Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Deadwood - Season 1 (2004)

Actually not all of season 1. There are six discs in the Season 1 set, but Blockbuster didn't have #4 in stock, and #3 was damaged. So this is the nudity from episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 11, and 12, but not the episodes in between. I'll review them ASAP.

This is really a marvelous series. It holds one's attention with interesting characters, great casting, and some storylines that develop along with the growth of the town in the 1870's. It does not strive for absolute historical accuracy in every detais, but it does try to show modern audiences what it would have been like to live out there. It delivers the flavor of the experience, albeit sometimes reinvented in ways we can readily grasp.  In fact, this show is too good. It stole away too much of my day. I was planning to scan the episodes in fast forward for the nudity, and I got completely hooked on the ongoing developments in the plot.

Episode 1 -  Paula Malcomson
Episode 2 -  Paula Malcomson
Episode 2 - anonymous
Episode 3 - no nudity  
Episode 4 - no nudity  
Episode 5 - anonymous
Episode 11 - no nudity  
Episode 12 - Molly Parker


Words and pictures from Hankster:

A little variety Today.

First up is a "Babe in Bondage" and - surprise - it's a well known star: Nicole Kidman in "Birthday Girl" (2001). We have Nicole tied up and gagged three different times, though fully clothed. Actually she is naked in the first one, but not a thing shows. Then we have some legs & upskirts and in the final cap some rally nice bun views.
Moving on to the "Hankster Light" section for today, we have Jacqueline Lovell in "Lolita 2000" (1997).She has done some mainstream flicks (last week we saw her in "Head of the Family"), and in this soft core flick the lovely Jackie does a strip that shows us every inch of her luscious body


Caps and comments by Dann:

The first season of one of my favorite TV shows was just released on the DVD Tales from the Crypt: The Complete First Season (1989). It contains six episodes, but unfortunately, and despite what you may have read on other sites, only one episode contained nudity, and that was "The Man Who Was Death". Even so, all the episodes are great and worth watching.

The Man Who Was Death tells of a state executioner who had been happily frying people in the electric chair when suddenly capital punishment was outlawed in the state. After many years of faithful service, he was dumped by his warden, who felt he would not be able to get along with inmates as a regular guard, because he had cooked so many of them.

Bored and annoyed, he sets out to make things right by executing people who are acquitted of murder, unjustly he feels. Naturally, there's a nice gruesome twist at the end, making this and all the episodes a lot of fun.

"Tales from the Crypt: The Man Who Was Death"

Laura Albert


Dani Minnick


Herr Haut


Fantasm (1976)

Rene Bond  
Dee Dee Levitt

The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005)

Kelly Hurley
Venus (same picture, new label)

Johnny Moronic


Wild Things 3 (2005)

Nikki Griffin
Sarah Laine
Sandra McCoy and Sarah Laine
Dina Meyer

Dangerous Liaisons (2003)

Leelee Sobieski


Slaughterhouse of the Rising Sun (2004)

Cheryl Dent.

Fakers (2004)

Ilaria d'Elia.

Anthony Zimmer (2005)

Sophie Marceau.

Murder-Set-Pieces (2004)



Marvin concentrated all his efforts today on the original Michael Caine version of Get Carter (1971).

Actress Movie Clips (Zipped .avi)


Britt Ekland (1)

Geraldine Moffatt (1) (2)


Bai Ling, falling out as usual  


Tuna's condition is stable. Nothing new to report. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

Pat Reeder - The Comedy Wire

Pat's comments in yellow:

Shack Attack - Rutgers University found that divorce is on the decline in America, but the annual marriage rate is declining, too.  Since 1970, there's been a 50 percent drop in marriages, from 76.5 per 1,000 unmarried women to 39.9.  The reason is that more couples than ever are just shacking up.  The report's co-author says it's not good news for children or family stability, but our society is shifting from marriage to cohabitation.

*  Ironically, the only people who still want to get married and form stable families: Gays.
*  You know what they say: "Why would a man buy milk when he can live with the cow for free?"
*  On the bright side, this might make divorce lawyers suicidal.


No, Those Are Gray Tattoos - The New York Post's Page Six claims that Tommy Lee popped the question again to Pamela Anderson last Friday in Las Vegas, and she agreed to marry him for the third time.  He reportedly gave her a black diamond ring with two gray diamonds on the side.

*  And she got "Tommy" tattooed on her butt again, only this time, it's a temporary tattoo.
*  Thank God, we have Pam and Tommy to help raise the declining marriage rate!
*  It's not love: they just really need the money from a new honeymoon video.
*  The Motley Crue reunion convinced Tommy that he can stand behind around anybody if he's getting enough sex out of the deal.


I'll Leave Them My Visa Bill - According to a study by researchers at England's Bath and Bristol Universities, two out of three adults don't worry about leaving an inheritance to their kids when they die.  Instead, they plan to use their money to enjoy life.  This isn't just a baby boomer trend: a majority of current retirees also rejected the notion that they should be careful with their money so they could leave something behind.

*  So baby boomers aren't leaving anything because they're not GETTING anything.
*  They spent all their money on bumper stickers that read, "I'm spending my children's inheritance."
*  Hell, I don't even plan to leave the little monsters a habitable planet!
*  This is bad news both for their kids and for Anna Nicole Smith.
*  The good news for kids: you no longer have to visit grandpa in the nursing home.

Only Works Once - Sretko Ickov of Dragor, Bulgaria, found an unusual way to escape a three-year jail sentence for theft.  His case took over a year to
come to trial, and during that time, he got a sex-change operation.  Under Bulgarian law, this makes him a different person than the one charged with the crime, so he could no longer be prosecuted.  He/she told the court she'd always been unhappy as a man anyway, and plans to start a new, crime-free life.  She's even fallen in love and plans to be married.

*  As soon as the guy gets out on parole.
*  She blames her life of crime on too much testosterone.
*  Frankly, I think I'd rather lose three years.
*  Can't they at least charge her as an accomplice?...Or an accessorizer after the fact?
*  It was risky: if this hadn't worked, she would've gone to an all-male prison.

Ow! My Eye! - The Hindustan Times reports that police in Balasore, India, couldn't drive out the porn theaters, so they decided to crack down on the
audience instead.  They stopped a showing of a porn movie and forced about 200 all-male viewers, some as young as 17, to vow never to watch porn
again.  Then, to make it more embarrassing, they called the teenagers' parents, who joined a crowd of onlookers as the cops made the porn fans do 10 sit-ups each in a town square as part of a public shaming.

*  Exactly what part of them was sitting up?
*  To shame them even more, they had to strip naked to do the sit-ups...A gay porn producer filmed the whole thing.
*  The cops tried making them do squat-thrusts, but they liked that.
*  Maybe we should try publicly shaming the people who MAKE Hollywood movies.

He Has A Good Head - The Wall Street Journal reports that as a college senior, Matthew Younkle dreamed of inventing a faster-flowing beer tap.  A
decade later, his invention, the Turbo Tap, is in about a thousand bars, restaurants and ballparks.  It reduces foaming so beer can flow into the glass twice as fast.  Younkle said creating it required lots of R&D, or "research and drinking."

*  But now that he can pour beer twice as fast, R&D stands for "ralphing and dozing."
*  Oprah was right: the secret to getting rich is to do something you love.
*  Of course, science will never be able to develop a tap that pours beer as fast as a college senior can drink it.

HA-Ha! - A 15-year-old boy in Northumberland, England, was the subject of repeated complaints to the police until he was finally hit with a court
order.  But due to a typo, the word "without" was used in place of "with," so the order says he'll be breaking the law if he goes out in public without any alcohol on him or without using threatening behavior likely to harass, alarm or distress the public.  A frustrated police spokesman said it took a long time to get this kid into court, only to have them order him to misbehave.

*  Damn liberal judges!
*  On the bright side, it's the first court order he's ever complied with.
*  So now, he's free to terrorize the town, and the paralegal is in jail.

Does She Do Bondage? - Nicole Babb was in a Miami-Dade County, Florida, bond hearing Friday, when she suddenly stripped naked, raised her hands in the air, then got down on all fours.  The bailiffs eventually covered her and took her away.  The judge set her bail at $5,000 on a charge of identity theft.

*  She stole the identity of Madonna, circa 1986.
*  But with all the money the spectators threw, she was able to make bail.
*  After this, it'll be really hard for her to pose as "Mike Smith."

Miami Vice - In the latest crackdown on sex offenders in Florida, a parolee in Miami was jailed for six days and may return to prison after police searched his home and found a sexy calendar, a racy poster and some copies of Maxim magazine.  His lawyer is arguing that Maxim is "far from obscene," but officials say this violated his ban on possessing "sexually stimulating" material.

*  So they sent him to a jail cell, where there were Penthouse posters on the walls.
*  The lawyer tried to argue that Maxim is "mentally stimulating," but he couldn't keep a straight face.
*  That's what we need to do with sex offenders: leave them no harmless sexual outlets!
*   Good thing the Clinton years are over: he couldn't even buy a newspaper.

Old Car Smell - Good news for East Germans who miss Trabants, the tiny, smoky, clanking cars that Communists used to wait years to obtain.  Thorsten Jahn of Berlin is cashing in on Soviet-era nostalgia by selling "Trabi," the canned smell of noxious Trabant fumes.  He creates it by putting cotton balls in his Trabant exhaust pipe then canning the balls. It's selling well at $4.80 (US) a can.  Jahn said he wanted to preserve the past, and Trabant smell "is something very special and scarce nowadays."

*  Unless you live next door to a garbage incinerator.
*  Wouldn't it be easier just to sell bottles of Cher's perfume?  Same fragrance.
*  Some people really miss that warm, drowsy feeling of slow carbon monoxide poisoning.
*  He's made almost enough money to buy a new BMW.

"ET 2, Brute?" - Drew Barrymore says that Steven Spielberg thinks the world needs a "feel good" movie now, so he talked to her about starring in an
"E.T." sequel.  In it, the alien returns to ask a grown-up Gertie for help in saving his family from extinction.

*  And when she can't help, the aliens destroy the Earth.
*  How could this be a feel-good movie if I've already got a bad feeling about it?
*  If you want a feel-good movie about a cute, waddling little creature struggling to survive, see that penguin movie.

She's Now Grace Kelly - In the new Vogue, Madonna poses for elegant photos with her family, feeding the chickens at her English estate, and says she's
no longer the person she was.  She said it's hard to watch "Truth or Dare" because "I was a very selfish person.  You go through periods of your life where the world does revolve around you, but you can't live your whole life that way.  On the other hand, I kind of admire my spunk and directness."

*  And her husband still admires her bottle-swallowing technique.
*  Thank goodness, at her English estate with its staff of 40, life doesn't revolve around her.
*  She's right: the person she used to be had a forehead that moved.

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


Other Crap

The Official Devil's Rejects Site now has 17 clips from the film.

Frozen water in a Martian Crater

Woodward and Bernstein, fresh from their reunion tour discuss cover-ups and political machinations with Jon Stewart.

The Daily Show's Samantha Bee outlines our nation's sophisticated network of operatives modeled after a sorority house

The Daily Show - more Rovemania.

More top-notch reportage from Weekly World News: "TEXAS -- the state that executes more killers than any other -- has decided to save money by using other prisoners to gas murderers to death with their farts."

Letterman's Top Ten Slogans For The New Gay Soda ... "Buy it in the bottle, get it in the can"

The Weekend Warrior's box office predictions for the week.

  • The top 12 did $147.4m in 2003, and $138.9 in 2004. The general trend has been about 5% above 2003 (2004 was crazy and unpredictable, and useless for modeling), so a reasonable expectation for the Top 12 would be $154-$155, which is consistent with last week's $155.6. Weekend Warrior is calling for $141.2 million for the top 10, which would be about $146 for the Top 12, which seems about ten million light to me.
  • His forecasts for the carry-overs are all reasonable, so my guess is that he may be about $10 million low on the new releases.
  • There are essentially five new releases this week. The Island and Bad New Bears will be debuting on about 300 screens each. The new Rob Zombie flick will be on about 1500 screens. Hustle and Flow will clear 1000, and that Penguin thing will expand to 500 and hit many markets for the first time.
  • I would guess that the penguin thing will make the Top 10. It was #12 last week, and will be in four times as many theaters. Word of mouth is not just good, but downright gushing!

This week's movies (expanding to 500 screens): March of the Penguins - 93% good reviews. And not just good reviews, but GREAT reviews. Who would have guessed that a Penguin documentary would be a kick-ass movie which has been filling theaters in limited release.

This week's movies: The Bad News Bears - 60% good reviews. While conceding that this is a bad idea, I have to admit that the previews were pretty funny, as Billy Bob essentially plays Bad Santa again.

This week's movies: The Devil's Rejects - 82% positive reviews. None of the major reviewers has weighed in yet, but this quote probably tells you all you need to know: "In the genre of low-budget hillbilly slasher movies, it's a masterpiece."

This week's movies: The Island - 80% good reviews. I'm certainly shocked to see 80% positive reviews for a big, noisy Michael Bay movie. That number will undoubtedly decrease, but it still seems to be an indicator that the movie is OK.

This week's movies Hustle & Flow - 87% good reviews. Looks to me like one of those terrific movies which will have to struggle for box office.

FilmJerk's invaluable Early Report for July 19

Dave Barry's nominee as headline of the day: "Homo up for new challenge"

  • I know that strange last names are not really that funny, especially to the owners, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to go through school with that one.

The trailer for Two for the Money

  • Two For the Money is a drama of high stakes set in the adrenalized world of wheeler-dealers whose fortunes are won and lost betting on sports. Matthew McConaughey stars as Brandon Lane, a former college football star whose uncanny ability to predict the outcome of a game introduces him to an unexpected new career when his gridiron glory is sidelined by a crushing injury. Brandon's talent makes him a prime candidate for recruitment by Walter Abraham (Al Pacino), the head of one of the biggest sports consulting operations in the country. Walter hires the small town ex-athlete and grooms him into a shrewd front man. Brandon soon begins to enjoy his status as a Manhattan golden boy and finds himself growing comfortable with Walter's high-rolling lifestyle. The surrogate father/surrogate son relationship fattens Walter's business and personal accounts...until Brandon's golden touch begins to falter at the same time that Walter's manipulation of his protege crosses the line. With millions of dollars on the line, Brandon and Walter engage in a deadly game of con versus con, each one trying to maintain the upper hand while everyone in their world, including Walter's wife, Toni (Rene Russo), are drawn into the escalating duel-where ultimately everything isn't what it appears to be."

The first trailer for An Unfinished Life , the new film from Lasse Hallstrom, starring Redford, Morgan Freeman, and ... (wait for it) ... J-Lo.

  • "Set against the rugged ranchlands of Wyoming, 'An Unfinished Life' is the story of a modern-day Western family, as stoic as they are divided, learning the true meaning of forgiveness. Robert Redford stars as Einar Gilkyson, a tough-skinned, retired rancher who long ago turned his back on memories. Still in shock from his only son's death a decade ago, Einar has let his ranch fall into ruin along with his marriage. Now, Einar spends his days caring only for his hired hand, and last trusted friend, Mitch (Morgan Freeman), who was gravely injured in an encounter with a grizzly bear. Einar intends to live out his days in this heartbroken solitude... until the very person he blames for his son's accident comes to town: his daughter-in-law Jean (Jennifer Lopez). Jean shows up broke, on the run and with a girl name Griff (Becca Gardner), who she swears is the granddaughter Einar never knew he had. Suddenly, Einar's quiet life is turned upside down as anger and accusations resurface. But slowly, miraculously, 11 year-old Griff's curiosity about Western life, and her longing for family and a father figure, begin to chip away at the stone that has become Einar's heart - opening up the way for unexpected connection, adventure, mercy and true reunion"

"I took an eighty-year-old taxidermied monkey, set it on fire in the pool and filmed it from beneath with an underwater camera. 'It was beautiful."

Oh joy of joy. Oh dream of dreams. The Smurfs will be featured in a 3-D CGI animation film. Very illuminating article. I didn't know that the Smurfs are Belgian! Has anyone ever seen them eating waffles?

An entire blog dedicated entirely to mocking and debunking Morgan Spurlock. Morgan Spurlock Watch.

  • I'm not sure whether I mentioned this before, but just in case you aren't already aware of it, Suoper Size Me is basically bunk. Oh, yeah, it's true, but meaningless, and draws the wrong conclusions. If you repeat Spurlock's experiment in every detail, but drink diet soft drinks instead, you will actually lose weight, as several journalists have already noted. What Super Size Me actually proves is this: no matter what you eat, even if you live off celery and vitamin pills, you will gain weight if you simply drink enough soft drinks to make your calorie intake greater than your calorie burn. If you take the apple and tuna fish diet that Christian Bale used to lose 60+ pounds for The Machinist, and add a dozen 16 oz bottles of Pepsi per day, you will actually gain weight.

Borowitz: ROVE BLOWS SURPRISE PARTY FOR FIRST LADY ... President "Hopping Mad" Over Advisor's Latest Leak

Pamela Anderson is reportedly set to wed Tommy Lee for the third time. They have reportedly told friends the wedding would happen "this week."

Buffy wants to show her breasts. No problem for me. She can even come down to the house and show 'em to me personally, if that will make her happy. Anything to please.

Coming Soon! reports from Comic-Con International 2005

Borowitz: NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK DESTROYS AN ENTIRE RAINFOREST ... 650 pages, tens of million of copies. You do the math.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

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