Tuna |
"Femalien
2"
Femalien 2 is a sequel to Femalien
(surprisingly enough) and is now available on
DVD. Transfer quality is better than the first.
Two "collectors" are sent to earth to
look for Kara, who never returned to her home
planet. Meanwhile, an alien researcher and his
girlfriend are looking for aliens. This is simply
a soft-core skin flick, but a very pretty one. It
is full of lovely bodies rubbing up against each
other, and everyone can act well enough that they
don't ruin the mood. Some of the simulated sex
scenes are actually steamy. Definitely mindless
gratuitous sex, but is that always bad?
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More
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Bethany Lorraine (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10)
Debra Summers (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9)
Summer Leeds (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10)
"Lilian's
Story"
Australian made Lilian's Story (1995) is based
on a book of the same name which was a
fictionalized book about a real person. This
person was an elderly street person who recited
Shakespeare loudly and well, earning enough to
buy food. In our story, Lilian is being released
from the "looney bin" after 40 years,
and finds a very different world upon her
release. She discovers that she doesn't like cops
much, and that the prostitutes that are
everywhere are actually pretty nice people. She
runs into her teenage love, who is now a homeless
drunken taxi driver, and lives with him. The real
story, however, is told as a series of
flashbacks. We eventually learn that her father
beat then raped her. She attempted suicide, then
he had her committed to prevent her from giving
her away.
Beautifully acted, the story is engaging, and
the older Lilian, played by Ruth Cracknell, is
absolutely loveable. The exposure is provided by
the young Lilian (Toni Collette) playing
dress-up, which leads to her father's attack,
during the suicide attempt, then again when she
returns home to confront her father. No the best
quality DVD in my collection, it is good enough,
and I suggest this to those who like unusual
character driven foreign films.
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Toni Collette (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
|
Johnny Web |
New releases: "The 4th Floor" (2000)
A made-for-cable suspense story about a woman
living in an urban apartment and the unseen
mysterious stranger living below her. The
apartment below provides spooky noises, maggots,
mice, and all sorts of spooky things, but nobody
seems to live there except styrofoam packing
peanuts. The film is formulaic - 75 minutes of
suspense, including several red herrings to lead
us off the trail. As usual, nothing is as it
seems. Then 10 minutes of the surprise turn of
events, followed by five minutes of the equally
obligatory additional surprise twist in the
conclusion.
Not Grand Illusion, but an OK something to
watch when you're baby is gone and the clubs are
closed.
I wish Juliette Lewis had at least shown some
real flesh instead of this tease stuff. There may
be a nipple in there somewhere, but it's too dark
to tell.
Lewis (1, 2)
"Ride
With The Devil" (1999)
This Civil war epic treads along some of the
same ground as the Clint Eastwood classic,
"The Outlaw Josie Wales", featuring the
portion of the war that took place in southern
Missouri. Missouri was a slave-holding state, and
was the only such to fight with the Union, so the
government of Missouri had somewhat less than
100% support in this decision. Southern Missouri
was the setting for bloody skirmishes between
Jayhawkers (Union soldiers) and Bushwackers
(guerillas fighting for the Confederate cause)
But this is only a backdrop for a personal
story. The boys fighting here are not embroiled
in speculation about global issues. Perhaps the
gentlemen of Savannah fought for the right to
maintain their way of life without outside
interference. Perhaps some northerners fought for
the abstract issues like the rights of man and
the preservation of the union. But these boys
choose sides based upon which neighbors they
like, or who mistreated their friends' fathers.
So the movie is less about principles of the
Civil War than it is about how real people act in
wartime - how the violent find a way to justify
their barbarism; how "causes" become
ways to rationalize family feuds and avenge
personal hostilities.
If you look at it that way, this portion of
the Civil War was no different from the war in
the former Yugoslavia. And that's probably a
valid point. This movie is as much about the
Balkans as it is about Missouri. Maybe more so.
The movie uses an unusual convention. It
assumes that the stilted formalism of the written
language of that time was reflected in speech,
even amongst the ploughmen and smithys. Valid or
not, it lends an otherworldly characteristic and
period feel to the action, but it makes it seem
slow, stilted and cerebral. It has a way of
taking the emotion out of the speech and couching
everything in subtle suggestion. And I'm not sure
if that makes sense, because the real message
here is that the whole thing was really about
personal emotions, about guys burning their
neighbors' farms and stealing their cows and
raping their womenfolk, and the other guys making
lists of who should die in the name of vengeance,
and slaughtering them in their sleep.
If you are studying the Civil War in school,
this is probably a wonderful way to get a feel
for the manners and thoughts of the era. It has
been praised for its accuracy, and the film
doesn't romanticize the actions or motives of
either side. The photography is impressive, and
the quiet, subtle score is quite effective. But I
warn you. With its conventionalized dialogue,
langorous pacing, and 138 minute run time, this
is one slow-moving film. I haven't missed the
point. I understand that war is a lot of waiting
and freezing, and not that much action. But when
a filmmaker chooses to dramatize that point, it
doesn't make for an easy watch because we, like
the characters, spend a lot of time waiting for
something to happen. Give me "Josey
Wales".
Here's Jewel. (She did fine in her screen
debut. Not sure if she plans to be an actress or
a singer, but it appears she could be successful
at either. She's not actress-thin, and her
natural crooked nose and awkward dentition were
actually a period advantage in this role, since
19th century Missouri wasn't known for its
orthodontics, rhinoplasty, or health clubs. You
might say she was the only one with a realistic
19th century look. Not to mention some major
league yabbos. If you want to cut straight to the
chase, the breast-feeding scene is approximately
100 minutes into the film.)
These are all pretty similar, but, hey, it's
Jewel. (1,
2,
3,
4)
"Angela's
Ashes" (1999), from Johnny Web
As Frank McCourt pointed out in his
autobiographical book, the worst possible boyhood
consists of growing up poor, Irish, and Catholic,
thereby condeming you to a youth of tyrannical
teachers, catechism, guilt, rain, dampness, cold,
starvation, shoveling coal to make a few pence,
burning the walls for warmth, a flooded house, an
idle drunken father, and too many siblings, most
of whom die of consumption just when mother seems
almost capable of happiness.
But despite the unremitting bleakness of life,
they take it all in good humor, and "a happy
childhood isn't really worth having, is it?"
The book, and this movie could easily have
degenerated into Bergmanesque depression and
bleakness, but did not, thanks to McCourt's gift
of gab, intelligence, wit, and lack of self-pity.
The movie is a faithful adaptation. If you liked
the book, I think you'll be satisfied. If you're
a shootout-and-car-crash kinda guy, you had
better skip this sensitive real life presentation
in which McCourt's sharp pen spares no one,
including himself. It's a real education, this
movie. I was able to recognize a lot of elements
from my own education with the Irish Christian
Brothers, but religion was a lot bleaker on that
side of the Atlantic. Everything was a lot
bleaker.
Terrific movie in its own way, photographed
perfectly to enhance the mood, acted to a
"T". Really gives you a feel for their
lives. Could easily have been an Oscar contender.
Of course, it's not going to be everyone's cup of
tea.
The only female nudity occurs when the boys
spy on a friend's (anonymous) sisters while they
dress.
Anonymous nudity (1, 2)
"The
Whole Nine Yards" (1999), from Johnny Web
Nice to see a mindless comedy after those two
very serious historical dramas. Matthew Perry and
Bruce Willis team up - a wimpy dentist and a
retired hit man. (Hint: Perry is not the hit
man). Amanda Peet was both funny and sexy as a
would-be hit woman who wants to study under the
tutelage of the master, and becomes kind of a
murder groupie. Nobody will mistake this for
"Schindler's List", or even
"H.O.T.S", but I liked it enough as a
pizza and beer movie.
I couldn't get my friggin' DVD-ROM player to
play this film, so here's Dann's excellent
version instead of a Johnny Web. I'll keep tryin'
Amanda
Peet
|
Graphic Response |
Sarah
Trigger topless from the movie
"Deadfall"
|
Snappy Pappy |
Michelle von Flotow
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5)
Shayna Ryan
(1,
2)
Taimie Hannum
(1,
2)
All three together
(1,
2)
|
A very typical Skinemax
movie...lot's of sex scenes, no real plot, just 3
or 4 pseudo-dramatic scenes to create
"tension". Whatever...all we want is
the nudity anyway. Unfortunately, this one has a
lot of nudity from the actress that I personally
wanted to see the least, Michelle von Flotow. It
seemed like this movie exceeded the normal number
of sex scenes allotted for one actress in the
Skinemax late-night movie formula. That and she
has some of the most fake, plastic looking boobs
I've seen on screen in a while. Plus she even has
a line in the movie claiming that they are real. Besides,
we also have Shayna Ryan and Taime Hannum doing
sex scenes in this movie, and there is no
comparison, their scenes are much more enjoyable.
Probably because they are showing off their
bodies, and not trying to "act".
|
UC99 |
Linsey Dawn McKenzie
(1,
2,
3,
4)
|
Is it me? Or has her chest
gotten even bigger? Vidcaps from the "Peter
Imhof" talkshow. |
Ramona
Drews |
If you like em' blonde with big fake
boobs...Here's exactly what you're looking for!
Vidcaps from "Blitz". |
Oz |
Wild On
(1, 2, 3, 4) Juli
Smith
(1, 2, 3)
|
Wild On, the show where
everybody who poses in front of a camera is a
supermodel, is the source of these caps.
Apparently last year the bunny mag put on a show
called the Fax Girl Challenge. It was just an
excuse to show some nude women. The winner was
Juli Smith whose amazing talent was eating
Chinese food with her feet. At least there's no
chopsticks to clean! In yesterday's papers,
there was an article about a discovery by a
Singapore engineer. He found after two years of
research that a CD would keep playing after
laying a fine film of silicone over its
scratches. I guess that Juli has a very large CD
collection.
The show said that the first prize was a trip
to Hedonism III, a resort in Jamaica where
anything goes. As it turned out, there were a few
girls from Bunny-land down there producing their
own show. Juli Smith was the compere for this
Wild On segment, maybe this was the booby prize
(pun intended). Clothes weren't particularly
needed and, as you can see, quite a few were left
off.
|
Aitana Sánchez-Gijón
(1,
2)
|
A small collage of this lovely
lady from "Love Walked In" has appeared
in the Fun House before but I've expanded the
number and variety of images. The movie was not
earth-shattering, but enjoyable. |
Alexandra Paul
(1,
2)
|
This is an old film, Alexandra
was in her early twenties at the time. It's about
a bicycling competition and the rivalry between
two brothers. Again, I think a some caps from
this film appeared a couple of years ago. |
and ... |
Keeley Hawes
(1,
2)
|
Great variety of topless, and
full frontal views from "Complicity",
by Watty. |
More Keeley Hawes
(1,
2)
|
This time from the movie
"The Blonde Bombshell", by BobCap. |
Still More
Keeley Hawes |
One more from
"Complicity". Full frontal 'caps by
Pitters. |
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