Tuna wrote on Wednesday:

"They are still trying to adjust my medication. My heart rate is stable, and the trick is to reduce medications to get rid of my dizziness and fatigue without having the heart rate climb. I will be on disability for some or all of August, and they are contemplating a cardio-covert, and angiogram, a sleep study, and who knows what else. I asked him outright if this was as good as it gets. He said it was possible, but he hoped not."

 If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


Q: Any uncensored photos of Molly Shannon's recent nipple slip? E television ran the censored video recently. Thanks.

A: I haven't seen it. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?


Alfie (2004)

We have reviewed this before. Neither Tuna nor I had much passion about Alfie, either pro or con. We both had the same reaction - "That wasn't so bad, really, but why did they bother to make this movie, and on what basis can I recommend it to someone else?" Neither of us ever came up with much of an answer. At any rate, Jude Law did a pretty good job in a character-driven romantic dramady.

I played around with it again for two reasons

(1) Nia Long did some (VERY minimal) nudity in the deleted scenes

(2) I thought that I could get a better look at and enhance the effect of Jane Krakowski's possible slippage if I removed the blue filter from that scene. I was wrong. Altering it to natural color minimized the illusion rather than enhancing it. Anyway, here it is, so you can see for yourself.

Jane Krakowski

Nia Long (deleted scene)


Words and pictures from Hankster:


Today we return to "Lolita 2000" for some "Hankster Light".  First up we have a totally naked Kelly Ashton posing for an art class.
Then we have B-movie stalwart Gabriella Hall and in keeping with today's theme she is not encumbered with any clothing. I love this woman so much I am going to make a movie with her as the star. The movie will be titled "Boobs to Die For".
Moving on we have a "Babes in Bondage" prison scene with not one but two babes as Skylar Nicholas and Lisa Comshaw take turns stringing each other up in a lesbian scene. (Skylar the one being tricky as she manages her escape.) Again they both get totally naked.




Holy cow, did this project grow! It all started when Dragon sent in a sexy clip of Edwige Fenech in Il Ladrone (1979). I thought that would be a good opportunity to update the Fenech volume, so I went to Mr Skin's site to see if he had any more of Fenech's 70-odd films captured yet. Turned out he had a shitpile of 'em. He had caps from nine films not currently in the Encyclopedia, and the Encyclopedia had 24 more, raising the Fenech total to 33 movies. She was the queen of the seventies - she made 43 films in that decade. I don't know what Edwige is doing now, but she's not that old - about a month older than me.

Here's Dragon's zipped avi, and here's the zipped .wmv I made from it.

And here are the Fenech films not already in our Encyclopedia, including Il Ladrone

Escape from Death Row (1975)

Frau Wirtin ...(1969)

La Bella Antonia (1972)

Il Ladrone (1979)

La Moglie in vacanza ...(1980)

Anna, quel particolare piacere (1974)

Taxi Girl (1977)

The Winsome Widow (1974)

Sugar, Honey and Pepper (1980)

Herr Haut


The Scarlet Letter (2004)

Eun-Joo Lee. No relation to Angelina-Joo Lee
Hyeon-a Seong
  The Player (2004)
Cynthia Stevenson

The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005)

Stephanie Wells

Paparazzi Time

Bai Ling

Janice Dickensen

Melania Knauss-Trump

Bai Ling must be the #1 source fo paparazzi nudity since Elizabeth Hurley started keepin' 'em holstered. Too bad she's not a bigger star, because it seems that she provides a look at one of her monstrous nipples in every single public appearance.


What is the deal on Marina Sirtis? We don't see any flesh from her for years, and now she's wearing see-throughs everywhere?  
Speaking of transparency, here is the mother of all see-throughs. That Eva Green definitely has a body on 'er. Two words - both hubba.  

Pat Reeder - The Comedy Wire

Pat's comments in yellow:

Time For A Second Mortgage! - If you have a high credit card balance, beware: within the next month, Bank of America, Citigroup and MBNA will
double the minimum payment from 2 to 4 percent of the balance, plus interest, and other banks will soon follow suit.  They're under pressure
from Bush administration officials who think Americans have too much debt, and this will help them get out of it faster.

*  Out of debt and straight into bankruptcy.
*  If anyone knows how to get out of debt, it's the Bush administration.
*  But even if you pay 4 percent, you still won't pay it off until 2075!
*  The Republicans say if you don't have an extra $300 or so a month, just cash out some of your stock portfolio.

With White Socks! - Once again, the White House has a flip-flop scandal.  A news photo showed four members of the Northwestern University women's
lacrosse team wearing flip-flop sandals to meet President Bush.  They were besieged with messages from shocked relatives, with one girl's mother saying she was "mortified."  It made big headlines in Chicago papers.  The girls are trying to make amends by auctioning them for charity, but they said they were dressy flip-flops, not beach sandals.

*  Besides, flip-flops are perfectly appropriate with sweats.
*  Plus, Bush was wearing Nikes with a blue suit.
*  When the team visited Clinton, they didn't wear flip-flops... They wore thongs.

Another Cheap Shot At Arnold - The California Supreme Court unanimously ruled that bosses who sleep with their employees can be sued for sexual
harassment by employees they don't sleep with.  The ruling, which greatly expands the state sexual harassment law, said such affairs create an atmosphere of "sexual favoritism," which conveys the message that the way to get ahead is to have sex with the boss, and that alone constitute sexual

*  Wouldn't that mean that everybody in virtually every company is sexually harassed?
*  Well, this will close down every movie studio in Hollywood.
*  Don't worry: your boss can still have sex with you, as long as he never, ever promotes you.

Fruits And Nuts - Angry over the Australian government bulldozing their fruit crop, on July 4, 1996, farmers Virgilio Rigoli and his sons Philip and Little Joe issued a Declaration of Independence, declaring their land to be an independent kingdom named Ponderosa.  They put a fence and moat around it, started demanding passports to enter, and His Royal Highness Little Joe Rigoli wrote a letter to tax authorities addressed "To the devil possessed," saying he would never recognize the government of Australia. All three were just convicted of fraud for refusing to pay their taxes.

*  They KNEW they should've bought those nuclear weapons from North Korea.
*  The tax agents seized the Ponderosa, which was a bonanza for the government.
*  Turns out "A man's home is his castle" technically ISN'T a "law."

Funny! - Gerald Martin of White Plains, New York, is facing up to seven years in prison if convicted in an alleged computer hacking case. Martin runs an answering service for doctors, and he is accused of sabotaging a competing service.  When people tried to reach their doctors, they instead got busy signals or the sounds of people moaning and groaning in sexual ecstasy.

*  They thought they'd reached the interns on "Gray's Anatomy."
*  It wasn't their hospital...It sounded more like "General Hospital."
*  It was particularly annoying to patients who were calling about erectile dysfunction.
*  Fortunately, they couldn't hear it over their own groaning.

Just Return His Empties - Supermodel Maggie Rizer is suing HSBC Bank for allegedly letting her stepfather, who had power of attorney over her
accounts, withdraw $7 million for his gambling habit.  She said they often let him cash checks while intoxicated.  The bank's lawyers say it's not
their duty to screen customers for sobriety, and there's no law against banking while drunk.

*  Unless you're banking at the drive-through.
*  Although they have to admit, it's not that good an idea.
*  But there really should be a law against gambling while drunk.
*  That explains their motto: "The Fun Bank!"
*  Was she drunk when she gave him power-of-attorney?

Touched By An Angle - Monday, Michael Zucchet, acting mayor of San Diego, California, was convicted of taking illegal campaign cash from a strip club
owner to help repeal a "no-touching" law at nude clubs.  A juror called it "a really stupid plan."  The previous mayor resigned Friday due to many problems at City Hall, so San Diego has had two mayors in four days.  But Zucchet's lawyer said his client might at least get into the Guinness record book for shortest mayoral term.

*  There's a lawyer who's earning his money!
*  It was a stupid plan because most of the city council would've repealed the "no-touching" law anyway.
*  His defense was that he'd already returned the money to the strip club, one dollar bill at a time.
*  San Diego needs another mayor, so this time, they're looking for someone who has stupid plans that AREN'T illegal.

They're Too Busy Reading "Harry Potter" - The Florida firm MindComet is launching a free service, "," that will let Internet bloggers beam their writings into space via satellite, to potentially be read by extraterrestrials.  CEO Ted Murphy said aliens who've seen radio and TV signals from Earth showing war and anger can read the blogs and see average humans in a different light.  But he warned bloggers to write for an alien family audience and not be provocative, risque or use offensive words.

*  He doesn't want to get letters.
*  Yeah, don't use any dirty words, like "Freen" or "Blagdorp!"
*  Knowing most bloggers, a real-life "War of the Worlds" is about a week away.
*  Aren't most bloggers violently opposed to aliens?
*  Chances are, there'll be more people reading them in outer space than read them on Earth.

Stick 'Em Up!  Now, Drop 'Em! - Police in Osceola County, Florida, charged Nicholas Koger, a 27-year-old married man, with six felony counts after
months of surveillance at Target and Home Depot parking lots.  Police say Koger would wait for a woman to exit her vehicle, then leave a note on her
windshield threatening her if she didn't remove her panties and leave them in the parking space for him to pick up after she left.

*  His wife is furious: he NEVER picks up underwear off the floor at home
*  It took a long time, but police finally sniffed him out.
*  Unfortunately for him, most of the women at Home Depot were wearing overalls.

His Wife Has Heard This Before - Gary Moody of Gardiner, Maine, was arrested last month after a girl saw him in the raw sewage tank of an outhouse, looking up at her through the toilet seat.  He was painted as the grossest pervert imaginable.  But Monday, he pleaded innocent and gave his excuse.  He said he'd been changing clothes in the outhouse when he dropped his wedding ring down the toilet hole.  Not wanting to go home to his wife without it, he said he went down the toilet to look through the sewage for it.

*  He even brought his wife to court to prove she's scary enough to make a man do that.
*  Now, both his ring and his marriage are in the crapper.
*  He doesn't want to lose his wife...She does such a great job on his laundry.

And No Rap! - A study by Britain's University of Sheffield found that drivers who sing along to the radio concentrate and stay awake better than drivers who are silent, hold conversations or listen to talk radio.  They say the singing stimulates the mind and body, but since the words are memorized and repetitious, they're less distracting than a conversation. But they warned drivers to avoid certain loud, angry songs, such as Prodigy's "Firestarter," because they boost aggressiveness.

*  The driver who's stuck next to you at the stop light might shoot you.
*  And don't play New Age music, or you'll lapse into a coma at the wheel.
*  Also, singing at the wheel can result in injuries if you do it when you have passengers.
*  Many former "American Idol" contestants sing at the wheel... But they're in the car a lot because they're all driving cabs now.
*  If you don't know the words, drive a Hummer.

And What Classic Video Games Should They Know? - The British Film Institute is lobbying UK school officials to create a list of 10 movies that every
child should see by age 14.  The BFI wants kids to recognize certain films as important cultural icons, like books on the "required reading" list.  Their suggested movies are from around the world and include "The Wizard of Oz," "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "Spirited Away" and "The Bicycle Thief."

*  By age 14, most of today's kids already know how to steal a bicycle.
*  And of course, classic "coming-of-age" movies, like "Porky's."
*  The other six will all be Harry Potter movies.
*  This will do for great movies what the required reading list does for great books: Make kids hate them.
*  There are no movies made from books on the required reading list because kids watch those anyway, instead of reading the books.


Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


Other Crap

Damn, I love California. California court rules on sexual office affairs - you can sue for sexual harassment if the boss doesn't fuck you! As Oscar Wilde once said, "The only thing worse than getting fucked is NOT getting fucked."

JoBlo has an amusing review of Stealth, which opens next Friday

"A few years ago, a PlayStation 2 commercial was created to advertise the console in France. It was banned, for pretty obvious reasons, but lives on through the grace of the Internet. This is pretty old, but it's the first we've seen of it."

European geography, level 3

Mr T sets out to refute all those racists who think all black guys can sing. A classic. I pity the foo' who misses this.

The late Scotty weighs in on his favorite beaming subject: "'I like Captain Kirk, but I sure don't like Bill. He's so insecure that all he can think about is himself.'"

Did Machiavellian scheming by General Motors sabotage the LA mass transit system?

An extended clip from The Island

Teachers say no one should 'fail' ... The U.K.'s "Education Secretary Ruth Kelly has dismissed suggestions that the concept of 'failure' should be removed from school in favour of 'deferred success'." Much like Tony Blair's Iraqi adventure.

Conan welcomes the world's oldest stunt man.

There is the UK's version of the trailer for The Dukes of Hazzard. It's pretty much the same, except that the Duke boys are named Nigel and Alastair, and they are not NAMED Duke, they really ARE Dukes.

An R-rated international trailer for Steve Carell's The 40 Year Old Virgin. Hang on - the last 20 seconds are really raunchy!

Two international trailers from A Good Woman.

  • " 'An elegant and witty romantic comedy based on Oscar Wilde's classic play, 'Lady Windermere's Fan.' Set in the 1930s on the beautiful shores of the Italian Riviera, Lions Gate Films' 'A Good Woman' follows the seductive Mrs. Erlynne (Hunt), scorned by many as a 'woman of ill repute,' leaves New York for the Amalfi coast, where she hopes to find a new 'patron' among the vacationing aristocrats. The mean-spirited gossip stirred up by Mrs. Erlynne's arrival isn't enough to dissuade the jovial, kind-hearted Lord Augustus (Wilkinson) from falling in love with her. But Mrs. Erlynne has already set her sights on the married Robert Windermere (Mark Umbers), a wealthy young American who falls quickly under her spell. Windermere's faithful wife, Meg (Johansson), is herself distracted by the flirtatious overtures of Lord Darlington (Stephen Campbell Moore), a notorious playboy. But when she learns of her husband's blossoming affair, Meg resorts to drastic measures, with unexpected consequences for everyone involved... Brimming with sumptuous locales and sweeping romance, 'A Good Woman' is a sophisticated ode to Wilde's legendary wit and wisdom, beautifully directed by Mike Barker from a sparkling script by Howard Himelstein."

Tuskless elephants evolving in China due to poaching: "more male Asian elephants in China will be born without tusks because poaching of tusked elephants is reducing the gene pool"

Scientists worry about Pentagon's new ray gun

The Smoking Gun reviews: Why Polanski Lives Over There

Inventor of the TV dinner dies, to be frozen cryogenically and wrapped in foil, presumably to be re-warmed later and brought back to life.

How To Be Funny. Well, sorta.

Michael Jackson and the chocolate factory.

Super Villain Carpool. This is a funny idea. "Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's breakfast burrito"

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE ACTION FIGURES MAKE THEIR DEBUT. "They'll make all your dreams come true." I was a little heartbroken to see no Uncle Rico.

Headline of the day: "Police lift prints off gnomes" ... The story is pretty comical as well.

The trailer for Werner Herzog's Grizzly Man. The following is the official blurb, not my editorializing:

  • "Timothy Treadwell's death was as sensational as his life: Having presumed he could live safely among the grizzly bears of the Alaskan wilderness, the outdoorsman and author (Among Grizzlies)--along with his partner, Amie Huguenard--was eventually killed and devoured by one of the very animals to whom he had devoted years of study. In telling this story, Werner Herzog relies considerably on Treadwell's own video footage, shot during his time in the wild. But in the manner well known to those familiar with the stunning nonfiction films Herzog has made throughout his career, and most notably from the early '90s through today ('Lessons of Darkness,' 'Little Dieter Needs to Fly,' 'Mein Liebster Feind,' and most recently 'The White Diamond'), the famed German director takes Treadwell's story into unexpected emotional frontiers and startling landscapes of the mind. Where he doesn't go is equally as fascinating, but if Herzog is consistent about anything, it is the defiance of the ordinary, the rejection of the obvious, and the relentlessly searching eye he turns on whatever subject attracts his attention. Treadwell is an intriguing, infuriating, perhaps even tragic figure. But Herzog himself is equally compelling, and this brilliant film is just one reason why."

Better buy your tickets early for this one, cuz the lines are going to stretch around the block ... The trailer for Roll Bounce

  • "In the late '70s, when roller skating was a way of life, X (Bow Wow) and his pals ruled supreme. But when the doors of their local skating rink close, it marks the end of an era and the beginning of another that sees the boys venture into foreign territory -- uptown's Sweetwater Roller Rink, complete with its over-the-top skaters and beautiful girls. Through his preparation for the showdown of the season -- the Roller Jam skate off with the Sweetwater crew -- X manages to find himself and also help his dad (Chi McBride) get back on track."

Hey, ICMS! It's a new cop thriller from the all-Flemish Network: The trailer for The Memory of a Killer

  • When a key civil servant is murdered, the Antwerp police force puts its top crime investigators on the case: Vincke (Koen De Bouw) and Verstuyft (Werner De Smedt). The trail leads to hitman Angelo Ledda (Jan Decleir). Showing symptoms of Alzheimer's, Ledda finds it increasingly difficult to carry out assignments. When he realizes that he is being used in a political power game, he decides to bite the hand that feeds. Vincke and Verstuyft have a hard time trying to disentangle the web of intrigues to prevent further killings. Subsequently, the three men find themselves working together to eliminate Antwerp's 'underground network'.

Some clips from The Skeleton Key, a new supernatural thriller with Kate Hudson and Gena Rowlands.

Here are the trailers from Joss Whedon's Serenity

"Match the '80s kid actor to his or her quarterlife crisis"

Google Maps adds the moon.

Quotables: Late Night with Conan O'Brien

  • "In a speech this week Hillary Clinton compared President Bush to Mad Magazine's Alfred E. Neuman. After hearing this the President said, 'Finally a literary reference I understand.'"
  • "Brad Pitt insists he's not in bed with the flu, they are just good friends."
  • "President Bush went to Indiana today to try to reach out to the state's black voters. Apparently Indiana's blacks are divided: one likes Bush but the other doesn't."
  • "Drew Barrymore says she will stop acting and become a director when her 'boobs start sagging.' Which, by the way, this is the same reason Michael Moore became a director."
  • "In a recent interview, Michael Jackson said that when he dies he wants his body to be frozen. Not surprisingly, once Jackson is frozen he wants to have his body placed in an ice cream truck."


  • Elsewhere, over 150,000 women in Great Britain submitted applications to become actor Jude Law’s new nanny.

The Daily Show's Lewis Black profiles some of the people condemning indecency among fictional lawbreakers.

Jon Stewart cooks up some possum fritters with America's #1 redneck, Billy Bob Thornton

The Daily Show's Ed Helms profiles a woman who may have accidentally grabbed a stripper instead of a clean towel. It turns out that Vagina Cream is the secret to immortality. Or not.

Daily Show: "Should Karl Rove receive a medal? He's already a shoo-in to sweep this year's Leakys."

Rue McClanahan discusses former fellow Golden Girl Estelle Getty.

  • ""Estelle doesn't know anything about having done a show called 'Golden Girls.' She doesn't recognize any of us; doesn't recognize us in person and doesn't recognize us over the phone. And she can't really carry on a conversation anymore."

What does Lance Armstrong listen to during the Tour de Lance

J.K. Rowling reads the opening pages of that Half-Baked Prince thing you may have heard something about.

"Courteney Cox says it's possible that Friends may reunite for a one-off show"

Star Trek's Scotty, James Doohan, beamed up at 85

Sadly, this is a real headline from a real newspaper: "Ukrainian vampire drugged children and drank their blood"

Judge says photographer can distribute Asastasia Myskina's topless pics. Now that's my kid of activist judge. Ms. Myskina is a top tennis player and former French Open champion. The pictures were taken by top fotog Mark Seliger for GQ, so it's obviously not some sleaze-fest.

  • "Mukasey wrote that the Russian star's rights were not violated when topless photographs were published with an article weeks after she won the French Open in 2004, despite her insistence that she did not understand a photo release form with her signature on it and was not fluent in English at the time."

One of Anastasia Myskina's topless pics. The lawsuit is about the right to use more from the same shoot or republish them elsewhere, or both.

The Boston Herald reviews "The Blonde in the Thunderbird'' That is the new one-woman Broadway show from Suzanne Somers in which she plays the part of ... Eleanor Roosevelt. No, I'm just kidding. She actually stands on stage and talks about her own life, stopping to sing a few old tunes with new lyrics. I didn't make any of this up. The following are real quotes from the review:

  • "An original musical number features Somers prancing around the stage strapped to a small foam Thunderbird (a nod to her big break in ``American Graffiti''). Your jaw may drop, but not for the right reason."
  • "When she inevitably trots out a cart filled with her Home Shopping products, it's surprising she doesn't try to make a few sales from the stage."
  • " ... it was evident Somers can't sing, can't really act, but she does have guts. At 58, she still has a great body (you better believe that Thigh Master makes an appearance)"

The Miami ABC affiliate has a slideshow and video of that women who stripped in court, but they've sanitized it for our protection.

End of the World. Flash Animation

Letter From Karl C. Rove to Judith Miller of the New York Times (

Colin Farrell Sues Over Sex Tape - The Smoking Gun has the documents

Latino Review reports on Comic Con (part 2)

The international trailer from On a Clear Day

  • "Frank determines to salvage his self-esteem and tackle his demons by attempting the ultimate test of endurance - swimming the English Channel."

The trailer from Oyster Farmer

  • "Oyster Farmer is the story of Jack Flange (Alex O'Lachlan), an enterprising young man who moves from Sydney into an isolated, close-knit community of oyster farmers. In desperate need of money, Jack robs a local fish market (with a frozen lobster) and mails the cash to himself. When the package goes missing, he fears the police may be on to him or that someone in the eccentric oyster farmer community has intercepted the loot. His suspicion falls on the bewitching Pearl (Diana Glenn), a local beauty whose expensive tastes do not go unnoticed, but who just might be his salvation."

Four clips from Last Days, the new fictional Gus van Sant film loosely based on the life of Kurt Cobain.

A new behind-the-scenes featurette about Aeon Flux

The trailer for Nanny McPhee

  • "Emma Thompson, whose first screenplay won the 1995 Oscar for 'Sense and Sensibility,' returns to screenwriting with 'Nanny McPhee,' a motion picture adaptation of the 'Nurse Matilda' books by Christianna Brand. Thompson, the only person to have won Oscars for both acting and writing, also plays the title role in 'Nanny McPhee,' opposite Colin Firth, Kelly Macdonald and-in her first role for the big screen in two decades-Angela Lansbury. In this dark and witty fable, Thompson portrays a person of unsettling appearance and magical powers who enters the household of the recently widowed Mr. Brown (Firth) and attempts to tame his seven exceedingly ill-behaved children. The children, led by the oldest boy Simon ('Love Actually''s Thomas Sangster), have managed to drive away 17 previous nannies and are certain that they will have no trouble with this one. But as Nanny McPhee takes control, they begin to notice that their vile behavior now leads swiftly and magically to rather startling consequences. Her influence also extends to the family's deeper problems, including Mr. Brown's sudden and seemingly inexplicable attempts to find a new wife; an announcement by the domineering Aunt Adelaide (Angela Lansbury) that she intends to take one of the children away; and the sad and secret longings of their scullery maid, Evangeline (Kelly Macdonald). As the children's behavior begins to change, Nanny McPhee's arresting face and frame appear to change as well, creating even more questions about this mysterious stranger whom the children and their father have come to love."

Ten clips from the Disney superhero family comedy Sky High

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

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