"Femalien 2"

Femalien 2 is a sequel to Femalien (surprisingly enough) and is now available on DVD. Transfer quality is better than the first. Two "collectors" are sent to earth to look for Kara, who never returned to her home planet. Meanwhile, an alien researcher and his girlfriend are looking for aliens. This is simply a soft-core skin flick, but a very pretty one. It is full of lovely bodies rubbing up against each other, and everyone can act well enough that they don't ruin the mood. Some of the simulated sex scenes are actually steamy. Definitely mindless gratuitous sex, but is that always bad?

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Bethany Lorraine (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) Debra Summers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) Summer Leeds (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

"Lilian's Story"

Australian made Lilian's Story (1995) is based on a book of the same name which was a fictionalized book about a real person. This person was an elderly street person who recited Shakespeare loudly and well, earning enough to buy food. In our story, Lilian is being released from the "looney bin" after 40 years, and finds a very different world upon her release. She discovers that she doesn't like cops much, and that the prostitutes that are everywhere are actually pretty nice people. She runs into her teenage love, who is now a homeless drunken taxi driver, and lives with him. The real story, however, is told as a series of flashbacks. We eventually learn that her father beat then raped her. She attempted suicide, then he had her committed to prevent her from giving her away.

Beautifully acted, the story is engaging, and the older Lilian, played by Ruth Cracknell, is absolutely loveable. The exposure is provided by the young Lilian (Toni Collette) playing dress-up, which leads to her father's attack, during the suicide attempt, then again when she returns home to confront her father. No the best quality DVD in my collection, it is good enough, and I suggest this to those who like unusual character driven foreign films.


Toni Collette (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Johnny Web
New releases:

"The 4th Floor" (2000)

A made-for-cable suspense story about a woman living in an urban apartment and the unseen mysterious stranger living below her. The apartment below provides spooky noises, maggots, mice, and all sorts of spooky things, but nobody seems to live there except styrofoam packing peanuts. The film is formulaic - 75 minutes of suspense, including several red herrings to lead us off the trail. As usual, nothing is as it seems. Then 10 minutes of the surprise turn of events, followed by five minutes of the equally obligatory additional surprise twist in the conclusion.

Not Grand Illusion, but an OK something to watch when you're baby is gone and the clubs are closed.

I wish Juliette Lewis had at least shown some real flesh instead of this tease stuff. There may be a nipple in there somewhere, but it's too dark to tell.

Lewis (1, 2)

"Ride With The Devil" (1999)

This Civil war epic treads along some of the same ground as the Clint Eastwood classic, "The Outlaw Josie Wales", featuring the portion of the war that took place in southern Missouri. Missouri was a slave-holding state, and was the only such to fight with the Union, so the government of Missouri had somewhat less than 100% support in this decision. Southern Missouri was the setting for bloody skirmishes between Jayhawkers (Union soldiers) and Bushwackers (guerillas fighting for the Confederate cause)

But this is only a backdrop for a personal story. The boys fighting here are not embroiled in speculation about global issues. Perhaps the gentlemen of Savannah fought for the right to maintain their way of life without outside interference. Perhaps some northerners fought for the abstract issues like the rights of man and the preservation of the union. But these boys choose sides based upon which neighbors they like, or who mistreated their friends' fathers. So the movie is less about principles of the Civil War than it is about how real people act in wartime - how the violent find a way to justify their barbarism; how "causes" become ways to rationalize family feuds and avenge personal hostilities.

If you look at it that way, this portion of the Civil War was no different from the war in the former Yugoslavia. And that's probably a valid point. This movie is as much about the Balkans as it is about Missouri. Maybe more so.

The movie uses an unusual convention. It assumes that the stilted formalism of the written language of that time was reflected in speech, even amongst the ploughmen and smithys. Valid or not, it lends an otherworldly characteristic and period feel to the action, but it makes it seem slow, stilted and cerebral. It has a way of taking the emotion out of the speech and couching everything in subtle suggestion. And I'm not sure if that makes sense, because the real message here is that the whole thing was really about personal emotions, about guys burning their neighbors' farms and stealing their cows and raping their womenfolk, and the other guys making lists of who should die in the name of vengeance, and slaughtering them in their sleep.

If you are studying the Civil War in school, this is probably a wonderful way to get a feel for the manners and thoughts of the era. It has been praised for its accuracy, and the film doesn't romanticize the actions or motives of either side. The photography is impressive, and the quiet, subtle score is quite effective. But I warn you. With its conventionalized dialogue, langorous pacing, and 138 minute run time, this is one slow-moving film. I haven't missed the point. I understand that war is a lot of waiting and freezing, and not that much action. But when a filmmaker chooses to dramatize that point, it doesn't make for an easy watch because we, like the characters, spend a lot of time waiting for something to happen. Give me "Josey Wales".

Here's Jewel. (She did fine in her screen debut. Not sure if she plans to be an actress or a singer, but it appears she could be successful at either. She's not actress-thin, and her natural crooked nose and awkward dentition were actually a period advantage in this role, since 19th century Missouri wasn't known for its orthodontics, rhinoplasty, or health clubs. You might say she was the only one with a realistic 19th century look. Not to mention some major league yabbos. If you want to cut straight to the chase, the breast-feeding scene is approximately 100 minutes into the film.)

These are all pretty similar, but, hey, it's Jewel. (1, 2, 3, 4)

"Angela's Ashes" (1999), from Johnny Web

As Frank McCourt pointed out in his autobiographical book, the worst possible boyhood consists of growing up poor, Irish, and Catholic, thereby condeming you to a youth of tyrannical teachers, catechism, guilt, rain, dampness, cold, starvation, shoveling coal to make a few pence, burning the walls for warmth, a flooded house, an idle drunken father, and too many siblings, most of whom die of consumption just when mother seems almost capable of happiness.

But despite the unremitting bleakness of life, they take it all in good humor, and "a happy childhood isn't really worth having, is it?"

The book, and this movie could easily have degenerated into Bergmanesque depression and bleakness, but did not, thanks to McCourt's gift of gab, intelligence, wit, and lack of self-pity. The movie is a faithful adaptation. If you liked the book, I think you'll be satisfied. If you're a shootout-and-car-crash kinda guy, you had better skip this sensitive real life presentation in which McCourt's sharp pen spares no one, including himself. It's a real education, this movie. I was able to recognize a lot of elements from my own education with the Irish Christian Brothers, but religion was a lot bleaker on that side of the Atlantic. Everything was a lot bleaker.

Terrific movie in its own way, photographed perfectly to enhance the mood, acted to a "T". Really gives you a feel for their lives. Could easily have been an Oscar contender. Of course, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

The only female nudity occurs when the boys spy on a friend's (anonymous) sisters while they dress.

Anonymous nudity (1, 2)

"The Whole Nine Yards" (1999), from Johnny Web

Nice to see a mindless comedy after those two very serious historical dramas. Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis team up - a wimpy dentist and a retired hit man. (Hint: Perry is not the hit man). Amanda Peet was both funny and sexy as a would-be hit woman who wants to study under the tutelage of the master, and becomes kind of a murder groupie. Nobody will mistake this for "Schindler's List", or even "H.O.T.S", but I liked it enough as a pizza and beer movie.

I couldn't get my friggin' DVD-ROM player to play this film, so here's Dann's excellent version instead of a Johnny Web. I'll keep tryin'

Amanda Peet

Graphic Response
  • Sarah Trigger topless from the movie "Deadfall"
  • Snappy Pappy
    Michelle von Flotow
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Shayna Ryan
    (1, 2)

    Taimie Hannum
    (1, 2)

    All three together
    (1, 2)

    A very typical Skinemax movie...lot's of sex scenes, no real plot, just 3 or 4 pseudo-dramatic scenes to create "tension". Whatever...all we want is the nudity anyway. Unfortunately, this one has a lot of nudity from the actress that I personally wanted to see the least, Michelle von Flotow. It seemed like this movie exceeded the normal number of sex scenes allotted for one actress in the Skinemax late-night movie formula. That and she has some of the most fake, plastic looking boobs I've seen on screen in a while. Plus she even has a line in the movie claiming that they are real.

    Besides, we also have Shayna Ryan and Taime Hannum doing sex scenes in this movie, and there is no comparison, their scenes are much more enjoyable. Probably because they are showing off their bodies, and not trying to "act".

    Linsey Dawn McKenzie
    (1, 2, 3, 4)
    Is it me? Or has her chest gotten even bigger? Vidcaps from the "Peter Imhof" talkshow.
    Ramona Drews If you like em' blonde with big fake boobs...Here's exactly what you're looking for! Vidcaps from "Blitz".
    Wild On
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Juli Smith
    (1, 2, 3)

    Wild On, the show where everybody who poses in front of a camera is a supermodel, is the source of these caps. Apparently last year the bunny mag put on a show called the Fax Girl Challenge. It was just an excuse to show some nude women. The winner was Juli Smith whose amazing talent was eating Chinese food with her feet. At least there's no chopsticks to clean!

    In yesterday's papers, there was an article about a discovery by a Singapore engineer. He found after two years of research that a CD would keep playing after laying a fine film of silicone over its scratches. I guess that Juli has a very large CD collection.

    The show said that the first prize was a trip to Hedonism III, a resort in Jamaica where anything goes. As it turned out, there were a few girls from Bunny-land down there producing their own show. Juli Smith was the compere for this Wild On segment, maybe this was the booby prize (pun intended). Clothes weren't particularly needed and, as you can see, quite a few were left off.

    Aitana Sánchez-Gijón
    (1, 2)
    A small collage of this lovely lady from "Love Walked In" has appeared in the Fun House before but I've expanded the number and variety of images. The movie was not earth-shattering, but enjoyable.
    Alexandra Paul
    (1, 2)
    This is an old film, Alexandra was in her early twenties at the time. It's about a bicycling competition and the rivalry between two brothers. Again, I think a some caps from this film appeared a couple of years ago.
    and ...
    Keeley Hawes
    (1, 2)
    Great variety of topless, and full frontal views from "Complicity", by Watty.
    More Keeley Hawes
    (1, 2)
    This time from the movie "The Blonde Bombshell", by BobCap.
    Still More Keeley Hawes One more from "Complicity". Full frontal 'caps by Pitters.

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