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Voice from the Stone

2017, 1920x800

Emilia Clarke

Fifty Shades Darker


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The women of Eurotrip (2004) in 1080hd

Jessica Boehrs

Molly Schade and others

Petra Tomankova, Edita Deveroux, and others

Eurotrip is in exceptionally bad taste, is completely politically incorrect ...

... and is absolutely hilarious.

I waited a long time to see this movie about four American kids wandering around Europe. I was scared off by the lukewarm critical response and the equally tepid box office. Boy, was I deluded. It is a wildly underrated comedy.

It was scripted by three of the writers from Seinfeld, and is structured quite a bit like a Seinfeld episode, in that elements established early in the film are re-used for comical effect throughout the script. For example, our hero (Scotty) gets dumped by his girlfriend on graduation day. If that weren't humiliating enough, the band at the graduation party features a raunchy lead singer (Matt Damon) who is obviously the real lover of Scotty's girlfriend, and his new hit song is about how they are engaged in all kids of kinky sex behind Scotty's back, but "Scotty Doesn't Know".

Scotty's mortification doesn't end there. The song becomes a monster hit worldwide and no matter where he goes in the world, everyone is singing the song "Scotty Doesn't Know." And I mean everyone, from English soccer hooligans to the Pope. That's only a tiny running theme, barely noticeable in the film, but hilarious nonetheless.

The actual trip to Europe is based on a wild exaggeration of ethnic stereotypes and American urban legends about Europe, and I found most of it side-splitting.

In Amsterdam, one of the kids ends up in a kinky sex club, and the dominatrix (Lucy Lawless) gives him a "safe word" to use if he wants the sexual fantasy to end. Unfortunately, the word turns out to be a bit difficult for an American, or for anyone, given that it includes just about every odd letter from every language that uses a Latinate alphabet.

The kids get robbed in Amsterdam and have to hitchhike. The truck driver who picked them up doesn't speak any English and ends up dropping them off in Bratislava, the movie version of which looks like one of those towns near Chernobyl which has been abandoned. There's no movement in town except trash blowing through the deserted streets, and virtually every window is broken. They encounter a cheerful local who tells them, "It's good you came in Summer. It gets a little depressing here in Winter." They ask him, "Do you know if there is a train coming any time soon?" "Oh, yes," he chirps proudly, "they are building it now."

Since the kids lost almost all their possessions in the Amsterdam robbery, they are marooned in Bratislava with no passports, no money, and no way to communicate with the outside world. The sum total of all their earthly possessions is $1.83. That's the bad news. The good news is that they are in Slovakia, where $1.83 is more than the total Gross Domestic Product. They are able to have a meal that would not disappoint Henry VIII, buy clothes that would satisfy James Bond, tip the waiter, and still have twenty seven cents left to go out clubbing. The tip they give their waiter is a nickel. He looks at it, goes over to the owner of the restaurant, slaps him, and says "See this. I have a nickel. I can buy my own hotel."

The situation in Vatican City is masterful, and that mini-adventure is structured exactly like a complete Seinfeld episode. The two kids are looking for the one kid's German girlfriend, who is with a tour group somewhere in the Vatican. They get lost in the Vatican and accidentally ring the bell that announces the death of the Pope, although they don't know its significance. This causes a crowd of mourners to gather outside in St Peter's Square. A bit later, the kids accidentally set fire to one of the Pope's hats by getting it too close to some sacred candles. They take the hat and throw it in a fireplace. Now if you took Seinfeld 101, you know how this ties in. The smoke from that fireplace announces to the expectant crowd outside that a new Pope has been elected. When the boys try to make everything look untouched by getting another hat out of the closet, one kid ends up with the hat on his head. He trips, gets wound up in the drapes, and ends up on a little patio with a Pope hat on his head, wrapped in golden drapes, and holding a curtain rod. From a distance it looks like ... well, I'll bet you can figure out how the crowd reacts.

In one scene, the boys wander into a nude European beach, only to find out that (like most nude European beaches) it is filled with gay guys and old guys and tourists hoping to see naked women. When they consult their guidebook, it tells them that the real European women are down a few miles at another beach. The scene then cuts to that other beach, which must have three dozen gorgeous topless women, all rubbing suntan oil on one another and making out. All of these women are extras, and this scene has nothing to do with the rest of the film. Gratuitous nudity at its best!

The film is not without its dull spots. There were some scenes that went on too long and were a bit too creepy. There was a gay stalker who molested the boys on a train. There was a battle in Paris between two characters doing robot-mime. Either of those might have worked if used as a fast in-out gag, but both stayed way beyond their welcome.

But viewing the film on balance, I have to say that if you like raunchy, offensive comedy, you should buy or rent this flick. You will not regret it.

Lily Collins wardrobe malfunction

Nicole Scherzinger wardrobe malfunction