Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

  • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated
  • There is a new Encyclopedia volume for Ann Dusenberry
  • There are 372 new pictures in sections C, M, N, O, P, R, and S of the Encyclopedia (updated volumes in yellow)

National Lampoon Goes to the Movies (1983)

(aka National Lampoon's Movie Madness)

I know I'm not the only one who shed a tear watching poor, old, overweight Willie Mays stumble after fly balls when he tried to extend his career with the Mets. Sad, indeed. Perhaps the only thing sadder than seeing the fall of a great and admired institution is watching people try to be funny without knowing how.

This movie managed to break my heart by combining BOTH of those conditions. It was the Lampoon's next movie after Animal House, as publisher Matty Simmons says in the trailer. When I was just out of college, the National Lampoon  zeroed in exactly on my sense of humor. I had 24 of the first 25 issues. Still have 'em, bound in two yellow National Lampoon binders. I also have a bunch of their specials, like the legendary "1964 High School Yearbook Parody", and "The National Lampoon Encyclopedia of Humor", which is one of the funniest and most brilliant books ever published - erudite, profane, witty, and daring. The Lampoon's Animal House movie is a treasured generational memory for people my age, and a beautiful evocation of college life in the period before the cultural revolution of 1967. I was in college for one year before the world changed. I actually pledged the Animal House, and attended some parties almost exactly like the ones in the movie. Flounder's freshman year was a lot like mine, and I knew several upperclassmen who could be compared almost one-to-one to characters in the film.

The Animal House world was over quickly for me. For better or worse, the world changed in the summer of 1967, and the world of pig parties and gross-out competitions was replaced disappeared from college life, replaced by some serious marijuana consumption and an ever-so-serious political consciousness that dominated my last three undergrad years. During my college years, the Animal House years ended and college students made the transition from "carefree" to "scared and angry." The combination of a war and a system of forced conscription will do that!

At any rate, the guys at the National Lampoon, especially Doug Kenney, Henry Beard, and Michael O'Donoghue, were the comedy writers I admired most in the early 70s. But the Lampoon could not sustain the quality of its glory years. Henry Beard and Doug Kenney had a 5-year buyout clause in their contract with 21st Century Communications. They exercised the option in 1974, and that sounded the death knoll for the Lampoon. Beard left as soon as the contract was settled. Kenney stayed on until 1977, when he co-wrote the screenplay for Animal House, but would be dead within three years, although still in his early 30s.  O'Donoghue went off to write for Saturday Night Live, and also died quite young.

After those three guys were gone, the National Lampoon kept putting its name on products, but they rarely if ever approached the quality of the material produced in the 1970-77 era. Some of their later efforts were respectable (the Chevy Chase Vacation movies), but others failed miserably, like Willie Mays in the Mets' outfield. This movie is one such example. To their credit, they knew it was a turkey, dumped it out of the original release, shelved it, and released it quietly some years later on video.

It is supposed to be three genre spoofs:

  • In episode one, a hard-charging young lawyer dumps his life and misplaces some of his children in his efforts to attain "personal growth."

  • In part two, a women who is raped by butter at a convention of dairy producers resolves to destroy the butter industry by using her wiles and sexual cunning to become the queen of the margarine world, then marrying the richest man in the world, then marrying the President of the USA. If I remember right, she pulled all that off in about three days. It was, more or less, a parody of those Dynasty/Dallas sorts of plots.

  • The last episode is a parody of those "mismatched buddy" cop flicks, in which an idealistic young do-gooder is paired with a jaded and alcoholic veteran. Despite Robby Benson, Christopher Lloyd, and Richard Widmark, this segment is no better than the others, and doesn't even have the gratuitous nudity which spiced up the other two segments.

Do you recall how you felt the last time you watched an SNL skit that just wasn't working, but it dragged on and on and on? Well, imagine three of those dragging on for thirty minutes each, and you'll be able to imagine what this film is like. I don't think I laughed or even smiled once in the entire flick.

The nudity, however, is not so bad at all:

Teresa Ganzel


Anne Dusenberry


'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Today we once again crank up the old Time Machine and go back to 1973 for the "Invasion of the Bee Girls". Yes, it's a bad movie, something about women being turned into bees.  But it does have its good points:  some "Hankster Light" nudity and some "Damsels in Peril".
We kick it off with Beverly Powers with some awesome cleavage in her underwear, I think you see bush thru her panties.
Next is Victoria Vetri who survives a rape attempt after having her boobies massaged by the bad guys before she is rescued, but alas she is abducted for the purpose of turning her into a Bee Girl. She is again rescued. Some  nice topless and bun scenes.


Guess who's back the "Price is Right" girl from yesterday, Anitra Ford, she's the bad Queen Bee with topless and a great bun scene.
Finally Anna Aries turned into a Bee Girl while topless and showing some buns.


Images and comments by Dann

Dracula III: Legacy (2005)

There was a time when direct-to-video usually meant b-movie badness. That time is ending. As the studios have discovered that DVD sales are sky-high and profitable while movie sales are slumping and becoming unprofitable, look for more high quality DTV releases like this one.

This 2005 third in the series (Dracula 2000, Dracula II: Ascension) was direct-to-video, as was Dracula II, but that doesn't mean it was bad. It was very good for its genre.

The movie was set in, and shot in, Romania. The vampire-killing priest and his sidekick track Dracula to his lair. Besides killing Dracula, the sidekick is searching for his love, who was taken in Dracula II. As the priest tells him, "you may not want what you find".

Plenty of action, and a very nice twist at the end, will please most vampire movie lovers.


The Crimson Ghost

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1993)


I don't know who Christi Conaway is, but she has a mighty shapely bum.

Here are the Christi Conaway zipped .wmvs to match the above (1, 2).

The Beastmaster (1982)

Tanya Roberts

Here are the zipped .wmv clips to go with those Tanya Roberts captures (1, 2)

Monkey Shines (1988)


Kate McNeil

Janine Turner

Here are the accompanying zipped .wmv files for those two actresses in George Romero's Monkey Shines


Herr Haut

Devil Angel (1995)

Vivian Hsu

Crimen Ferpecto (2004)

Kira Miro (first three) and Penelope Velasco

Scoop's note: The next time you feel saddled with an inconveniently long last name, you should reflect that it might have been much worse. The author of  Crimen Ferpecto has 18 letters in his last name - Jorge Guerricaechevarría


Showgirls (1995)

Elizabeth Berkley

Diary of a Lost Girl (1929)

Louise Brooks (!!!)

Julie Walking Home (2002)

Miranda Otto

Sanctimony (2000 )

Tanja Reichert

Scoop's note: Sanctimony is another Ewe Boll masterpiece, rated 3.48 at IMDb - the sad thing about that rating is that Sanctimony, compared to Ewe's last two movies,  IS a masterpiece. In fact, Ewe has four films rated below Sanctimony at IMDb!! What a career. He is a legitimate contender for the title of "worst director ever, five or more films."
  1. (3.48) - Sanctimony (2000)
  2. (3.26) - Erste Semester, Das (1997)
  3. (2.96) - German Fried Movie (1991)
  4. (2.31) - House of the Dead (2003)
  5. (2.21) - Alone in the Dark (2005)

Here are John Derek's five movies:

  1. (3.84) - Once Before I Die (1965)
  2. (3.12) - Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
  3. (3.01) - Fantasies (1981/I)
  4. (2.63) - Bolero (1984)
  5. (2.36) - Ghosts Can't Do It (1990)

And here are Ed Wood's worst five:

  1. (2.98) - Jail Bait (1954)
  2. (2.71) - Night of the Ghouls (1959)
  3. (2.60) - Boots (1953)
  4. (2.56) - The Night the Banshee Cried (1957)
  5. (2.20) - The Sinister Urge (1961)

Ewe is still behind Ed Wood, but he's still young - just turned 40-  and he's already the only one of the three with two films rated below 2.5!

Star Trek TNG's Marina Sirtis at a 2004 SciFiCon

Nikki Cox hangin' out, but (as usual) not out quite far enough.

Alexander (2004)

Rosario Dawson

Be Cool (2005)

Uma Thurman - no nudity but very HQ

Crash (2005)

Jennifer Esposito

Crash (2005)

Jennifer Esposito

This time it is a zipped. avi. Excellent quality.


Tuna's condition is stable. Nothing new to report. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


Other Crap

Christian Slater isn't cutting any deals in his butt-groping case. He hopes that an investigation will get to the bottom of the matter, and he's leaving a plea-bargain behind.

This is a real headline and story: Brazilian bandits pull off big boob job ... More than 400 breast implants nipped from postal service van

Conan O'Brien tries to expand his viewer demographic.

Two teasers for Roll Bounce

  • "In the late '70s, when roller skating was a way of life, X (Bow Wow) and his pals ruled supreme. But when the doors of their local skating rink close, it marks the end of an era and the beginning of another that sees the boys venture into foreign territory -- uptown's Sweetwater Roller Rink, complete with its over-the-top skaters and beautiful girls. Through his preparation for the showdown of the season -- the Roller Jam skate off with the Sweetwater crew -- X manages to find himself and also help his dad (Chi McBride) get back on track."

Howard Stern: the end may be near: "the radio industry is abuzz with reports that the bawdy talk show host will leave AM-FM radio by Labor Day"

Guardian Unlimited Film - Animation Quiz


Jon Stewart talks to the author of 100 People Who are Screwing Up America.




The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert finds the sound of reporters touting their own hurricane-braving heroism almost deafening.


The Daily Show's highly acclaimed weather coverage.


Borowitz: GUANTANAMO TO HOLD REPORTERS ... New York Times's Judith Miller Gitmo Bound

  • "Bowing to congressional critics who have pushed for a shutdown of the U.S. detention center at Guantanamo, the White House today announced that the facility would no longer house enemy combatants but would instead be used to hold reporters who refuse to identify their sources. Vice President Dick Cheney made the announcement, calling the decision to reinvent Guantanamo as a detention center for journalists a 'win-win situation.'”


'Desperate Housewives' Gets 15 Emmy Nods


Break out the champagne. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie will both appear in the new series of The Simple Life. The pair will shoot their scenes separately as they haven't spoken since April.


A man was hospitalized after jumping out the passenger window to retrieve his cigarette - at 55 mph


Bus firm takes car poolers to court


PBS finds its holy grail with Python shows

  • "PBS will be the home for six new Monty Python specials this spring. Each special will focus on a member of the British comedy troupe, mixing new footage with clips from Python movies and the group's television series."

Crazy nostalgia material: retroCRUSH: "BANANAS GONE WILD!"

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies


Today's Darwin award goes to: "I know! I'm going to shoot a bottle rocket from between my ass-cheeks!"


The first ten minutes of My Date with Drew.

  • "An ordinary guy documents his not-so-ordinary attempts to go on a date with Drew Barrymore."

A very practical addition to your home vehicle fleet: Turbine jet powered 1991 Toyota. Runs on Jet A fuel (and probably diesel), has no reverse gear, but cruises comfortably at 170mph or so.


Is it possible that another country has even lower standards for a valid lawsuit than the USA? Tokyo governor sued for saying French "fails as an international language." Damn the varlet for having an opinion and stating it clearly! Sue the bastard!


'Cooter' Urges Fans to Skip 'Dukes' Movie . Ol' Cooter said that profanity and sexual content in the film make a mockery of the family friendly show. No! Profanity and sexual content? I'll nae abide that, by jingo! Not only that, but I've heard that some of the the characters in the film version speak in complete sentences!


Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

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