"American Kickboxer 2"
American Kickboxer 2 (1993) tells the story of a badass cop and a pacifist womanizing martial arts instructor who are enlisted to find the kidnapped daughter of Kathy Shower. Jeffrey R. Iorio as the mean cop was her husband, and she had an affair with Evan Lurie, the instructor, so the two have little use for each other, and her telling both of them that they are the father of her daughter doesn't help. The film slides from martial arts to crime drama to comedy throughout it entire running time, and they managed to confuse me as to who did the kidnapping for a while without any false clues. On the other hand, there is a certain sameness to many of the numerous fight scenes, and there seems to be an endless supply of bad guys. Shower came off as a ball-buster, which left me with no sympathy for her.
Jeniffer Jacob, as the current girlfriend of Lurie, shows breasts and buns in a hot tub scene at the start of the film. Giselle Tanggi shows her right breast from the side as a massage parlor girl. Neither woman has any credits at IMDB. Jacob gave a decent performance in the short scene, and is, I think, rather attractive, so I suspect se has made other films, possibly under a different name or spelling. IMDB readers have this at 3.4 of 10. I managed to enjoy it by focusing on the humorous aspects. This is a C-.
"Eve of Destruction"
Eve of Destruction (1992) is an android gone amuck story with Renee Soutendijk playing both the robot, and the creator who must stop her creation. Gregory Hines is the military's best counter terrorist guy, and is brought in to terminate the robot. This is a case of serious mis-casting akin to having chip and dale, the cartoon chipmunks play the Loch Ness monster. There really needs to be more Samuel Jacksons in Hollywood. The story follows most of the cliches, and never really builds any suspense. The robot was too evil to create any doubt as to what she would do, and Soutendijk the scientist didn't really have any depth as a character.
On the other hand, it kept me awake, I didn't hit fast forward, and Soutendijk showed her breasts, which merit a C-. For those who missed it, Scoop wrote an interesting review of this film a night or two ago.
"Catch the Heat"
Catch the Heat (1987) is a comedy crime thriller pitting federal agents David Dukes and Tiana Alexandra against a big time drug smuggler in Argentina who pretends to be a talent promoter. Dukes in rather mild mannered, while Alexandra is a martial arts expert with a bad attitude and no fear. I don't want to reveal much plot, as the basic story was the best thing about this film. Not surprisingly, it was written by Stirling Silliphant (In the Heat of the Night / The Towering Inferno / The Poseidon Adventure). Someone else must have written the dialogue, as that was the worst thing about the film. The story was good enough to overlook the problem with dialogue, and the characters were interesting enough to make me care about them. Rod Steiger was a low key villain.
ALexandra shows bre4asts, first in a wet shirt, then in a shower scene. IMDB readers have this at 5.8 of 10. The film has a following among feminists for its portrayal of a very strong woman by Alexandra. This is a C to C-. If you like the genre, chances areyou will enjoy this one.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Even though cinema's legendary Ingmar
Bergman is about 85 years old, he's still active in film. As I write
this, he is writing and directing a project called Saraband. Three
years ago, he wrote Faithless, and it was directed by his former
star and former lover, Liv Ullman. Bergman is a candidate for the
title of "greatest director ever" and Liv has written and directed
several of her own films, and is arguably the biggest star in
Scandinavian history, so the film comes with the heavy burden of
lives out his old age, he has somewhat isolated himself on an
island, away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. As you might
expect, this sort of life has a profound impact on the type of
material he creates. And he wasn't that cheerful a guy even before
he became a hermit. In essence, this film is about Ingmar Bergman
writing this film. An old man named Bergman is writing away about
characters based upon himself and two people he knew, reliving an
incident in his own life some sixty years earlier when he
contributed to a great tragedy by having an affair with a married
woman. As he sits and writes in his study, he discusses the incident
with the wife he seduced. It is only as the story unfolds that we
realize that the woman can't be there. The woman in his study is the
same age as in the flashbacks, even though Bergman has aged 60
years. Bergman is actually talking to his characters,
employing a writer's technique to understand the character's
happens when you're old and live on a frozen island. You end up
spending too much time with your memories and rehashing your life.
If you are a great screenwriter, you turn the rehashing into a
The film is basically a
stage play, and could easily be tweaked so that it could be
performed on stage with four actors or even three actors playing the
three-and-half parts. (The adulterer is a younger version of the
writer.) It is basically people examining and re-examining their
lives honestly, in 148 minutes of talk. It is a movie for a very
small niche of Bergman admirers. The people who admired it praised
its complete honesty, and I guess that is fair praise. I found it
very slow going, and it is shot in a TV aspect ratio, so it's not an
Pinocchio came out on DVD today, in a two-disk set. There is no
nudity, of course, but I couldn't pass it up.
The review is one
of my best, mainly because there are silly pictures and about
90% of it was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
It's really hot in the U.K., and that means topless beach birds.
naughty autograph signing
The Evolution of the Lap Dance Trade. Slate Magazine! Click
on the pics to get more pics, some of which have bare flesh.
Did McConaughey 'feel up' 'SNL' actress?: "Matthew
McConaughey is at the center of a new scandal in America after a
comedienne accused him of feeling her up as part of a TV comedy
skit". Hey, we know he loves a good pair of bongos.
Brit Channel 4 interview with Hewitt: Princess Di was "one hell
of a fuck"
Topless Cameron Diaz pictures spark legal battle
Weird and Offbeat News Stories: "There may be a reason why
celebrities are better than the rest of us: A man in Medina,
Minnesota, claims they have more DNA."
- AOL closes the door on
Netscape and leaves Mozilla to fend for itself.
British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently
sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.'.
Those sixteen words in the State of the Union address are now
causing a feeding frenzy in the media. I don't care much about
that. That's for the political junkies to hash over. But the
amazing thing, as this article points out, is that anyone could
have been dumb enough to believe the documents in the first
place! Believing them was roughly the equivalent of accepting a
one-dollar bill with Osama bin Laden's picture on it! They were
signed, for example, by the foreign minister of Niger - but the
forger didn't even know who held the job, and signed it with the
name of a guy who left office in 1989!
Oh, we meant to say that Saddam bought Geraniums, not Uranium
P. Diddy throws a topless party for Bruce Willis
- A Tough
Summer, And Maybe a Hard Fall For Kobe: "A number of NBA
players have said Bryant's accuser, a college student and former
high-school cheerleader, is well known as a basketball groupie"
MARKETERS ASSESS KOBE BRYANT'S SITUATION
Roman Polanski sues Vanity Fair, Kate Hepburn slams everyone in
The Discovery Health Channel will air a documentary Saturday
(Jul. 19) called 'Transplanting Memories' which delves into the
eerie mystery of organ transplant recipients who experience
memories of the organ donor. The man who wrote the story
must have received a transplant from Rod Serling.
Satan attends the Tour de France.
America's leading entrepreneur? A 34 year old man named Puppet
the Psycho Dwarf.
Weekly World News: "every human on the planet will die a
slow and agonizing death by suffocation within just eight short
years". Could we start with Martin Short?
Aussie opera dancers naked and costly.: "During the Dance of
the Seven Veils, four dancers will unveil just about everything,
at a total cost to the company in nudity payments of $140 per
- The John Tesh
Fan Page in High School Spanish. Hola, Isabel, John Tesh
quiere muchas albondigas en Sabado.
If you like Tex-Mex food, be thankful you don't live in New
Zealand, where farmers are fighting the Fart Tax. They are
protesting by sending sheep shit to their legislators. Sending
sheep shit to Congress? Talk about coals to Newcastle.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
- Kate Vernon topless and gettin' it on with La Bamba (who also directed and co-wrote). We also see her in a lesbo scene with Monique Parent. Vidcaps from the movie "Dangerous Touch" (1994).
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
comments by Copperhead
Hey Scoop, you already had some pics from this flick, but I don't
think there was a proper review.
I rented Barbarian on DVD from Hollywood Video- I'm a
sucker for these Warrior/Wizard type epics, even
though I was surprised anyone is still making them.
It did have the promise of some sexuality (hopefully
some decent nudity) and the action star was a multiple Mr. Universe
winner I had never heard of. The remaining actors and all the actresses have Russian or
Slavic names, a trend now in Corman movies. Best of all, it starred Martin Kove, who everyone will
recognize as the "evil" Karate teacher from the Karate
Kid movies, now a member of the Hair Club for Men.
I must say, I enjoyed the movie, so I recommend it as
- First the costumes are entertaining, with some
of the "bad" guys having the most "evil"
masks/costumes I've seen in a while, sort of a cross
between Knight's Helmets and Death Heads. However,
not all is well from the costume department. There is
a character that appears to be a boy in a very
funny-looking Halloween "Wookie" costume. And who would have thought peasant girls wore
G-strings? Well, they do in this movie. At least,
they aren't the Victoria Secret ones - they actually
look like something that someone in that time period might have to
wear, assuming Roger Corman lived back then.
- It does have some authentic castle scenes, which is
also a plus.
- The acting is poor, as is common in this type of
movie. The hero, although muscular and physically
fitting for the part, seems to have only one
expression. In one fight scene, he postures like a
WWF veteran (maybe he has plans for a third career, if
this acting thing doesn't work out?)
Some scenes are over-acted (such as the captured
Amazon girl, when turned over to be part of the Harem:
"Any man that touches me will lose an arm").
- There's some overly ambitious photography, such as the
scene in the tavern. This is the scene, where not only
does Martin Kove out-"Caligula" Malcolm McDowell, but they
even have a mud wrestling match between two slave
Throw in the line "No woman is allowed to say NO", and
then have a slave girl tied up and stripped of her diaphanous gown for everyone's pleasure.
- There is enough nudity to make it watchable, but I'm
forever frustrated by some of these movies. For one
thing, the nudity is obviously gratuitous, so at least
they understand the appeal. Given that fact, why do they have a
wild native girl making love with her skirt wrapped
around her waist? In fact, there was no frontal
nudity I could see, and even though there was some
nice rear exposure, it was mostly in G-strings or
short short skirts. Here's a typical example: Scene
shows one of the evil Tyrant's guards, apparently
arresting peasants to be slaves. An attractive,
poorly dressed peasant girl is thrown at his feet. He
stands her up as she struggles, giving us a nipple
peek, and says "Let's see what you've got." Lifting
her dress, he exposes her nearly naked ass. Looking
at the tiniest of G-strings, he says "The king will
like you." Then he ties her hands and takes her away,
never to be seen again. The entire scene was for the
ass exposure. Similar scenes as girls are thrown
around in the tavern scene - short skirts flipping up
to expose G-string clad bottoms.
They wasted a nice scene of the princess, forced to
wear a two-piece costume, tied to a rack as she is
mildly tortured and forced to talk about some "secret
stone" that was a minor part of the movie. There was
no real exposure in this scene, although her short
skirt showed enough cheek that you knew she was either
naked or wearing the ever-present G-string. The
actress had already had a breast exposed in the Harem
scene - wouldn't you think the evil Martin Kove
character would want her squirming, naked and
helpless, on the rack?
Bottom line on the nudity: topless or one breast
exposed (apparently a fashion statement by Harem
girls) by several actresses, some nice rear exposure in G-strings by
Worth a rental.
Lord of the Strings vs Lord of the G-Strings (2002):
Did you know that Seduction Cinema (the home of Misty Mundae)
also puts out tamer versions for the rental market? I found one at
Hollywood Video, and rented it out of curiosity. It is actually
listed on the Alternative/Seduction Cinema website, as "Alternate
Cut" R-Rated Version, although the web site gives the title as Lord
of the G-Strings, whereas the soft-R version I rented substitutes
There are also some differences in the description, to make it
more acceptable for the Hollywood people. For example, it refers to
"Diddle Earth" as "a Mythical Realm." Also, Misty's character is
called Bildo Saggins where I think she is "Dildo Saggins" in the
untamed version - she even has a line: "Do you want to see why they
call me Dildo?"
Some comparisons (as seen on the website):
- R-Rated Version:
- Tamer box cover - girls wearing hooded cloaks
- No extra features except an un-related music video
- Toplessness only
- Girl-on-girl only hinted at
- Unrated Version:
- Girls in bikini-type tops on cover
- Lots of extras, Making 0f.... etc
- Explicit girl-on-girl
One thing I found very strange. Seduction Cinema is not mentioned on
the Box at all. It lists Forest Street Entertainment and ei
Independent Cinema (www.eicinema.com)
as distributors. Why did they do this? Alternative
Cinema/Seduction Cinema is a very well-known New Jersey independent
film-maker, specializing in soft-porn, girl-on-girl, erotic
vampire/witch/horror spoofs, and some retro titles, usually packaged
with both the original and a remake.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Caps from two movies today.
"Medium Cool" (1969) is a quintessential late 60's movie, with all the deliberate touchy-feeliness and quirky characterization that are oh so painful to watch these days. Think of the Lifetime channel with hippies instead of women in peril.
The only saving grace of this dated movie is Marianna Hill running 'round all nekkid and stuff. A triple B performance, marred only by the darkness of the scene and, thus, the noisiness of the images.
Marianna was the first woman I saw unclothed on the silver screen. A local movie house, near a college campus, ran a different pair of older movies every night. Showed two 70's Westerns one night, a genre I loved as a kid probably because this was long after it had disappeared from the small screen. One of the Westerns was Bandolero a Dean Martin/Jimmy Stewart thing with Racquel Welch and the other was the Lee Van Cleef/Jim Brown epic El Condor. Late in that flic, Marianna did a strip routine to distract the guards of a fort. Distrated me, too. Fell instantly in love. In fact, if I were to start a fan site it would be one dedicated to Marianna Hill.
- Marianna Hill
Second movie is "Cyborg 2". So Cyborg, the original, was soooo well received they just had to make a sequel. Well, I've seen the original and this one is way better, if only because Angelina Jolie shows off her mighty-fines. The scenes are dark but Angelina looks angelic in a role that allowed her to practice a bit before doing Lara Croft.
A word about the movie's plot, if you can call it that. Two conglomerates compete for domination in cyborg manufacturing, only the competition gets real nasty and involves more than stealing trade secrets. Part of the competition involves development of a fully functioning female cyborg.... wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more. And so the movie begins with the awakening of Renee Amman and her try-out as a literal humping machine.
One nagging problem. She blows up during sex, taking her partner with her. Now if they made an Angelina model... or better yet, a Heather Graham model... it would be worth the risk, but for Renee? I, myself, will pass.
|Both showing breasts and bush in scenes from the Larry Clark film "Bully". Unlike other Clark films, this one is based on a true story and features some very disturbing characters. "Terminator 3" star Nick Stahl is quite good as the 'bully' in a very complex role.
|More Big Brother 4 bikini 'caps and brief toplessness from the shower cam.
|The legendary star of "Behind the Green Door" topless in scenes from the 1977 David Cronenberg movie, "Rabid". 'Caps by the Skin-man.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
TALKING BILL CLINTON DOLL RELEASED
Cigar Sold Separately - Talkingpresidents.com had such success with their
talking doll of George W. Bush, they've just released their second
collectible: a talking Bill Clinton action figure. Among the famous
phrases it says are the "I didn't inhale" line, "I did not have sex with
that woman..." and "It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
It's the only action figure that really gets a lot of action.
It's bendable into over 400 positions! And anatomically correct!
Pull his string, and he says, "Ooh, baby...Pull it harder!"
If you buy this, you'll want to lock up all your Barbie dolls.
The Bush doll talks about removing the stain of terrorism, but the
Clinton doll just talks about removing stains.
JFK'S UNDERWEAR FOR SALE
Clinton's Switching To Boxers - Saturday in New Jersey, Hantmann's
Auctioneers will sell a collection of clothing and intimate items from John
and Jackie Kennedy, owned by their former personal assistant. It includes
Jackie's pantyhose and JFK's boxer shorts.
To be honest, they spent more time on the floor than on JFK.
The boxers should bring a fortune: they have Marilyn Monroe's lipstick
They hope this brings in more bids than that auction of Richard Nixon's
HUNT A NAKED PAINTED LADY
White-Tailed Dears - Michael Burdick of Las Vegas is under fire for running
a new tourist attraction called "Hunting for Bambi." Men pay up to $10,000
to hunt naked women in the desert and shoot them with paintball guns. Some
brag that they bagged the one with "the biggest rack." The women say it
pays good money, but paintballs go 200 mph and can draw blood on bare
flesh. Burdick tells shooters not to aim above the chest, but many ignore
the rule, and he won't let the women wear helmets. He says he doesn't see
helmets on the deer he hunts, so he doesn't want to see them on his girls.
The deer have an excuse for not wearing helmets: they have antlers.
Besides, it's not like the women who work there have to worry about
They don't have helmets, but their breast implants are just as hard.
Coincidentally, most of the women who work there ARE named Bambi.
It's a tough job, but the pay is good and they get comprehensive medical
CAMERON DIAZ SUPPRESSING TOPLESS PHOTOS
Unforgivable Cover-up - Britain's Daily Star reports that Cameron Diaz is
trying to suppress topless photos from her modeling days. Photographer
John Rutter says he owns the copyright on the photos and has been offered a
lot of money, but he wanted to give her the first chance at them. He
claims her representative offered him $3.2 million, then hours later, the
police burst in and said Diaz accused him of extortion. He said they tore
up his home for hours, took his photos, and still haven't charged him with
anything. Rutter said he was just trying to do the right thing.
Now he has to sell them because he's got a $3.2 million legal bill.
Cameron is traumatized at the thought of someone seeing her breasts,
which is why she went on "The Tonight Show" with her shirt wide open.
Now if you want to see Cameron topless, you'll just have to go to any
one of 100,000 websites.