Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

A few videos:
  • This is not mine, but is a pretty decent quality video (zipped .avi in divx format) of that little Pink Power Ranger, Amy Jo Johnson, showing her jubblies in Pursuit of Happiness (2001).


  • These are two pretty nice zipped .wmvs of Sharon Stone (1, 2) and William Baldwin gettin' it on in the much maligned Sliver (1993). These are not my vids. I just converted 'em to .wmv format from gigantic .mpgs. I've only seen this movie once, years ago on cable or VHS, so I don't remember it well enough to discuss, but it was an attempt to capitalize on the tremendous success of Basic Instinct by teaming the same writer (Joe Eszterhas) and actress (Sharon Stone) again a year later, in yet another erotic thriller where the murderer could be one of two people, but the potential victim doesn't know which one. If I remember the story right, Ira Levin's original novel named one of the two and Eszterhas's script named the other. (Don't quote me on that. I'm not sure.) If that is the case, I suppose we can infer that it didn't really matter much either way. Or maybe it did, and Eszterhas just screwed it up. One or t'other.

It was generally acknowledged at the time to be a terrible movie. Only 14% of the archived reviews are positive, and the film was nominated for an impressive seven Razzies.

Despite the fact that Stone is still a pretty big star, this has never migrated to Region 1 or Region 2 DVD.


'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)

Today we take the ol' Time Machine back to 1981, and our feature today is "Tarzan, the Ape Man" starring the legendary Bo Derek


We have Bo in see thru blouses ...
naked in the water .
becoming a "Damsel in Peril" as she is hugged by a snake ...  
Then captured and covered with white paint from head to toe as she is a "Babe in Bondage" ...  
Then more topless frolicking with Tarzan in the water ...
The final three caps have Tarzan, chimp and a topless Bo in horseplay as the final credits roll.  

The Crimson Ghost

Day 2 of the B Movie Cable Bonanza


Hotel Erotica

Allysin Chaynes
Sunny Lee
Kylie Wyote

Bedtime Stories

Michelle Hall

Passion Cove

Maggie Duncan
Melinda Hanson


Nia James
Nicola Kelly


Frame by Frame (aka Conundrum) (1996)

An absolute must-see for fans of CSI's Marg Helgenberger (raises own hand).

Marg provides the full monty in collage 2 (or maybe 98% of the monty)! 

Herr Haut


Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet (2005)

Misty Mundae
Cherry Moonshine
Ruby Larocca

Fantasm (1976)

Roxanne Brewster

Kontroll (2003)

Enikö Eszenyi

King Kong (1976)

Jessica Lange

Sexo por Compasión (2000)

Elizabeth Margoni

American Virgin (2000)

Kira Reed


Entourage (Sunday, July 17)

Angela Trimbur - a wee bit o' left breast.

Uma Thurman - she's not nude, but her fans are going to love these bikini shots. That's a lot o' woman, right there..


Tuna's condition is stable. Nothing new to report. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is tuna@scoopy.com

Pat Reeder - The Comedy Wire

Pat's comments in yellow:


Marketing Wizardry - "Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince" finally went on sale Friday at midnight, and parents and kids lined up for blocks
outside bookstores.  It broke the record set by the last Potter book by selling 6.9 million copies in the first 24 hours, making an estimated $100
million, more than the combined take of the top two new movies, "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" and "Wedding Crashers."

*  Somewhere in Hollywood, someone is already pitching "Harry Potter & The Chocolate Factory."
*  The final book will be called "Harry Potter & The Mountain of Mazuma."
*  The "Harry Potter" books teach children valuable lessons, like how to nag their parents into letting them stay up all night.

Nostalgic For The Michael Jackson Trial? - Hollywood's fears that everyone would stay home all weekend to read were unfounded.  "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" made a colossal $55 million.

*  It made people so hungry for chocolate, the concession stands made twice that.
*  (CAREFUL!)  Not counting the refunds given to people who thought "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" would be gay porn.
*  It was a great weekend to go to the movies if you don't like putting up with kids in the audience.
*  They kept the lights on in the theaters so kids could read.


Another Reason The French Hate Us - Mother Jones magazine reports that Americans won't take a vacation.  Of the 79 percent of US workers who get yearly paid vacation days, 12 percent took fewer than three off.  Last year, Americans blew off 415 million days of paid vacation, opting to work instead.  Even when they do take a day off, 32 percent spend the time on non-vacation activities, such as catching up on business e-mails.  The reasons for skipping vacation included fear of falling behind competitors, too much work piles up while they're gone, and besides, only a third said they have better and more frequent sex while traveling.

*  And even that's only when they're on business trips with their secretaries.
*  The e-mails really pile up while they're looking at Internet porn at work.
*  Gee, why would someone rather be at the office than locked up for 10 hours a day in an SUV full of screaming kids?


My Cold Kentucky Home - The sun will no longer smile on Kentucky: Mr. Smiley, the smiling sun who says, "Kentucky: It's that friendly," is being removed from car license plates.  Mr. Smiley was unveiled by ex-Gov. Paul Patton in 2002 and met with such hatred and ridicule, sales of vanity plates boomed just because he isn't on them.  Many drivers who couldn't afford vanity plates drew mustaches on Mr. Smiley, pasted frowny-face stickers over him, or covered his face with duct tape.

*  The new plates will read, "Kentucky: Where every annoying problem can be fixed with duct tape!"
*  But through it all, Mr. Smiley never stopped smiling...He's THAT friendly!
*  Mr. Smiley will be replaced with Mr. Happy.
*  That's why Patton is the ex-governor...They wrapped him up in duct tape, too.


Gettin' Lucky - Alan Yoder, a blind man from Tallahassee, Florida, is accused of having sex with his seeing-eye dog.  He was charged with
misdemeanor disorderly conduct, since Florida has no anti-bestiality law.  The charge came to light after a female acquaintance told a friend that
she'd declined Yoder's invitation to join him in a three-way sex act with his male Labrador, Lucky.

*  Yoder's defense: "Lucky is a DOG?!"
*  He wanted to have sex with her while Lucky humped his leg.
*  She told him he was barking up the wrong tree.
*  He'll be allowed to keep the dog, but he has to change its name to Unlucky.

Just Getting His Kicks - The King County, Washington, Medical Examiner ruled that a Seattle man died from injuries sustained while having sex with a horse boarded on a local farm.  The horse fell on top of him.  Animal advocates say it shows the need for the state to pass a law banning

*  Or the need to train horses how to have sex lying down.
*  The horse, Mr. Ed, will act as his own attorney.
*  This gives a new meaning to the term "saddle pals."
*  The horse wasn't injured, but she certainly wasn't impressed, either.
*  It was a male horse: it fell asleep right after sex and rolled over on top of him.


"P" Is For "Protein" - 19-year-old Hayder Mobarak of Ottawa, Canada, was caught driving 115 mph, nearly twice the speed limit.  His excuse: he'd overdosed on a protein drink and was desperately looking for a bathroom.  He said, "I wasn't thinking, I was in pain."  The judge wasn't sympathetic: he was fined $760 (US) and lost his driver's license for 30 days.

*  I didn't know beer had protein!
*  He's a typical bodybuilder: big muscles, tiny bladder.
*  There were plenty of trees he could've gone behind, but he was driving too fast to see them.


He's Handicapable! - John Alan Pounds of Ellwood City, Pennsylvania, was arrested after he allegedly made his 11-year-old nephew push his wheelchair around a bar, rolling him up to different patrons in turn so he could threaten them with a knife and rob them.  Two patrons took the knife away from him.  Police said he cursed, spit and tried to punch them when they arrested him, and he appeared to be "highly intoxicated."

*  That's why his nephew was his designated driver.
*  He was just trying to prove that disabled people can be just like anybody else.
*  You know, if he'd asked for money without the knife, he probably would've gotten it.


The Simple Life - University of Edinburgh researchers studied 550 elderly Scots and found that life satisfaction and happiness in old age was not
associated with intelligence.  They expected to find that more intelligent people were happier, since society prizes intelligence, but it had its downside.  For instance, they said brainy people may achieve more, but they're also more aware of life's alternatives, which can lead to frustration.

*  And that's pretty much the plot of every Woody Allen movie.
*  So the happiest people are those born rich and stupid...More good news for Paris Hilton.
*  The researchers shouldn't be surprised: after all, they're very intelligent and I'll bet they're unhappy with their sex lives.


Hottest 100-Year-Old Chick Ever! - "Blondie" is about to celebrate its 75th year in the comic pages.  The strip, written by the son of creator Chic Young, still ranks among the top five most popular strips.  Most readers are too young to remember that when they married in 1933, Blondie Boopadoop was a sexy flapper and Dagwood was the son of wealthy parents who disapproved of Blondie and disinherited him, which is why he has to work for Mr. Dithers and live modestly in the suburbs.

*  But take a gander at how well-preserved Blondie is: it was WORTH it!
*  Actually, they live modestly because Blondie buys so many hats.
*  It's quite an achievement: the way Dagwood eats, he should've been dead 40 years ago.


Sorry, We're Looking For Young Directors - Drew Barrymore announced that when her looks start to fade, she'll quit acting.  She said, "If my boobs fall down to the floor and it all starts sagging and is hideous and gross and I shouldn't be in front of a camera, I love producing and I'd love to direct."

*  Preferably, from behind a curtain.
*  Oh dear God, is THAT what directors look like?!!
*  Or she could star in a female remake of "The Elephant Man."
*  Bear in mind, she used to say she'd quit acting when she lost her baby teeth.


All Blindingly White - The New York Post reports that Manhattan dentists are doing a booming business in celebrity teeth.  For about $100 per tooth, they create snap-on veneers that fit over your teeth but look like the teeth of Halle Berry, Julie Roberts, Tom Cruise or other stars.  You can't eat with them, but they can give you a Hollywood smile on a date or in photos.  One publicist says she has three sets to choose from for various occasions: "Julia," "Gwyneth" and "Sarah" (Jessica Parker).  She said they're all different looks, with "Gwyneth" being the sexiest.

*  Maybe Gwyneth has them herself: nobody's ever seen her eat.
*  The Julia Roberts teeth aren't as popular as you'd think.  Customers can't fit them into their mouths...Plus, they're more expensive because
there's 46 of them.
*  The Tom Cruise teeth look so good, you'll jump around and yell, "They're AMAZING!!"...But one problem: when you wear them, you can't control your mouth.
*  For some reason, the celebrity teeth fad has not caught on in England.

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


Other Crap

Britney Spears is definitely not a virgin any more. Fully aware of the camera, she discusses her sex life publicly.

Did Marie Antoinette really say "let them eat cake"?

Former Black Panther associates of Huey P. Newton are seeking to trademark the phrase "Burn Baby Burn" -- for hot sauce. "This hot sauce is revolutionary."

Ben Foster has landed the role of Angel in the upcoming X-MEN 3.

A movie fan had his nose bitten off in an argument over whether Sin City is too violent. Well, compared to his life ... I guess not.

Conan looks at some new U.S. Postal Stamps

The Daily Show: "If only the Mongol hordes had had skateboards..."

Daily Show: "Newsweek's investigative correspondent Michale Isikoff discusses the Plame leak."

An R-rated new clip from The Devil's Rejects (nudity and violence)

HDTV - which celebs look better, and which look worse.

Colin Farrell Sues Woman Over Sex Tape ... "Actor Colin Farrell is suing a woman for allegedly trying to distribute and profit from a sex tape he says the two recorded with the agreement they would never make it public. "

Wine Gains Momentum as Americans' Favorite Adult Beverage: "For the first time in Gallup's measurement of Americans' drinking preferences, there is a statistical tie between wine and beer as the alcoholic beverage adult drinkers say they drink most often."


Dave Barry experiences air travel in the age of terrorism

Did you know? Madonna wears high heels when she feeds her chickens.

Nicole Richie joins the anorexic set

Whatever happened to the original 'Charlie Bucket'?

July 18th - The day the UK banned mushrooms

Jude Law publicly apologized to his fiancee, actress Sienna Miller, expressing his 'sincere regret' over an affair with one of his children's nannies. What is this world coming to? What the hell good is it to be a celebrity if you can't even do some guilt-free nanny-fuckin'?

MovieJuice! reviews Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Sweet Sensations

Owen Wilson Kisses Ass for Two Hours??? No, really. Literally.

The latest Election 2008 pre-polling. McCain pulls way ahead of Giuliani (they had been close). Hilary dominates the Dems. McCain over Hilary 54-35.

Gretzky's daughter is 16, and already a cover girl. Not surprising. Her mom is hot and Gretzky is The Great One


Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

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