. You think crop circles are a hoax. Think again. You haven't seen the unofficial Star Trek crop maze.

From the "strange headline" department: "Man sues for harm done with no underwear"

Another clip from Woody Allen's Scoop

BUSH NAMES SYRIA, IRAN TO 'AXIS OF ASSHOLES' ... President's Obscenity-Laden Keynote Address Rocks G-8 Summit

"Kate Hudson has accepted libel damages from a supermarket tabloid that claimed she was dangerously thin"

Jessica Simpson REALLY likes ice cream

This is a real story, real headline ... "Florida Fogey In Golf Cart Rage Incident ... 79-year-old man trashes girlfriend's carport with his 'Club Car'"

I was wondering if anybody ever ordered that "How to Pick up Chicks" book ... "A student at the University of Central Florida is accused of setting a fire on campus as a way to meet women."

Jessica Simpson has breasts KFC would envy.

"Behind the scenes look at the making of Family Guy."

Ten clips from Miami Vice (the movie)

YouTube Slapped With First Copyright Lawsuit For Video Posted Without Permission

SCUFFLE IN THE MIDDLE EAST: President Assures Public That Unfolding Apocalypse in Jewtown & Allahstan is No Biggie (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

Which New Browser Is Best: Firefox 2, Internet Explorer 7, or Opera 9?


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Carnivale Season 2 (2005) - Part 3

There is no nudity in the final episodes of Carnivale. Tuna's summary will appear tomorrow.



Aberdeen (2000)

Aberdeen (2000) is a joint Norwegian English production, and is a road movie. Lena Headey plays a corporate attorney who uses too much coke and spends her evenings having unsatisfying sex with strangers. Her mother calls, and asks her to collect her alcoholic father from Norway and deliver him to Aberdeen for a rehab clinic. When she finds the father, the real story emerges. Mum is dying, and has asked daddy to finally marry her. Headley was raised by daddy, who spent half his time working on oil platforms and the other trying to crawl into a bottle. Daddy proves to be something of a challenge to transport, especially since he doesn't want to go in the first place. Along the way, Headey picks up a truck driver, Ian Hart, who actually reaches her in bed, and helps get them all to Aberdeen. Mom, of course, wanted to bring the two together all along.

Most, if not all, of the problems they encounter are standard set pieces, such as a gang of street toughs, a snippy airline counter clerk who won't let them on the plane because dad is drunk, a flat tire and more. On the other hand, the film is character-driven and I liked the characters and cared what happened to them. It didn't hurt that Headey, Skarsgård and Charlotte Rampling (as the dying mother) gave excellent performances, and I also liked the Ian Hart character, who was simply a good guy. Your enjoyment of this film will depend 100% on your reaction to the characters played by Headey and Stellan Skarsgård (as her father). Both gave award-winning performances, but are not portraying the most congenial of characters.

This is a C+.

IMDb readers have this at a very respectable 7.3, with only the under 18 crowd not liking it.

Metacritic shows an average review score of 78 out of 100 and their readers award 8.8 out of 10. 


Lena Headey shows her breasts in two scenes..






Salma Hayek in Ask the Dust
Lea Thompson in All the Right Moves

Pat's comments in yellow...

In an attempt to find every penny of revenue, US Airways plans to sell ads
on air sickness bags.  The airline said they're on the back of every seat anyway so why not make them multipurpose?  And one industry consultant said, "Barf bags have a lot of shelf life - people aren't barfing as much in planes as they used to."  As to who would want to advertise on a barf bag, he said selling an ad to Dramamine would be "brilliant."

*  Or they could advertise Shyamalan's new movie.

*  Or Kevin Federline's rap CD!

Scotland's Daily Record reports that an anonymous man in Merseyside called BBC Radio host Roger Phillips with an unusual health complaint.  He said he suffered impotence and had gotten an electronic penile implant operation in
Turkey.  Unfortunately, the Turkish electronics operated on a different frequency to British implants, and every time his neighbor used his garage door opener, the man got an erection.  He said it wasn't funny because he couldn't leave the house like that. 

*  If he has an erection that won't go down, why would he WANT to leave the house?

Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who plays bass in his own rock band, asked the state parole board to expunge Keith Richards' $162.50 fine for reckless driving in 1975 from his record, so it won't mar his memories of Arkansas

* Keith has no memories of Arkansas.  In fact, he has no memories of 1975.

A study of bacterial pollution found that up to 1.5 million people are being made sick on Southern California beaches every year

* And those are just the ones who saw Britney Spears in a bikini.