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Hardcore (1977), also known as Fiona, is an autobiographical account of how Fiona Richmond got from Vicar's daughter to major sex symbol. Her first experience is in a car, with teenage groping. One of her teachers does everything short of penetration with her. She finally loses her virginity to someone who ran over her bike, then gave her a ride home. Her father the Vicar walks in on them. After school, she becomes an stewardess, which not only affords her the chance to meet lots of men, but also results in her first lesbian experience. From there, she goes through live nude reviews, films, an illustrated autobiography of her sexual exploits, and finally writes a feature for a magazine, where she gives men all over Europe a "test drive," and then writes about it.

She is supposedly narrating this life story to a man repossessing all of her friends belongings. I have no idea how accurate a biography it is, but I do know she did stage nude reviews, appeared in several films, and wrote the columns described in the film. As a matter of fact, I read several of her columns in the 70's. Her stature was pretty much on a par with Xaviera Hollander. The entire film is non-stop nudity. We see everything Fiona has to offer, breasts and bush from Patricia Bourdrel as her first lesbian lover, breasts and buns from Heather Deeley as the assistant to a TV producer who films himself having sex with Fiona. Deeley strips to her panties, then lays down and masturbates. There is a running gag at the magazine where someone auditions one woman after another by exposing then fondling her breasts, and there is extensive nudity including a gyno shot in a stage performance.

The transfer of this film, which is also known a sFiona, was very good, resulting in good images. Unlike a lot of modern soft core films, they don't stay with any one encounter long enough for it to become boring. This is a C+.

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  • Fiona Richmond (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
  • Heather Deeley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Patricia Boudrel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)


    Niagara (1953) was Marilyn Monroe's breakthrough film. Its success ($6m against $1.25m budget) established her as a leading lady. IN this film, she plays a wife, staying in Niagara Falls, with her husband, but plotting his death with her lover. The husband is played by Joseph Cotton. Enter a couple having a very belated honeymoon because he won a Nabisco Shredded Wheat sales contest, and the stage is set. Those who have seen it need no further plot details, and those who haven't, should. The transfer in the recently released Diamond Collection II is very nice, and the Niagara Falls as a backdrop are spectacular.

    IMDB readers have it at 7.0 of 10. To me, at least, this noire has something of the feel of a Hitchcock film. There is, of course, no actual exposure, but Marilyn is seen in a shower scene, then getting out wearing a towel, in a slip, and in a low cut Red Dress. I had not seen this film is years, and, despite the dated dialogue and attitudes, enjoyed it immensely. B-.

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  • Marilyn Monroe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    God only knows why he bothered, but Mick Locke wrote a terrific review of Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. It is also an interesting description of the culture of one of America's few remaining drive-ins. No nudity, except naked cartoon horses. By the way, in the wake of corporate scandals, in the new scaled-back economy filled with newly-sensible corporations, corporate consultant Python Limited reports that several Fortune 500 companies will be scaling their payroll down to a single naked cartoon horse.

    Lovers Lane is either an ungodly bad, totally unoriginal and derivative slasher movie, or a straight-faced parody of the teen slasher genre. I believe it is the latter. I'm pretty sure that no movie could be that bad unless they did it on purpose. Either way, it's fun to watch in a very bizarre, bad movie lovin' way.

    • Diedre Kilgore (who resembles Lea Thompson) (1, 2, 3)


    Guncrazy cast 17 year old Drew Barrymore as trailer trash. It cast Warhol/Morrissey's former go-to penis Joe Dallesandro. It also stars perennial loser James LeGros as an impotent ex-con who uses guns as a surrogate for his own lack of a go-to penis. Barrymore doesn't mind his impotence because she's bored with sex, but loves shootin' guns. Oddball stuff.

    • Barrymore (no nudity) (1, 2, 3)


    Other crap:


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    No pics today, just a few words....

    Finally, after years of waiting, one of my all time favorite silly movies, "Top Secret", has been released on DVD. I applaud the transfer, the re-mixed sound (what could be better than "Skeet Surfin'" in Dolby!) and it is wonderful to finally be able to add this to my digital collection, the special features department...what a rip-off!

    The features:

  • 4 deleted scenes, each about 1 minute long, and all of which deserved to be deleted because they simply were not funny.
  • Story boards for 3 scenes. No explanations or anecdotes, just sketches in black ink on white paper that you have to manually click through
  • Language options
  • A 30 second trailer for the film
  • Worst...Director's Commentary...Ever!

    Seriously, the commentary is horrible. Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker and 2 producers sat in a sound booth, watched the movie, and talked about stuff like 'hey, there's my mom', what it was like growing up in Wisconsin, their production arguments over dick and poop jokes, and a 15 minute rant about the day they discovered VHS was better than shooting on Super 8 back in the 70's! There was no editing, just 90 minutes of an open mic. Every time one of the producers tried to ask an interesting question about prodcution, Abrahams and the Zuckers would always get side tracked talking about something else. Eventually, the producers gave up.

    During part of their ramblings they basically dismiss the movie. They say that it made no money in the theaters and that's pretty much when they stop talking about anything other than when they were doing Kentucky Fried theater in college in Wisconsin. Excuse me for sounding like a teenager, but....Uh, HELLO!?!

    Guys, think about it...this is a movie that has been kept alive for nearly 20 years by loyal fans! We are the folks who will be buying this movie, I think we deserve better.

    Despite the directors' lack of interest in their own film, "Top Secret" is still a fun, mindless movie full of bad puns, sight gags and great silly songs. Val Kilmer was spectacular in his first movie role as the pseudo-Elvis movie hero a 1950's-esque WW2 movie, and even though some gags are dated, I still laugh almost as hard now as the first time Scoop took me to see this in the theater. A true comedy classic in the spoof genre.

  • Hankster

    Today we take a long look at Bobbie Phillips totally nekkid in a scene from "The Hustle". Too bad the whole scene was shot through the eye of a camera. Still, all three B's and a really gorgeous body in my humble opinion.

    • Bobbie Phillips (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Sascha Knopf The pint sized, but well built actress goes topless in deleted scenes from the DVD of the Danny Devito/Martin Lawrence movie "What's the Worst That Could Happen?". For more well lit Sascha nudity, check out the film "Blackmale". The movie is terrible, but her nude scenes are great!

    Deirdre Lovejoy Brief toplessness on the HBO series "The Wire".

    Susan Ward Showing some serious pokies in "Shallow Hal", by Elliffen Graphix.

    Manuela Arcuri
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    The Italian actress caught fully nude on the beach by the paparazzi. All 3 B's are present and accounted for.

    The Italian Max recently put out a special "top model" edition, chock full of super hot nekkid women. Maybe they are not the biggest celebs in the world, but they do have some amazing bodies, and are all worth a look!
    • The cover, and a few behind the scenes set ups of the cover pose. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Cassie Lane, the hot Aussie Model who recently appeared on the Down Under version of Temptation Island. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Swedish model, Camilla Sjoberg (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Laura Esposto (1, 2)

    • Monika Lohmus (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Swetlana Maslowski (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Wasn't this in the tabloids weeks ago? And didn't their spokespeople vociferously deny it? Apparently, the tabloids know more about their marriage than they do. I just want to know who gets custody of the bedroom full of padded walls and torture equipment...

    LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Oscar-winning actress Angelina Jolie and her husband Billy Bob Thornton, one of Hollywood's most eccentric couples, have been living apart for four months, Jolie said in an interview released on Wednesday.

    Jolie, in an interview with Us Weekly, said she and Thornton had not seen each other since June 3 and were living in separate hotels. Jolie described herself as both angry and sad at the apparent parting of ways after a two-year marriage whose future has been the subject of frenzied Hollywood gossip for weeks.

    "I'm angry. I'm sad. It's a very difficult and sad time," Jolie was quoted as telling Us Weekly. "It was a real deep connection, a deep marriage, so it's not that simple to say this or that one thing caused the problems. It's clear to me that our priorities shifted overnight." The couple's May 2000 wedding was the second marriage for Jolie, 27, and the fifth for Thornton, 46. The intensity of their romance -- each wore pendants filled with each other's blood around their necks and tattoos of each other's names -- made them instant media stars.

    Jolie, daughter of actor John Voight, won best supporting actress Oscar for her role as a young institutionalized sociopath in "Girl, Interrupted." Thornton sprang to prominence with the 1996 drama "Sling Blade," which he wrote, directed and starred in and which won him an Oscar for best screenplay.

    Thornton's spokesman declined to comment, telling Us Weekly "They remain very married."