"The Human Stain"

The Human Stain (2003) is impossible to say much about without spoiling a secret central to the main character, Coleman Silk, who was played masterfully by Anthony Hopkins. Ebert loved the film and awarded 3 1/2 stars, but went ahead and wrote a spoiler. His reasoning was that the secret was already out because of the book the film was based on. I had not heard of the book, and am sure a large part of the reason I enjoyed this film was not knowing the secret in advance. Those who have to have a plot summary should read Ebert's review, as it is a good one, and he is one of a minority of critics that liked this one.

As the film opened, the sound track reminded me of dozens of slow paced character driven dramas that put me to sleep, and I settled in for a long afternoon. Boy was I wrong. Yes, the film was well acted by virtually every cast member, and yes, Nicole Kidman shows breasts and buns and Jacinda Barrett does a lovely full frontal, but the factor that most endeared the film to me was that it never once moved in the direction I expected. After all of the films I have seen, most plots are now predictable, and this character driven drama kept me guessing start to finish. Some critics have complained that it was overly literary, but Hopkins was a dean of literature. There was only one misstep in the film for me. They had a rather nifty piece of symbolism, but didn't establish the plot element before they slapped us in the face with it. A little subtlety here would have made the idea brilliant. The film touches on issues of racism, and transition from privileged society to lower class, ad the opposite. Along the way, some of the writing was absolutely inspired, including their explanation as to why Monica Lewinski was such a huge deal. It was post cold war, and pre terrorism, and the American public needed something to become morally outraged about.

IMDb readers have this at 6.4 of 10, with a slight edge from the ladies (6.9 vs. 6.3). But then, the plot includes a love story or two, so the female response is no surprise. There is only a 40% positive at Rotten Tomatoes, but I was very impressed. This is a C+. If an intelligent character driven drama that really digs deeply and honestly into peoples lives interests you, this is a very good one.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Jacinda Barrett (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
  • Nicole Kidman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    "Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise"

    Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise (2001) is a BBC comedy from Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, The Beach, A Life Less Ordinary). Although the plot centers around Michele Begley, it is really Timmothy Spall's film. Begley is only interested in making dance music mixes and becoming a DJ. His girlfriend, Katy Cavanagh, is supporting them as a strip-o-gram girl. As the film opens, she is the entertainment for the retirement party of a Vacuum cleaner salesman, who is being retired because he is near death. He, in fact, dies before the end of the party. Begley listens to an impassioned motivational speech, and decides to become a salesman. He is assigned to apprentice with Spall, who is the epitome of the unscrupulous salesman. He is currently competing for the golden vac award, which includes two weeks in paradise. He operates at such a high energy level from the start of the film on, you know that he will flame out spectacularly at the end of the film.

    The villains are the other two very successful salesmen, and the young woman hired to bring Internet sales into the company. Think of this approximately as a humorous Death of a Salesman comedy about a dying breed, the door to door vacuum salesman. The photography, as is usual in a Boyle film, is daring, but he chose a grainy digital video for this one, resulting in less than optimal caps. Cavanagh shows breasts and buns at the start of the film. IMDb readers have this at 6.2 of 10. As a former door-to-door salesman (a very brief career), I did find the film somewhat nostalgic, but was often waiting for it to end. This is a C, one of those quirky high energy British comedies.

  • Thumbnails

  • Katy Cavanagh (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Body Language


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response
    • Italian mega-babe Monica Bellucci bares all in scenes from 1998's "L'Ultimo capodanno".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Halfway through Zero Woman: Dangerous Game (1998) along comes a scene that Tarentino would just love. Our heroine, Rei, has justed dispatced two low-level baddies, one with a shot to the chest, the other with a shot to the head. And there she is downloading from a nearby computer the names and addresses of their colleagues, all the while you hear the sound of liquid spilling onto the floor. Jump cut to the sight of the baddies' bodies resting against a table and from which flow two mingled streams of blood. So that's what the sound is. Such is the Zero Woman series in a nutshell, this installment in particular.

    The idea behind all the Zero Women is pretty frickin reprehensible: crime is rampant in the island nation of Japan, so the police have turned to dealing with bad guys and gals, not through the niceties of trials and imprisonment, no sireee. They do it Texas style, only without the judges and appeals courts and sterile syringes filled with potassium. Rei gets sent it and no one but Rei walks back out. No one should find this a compelling way of dealing with things in his own backyard. But since Japan is no less exotic and no less foreign to me than Texas I'm figuring let the folks handle things their own, quaint way. That frees up me to enjoy these movies.

    And enjoy them I do. Allow me to quickly mention I'm no fan of screen violence. Texas Chainsaw Massacre made me sick, Kill Bill made me sicker. And the worst movie I ever saw was a Stallone thing entitle Cobra, where the same theme of supercop taking matters into his own hands is glorified. What makes the Zero Woman series fun to watch is the way Rei, the Zero Woman (because she works for the Zero Dept) is played by each of several actresses. Rei is like La Femme Nikita, joyless in pursuit of her quarry, doing it for country and Emperor. And she pays a personal price.

    In Dangerous Game, Rei is given two tasks: 1) hunt down those who are killing innocents to market their organs for transplantation; 2) keep alive the one woman who can bring down the leader of these involuntary organ transplanters. Because of task number 1 you get to see her blow away a bunch of folk... some of whom, even by movie standards, just didn't deserve the level of punishment they received. Because of task number 2 you get to see Rei interact with another woman. Said interaction starts out strained but becomes decidedly more pleasant over time, which leads me to the exposure.

    Rei is played by Japanese babe Chieko Shiratori. Ms. Shiratori has not your typical Japanese physique, in that she is tall and has a Jennifer Connelly-like upper body. I've scanned three books of nudes she's done and this is the second movie of hers I've capped. Let's just say I'm a fan.

    Chieko is topless early on in a shower scene that was impossible to cap. But then she gives up top goodies in a couple more getting wet scenes, which I could cap (collages 1 and 2). The highlight of Chieko's nekkidness, however, comes in a prolonged scene where she and the woman she is to protect get very friendly with one another (collages 3-6). Don't think you have to be a Chieko fan to like these.

    • Chieko Shiratori (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    The other woman is played by Japaneses adult actress Ichiho Matsuda. At least I assume she's what is called an AV idol in the land of the rising sun by what I dug up when I Googled the babe. She is surprisingly covered from most of the movie but you do get to see a few frames of her tiny body here and there.

    • Ichiho Matsuda (1, 2)

    So, okay, I would have liked the movie even more had Chieko shot the whole thing without wearing a stitch, but that's like saying The Hot Spot would have been better if the beach scene with Ms. Connelly had gone one for another 45 minutes. In the end what you get from Zero Woman: Dangerous Game is a level of enjoyment that is rare. Nine IMDb voters rate it a 6.8, bur for various reasons I rate it a 6.9.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    The Ghost's Summer O' Skinemax continues with the remaining batch of actress portraying 'clothing removal professionals' and 'brass pole enthusiasts' in scenes from "Midnight Tease" (1994).

    Everyone shows their breasts of course, plus Dutton and Summers show thong views. Summers also shows some brief pubes in a pseudo-sex scene ('caps link #4 and video clip link #4).

    Elisha Cuthbert
    Jennifer Garner

    Twitchy collages of two very hot ladies with rising stars in Hollywood.

    First is über cute "24" star Elisha Cuthbert showing a little cleavage in scenes from "The Girl Next Door". Look for it on DVD August 24th.

    Next up..."Alias" and "Daredevil" star Jennifer Garner grabbing her boobs in a scene from "13 Going On 30" (coming to DVD August 3rd).

    Virginia Madsen Another one of those classic moments in nude cinema history...From the Volume "The 80's", here is Madsen baring a gorgeous (and large) breast in a scene from her first movie, 1983's "Class". Thanks to Don Juan.

    Susan Sarandon Speaking of gorgeous breasts....Sarandon bares hers in scenes from the 1978 Louis Malle film, "Pretty Baby".

    Robin Wright Penn
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Princess Buttercup topless in scenes from "Moll Flanders" (1996) -No relation to Ned Flanders.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The Law And The Profits - Dolly Parton's Tennessee amusement park Dollywood will no longer give free admission to people with severe disabilities, such as total blindness or permanent wheelchair confinement. Someone with a less severe disability got angry that he had to pay and sued for discrimination under the Americans With Disabilities Act. To avoid thousands of lawsuits, the park will now charge everyone, including the severely disabled.

  • Another victory for equality, thanks to the Americans with Disabilities Act!
  • If the other disabled people ever catch the guy who sued, he'll BECOME severely disabled.
  • Is this the same jackass who sued to stop Ladies' Nights in New Jersey bars?
  • Dollywood would go broke if it had to give free admission to people with slightly impaired taste.

    Aren't They Oily Enough? - ABC's "Bachelorette" Trista and her new TV-selected hubby Ryan Sutter are helping to promote lasting romance by signing a deal with K-Y Jelly lubricant. K-Y has declared August 7 as "National Date Night," when busy couples are urged to devote the night to each other and recapture their honeymoons. Couples can register at and win a trip to Los Angeles for a double date with Trista and Ryan.

  • Plus enough free K-Y for four.
  • They'll bring the condoms, you bring the barf bags.
  • If you can't remember how you used K-Y on your honeymoon, Trista and Ryan will show you the videotape of theirs.
  • One problem: by the time August 7 gets here, they may be divorced.

    He's On A Roll - Will Smith is on a mission to get people to use wet wipes instead of toilet paper. He told an interviewer, "When I experience something that is special and incredible, I like to share it with people. Anyone who's using dry toilet paper, you're really not doing yourself the true service."

  • Will, ever heard of "sharing too much"?
  • This is how he got the nickname "The Fresh Prince."
  • Dry toilet paper couldn't remove the stink of "Wild, Wild West."