"Wild Wild West"

Based on the reviews for this one, I didn't really watch it -- I just scanned it for nudity. First, as to the possible Salma nipple slip, I don't think so. About 13 minutes in, she is dangerously close with a low-cut dress that has a black lace border on the bodice. Several times, especially when the lace is out of focus, it looks a lot like a nipple, but comparing before and after frames, I am convinced it is just the dress. As to the but shot, it has been covered by others. I did find two pleasant surprises. The film is beautifully photographed and lit, and there is near exposure by a very lovely Garcelle Beauvais in the opening scene in the water tower. I won't say it is worth the rental price, but it made for some nice images. I hope to see much more of this Haitian beauty.

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Garcelle Beauvais (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

A new Roman Polanski horror movie starring Johnny Depp. Stylish noir, with some deliciously campy scenery-chewing from Frank Langella, Lena Olin and others, and some artistic set decoration from Polanski's team. If only they knew how to get out of it at the end. The setup is great. Polanski knows how to create the atmosphere, and the performers know how to perform it - straight grade-A all the way. But it really slows down, then gets silly, then you'll be throwing stuff at the screen when you see the last five minutes. For all the mystery, they had no clue how to resolve it, and you really won't even know what happened, or whether it is good or bad. A very big and irritating disappointment, even though I enjoyed a lot of the stylish groundwork.

Interesting premise. Depp is an expert on old books. He is searching for the remaining three copies of the "Nine Gates", a book supposedly co-authored by Lucifer himself. Each of the editions has nine engravings, and they differ from edition to edition. Each edition has six drawn by the human and three from the hand of His Satanic Majesty himself. Satan's three are different in each book, so you need all three books to get the collection. Kind of like one of those supermarket encyclopedia deals. Depp comes to realize that he must get the nine pictures drawn by Satan before some others do. Emmanuelle Seigner is some kind of guardian angel who protects Depp from the baddies - or maybe she's Satan. Who knows? They don't really make this clear. I really don't know what the hell she was, or what happened to Depp, or what happened to her.

This movie was still in first-run theaters as recently as May. It did $18 million domestic gross on a fairly expensive budget of $38 million.

Rotten Tomatoes summary: 32% favorable reviews from all critics, 31% from the top critics. Here's the details.

That is certainly Emmanuelle Seigner in her topless scenes, but it might not be Lena Olin. The Olin character does the nude scenes from the rear with absolutely no identifiable face in any nude frame. Given Olin's age, that's a pretty good indication that it's someone else, but I'm just not sure.

Misc. nudity Seigner (1, 2, 3) Olin - maybe (1, 2, 3)

"What Planet are You From?" (2000)

Garry Shandling wrote a pretty good script here, and Mike Nichols directed, but the real weakness of the fim is that Shandling starred in it. He ain't exactly Olivier in the thespian department, and he ain't exactly Brad Pitt in the looks category either. I don't know about you, but seeing Garry Shandling naked is down pretty far on my priority list, lower even than being ripped apart by wildcats or watching the complete works of the Olsen twins.

Anyway, it was a comedy, then it was a serious examination of the human condition, then a love story. I don't know what it is in total. Basic story: a planet decides that impregnating an earth woman is necessary to their plan for conquest of the universe. Unfortunately, they have no penises and have to use hydraulics.

The opening scenes are funny - the aliens learn to seduce an earth woman by complimenting her footwear and going "um-hum" while she talks. And Greg Kinnear was pretty funny as Shandling's human co-worker. Too bad Kinnear wasn't in the Shandling role - the thing might have had some energy. I did like the first 25 minutes or so, but once Shandling got off his planet and Kinnear got off the screen, the whole thing degenerated into a one-joke premise related to the noises made by his hydraulic penis. Then it further degenerated into a bunch of sentimental speeches, and Shandling truly learned to love. Bah humbug.

This movie was out in March, and grossed a lame six million on a costly $50 million budget.

Rotten Tomatoes summary: 39% favorable reviews, but only 27% among the best critics. Here's the details.

The very famous women - Fiorentino and Bening - didn't show any flesh. Sakelaris showed a bit, there was a stripper or two, and a cute actress named Judy Greer provided most of the real nudity.

Greer (1, 2, 3) Bening (1, 2, 3) Sakelaris Fiorentino Stripper

"Paranoid" (2000)

What a hunk of manure this puppy is! Comes from the school of thought that says strange is meritorious, ipso facto. Guess what, boys? Strange movies can be good (the best of Cronenberg, Greenaway, and David Lynch, e.g.), or they can lap on the love-lolly. It all depends. This one laps.

What a disappointment, because Aussie John Duigan has directed some films that I like (Sirens, Lawn Dogs), but this makes two bad ones for him in just a couple months (He directed "Molly" as well).

Supermodel Jessica Alba's car breaks down and she is kidnapped by some wackos. They tie her up. Her clothes change several times while she's chained to the bed, but we don't see jack gumbo - nada. Jeanne Tripplehorn is one of the wackos, and you can kinda make out her breasts under her dress. There is actually quite a bit of nudity, but I don't know who any of these people are. I'm not even sure what the hell this movie was about, or what the ending means. Some seriously nutbag entertainment. I'll be honest, though. I would have forgiven them if Jessica had gotten naked. Hell, for Jessica naked, I might sit through "Exit to Eden".

I don't think this one ever made it to the theaters. And for good reasons.

Tripplehorn (1, 2) Miscellaneous (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Recently "L' été meurtrier" ( One Deadly Summer ) starring Isabelle Adjani came out on DVD. French magazine DVDMania says about this disk that a light veil seems to cover the image. They are right but they "forgot" to mention that Isabelle's nude scene in the barn is much clearer and that Adjani shows more fur than in the video and theatrical release. Or is my memory letting me down ? Check it out for yourself in these 8 collages.

Some time ago she was caught speeding (doing 155 km/h ( 96 mph ) where only 90 ( 56 ) was allowed). About two weeks ago she had to appear in court for this. Normally when it's a first offence your driver's license gets suspended for at least 15 days and you have to pay a fine of $1,000. Two days before she has to appear before the judge the photos in collage #3 appear in a magazine. Here is the verdict : she only has to pay a $500 fine!
Unlucky for her many people complained about this and I read in Wednesday's newspaper that the D.A. is appealing against this verdict and that she'll have to appear before a higher court in August. Is she going to take it all off then?

First we have "un amour en béton" which means "concrete love" Fairly self-explanatory once you see the picture. Then we have the line-up shot: "Miss Lewinsky, can you recognize the guilty one among these suspects?" In third place there's an exclusive picture of the doors of the White House restrooms Finally the Prez giving his testimony in a courtroom:
- "Well her mouth was there, and I approached my willy there. But I didn't go any further, your honor".
- "And then?"
- "Ah... I think she moved. She moved her head forward a bit, then she moved it back, then again forward... I think she hesitated. But there was nothing sexual in it, your honor".

But fear not...Pic Hound is on top of this stuff, and he has a ton of movies. pics, and info at his website.

Odd facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig) (How'd they figure this out, and why?)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Still can't get over that pig thing) (Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)(And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did taxpayers pay for this research??)

Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, ask them?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine?? And why pigs?)

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.
(Creepy)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the....) (Well, at least pigs get a break there...)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Oh, geez. That's almost as bad as catfish)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

After reading all these, all I can say is.............Lucky Pigs...

IDIOTS

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often."

Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Sighting #5:
When I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up my car, I was told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" "I know," answered the young man.- "I already got that side."