Based on the reviews for this one, I didn't
really watch it -- I just scanned it for nudity.
First, as to the possible Salma nipple slip, I
don't think so. About 13 minutes in, she is
dangerously close with a low-cut dress that has a
black lace border on the bodice. Several times,
especially when the lace is out of focus, it
looks a lot like a nipple, but comparing before
and after frames, I am convinced it is just the
dress. As to the but shot, it has been covered by
others. I did find two pleasant surprises. The
film is beautifully photographed and lit, and
there is near exposure by a very lovely Garcelle
Beauvais in the opening scene in the water tower.
I won't say it is worth the rental price, but it
made for some nice images. I hope to see much
more of this Haitian beauty.
Garcelle Beauvais (1,
|More new releases: "The
Ninth Gate" (2000)
A new Roman
Polanski horror movie starring Johnny Depp.
Stylish noir, with some deliciously campy
scenery-chewing from Frank Langella, Lena Olin
and others, and some artistic set decoration from
Polanski's team. If only they knew how to get out
of it at the end. The setup is great. Polanski
knows how to create the atmosphere, and the
performers know how to perform it - straight
grade-A all the way. But it really slows down,
then gets silly, then you'll be throwing stuff at
the screen when you see the last five minutes.
For all the mystery, they had no clue how to
resolve it, and you really won't even know what
happened, or whether it is good or bad. A very
big and irritating disappointment, even though I
enjoyed a lot of the stylish groundwork.
Interesting premise. Depp is an expert on old
books. He is searching for the remaining three
copies of the "Nine Gates", a book
supposedly co-authored by Lucifer himself. Each
of the editions has nine engravings, and they
differ from edition to edition. Each edition has
six drawn by the human and three from the hand of
His Satanic Majesty himself. Satan's three are
different in each book, so you need all three
books to get the collection. Kind of like one of
those supermarket encyclopedia deals. Depp comes
to realize that he must get the nine pictures
drawn by Satan before some others do. Emmanuelle
Seigner is some kind of guardian angel who
protects Depp from the baddies - or maybe she's
Satan. Who knows? They don't really make this
clear. I really don't know what the hell she was,
or what happened to Depp, or what happened to
This movie was still in first-run theaters as
recently as May. It did $18 million domestic
gross on a fairly expensive budget of $38
Rotten Tomatoes summary: 32% favorable reviews
from all critics, 31% from the top critics. Here's
That is certainly Emmanuelle Seigner in her
topless scenes, but it might not be Lena Olin.
The Olin character does the nude scenes from the
rear with absolutely no identifiable face in any
nude frame. Given Olin's age, that's a pretty
good indication that it's someone else, but I'm
just not sure.
nudity Seigner (1,
Olin - maybe (1, 2, 3)
Planet are You From?" (2000)
Garry Shandling wrote a pretty good script
here, and Mike Nichols directed, but the real
weakness of the fim is that Shandling starred in
it. He ain't exactly Olivier in the thespian
department, and he ain't exactly Brad Pitt in the
looks category either. I don't know about you,
but seeing Garry Shandling naked is down pretty
far on my priority list, lower even than being
ripped apart by wildcats or watching the complete
works of the Olsen twins.
Anyway, it was a comedy, then it was a serious
examination of the human condition, then a love
story. I don't know what it is in total. Basic
story: a planet decides that impregnating an
earth woman is necessary to their plan for
conquest of the universe. Unfortunately, they
have no penises and have to use hydraulics.
The opening scenes are funny - the aliens
learn to seduce an earth woman by complimenting
her footwear and going "um-hum" while
she talks. And Greg Kinnear was pretty funny as
Shandling's human co-worker. Too bad Kinnear
wasn't in the Shandling role - the thing might
have had some energy. I did like the first 25
minutes or so, but once Shandling got off his
planet and Kinnear got off the screen, the whole
thing degenerated into a one-joke premise related
to the noises made by his hydraulic penis. Then
it further degenerated into a bunch of
sentimental speeches, and Shandling truly learned
to love. Bah humbug.
This movie was out in March, and grossed a
lame six million on a costly $50 million budget.
Rotten Tomatoes summary: 39% favorable
reviews, but only 27% among the best critics. Here's
The very famous women - Fiorentino and Bening
- didn't show any flesh. Sakelaris showed a bit,
there was a stripper or two, and a cute actress
named Judy Greer provided most of the real
Greer (1, 2,
What a hunk of manure this puppy is! Comes
from the school of thought that says strange is
meritorious, ipso facto. Guess what, boys?
Strange movies can be good (the best of
Cronenberg, Greenaway, and David Lynch, e.g.), or
they can lap on the love-lolly. It all depends.
This one laps.
What a disappointment, because Aussie John
Duigan has directed some films that I like
(Sirens, Lawn Dogs), but this makes two bad ones
for him in just a couple months (He directed
"Molly" as well).
Supermodel Jessica Alba's car breaks down and
she is kidnapped by some wackos. They tie her up.
Her clothes change several times while she's
chained to the bed, but we don't see jack gumbo -
nada. Jeanne Tripplehorn is one of the wackos,
and you can kinda make out her breasts under her
dress. There is actually quite a bit of nudity,
but I don't know who any of these people are. I'm
not even sure what the hell this movie was about,
or what the ending means. Some seriously nutbag
entertainment. I'll be honest, though. I would
have forgiven them if Jessica had gotten naked.
Hell, for Jessica naked, I might sit through
"Exit to Eden".
I don't think this one ever made it to the
theaters. And for good reasons.
Miscellaneous (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
|WhyScan's Page Three
|If Page Three is unfamiliar to
link describes the Page Three tradition.
|Today's Page 3 girl....Rebekah,
21, from Birmingham (1, 2, 3, 4)
|ICMS is part of the Euro Scoopy
gang of contributors, his comments often offer a
much different perspective on things since he
lives in Belgium. But don't be afraid...there is
still plenty of high quality nudity!
The last four images feature comments in French
that he has translated for us. Enjoy.
|Comments by ICMS:
Finally I'm back with some material that you will
hopefully find interesting enough. Here we go....
Recently "L' été meurtrier" ( One
Deadly Summer ) starring Isabelle Adjani came out
on DVD. French magazine DVDMania says about this
disk that a light veil seems to cover the image.
They are right but they "forgot" to
mention that Isabelle's nude scene in the barn is
much clearer and that Adjani shows more fur than
in the video and theatrical release. Or is my
memory letting me down ? Check it out for
yourself in these 8 collages.
||Maria Machado plays Isabelle's
mother in this film. In a flashback she gets
raped by 3 men and Isa is born as a result of
this sordid act. Now here you see the wonders of
DVD : I think Maria Machado ended up showing a
lot more "details" than she could have
ever imagined 17 years ago when this movie was
||Here is a collage of French
actress Isabelle Mergault in "Lévy et
Goliath" about a guy from Antwerp who goes
to Paris to do naughty things. They do that in
Antwerp too, you know. He could have saved
himself a trip to the French capital, plus it's
easier to choose here in Belgium: the
"goods" are on display in the windows
of those "bars" in red light district
streets or along state roads. One such
establishment along the N 2 road from Leuven to
Diest goes by the name of "Daddy's
||Then we have Lisa Gastoni in
"Amore amaro". The material to work
with was mediocre but there are some exciting
caps of her in the Encyclopedia and/or back
issues. They're from a film where she plays a
pharmacist whose lover wants her to stand naked
outside her shop at night and she obliges.
|Since it is our national holiday
today, I can't help but include some Belgian
ladies as well. First let me direct your
attention to Miss Belgium 1999, Brigitta Callens.
Except maybe for collages 1 and 2 where she's
enjoying a massage by actor Warre Borgmans
nothing too revealing on her yet, but read on....
Some time ago she was caught speeding (doing
155 km/h ( 96 mph ) where only 90 ( 56 ) was
allowed). About two weeks ago she had to appear
in court for this. Normally when it's a first
offence your driver's license gets suspended for
at least 15 days and you have to pay a fine of
$1,000. Two days before she has to appear before
the judge the photos in collage #3 appear in a
magazine. Here is the verdict : she only has to
pay a $500 fine!
Unlucky for her many people complained about this
and I read in Wednesday's newspaper that the D.A.
is appealing against this verdict and that she'll
have to appear before a higher court in August.
Is she going to take it all off then?
Flemish Art teacher in an aquarium
||Now it's time for some art. The
exhibition "over the edges" that
started some months ago in Ghent with putting ham
on pillars has come to an end. One act to mark
this end was "invented" by a Chinese
artist who is fed up with the fact that his
country is always associated with water,
goldfishes and bamboo. So he has 25 year old Art
History teacher Sarah Eyckerman splashing around
stark naked in an aquarium that is hanging on a
wall in the city center. Maybe Jan Hoet, the
organizer of the event, could explain what the
exact meaning of the exhibit is? China = water,
goldfishes, bamboo and naked Flemish art
Well the King must have liked it too because last
Wednesday he made Mr. Hoet a knight! Knight Jan
Hoet, who would have thought it? Apparently only
three countries still knight people : Belgium,
Spain and of course the UK.
|Let me finish with four images
that I found in a French magazine where they are
still making fun of the leader of the western
First we have "un
amour en béton" which means
"concrete love" Fairly self-explanatory
once you see the picture. Then we have the line-up
shot: "Miss Lewinsky, can you recognize
the guilty one among these suspects?" In
third place there's an exclusive picture of the
doors of the White
House restrooms Finally the Prez giving
his testimony in a courtroom:
- "Well her mouth was there, and I
approached my willy there. But I didn't go any
further, your honor".
- "And then?"
- "Ah... I think she moved. She moved her
head forward a bit, then she moved it back, then
again forward... I think she hesitated. But there
was nothing sexual in it, your honor".
|My apologies to Pic Hound and
all of the Rasslin' fans out there. I have
absolutely no clue most of these girls are. I
recognize a few of the names of course, and I met
Jasmin St. Claire 3 or 4 times when I was doing
business with her old porn company. But that's
But fear not...Pic Hound is on top
of this stuff, and he has a ton of movies. pics,
and info at his website.
|The Godfather's Ho's
|See-thru pics of the French
||Very sexy pose from GQ magazine. Scan by
||Topless vidcaps from "New Rose
Hotel", by Donbun.
||The popular young actress
looking very hot in a tight top and leather pants
from an appearance on "Later".
|All the usual Skinemax, softcore
nudity from "Hidden Beauties"
|Thanks to Number 6 for both of
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6
days, you would have produced enough sound energy
to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9
months, enough gas is produced to create the
energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig) (How'd they
figure this out, and why?)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150
calories an hour.
(Still can't get over that pig thing) (Don't try
this at home...maybe at work?)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)(And
pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair)
The strongest muscle in the body is the
Right-handed people live, on average, nine
years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous do you split the
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can
pull 30 times its own weight and always falls
over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did
taxpayers pay for this research??)
Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out,
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a
(30 minutes...can you imagine?? And why pigs?)
A cockroach will live nine days without it's
head, before it starves to death.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while
its head is attached to its body. The female
initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the....) (Well, at least
pigs get a break there...)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig...
quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Oh, geez. That's almost as bad as catfish)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
After reading all these, all I can say
ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP
"Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook
for Employees: "Blink your eyelids
periodically to lubricate your eyes."
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a
new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of
the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason:
Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer
wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered
a taco. She asked the individual behind the
counter for "minimal lettuce." He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate,
when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone
put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" I said, "If it was without
my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled
and nodded knowingly, "That's why we
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is
safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an
intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when
she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals to blind people when
the light is red. She responded, appalled,
"What on earth are blind people doing
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker
who is leaving the company due to
"downsizing," our manager spoke up and
said, "this is fun. We should have lunch
like this more often."
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power
strip back into itself and for the life of her
could not understand why her system would not
When I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up my car, I was told that the keys had been
accidentally locked in it. I went to the service
department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I
watched from the passenger's side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered it was open. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "it's
open!" "I know," answered the
young man.- "I already got that side."