Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


  • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated


Butterfly (1982):

After having worked as a child star in a film universally acknowledged to be one of the worst ever made (Santa Claus Conquers the Martians), Pia Zadora disappeared for a couple of decades. When she returned to Hollywood, she soon built a reputation as the ultimate 1980s bimbo. People said that she not only looked like a bim, but she couldn't act worth beans, and she eventually ended up winning a special Razzie as "worst actress of the decade." Achieving that notoriety really only took her two high profile films early in the decade: Butterfly and The Lonely Lady.

Zadora's appeal, if that is the correct word, was her uncanny facial resemblance to a very young teen, despite the fact that she was nearly thirty when she made those two films. You know how it is with guys and young girls. Moreover, Zadora combined her little girl face with a lost puppy neediness and a very impressive womanly body. Put her in a Catholic prep school uniform, and she would have become the richest woman in Japan. Blessed with a decent set of pipes, she also could have become a Broadway-style singer, but for some reason she chose to be an actress instead, and she just never seemed to have the chops for that profession, or so went the conventional wisdom. During and after those two films, she became one of Johnny Carson's instant punch lines, and eventually her entire career seemed to consist of playing herself in skits and spoofs.

I agree with the contemporary reviewers that The Lonely Lady was a genuinely awful movie, and Pia was awful in it. The verdict of history seems to concur. The Lonely Lady actually gives Santa Claus Conquers the Martian a good battle for the dishonor of being the all-time worst Pia Zadora movie in the IMDb ratings. That is an amazing achievement, considering that Santa is rated the 40th worst of all time!

The Lonely Lady destroyed any hope Pia may have had to become a respected actress. The film was nominated for eleven Razzie awards and won six, including all the important ones. Pia, of course, won the "Worst Actress" trophy.

Butterfly also won her a Worst Actress Razzie, but that movie is a whole different kettle of crawdads. It also won her some legitimate positive awards. They loved her at Cannes, and Rex Reed praised Butterfly as if it were the second coming of Battleship Potemkin. Pia was not only nominated for the Golden Globe for Best New Star of the Year in a Motion Picture, but she won the award, and she didn't beat a bunch of nobodies, either. She beat out one of the greatest debuts in film history - Kathleen Turner in Body Heat!! Think about that. The 1982 voters had to choose the hottest newcomer and took Pia Zadora in Butterfly over Kathleen Turner in Body Heat. Pia may have become a universal punch line by 1983, but it is obvious that not everyone thought she sucked in 1982.

To tell you the truth, Butterfly is not a good movie, but it's not so bad, and Zadora was cast perfectly as a Lolita character. Stacy Keach plays a lonely hermit of a miner assigned to guard an abandoned mine out in the desert. Zadora shows up on his doorstep one day, claiming to be his long lost daughter. She's not exactly the pigtails-and-Barbies kind of daughter. She soon proceeds to show him her naughty bits every chance she gets, and does her best to seduce him, coming pretty close to success. At one point Keach is actually bathing a naked Zadora, scrubbing her breasts, before he finally pulls back and declares, "This isn't right." You have to admire his resolve, since he had been without a woman for a long time, and ripe lil' Zadora was definitely offering the ol' miner a chance to strike the daughterlode.

The atmosphere of the film can best be described as "sweat and saxophones" - pretty much what you'd expect from a steamy James M. Cain script. Unfortunately, Stacy Keach never seemed to get into the rhythm of the film and seemed oblivious to the script's inherent potential for entertaining over-the-top sleaze. He approached the entire project as seriously and professionally as if he were performing Henry V at the Old Vic. The supporting cast increased the cheese factor substantially. Burl Ives couldn't make his customary Southern Gothic appearance as the sweaty fat authority figure in a Colonel Sanders suit, but Orson Welles filled in for him, and a host of B-list celebs dropped in from time to time, including Stewart Whitman, James Franciscus, and me, I'm Ed McMahon.

It is my personal pet theory that it was McMahon's presence in this film which eventually turned Pia into a standing joke. Carson loved to rib Ed hard, and this provided ideal grist for Johnny's joke mill. Without McMahon in the cast, Zadora might have simply faded into obscurity like so many other wannabes, but Ed's presence in Butterfly guaranteed Johnny's eternal vigilance, and Johnny did as much as anyone in the world to shape the public's opinions about popular culture.

To tell you the truth, the entire movie is raunchy and melodramatic, but it is not stiflingly awful. It was just your typical potboiler trash. Cain is the guy who wrote Double Indemnity and The Postman Always Rings Twice, so his work had both the competence and the sleaziness to provide an ideal vehicle for Pia, and the premise of Butterfly seemed to fit her like a custom designed suit. Although it isn't worth your time and effort to track this movie down, it can be fascinating to watch for a while on cable. You may even find it entertaining in an operatic, white trash, Roadhouse kind of way.

Pia Zadora


Crescendo (1970):

Never seen it, but I know The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. got naked for the one and only time in her career!

Here are several captures and a film clip made from a large .mpg I found on Usenet (good quality, fairly close to DVD, taken from a German TV broadcast.)

Stefanie Powers
Stefanie Powers film clip (zipped .wmv)


Hexed (1993):

Following the success of Body Heat in 1981, A-list erotic thrillers became so popular in the 80s and early 90s that they started to get big box office numbers and even to warn some Academy Award nominations. The summit of the genre's popularity occurred in 1992, when respected director Paul Verhoeven directed Basic Instinct to $352 million dollars in worldwide grosses, two Oscar nominations, and instant stardom for writer Joe Eszterhas and actress Sharon Stone.

Genre spoofs were also popular during the same time period, so it was just about inevitable that the extreme popularity of 1992's much discussed Basic Instinct would result in two spoofs in 1993: Fatal Instinct and Hexed.

  • Fatal Instinct was a zany spoof in the manner of the Zucker films. While no masterpiece, it featured some competent players and was directed by Carl Reiner, so at least it included a soupcon of professionalism and delivered a few laughs, if too few to be considered a success.
  • Hexed, on the other hand, is not really a spoof so much as a situation comedy in the context of an erotic thriller.

The protagonist of the story is Matthew, a 30 year old schmuck who has been working the same job at a hotel front desk since he graduated from high school. His life has become so unrewarding that his only pleasure comes from wild fantasy escapades in which he impersonates other people. He has made up so many stories in so many different false identities that he has a hard time keeping them all straight. One of his most outrageous recent lies involves telling his co-workers about his sexual relationship with the world's most famous supermodel, Hexina (Claudia Christian). Imagine his chagrin, and the delight of his fellow workers when they find out that Hexina is coming for an unannounced and secret stay at their obscure hotel!

At first the entire situation works out far better than Matthew could ever have dreamed. Because he controls Hexina's incoming calls, he's able to insert himself into her life and even get her into bed. The situation turns around dramatically for him, however, when he finds out that Hexina is actually a psychotic killer whose secret purpose for visiting their city is essentially a murder spree. Things get worse when he becomes her unwitting accomplice. Things get as bad as possible when the police finally uncover the crimes, because Hexina appears to be innocent, and all the evidence points to Matthew.

I am writing this twelve years after the film's release, and writer/director Alan Spencer has never directed again. His last writing credit, in fact his only writing credit since Hexed, was a TV movie nine years ago. I don't suppose you need to know much more. As I mentioned above, it's just plays out like a sitcom pilot too naughty for TV, which is not surprising because Spencer was the creator and head writer of a TV series called "Sledge Hammer!" That series had some funny moments, but Spencer couldn't seem to bring the positives of the series into this film. Every joke is obvious, overplayed, and telegraphed well in advance, and the performances are too broad. It's just not worth watching.

I guess there is good an bad news on the nudity front. The bad news is that some of the nudity got chopped off in the move from the 4:3 VHS version to the 16:9 DVD version. The good news is that some of it is intact, so the DVD caps are a welcome improvement from what we used to have from this film.

Claudia Christian

Shelley Michelle (Claudia Christian's body double)

additional Claudia Christian nudity seen in the full screen version, but not on the DVD.

just for reference: Claudia Christian's nudity in Never on Tuesday

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today is another all 'Hankster Light" Day.

No Time Machine today. Instead we stay right here in 2005 for the Jim Wynorski flick, "Lust Connection". Does it have nudity you say? Answer: Gobs of it!

Here is Glori-Anne Gilbert in all her glory, as she gives us nothing but tons of breasts & bush. We see her making love in the hot tub and then by herself in the tub. All this in the first five minutes! Oh, in,the last cap a pair of hands strangle her naked body. But not to fear she comes back as the twin sister!

Gee, where have we seen that one before?

Glori-Anne Gilbert "Lust Connection"

'Caps and comments by Dann:

Based on a French comic book, this 2004 Sci-Fi is set in New York in 2095. Not unlike the Stargate series, a large pyramid floats above the city, and Egyptian gods oversee everything. The city is populated by people, mutants, androids, and everything in between, and not everyone gets along. One of the gods, Horus, spends a lot of time morphing in and out of humans.

There is a serial killer running amok, and a strange young woman with blue hair, whose internal organs are only three months old (although she's in her twenties or thirties) is arrested as a suspect, then released in the custody of a doctor who wants to study her. Charlotte Rampling is very good as the doctor.

Blue hair is played by Linda Hardy, a former Miss France, and she does a good job. The movie uses extensive CGI, for not only settings but even many of the characters. If you look closely, you can tell, but in many cases it's very difficult to be sure what's real and what isn't, which is the idea, I suppose. The whole movie (the people part, anyway) was shot in front of blue screen, and in some cases, live actors provided the body but the heads were then replaced with CGI. The movie is a French/Italian/English production, but has an English sound track.

You really need to be a Sci-Fi lover to appreciate this movie, and I am, so I enjoyed it a lot. Even if you hate the story, the special effects are worth the time to watch the movie.

Linda Hardy in "Immortal"

'Caps and comments by Oz:

"Close Enough to Touch"
Starting with a bit of soft-core we have Close Enough to Touch (2002). The ladies show everything except bush in the censored version we saw. Performers are Tracy Ryan, Toby Miller, Brandy Montegro, Riley Jordan and Scarlet Johansing (aka Monique Parent).

Tracy Ryan

Toby Miller

Brandy Montegro

Riley Jordan

Scarlet Johansing (aka Monique Parent)

"Blue Car"
No nudity in Blue Car (2002), just a bit of cleavage by Frances Fisher.

Frances Fisher

"Uptown Girls"
It's the same again with Uptown Girls (2003), where Brittany Murphy provides the sex appeal. She's topless in one scene but we only see her from the back.

Brittany Murphy

"Hell on Heels - The Battle of Mary Kay"
Some minor pokies by Shannen Doherty in Hell on Heels - The Battle of Mary Kay (2002).

Shannen Doherty

"Hollywood Ending"
Some more pokies by Tiffani Thiessen and Jodie Markell in Hollywood Ending (2002).

Tiffani Thiessen

Jodie Markell

Starbase 'caps of sexy Spanish actress Elena Anaya topless and showing a bit of bush in scenes from "Sex and Lucia".

More recently, audiences were treated to her cleavage, which she displayed in almost all of her scenes in "Van Helsing".

Vejiita 'caps of Zoe McLellan showing off tons of cleavage plus some very rarely seen breast exposure in scenes from "Stranger in My House" aka "Total Stranger" (1999).

If the name sounds familiar, then you may recognize her from her 4 seasons of co-starring on the TV show "JAG".

DeadLamb 'caps if Kelly Monaco. Here is the former Heffer (April 1997) looking gorgeous on the 'reality show' ""Dancing with the Stars".

Italian babe Luisa Ranieri bares all 3 B's in scenes from the movie "Eros" (2004).

"Eros" featured 3 separate segments from 3 different directors, Michelangelo Antonioni (segment "Il filo pericoloso delle cose"), Steven Soderbergh (segment "Equilibrium") and Kar Wai Wong (segment "The Hand"). Ranieri's nudity is found in the Antonioni segment.

Tuna's condition is stable. Nothing new to report. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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