Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


Not mine, but nice stuff:

  • This is a very nice little film clip from the internet legend Graphic Response, featuring Elizabeth Ward Gracen, former Miss America, former Miss Arkansas, and former lover of a rather famous Arkansas Governor named Bill Clinton. The name of the film is Final Mission. (I ordered a Region 2 DVD, so we should see some HQ caps in a few days.) Here is a zipped .avi from GR
  • Sometimes it is just pleasant to see a very nice quality clip of two beautiful people gettin' down and recitin' Shakespeare. Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love (zipped .avi).


'Caps and comments by Hankster:

The House of Exorcism (1975)

Took that old Time Machine back thirty years to 1975 and a visit to "The House of Exorcism".
This one is a strange little movie that was actually derived and re-cut for U.S.A. release from another movie "Lisa & the Devil".
It starred sex symbol from back then Elke Sommer, and the still lollipop-sucking Kojak (Telly Savalas). Below are some scenes of Elke which lead up to her being strapped down in a hospital, chloroformed and then stripped to expose her breasts.

Babe number two is Sylva Koscina, who is getting her boobies nibbled below:

And finally the best nudity is from Carmen Silva, who is stark naked for all three B's - and this is a fine looking woman.


The Crimson Ghost

Presumed Innocent (1990)

Greta Scacchi


After the Fox (1966)

Maria Grazia Buccella as "Miss Okra, the bikini trap"



Blind Side (1993)

Tamara Clatterbuck

Rebecca DeMornay


Juliette Marquis from This Girl's Life

Roxane Mesquida in À ma soeur!


Berserker (1987)


Beth Toussant

Demon Lust (1997)


Brinke Stevens

Dust to Dust (1994)


Cindy Curtis

Real Genius (1985)


Deborah Foreman

married/unmarried (1985)


Gina Bellman

Kristen McMenamy

Lidja Kovcic

Riders in the Storm (1995)


Kim Dawson

Morgan Brittany

Shadowzone (1985)


Shawn Weatherly

Maureen Flaherty

Blkue Angel Cafe (1989)


Tara Buckman

Troma DVD special features


Tiffany Shepis

Herr Haut

The Divine Nymph (1977)

  Laura Antonelli
Blood From the Mummy's Tomb (1971)


Valerie Leon


Requiem for a Dream (2000)

How much better can it get than an acclaimed movie with lower body nudity from Jennifer Connelly?


Tuna's condition is stable. Nothing new to report. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


Pat Reeder

Pat's comments in yellow:


And Wait'll They Hit 40! - According to a Grazia magazine survey of 1,000 British women, average age 34, more than half say they are tempted to have cosmetic surgery, and nearly all "constantly worry about their body shape and size."  80 percent wish they were thinner, even though only 27 percent were overweight.  Asked to list the parts they'd change, a majority of all the women said they were unhappy with (in descending order) their hips and thighs, waist, legs, breasts, bottom, ankles, feet, arms, face, hands, teeth and hair.

*  They don't want to do anything about their hideous earlobes?!  Or their repulsive shoulder blades?!!
*  Also known as the Joan Rivers 3,000-mile Maintenance Checklist.
*  They're British...Shouldn't "teeth" be higher on the list?
*  They're too hard on themselves...Their husbands just listed their breasts.

The women also chose Demi Moore as the celebrity who's improved the most from plastic surgery, but Angelina Jolie has the body most
women want.

*  And at the rate she's going, the body most men will have had.
*  Coincidentally, Demi's also HAD the most plastic surgery.
*  Women think plastic surgery will turn them into an ideal of pure femininity, just like it did for Michael Jackson.


Newsflash: Five Percent Of Italian Men Are Gay - In a poll by the Italian  Naturalist Federation, most Italians said they were not bothered by nude sunbathers on public beaches.  More than 80 percent said it was natural, not erotic.  However, 40 percent of women said they didn't like seeing women sunbathing nude, while only five percent of men object.  However, 16 percent of the men said they would object if the naked women were fat and ugly.

*  Not because nudity is erotic, of course, but because it's not natural for fat, ugly girls to be naked in public.
*  Ironically, those were the fattest and ugliest men.
*  Unfortunately, the pretty women won't sunbathe naked because they all THINK they're too fat and ugly.



You're Gold, Baby! - You can now be the same shade as your favorite star.  The London Sun reports that Naturasun Inc. is marketing ten spray-on tanners, each of which promises to match the shade of a celebrity.  The line ranges from Regular Bronze, which will make you match Paris Hilton, to Chocolate, which gives you J-Lo's skin color.  A spokeswoman says if you work with a beauty consultant, you can match the shade of any celebrity.

*  But if you want to match George Hamilton, you'll have to go to Sherwin-Williams.
*  To match Michael Jackson, you'll need three coats of whitewash.
*  If your butt matches J-Lo's in size, you'll have to buy three times as much tanner.
*  To get the Charlize Theron Oscarcast tan, I suggest soaking in a tub full of orange Kool-Aid.
*  To match Paris Hilton perfectly, spray on one coat of Regular Bronze tanner, then huff the rest until you get brain damage.


But Those Are All Mickey Mouse Celebrities! - In a Disney poll of 45 celebrities, including John Stamos, Jim Belushi and David and Courtney Cox Arquette, they picked Goofy as the Disney character they most identify with.

*  Gee, I wonder why a bunch of millionaire socialists who believe in Scientology and Kabbalah would identify with Goofy?
*  Harvey Keitel identifies with Donald Duck because they both make movies with no pants on.

Oprah Would Make Them Open After Hours - In a poll of the general public, Oprah Winfrey was chosen as the star with whom they'd most like to share a Disney vacation, followed by Clint Eastwood and Julie Andrews.

*  Least favorite choice: Michael Jackson.
*  They'd just like to see Clint pull out his Magnum and blow away all those "It's A Small World" dolls.
*  They figure only Oprah could afford to pay the bill.


Is There A Drug To Cure That? - The New York Post reports that the hot new fashion is a T-shirt with Tom Cruise's face emblazoned with the word "Cruisazy."  Designer MissWit says the word means, "To act in a way that is Tom Cruise-like.  To know something completely that others do not."

*  Like that Tom Cruise is crazy?  Oh wait: everyone knows that.
*  Brooke Shields LOVES hers!

Adore Who Again? - Katie Holmes has sparked new concerns by giving a zombified interview to W magazine, in which her Scientology "minder" answered questions for her.  At one point, Holmes is asked to describe her feelings for Tom Cruise, and the minder replies, "You adore him."

*  Apparently, she's also the re-minder.
*  But Katie just smiles vacantly, because she is SO AMAZING!
*  Once again proving that brainwashing a Hollywood actress is the world's easiest laundry job.

NOTE!  Want to learn about Scientology?  Try

Reader response to Pat's July 11 column:

Hi Fellas,

I read Pat's stuff every day on Scoopy's site, and always find it a hoot. I enjoyed the "Band Demands Beauty Queens Backstage" story, but I thought you might enjoy a fact that makes the story just a little more bizarre, I think.

You refer to Apocalyptica as a 'Finnish rock group'. Would you believe they're a Finnish string quartet? Even wackier, would you believe that they specialize in doing string arrangements (primarily for cellos) of famous heavy metal songs by bands like Metallica and Slayer?

Yeah.  And they aren't half-bad, either...even if their beauty-queen request is a silly thing.

Keep up the good work,
Mr. Dark

Other Crap

Video Game Industry Applauds Worldwide Piracy Raids In “Operation Site Down”

Interesting picture of Robert Altman and Lindsay Lohan. I guess this must be from the set of A Prairie Home Companion. Mr. Altman is 80!

The police in the U.K. have been moving swiftly on the suicide bombers - turns out they were all born in the U.K.

Scott McClellan gets barbequed by reporters. I almost regained my faith in the press when I read this!

  • "You're in a bad spot here, Scott ... because AFTER the investigation began -- AFTER the criminal investigation was under way -- you said, October 10th, 2003, "I spoke with those individuals, Rove, Abrams and Libby. As I pointed out, those individuals assured me they were not involved in this," from that podium. That's AFTER the criminal investigation began. Now that Rove has essentially been caught red-handed peddling this information, all of a sudden you have respect for the sanctity of the criminal investigation."


One more reason to hate Michael Bay: Director tells Scarlett Johannson she can't go naked.

  • She's standing there and she says, 'I'm not wearing this cheap ... bra. I'm going naked." I said, "It's PG-13, you have to wear the bra."


MSNBC gossip.

  • Kate Hudson admits she often sees dead people.
  • Plus, Dark Water's director thinks his movie sucks! "Walter Salles, director of “Dark Water” is said to be distancing himself from the flick. The Brazilian director reportedly is unhappy with the final cut of the film."

The Official Website of Comedian, Jimmy Shubert. Check out his routine about the "conjoinal twins" for one of the most politically incorrect rants ever. (It's in the box under his picture.)


Smoking Gun: Best Mug Shot Ever


Rumor Of The Day: Colin Farrell/ Nicole Narain Sex Tape?


URL says it all:


Oh, be still, my beating heart. "ROAD HOUSE 2 is on the way!"


Salma Hayek in Sin City 2?


Albums That Sucked - Fabio: After Dark!


"No, you're not smoking something--the cover of Willie Nelson's new reggae album comes in two separate versions: regular and Wal-Mart."


The Daily Show: "Sandra Day O'Connor rules for both sides in the case of Golf v. Grandchildren."


The Daily Show discusses the London aftermath.


"Jon Stewart interviews the author of a new book about the crumbling wall between church and state."

"The Daily Show's Ed Helms explores the controversy brought about by an art show called 'Controversy.'"


"Tom Cruise Starts Shooting M:I-3 "


"Mariah Carey gave fans more than they were expecting after a 'wardrobe accident' exposed her breasts." No pictures available yet.


Mobile home madness: Prices top $1 million in California! And you don't even own the land when you pony up the $1.4 million.


I'll bet you can guess the source of this true story: "GAL WITH GREEN BABY SAYS SHE WAS RAPED BY A LEPRECHAUN" ... He slipped her his little shamrock


Quotables: Late Night with Conan O'Brien

  • "The White House says President Bush is in no hurry to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court, which makes sense, since it took him four weeks to pick his favorite Teletubby."

The Office Bow of Death (Create a real bow and arrow from office supplies)


New pics from the Aeon Flux movie

Video: Canadian Airshow Disaster: "An air show in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan took a tragic turn when two flyboys collided in mid-air. Sadly, the pilots are presumed dead. "


Dave Barry's Blog is in England, summarizing the daily cricket highlights.


"Writer/director M. Night Shyamalan (The Village, Signs, The Sixth Sense) will film his next project, The Lady in the Water, at Bristol Township"


"Keith Richards has finally been signed up to appear in one of the two Pirates of the Caribbean sequels." It's Keithmania! The film will also feature the two most famous Keith Richards impersonators of the past few years: Johnny Depp and Bill Nighy


"Charlotte Church's ex-boyfriend is releasing a book revealing intimate details about their relationship." I hope it's a picture book.


OK, maybe the French aren't so bad after all. Paris city hall will not honour Scientologist Cruise: "In a debate late Monday, the Socialist-controlled municipal assembly approved a resolution 'never to welcome the actor Tom Cruise, spokesman for Scientology and self-declared militant for this organisation.'"


Hot Amish-on-Amish action. It will bore thee, brother!


Energels - Energized Water. Don't be ripped off by those fake energized waters, this is the one and only original energel. Even the name "energel" sounds a lot like "original."


The teaser for Ice Age 2: The Meltdown


Surfer rides a wave for six miles.


"UNNAMED WHITE HOUSE SOURCE DENIES LEAK" ... White House Denies Leaking Denial

  • "Elsewhere, filmmaker Oliver Stone announced that he would direct a movie about 9/11 in which the attacks are masterminded by former president Richard M. Nixon."


"Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman have been signed up to appear in a big screen version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical Sunset Boulevard. Glenn Close will reprise her role as Norma Desmond in the film."


"Screen beauty JESSICA BIEL was mortified after she was talked into modelling for a men's magazine at the age of 17." Well ... maybe. I don't know the truth, but the story at the time was that she wanted that layout to be raunchy because she was trying to get her TV employers to break her existing contract, which forbade such activity.


Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

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