The Mutant Chronicles


The story takes place in the 23rd century. Sort of. More on that in a bit.

Humans have exhausted most of the earth's resources and have been plunged back to the technology level of the 1880-1915 era. Political boundaries have disappeared, but they have been replaced by rigid economic boundaries which serve the same purpose. The entire earth is now owned by four corporations which are always at war. When I say "war," I do not mean that they battle with competitive marketing or financial strategies, but that they possess armies which engage one another in endless trench warfare in the manner of WW1.

Mitch (Tom Jane), a battle-hardened soldier, is fighting a desperate battle against an enemy corporation when an errant shell destroys an "ancient stone seal" which releases some hideous "necromutants." The mutants multiply rapidly and destroy everything in their path. The officers of the corporations are about to abandon the planet and leave the common people to their fate when an alternate is proposed by Brother Samuel (Ron Perlman), leader of the Brotherhood, an ancient monastic order. Samuel is the keeper of the Chronicles, a mystical text which prophesies both the rise of the mutants, and their fall to the 'Deliverer.' Big Sam believes that he personally is the foretold Deliverer who is destined to journey deep into the earth to destroy the semi-ancient threat. He manages to recruit Mitch and a rag-tag team of stock comic book characters: an honorable enemy officer, a woman who wields a mystic sword, a street fighter named El Jesus, and so forth.

Ancient evil? In the 23rd century? Assuming that no such necromutants exist today, possible excepting Dick Cheney, the stone seal could not be more than about 200 years old, could it? Actually, the promotional literature says the story takes place in the 23rd century, but the opening captions specify the year 2707, so it is possible that future humans will discover new advances in mathematics which will allow centuries to include far more than a hundred years, possible as many as a zillion kajillion. Or maybe somebody realized at the last minute that it would not be possible to unearth "ancient" evil in the 23rd century if said evil does not already exist in the 21st, so they produced a "2707" word slide.

The director spent a reported eight million dollars and hired some recognizable stars like Ron Perlman and Thomas Jane (and even John Malkovich in a small role) to perform in front of green screens which would later be augmented with various steam-punk illustrations. The film idea was to create an alternate comics-inspired world, in the manner of Sin City or Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Unfortunately, he result looks like what Sky Captain would have looked like if I had made it in my house with no money, no CGI, no green screen, and a camcorder. If I had to do that, I would scan an actual page from a comic book, blow it up, print it out in sections on my little laser printer, re-assemble the image by taping the sections to a wall, then have my friends perform by walking in front of the wall. I'm not saying the director actually did that. It's just that many scenes look like people standing in front of drawings. To make matters worse, the vehicles and airships in motion look like the miniatures from those supermarionation TV shows in the 60s. like Supercar and Captain Scarlet.

Except Supercar was more realistic.

And had a cool theme song.

And I managed to say awake during Supercar.

You've all seen those t-shirts which read, "My mom and dad went to Paris and all I got was this stupid t-shirt. Well, I watched this film, and all I got was this stupid video. (A brief flash of the top of Anna Walton's butt.)


Harold and Kumar 2


Another fellow spent more time than I did on the IDs for this film, and pinned down who some of these women are. (See yesterday's page for the videos.)

Ava Santana and Chantal Silvain

Marisa Belinda, Claudia Pena and others.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







Final Examination


Today we look at the boobies of the B-Babes in Final Examination.

Amy Lindsay lathers them all up in the shower.


Brief breasts from Belinda Gavin.

Debbie Rochon shows off her tits.

Kalau Iwaoka lets her pair hang out.

Kim Maddox displays her melons for a pair of guys.







Notes and collages


Finn Carter in Tremors
Kelly LeBrock in Wrongfully Accused
Kristen Scott-Thomas in Chromophobia
Lynda Carter in Wonder Woman
Salma Hayek in Wild Wild West






"A Woman's a Helluva Thing"

 (2001) (TV)

Dumb sex comedy about a men's magazine editor (Angus MacFadyen) who has sex with just any woman with legs inclusing lesbian twins (Alissa and Heidi Karmaer), a butch cowgirl (Sharon Bajer), and his stepmother (Ann-Margret). Hetops at a wet t-shirt contestant winner (Hilary Shepard) who turns out to be a transsexual.

Nicole Nieth: in very sexy micro mini-dress.

Ann-Margret: fully clothed sex.

Kramer twins: threesome, nipple pokies in wet-shirt (hey, Hefner did triplets!)

Hilary Shepard: nipple pokies in wet t-shirt.

Sharon Bajer: partial butt and boob.


"Small Town Folk"


The UK's version of hicksploitation, released to DVD recently.

Tamaryn Payne: black panties.





Box office snooze with R-rated theme but PG-rated sex and nudity.

Diane Lane: booby double

Caroline Dhavernas: nice panty crotch shots.

Robin Tunney: fully-clothed sex

Natalie Krill: buns getting her tail feathers set on fire.




Stuntbabe Mary Ann Stevens is the stunt double for Rachel Nichols in the elevator-full-of-water scene. I believe the Who did the same stunt at a hotel when Keith Moon was still alive.

Mary Ann Stevens: same revealing dress.



The Goodbye Girl

(2004) (TV)

Needless remake of the 1977 Richard Dreyfuss classic.

Patricia Heaton: wearing a thin film of soap suds over her coochie.

Paige Gray: sexy as stripper.

Emily Holmes: sexy.




(2006) (V)

A hoser spoof of reality television genre by Sammy Miami. No nudity but Beth Conacher and Sundance Clugston
provide some rock-hard pokies.

Beth Conacher

Sundance Clugston




(2006) (V)

Another Sammy Miami hoser comedy.

Lauren Kurtz: is in red bikini

Ashley Morris: ...while Ashley Morris barely stays in hers.


Hands of a Stranger

(1987) (TV)

Stepping back in the time machine...

Beverly D'Angelo sort of nude getting raped. Her butt double is played by Elizabeth McCarthy, but Mrs. Griswold later shows partial boob in the shower.


Cleaning up my hard drive....

Genelle Williams: sexy in "Doomstown".

Deanna Casaluce: Degrassi actress showing mega cleavage in "Devil's Diary".

Isabelle Guerard: fully clothed sex in "Angel's Rage" aka "La rage de l'ange".

Lauren Kurtz: sort of topless in another Sammy Miami "Holiday Hypnosis".

Kim Krichoff: Sammy Miami regular is sexy in "Air Hockey".









101 Reykjavik


A 30-year-old Icelandic man still lives with his mother and spends his days drinking, watching porn and surfing the net. Lola, his mother's Spanish flamenco teacher (Victoria Abril), moves in with them for Christmas. On New Year's Eve, while his mother is away, he ends up having drunken sex with Lola and getting her pregnant. The man's mother returns and breaks the news that she and Lola are lesbian lovers and will raise the baby together. He tries and fails to commit suicide, but eventually matures and gets a job, although he never does leave his mother's house. He stays with the two women and their (his) baby boy.

Part 1

Victoria Abril









Ariane Sommer falls out of her dress.

Eva Longoria looking completely average in her bikini




DragonScan is still hard at work:

Chikako Aoyama in Robotrix
Charlie Spradling in Wild at Heart
Dina Meyer in Starship Troopers
Laura Harring in Mulholland Drive
Halle Berry in Swordfish


Film Clips

Nicole Rayburn in Blur (2007)

Elsa Pataky in Ninette (2005)

Danni Hamilton in Bloody Mary (2006. I think she's the woman whom IMDb identifies as Danni Ravden.)

Four clips from Sex and Death 101 (2007) in high definition (1280x720)