"Lust in the Mummy's Tomb"
Lust in the Mummy's Tomb (2002) is the feature on the DVD that yesterday's The Vibrating Maid came from. It is all of 45 minutes, and may or may not have been originally intended to be a feature. Let me explain. Misty Mundae wakes up playing with her right breast, then takes a long shower. She then reads a note from her father telling her to stay out of his study. She immediately goes in, seduces a mummy, which brings Cleopatra (Patty Peturbed in a sheer lavender nighty) out from behind a bookshelf. Patty masturbates as Misty does the mummy, which brings the mummy to life. The mummy chases Misty, unwrapping his bandages, and vanishes. Cleopatra then informs Misty that Misty owes her an orgasm so she can have eternal rest. Misty obliges, and Cleopatra vanishes. Misty them goes into her room in a robe, and dresses slowly in a bustier, fishnet stockings, a skirt and blouse.
My guess is that the shower scene and the dressing scene were originally one short, as the rest of the story doesn't need those two scenes at all. Further, as the mummy is unraveling, we see Misty cowering in a hallway naked, but we never see the two in the same from, so this might be part of a third short. There is very little dialogue, and Misty has the lamest accent I have ever heard when she does open her mouth. Now for the pluses. We see everything from Misty over and over, including some gyno views, and Peturbed shows breasts and bush through a very sheer nighty. There tame girl/girl does include a little kissing. This is one of the weaker Misty Mundae DVDs to date, and this particular feature is barely a C-, including extra points awarded for the lameness of the mummy with the perpetual hard-on. For those who want to see Misty and Surrender Cinema at their best, try The Lord of the G-Strings.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Ken Park (2002):
I'm sitting here thinking that I don't really know
what to say about this movie. On the one hand, I want to say
nothing. On the other hand, I want to write a book about it. Maybe
that is the story.
Ken Park is the latest film from Larry Clark, the
Oklahoman who had already established a controversial body of
photographic work when he decided late in life to make his still
photographs move. He was 52 years old when he took up filmmaking.
His subject matter is ... well, I think the title of one of his
books of photographs says it all: "Teenage Lust". His entire life
seems to be devoted to cataloguing the sexual urges and escapades of
adolescents. His filmmaking career seems to combine that interest
with a need to keep pushing the outside of the "decency" envelope,
to test what can be shown by the camera in the storytelling process.
For better or worse, we live with conventions, and
we assume that they will be followed. We assume that when people go
into the bedroom in a film, that we will see nothing more than some
romantic, inexplicit coupling accompanied by syrupy music. Mr Clark
is not one to follow the conventions. Some of his earlier films had
been more explicit than people expect from movies about teenagers,
but Ken Park goes all the way. It never pulls the camera away. If
there is oral sex going on, we see genitals being licked and
swallowed. If there is masturbation, we see it in real time,
complete with erect penises and dripping fluids. If someone goes to
the bathroom, we see the penis and the stream emerging from it.
Larry Clark knows he is courting controversy with this level of
candor, and he seems to relish it.
The thematic material is no less disturbing than the
explicit visuals. The film forms a loose tapestry from the stories
of four teenagers in Visalia, California who know each other. Each
of them has a relationship with the adult world that most of us
would call abnormal.
Tate lives with his grandparents, nice enough old
codgers who show genuine love for one another and for Tate. But Tate
is some kind of darkly disturbed individual, and he terrorizes the
oldsters, as well as his dog. When Tate is not exhibiting
sociopathic behavior, he's busy practicing sexual asphyxiation while
he masturbates. (We see all this in real time, including the money
shot.) Finally, he gets naked and slips into his grandparents' room
one night and kills them. For our benefit, he narrates the murder,
including his report of how it aroused him sexually.
Shaun seems to have a normal life and a sweet
girlfriend with a nice family. Except that Shaun is also having sex
with his girlfriend's mother. In bed with the mother, he discusses
what she has in common with her daughter. No, he's not discussing
their smiles or their favorite flavor of ice cream. It's stuff like,
"you have the same pussy smell".
Peaches is a straight A student being raised by her
deeply religious father. In appearance, she is virtually a clone of
her deceased mother, so you can bet that dad will eventually decide
that his daughter can fill in for mom in certain ways, but not
before he comes home early one day to find his beloved and presumed
virtuous daughter mounted on her boyfriend, who is tied to her bed.
Claude has a problem with his macho dad, who abuses
him physically and berates him for being a pussy and preferring
sissy sports like skateboarding to manly stuff like weightlifting.
Dad does make an unusual attempt at reconciliation with his son. He
comes home drunk one night, goes into the boy's room, and starts
sucking his cock.
That pretty much runs the entire gamut of
dysfunction and incest.
As you might imagine, the film has already left
behind a trail of controversy. The Office of Film and Literature
Classification in Australia refused to classify it, so it is
currently banned for screening in Australia. Last week (July 3rd,
2003) an imported DVD was projected at the Melbourne Town Hall but
the exhibition was shut down after a raid by the Police.
Mr. Clark says his movie is not pornographic, but
that he's just being honest and revealing events that happen in real
life. He says all of the characters are based on real teens who have
modeled for him over the years.
Clark's films always have a limited story line. One
reason is that he tries to create a cinema verite feel, a sense that
we are watching real people in real time, and that they don't know
they are being filmed. If the plot were highly contrived, it would
detract from the sense of "reality". Another reason for the minimal
story is that when one shows sex, masturbation and urination in real
time, it doesn't leave much time for plot development. Those
activities take up a lot of screen time without moving the
characters forward. In terms of storyline, this film will never be
mistaken for The Man Who Would Be King, but it manages to develop at
least some kind of a forward movement. It ends the film with a
threesome between the three main characters who are still alive and
free. In one sense, the threesome is unexpected, since we have not
previously been aware that the characters are intimate and have not
seen them together at all, but in a larger sense, the threesome
represents a their refuge from the abnormality of their family
lives. The tone of that scene is unlike that of the rest of the
movie. This coupling is loving, and the talk is gentle and
harmonious. These characters find with each other a degree of peace
they can't achieve with their families.
We don't know if the final scene is actually
happening. Maybe, maybe not. In a sense, it simply represents the
time when one generation breaks away from the previous one and tries
to build its own sense of cultural values. The sweetness and mutual
acceptance in this scene represents a ray of hope in their otherwise
Clark has not only taken explicitness to new levels,
but has also refined his production values over the years. The look
of "Kids" is primitive, and "Teenage Caveman" is virtually at a home
movie level. That is not true with Ken Park. Although the cinema
verite feel is still present, Clark hired a true professional to be
his D.P. and co-director. Here are some of the films in which Ed
Lachman has been the cinematographer.
- Erin Brockovich
The Virgin Suicides, The (1999)
- Far from Heaven
- The Limey (1999)
- Light Sleeper
- Mississippi Masala
- Desperately Seeking
- The Lords of
There are some mighty well photographed films on
that list, and some pretty famous names sat in the director's
chairs. Two of those films were directed by Stephen Soderbergh, one
by Paul Shrader, one by Todd Haymes. There are some brilliantly
photographed films on that list, including a deserved Oscar
nomination for Best Cinematography (Far From Heaven). That should
give you an idea that Larry Clark is not only making more explicit
films, but also more professional films. Not only is there more to
see than in his earlier works, but you can actually see it, and it
Is it a good movie? Well, now, that's complicated.
Who the hell can give you an unbiased answer to that question?
Clark's explicitness and cinema verite technique not only breaks
ground, but also causes a lot of obfuscation. People tend to talk
about the explicitness of the content, and not the quality.
People tend to fume about the disjointed nature of cinema verite
without trying to determine if it produces an impact upon the
audience that can't be achieved by an artificial storyline.
You won't find me much more objective than most
people, but my bias is different from most people's. I just get
bored with body parts. Porn movies, for example, bore the bejeezus
out of me. I don't have any objection at all to explicit sexual
portrayals, but I think that they slow down the film too much when
presented in real time, and I'm not convinced that the real time
concept adds value. Take for example, the scene where the kid is
masturbating while choking himself. Is there any value to watching
this for several minutes that could not be achieved in a couple of
seconds? After all, masturbation is just a hand going up and down.
Do we need to see every stroke?
Bottom line, I think that Clark is evolving a
technique which may some day result in a very powerful piece of
cinema. He has demonstrated the ability to create strong moments.
I'm still not convinced he has put enough moments together in one
place to make a really good film. I liked Bully better than Ken Park.
In Bully Clark managed to find a way to keep his unique
"eavesdropping" grittiness, while adding form, structure, and
cohesion. He was working from authentic source material based on a
true story, and he hired some additional screenwriters to flesh out
the story and characters.
Well let's see. He
brought in writers to work on Bully, and a cinematographer to work
on Ken Park. I wonder what would happen if he tried doing both in
the same movie. Jeez, he might be on to something there.
I suppose this movie is
a C-. It has some merit, but it's pretty damned tedious and doesn't
have much content besides coupling and sex talk. Let's face it, if
they created an airline version, it would barely fill up the flight
from Miami to Ft Lauderdale. Merit
aside, it will be widely praised and widely disparaged. Some people
will praise it excessively simply because other people will condemn
it and censor it, ala the works of D.H. Lawrence. Who knows, future
generations may see Clark as a cinema pioneer that way we look back
upon Lawrence as a literary pioneer.
Tiffany Limos (1,
Maeve Quinlan (1,
Hi Uncle Scoopy,
I've been a member for years now and
I must say you have the best website available. I saw something
the other day and thought it might be a good idea to post on your
site. Jessica Simpson had "the making of" her latest video - The
Sweetest Sin and there are a lot of pokies and maybe a little
see-thru on it and was wondering if you or someone else could cap
Scoop's response: I think we can help...check out today's section of 'caps by Cambo.
Got a name for ya here. The girl in the Rascal Flatts video, I
Melt, is Christina Auria. Apparently she is a model or actress or
something. Perhaps some of the other guys can find some stuff on
her. I will upload to you anything I manage to find!
Found these pictures on usenet and put them
together. It is Gloria Velez flashing breasts in the video of
Scoop's response: Geez, I'm old. I
don't know who Velez is, and I don't know who or what an Oochie
Walley is. Isn't that what Jay and Silent Bob call doobies? Or
maybe it's what the Dalai Lama said to Bill Murray in Caddyshack.
I have to update my musical knowledge. I'm still thinking that
Perry Como is too avant-garde.
What follows is a review of Bounty Huntress:
Undercover, which I rented on DVD from Hollywood Video,
when I noted it was Rated R for Nudity.
First, some comments. I had recently rented Bounty Huntress 2
also on DVD (I forget the Subtitle on that one). Now, the "2"
implied it was a sequel, even though I had never heard of it.
When I found Undercover, I said "Ah ha", here's the first
one. Well, not only are they not related, and have none of the
same characters or actors, but the actress on the DVD cover and
shown in the intro stills when the DVD
plays (a definite Lara Croft clone - complete with big boobs,
short tube top, short shorts and long legs, pistol holster and
grenades) is nowhere to be seen.
No grenades, either, now that I think of it.
The IMDB has a Beautiful Bounty aka Bounty Huntress, but it
definitely isn't this one, so there may be another one.
While I'm complaining, why is it called Bounty Huntress? There
is no such character in the movie, or even a reference to her.
There is a female police detective, that sort of goes undercover,
with her male partner and lover, in a brothel. But she's on the
public payroll. "Born to seduce. Trained to kill" according to
the cover, but she does neither in this movie.
The Madame of the Brothel they are staking out is played by
Chloe Nichole, who is actually a good choice. For one thing, she
looks just a little older (30-something) so you can believe she
has been in the business long enough to start her own house. The
female detective (Bounty Huntress) is played by Nicole Hilbig, and
if that sounds like a foreign name, it is. She speaks English
with an accent, almost like
she memorized the lines without understanding them. It almost
reminds me of someone who is totally deaf that learns to speak,
without hearing what they sound like. She is sexy without being
beautiful, again, not a bad match for the part.
The good news.
- First, there is lots of nudity, and from the beginning and
cutaways, I thought might be a porn film stripped-down to get
the R-rating for the rental market, but there is some
full-frontal by a couple of actresses, and pubic hair (not
full-on) shown by a couple more.
- Second, these are not silicone porn-stars (although some of
the names were familar - I'm pretty sure Nikki Steele is a porn
The bad news
- It does seem to be a slimmed-down version, with lots of
cutaways. One example was when the female detective (she didn't
go undercover as one of the prostitutes, as is usually the case
in these movies) joins a prostitute and her john for a 3-way.
Nothing - not even a kiss - is shown of the 3-way. They do show
both women totally naked getting dressed after the fact, where
they share a kiss. There has to be more.
- The plot has iceberg-sized holes in it, starting with why
they want to put the Brothel under surveillance in the first
place. Is this the only place they can tap to spy on the
criminal? Do they really think he's stupid enough to tell a
hooker or madame his business?
- The acting is of course terrible.
- One of the hookers has the largest teeth I've ever seen on a
- Spare me the trite dialogue. The female detective, who is
shacking up with her partner, gets all "moral" about the brothel
and girls who "do it for money." The girls and the madame spend
alot of time trying to convince her to give it a try "You might
Rent it for the nudity, but where is that Unrated Version?
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)
Dave Barry's column on "Talk Like a Pirate Day"
- Avast, me buccos, I know what ye be thinkin'. "Golly, Scoop, I
want to talk like a pirate, but every time I try to say "blow me
down", I always forget the "down", and somebody kicks the stuffing
out of me. And I don't know a plank from a yardarm. How will I
ever learn enough in just a few weeks?" No problem, matey.
Read up on it
right here, and soon you'll be blustering like a buccaneer, cursing
like a corsair. Yarrr.
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
- Kim Cattrall, topless as usual. Vidcaps from last night's "Sex And The City", episode "Pick-a-little, Talk-a-little".
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Day # 5 of the Heather Graham marathon.
This time Heather becomes a "Babe in Bondage" as her husband has her roped to a table in "Killing Me Softly". Sadly no nudity in this set.
This wraps up the marathon.
- Heather Graham
||Showing very nice cleavage and some great pokies in 'caps from a new video.
||Her much talked about toplessness from the Showtime series "Out of Order".
||In a bikini top from her "Feel Good Time" video.
|The French actress probably best known to American audiences from "Mission Impossible" baring all in excellent 'caps from "La belle Noiseuse" (1991).
||An excellent by ZonononZor of the "Big" co-star topless (and then some) in scenes from "I'm Losing You".
||Partial breast exposure from "The Time Machine" leading lady. Thanks to Squiddy.
||A bunch of cleavage in DeadLamb 'caps from the Martin Lawrence action comedy, "National Security" (2003).
|aka Ava Lake, Ava Niche, Phyllisha and Mia Zottoli. Here is the busty Skinemax babe going topless and full frontal in Señor Skin 'caps from Mummy's Kiss.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Caine's Carter is nastiest ever film character
Michael Caine's role in movie classic Get Carter has earned the title of nastiest screen character of all time. As the eponymous Jack Carter he became a legendary anti-hero, throwing an adversary from the top of a car park among his remorseless acts of violence.
He was chosen by movie experts at Total Film magazine who have compiled a countdown of the all-time greatest screen "bastards". Callous Carter is a psychotic gangland killer in the 1971 film, which broke new ground at the time for its cold, graphic scenes of bloodshed. Caine told the magazine: "We made it very violent for the time because I had this bee in my bonnet that British films treated gangsters as though
they were stupid or funny." Having met many during his childhood in London's Elephant and Castle, he pointed out: "Never did I meet any of them who was stupid or remotely funny.
"It was only violent insofar as I wanted to get across the point that if you whack a bloke eight or 10 times in the face, he isn't going to get up, shake himself down and come back at you."
The top 10 Total Film "bastards":
1. Jack Carter (Sir Michael Caine) - Get Carter (1971).
2. JJ Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster) - Sweet Smell Of Success (1957).
3. Vicomte De Valmont (John Malkovich) - Dangerous Liaisons (1988)
4. Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) - Wall Street (1987)
5. Buddy Ackerman (Kevin Spacey) - Swimming With Sharks (1994).
6. Arthur Potter (Lionel Barrymore) - It's A Wonderful Life (1946).
7. Gunnery Sgt Harman (R Lee Ermey) - Full Metal Jacket (1987).
8. Captain William Bligh (Charles Laughton) - Mutiny On The Bounty (1935).
9. Dennis Peck (Richard Gere) - Internal Affairs (1990).
10. Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) - As Good As It Gets (1997).