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"Monkey Business"

Monkey Business (1952) Stars Cary Grant as a somewhat absent minded chemist working on a rejuvenation formula, and Ginger Rogers as his wife. Grants boss is anxious to regain his youth, and is very interested in the project. Marilyn Monroe plays the boss's bimbo secretary, and is the archetype for dumb blonde. Grant comments on her being at work early, and she says the boss has been complaining about her punctuation, so she started coming in earlier, for instance. One of the laboratory chimps mixes a formula of his own, using the same ingredients that Grant has left out, and then pours it into the water cooler. Of course, the version made by the chimp works.

Grant is the first to try it, and becomes 20 again, with perfect eyesight, no bursitis, and immediately buys a sports car, new clothes, and takes Marilyn out for an adventure. That night, Rogers tries it, and takes Grant to the hotel where they spent their honeymoon. Up to this point, it was a delightful comedy. Then, the two of them shared a pot of coffee made with the cooler water, and regressed to 10 years old, and the film disintegrated into silliness. In every other Monroe film I have seen, she shone the brightest of all the stars. In this case, the veteran Ginger Rogers was the standout. We see Marilyn in a tight sweater, a bathing suite, and showing lots of leg showing off her run-free stockings.

IMDB readers have this at 7.1 of 10. This is clearly a Grant Rogers film, with Marilyn only there for decoration. The film is B&W, and presented in a mediocre 4/3 ratio transfer. Had the film finished as well as it began, it would get very high marks from me, but, with the stillness at the end, like scalping a lawyer, and grown men chasing each other with seltzer bottles, I can't award more than a C. It is a must for Marilyn and Rogers fans, but not of much interest to others.

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  • Marilyn Monroe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Savage Beach"

    Savage Beach (1989) is one of two Andy Sidaris films just being released. This formula films typically have lots of boobs attached to women who can deliver dialogue with some believability, explosions, high tech toys, fights, and guns. This one was the same, except that it had more plot, and less in the way of sex scenes. Hope Marie Carlton, and Dona Speir are federal drug agents, and fly a charter airline for cover. Patty Duffek and Lisa London work with them, and run a restaurant. Carlton and Speir are sent by their boss (who we see with his girlfriend Maxine Wasa who is topless) on a mercy errand to fly a serum to the Marshall islands.

    Meanwhile, there is a very complicated plot about the US helping the Philippines to recover some gold taken by the Japanese in WW II. I can't even begin to explain all the different forces that take part in this, but the representative of the Philippine government, together with his girlfriend, Teri Weigel, are actually members of the communist party, and want to gold for their cause. The girls crash during a storm on an obscure island, and eventually find a WW II vintage Japanese warrior still living there. Then, of course, the rest of the cast shows up, because this is where the gold is. That should be enough for you to make a rent/buy/ignore decision.

    We see breasts from Carlton, Speir, Duffek and London in a spa. Later, we see breasts from Duffek and London changing. Duffek also wears spray-on shorts in a drug raid at the beginning of the film. Carlton and Speir have additional breast exposure changing in the airplane, then swimming on the beach. The long nude scenes are from Wasa in a swimming pool, then after she gets out, topless all the while, and Weigel undressing and making love twice. IMDB scores this 3.4 of 10, which is the same neighborhood as his other films. As far as I am concerned, you know what to expect from a Sidaris film before you even read the box, and this one is no different. If you enjoy mindless entertainment from time to time, this one works. If you don't like his other films, you won't like this one. C.

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  • Dona Speir (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Hope Marie Carlton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Lisa London (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Maxine Wasa (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Patty Duffek (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Teri Weigel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Delirium is one of the strangest, most consistently demented and sadistic slasher murder movies I've seen. I kept looking at the DVD box and thinking, "they couldn't do this stuff in 1972, could they?" I never saw anything this graphic in murder mysteries back then . It has an uncut international version and a somewhat different US version. I'll have detailed remarks up later. The film is hilariously bad in some respects. Lots of nudity, and I could have figured out who they all were, because I knew their character names -  if only the film had credits, which it didn't! In Italian, with English subtitles. (as you may know, Italian directors just about never recorded live sound. We see the star, Mickey Hargitay, speaking in Italian with English subtitles despite the fact that his own language is English, and he speaks no Italian. Those crazy Italians!

    BONUSES from the extra features:

    • Rita Calderoni in Secondo Satana (1, 2)
    • Rita Calderoni in The Reincarnation of Isabel (1, 2)


    Other crap:


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    A little variety today...

    First we have Hayley Keenan & Tara Subkoff in "Teenage Caveman".

    • Hayley Keenan (1, 2, 3)
    • Tara Subkoff (1, 2)

    Then our "Damsel in Distress" for the day is Mädchen Amick in "Hangman".

    • Mädchen Amick (1, 2, 3)

    Barbara Crampton and
    Kathleen Kinmont
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Roberta Whitehead
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    More goodies from the 80's Srping Break Frat comedy, "Fraternity Vacation", starring Tim Robbins, and Evil Ed from "Fright Night". Crampton and Kinmont both show their all natural big'uns, plus Crampton shows pubes in #4. Roberta Whitehead was the breast and bum double for Sheree J. Wilson.

    Helena Bonham Carter
    (1, 2, 3)

    The British actress and co-star of "Fight Club" and "Planet of the Apes" going topless in scenes from "Novocaine".

    Shannon Elizabeth
    (1, 2)

    Not only her best work to date, but also the most topless role of her career. Coincidence, or not? I'll let history decide. Vidcaps by Venom of scenes from "American Pie".

    Brooke Shields Wearing a very see-thru dress at a premier party for the movie "The Kid Stays In The Picture".

    Mariah Carey
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    High quality paparazzi pics of Mariah in a bikini.

    J-Lo News
    From the New York Post:


    July 20, 2002 -- Jennifer Lopez is again showing off her assets.

    The 31-year-old Bronx bombshell - who recently posed nude to pitch her new perfume line "Glow by J.Lo" - will be featured in a cheeky spread in the upcoming issue of ELLEgirl.

    A wild and carefree-looking Lopez, who recently broke up with hubby Cris Judd, sports a crazy hairdo and is wearing a tight denim jacket and low-riding jeans in the sexy spread. The Latina lovely, who turns 32 on Wednesday, is filming a new romantic comedy in the Big Apple titled "Made in New York."

    In the flick, Lopez plays a hotel maid who falls in love with a Senate candidate who mistakes her for a socialite after he spots her trying on a wealthy woman's dress.