"The Erotic Escort Company"

The Erotic Escort Company (2004) clearly does not exist. IMDb has never heard a word about it. It is a Skinemax style soft core from retromedia featuring, and is their first feature with Hypno Vista. This is the use of text lasting a single frame to supposedly give sexy subliminal suggestions. The suggestions are clever and arousing lines like "suck my juicy nipples." Four college seniors have failed. They are required by state law to give them a last chance to redeem themselves. There task? Either find a failing business and make it successful, or start a successful business. If you think about it, that is a pretty fair test to see if what they have learned in school has prepared them to succeed. Only problem is that they have two weeks to do it. Both the dean, and a dumpy old school teacher, played by Michelle Bauer, want them to fail.

The group consists of Stacy Burke, an airhead who misunderstood the idea of animal husbandry (something about a horse and a bowling pin), Beverly Lynne, who blew up the science building with her chemistry experiment, Cailey Taylor, who beat up a professor's wife, and jock G. Gordon Baer, who failed lunch. Baer has a dim witted cousin who owns a failing car wash. The three women decide to become professional escorts. Burke does a cop as her first client and gets busted along with the gypsy psychic/madam Anastasia Pierce. When Burke calls her friends for bail, one asks if the cop stiffed her. Her answer, "Yes, a couple of times, and he didn't pay me either." She and Pierce become jailhouse lovers until her friends spring her. Taylor and Lynne, after doing a girl/girl on a pool table, get sent by the escort service to an obvious Hugh Hefner clone, where they have a three way.

The story ends as a remake of The Bikini Car Wash Company. Bauer is seen in lingerie when the dean accidently rips off her dress in frustration that the kids have succeeded. All of the other women show everything. So, is it a good movie? Of course not, silly wabbit. It will end up in the twos if IMDb ever discovers it. That doesn't, however, mean it was a bad genre effort. There were naked women start to finish, it never once took itself seriously, and there were a few genuinely funny lines and moments. This is a C. If you are looking for a naked bunch of brainless bimbos being stupid, this is your film. I couldn't find it in my heart to dislike it.

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  • Anastasia Pierce (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
  • Beverly Lynne (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
  • Cailey Taylor (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
  • Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Stacy Burke (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Nudity and George C Scott (??)

    Season Hubley in a mainstream film about a guy tracking down his runaway daughter through the adult film industry

    Bonus (not from Shiloh)

    Parts 2 and 3 of the "Gena Lee Nolin home tape". Number 2 is the one with the gyno and procto shots. Number 3 involves an encounter with the Slurpee Straw of Love

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Las Vegas Lady (1975) is a perfect time capsule of made-for-TV movies in the early '70's. All the right elements are there:

    1) A claustrophobic set. Supposed to be Las Vegas but if you take away the stock footage you know you're looking at a couple of rooms on the backlot of MGM studios. Rent for two bills, large, a week.

    2) Thirty minutes of plot in ninety minutes of film. Leaves an hour to fill with talking and talking and more talking. Sorta okay if the people talking are given something interesting to say, but if they are not... and in Las Vegas Lady they weren't... it's not okay. Not even close to okay.

    3) Faces of people you recognize if you were watching Lou Grant or Quincy or The White Shadow but names of people you will not.

    4) A desperate walk along a fine line between what you could reveal of the female flesh and what you could not. Titillation replaces tits... cleavage and coverage in equal proportions. They wanted to give us guys something to see but if they gsve us too much, they were slapped upside the head by some seriously nasty censors. The more things change....

    All of that is Las Vegas Lady. The plot involves a heist from a crooked Vegas casino owner by three gals. The only attempt at cleverness involves a room service cart, hollowed out so one of the gals could fit inside (saw that one in a Mission Impossible episode when I was 10 years old). There's some shootin' in the end for those who like gunplay and there's a hooker and a three-girl spa scene and there is Stella Stevens, Hefmate turned B-movie queen, with cleavage down to thar.

    Supposed to be some romantic heat between Stella and Stuart Whitman, but he looks so thoroughly enervated you'd swear he'd been pithed. I remember seeing him in some stuff where he looked and acted just fine, thank you, but in this movie a life-sized Stuart Whitman poster would have done a better job.

    The only tension in the whole darn thing involves Stella's wardrobe. With one outfit after another cut down to her navel there was always the chance, to the bitter end, that she would give up the goodies for a frame or two. She got close... real close... but just like TV in the 70's, close was all ya got. I had to watch it, however... sometimes at verrrryyyy slooowwww speeds just to make sure. And that, you can imagine, pissed me off terribly. So I look at the IMDb score and see something in positive numbers... a 2.3.... and I'm thinking Stella and Stuart and all their friends must have voted because it is way too generous for this inflamed boil on the buttocks of Hollywood. A zero, that's what we have here.

    The caps include Stella in a dress she wore for half the movie. So close. So close.

    • Stella Stevens (1, 2)

    And then there are her partners in crime. Linda Scruggs is wafer-thin white gal who for two frames shows you the side of one hootie and for a third frame shows you a bit of bum. Lynn Moody is a tiny black gal who gives up honest to goodness, el primo rumpus for 'xactly two frames. Then for about ten minutes of conversation Stella, Linda and Lynn loll around naked in a pool. For a couple of frames, the distortion lessened and you could see that sure enough, them babes was really nekkid.

    Last up is a hooker played by Ava Readdy. She also does the almost, sorta, kinda hooter exposure thing.

    Sad. So very sad. I suppose someone in this abortion got something out of it. Hope so, because sure as shit no one who watches it will.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    The Ghost's Summer O' Skinemax continues with 'caps and vids of Skinemax regular Ashlie Rhey doing some topless dancing.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "The Dreamers"
    This very talky 2003 drama tells of a young American studying in Paris in 1968 in the midst of the '68 Paris student riots. Some viewers may be tempted to jump through the first 50 minutes to get to the very explicit sex scenes, but you'll miss a lot.

    Our student meets a French brother and sister, who share his love for cinema, both classic and modern. As things progress, he also winds up sharing something else, the sister. Lots of conversations about cinema take up a ton of time in this movie, but will still be very interesting to many, as will the references to the riots taking place around them.

    This movie is rated NC-17 for a reason, but by no means is it a sexploytation film. It's a serious character study with excellent acting and production, and will probably be considered with Last Tango in Paris as examples of excellent adult-oriented films.

    Incidentially, Eva Green can act. Considering her good looks and killer body, nobody may care, but she really can act

    Diana Espen aka adult film star April Flowers. Here she is topless in scenes from "The New Girl"

    Jodie Moore The Aussie adult actress showing off her robo-goodies in scenes from the softcore flick "Sapphire Girls".

    Keri Windsor
    Seana Ryan
    (1, 2)

    Two more ladies...4 more implants. Scenes from "Illicit Lovers" (2000). Windsor is also known for her adult film work and some of you probably saw Ryan in the September '92 issue of Penthouse.

    Sonja Jeannine
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Toplessness and pubes (link #3) on German TV in scenes from "Tatort - Lockruf" (1978).

    Katharina Abt Topless and brief frontal nudity from the German actress in "Bronsteins Kinder" (1991).

    Anne Kasprik One more round of toplessness and brief bush. This time in scenes from an episode of "Einzug ins Paradies" (1987)

    Elisha Cuthbert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Another batch of tight top 'caps from the "24" Season 2 DVDs. Thanks to Johnny Moronic.

    Pam Anderson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Señor Skin takes a moment to reflect on one of the most significant events in online adult entertainment and celebrity nudity...The theft of Pam and Tommy's honeymoon video.

    Subject: Alanis Morissette


    I just got home from an Alanis Morissette/Barenaked Ladies concert where they were selling posters featuring Alanis and the members of BNL nude (of course covering vital parts, yada).

    I scanned it and edited out the BNL dudes.


    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Still A-Peeling - The latest movie trend seems to be for actresses over 40 to do nude scenes. First, Sharon Stone agreed to make "Basic Instinct 2," and next, a film called "The Door In The Floor" will feature full nudity by Kim Basinger and Mimi Rogers. Rogers called it "a little scary," but said it's not gratuitous, but an "art scene" relevant to the story. She added, "The thing that's cool about this movie is that Kim and I both have a lot of nudity -- two hot ladies over 40. We're going to set the industry on its ear, 'Don't forget about us, boys.' And Kim, she's like freakishly beautiful. It all helps reinforce the idea that age doesn't have that much to do with beauty. Over 40 is a state of mind."

  • As in, you don't "mind" getting Botox, you don't "mind" collagen injections, you don't "mind" being liposuctioned...
  • Really? For most actresses, over 40 is a state of panic!
  • It's a little scary, but mostly because they shot it with high definition cameras.
  • It's an "art scene"...You get to appreciate the art of the plastic surgeon.

    And Bill Gates Will Have ALL Your Money - Bill Gates predicted that DVDs will be obsolete in under 10 years. He said that soon, the idea of having carrying around film and music "on little silver discs" that can scratch or get lost will seem ridiculous. Gates said in the near future, TV "will simply show what we want to see, when we want to see it. When we get home, the home computer will know who we are from our voice or our face. It will know what we want to watch, our favorite programs, or what the kids shouldn't be allowed to see."'

  • Or what WE shouldn't be allowed to see.
  • Why, it'll do ALL our thinking for us!
  • It will know everything about us...And then, it will blackmail us.
  • Don't worry, though: DVDs won't become obsolete until you've replaced every movie you have on VHS.