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Working links in the
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version notes to Lawdog
I don't agree with you
that Kristofferson is the only singer/actor
crossover who is bad at both. First of all, there
is the once and future king Bill Shatner.
Shatner's acting isn't as bad as his singing, but
it's worse than most other human sensory
experiences, and it's worse than almost anybody
else's acting. I would argue that Shatner is not
only the worst singer on the list, but arguably
the worst actor as well, with the obvious
exception of Burt Ward. On the other hand, it's
difficult to compare the acting of Shatner and
Kristofferson, since on the animation scale,
Shatner is 100 and Kristofferson is zero, so
there isn't a lot of common ground. Is a complete
lack of muscle movement better or worse that
hammy gesticulating and over-emoting?
Or Burt Ward his
ownself? Wouldn't you say that Burt Ward is both
a worse actor than Kristofferson and a worse
singer?
One might also mention
Bob Dylan, who is one of the greatest songwriters
in the history of humanity, but his singing and
acting? Well, he's a combination of Pavarotti and
Richard Harris. Unfortunately, it's Pavarotti's
acting and Richard Harris' singing.
I know you guys worship
the Beatles, but I would say that Ringo Starr is
both a worse singer and a worse actor than either
Shatner or Kristofferson. And I'd be willing to
bet that, with two days to practice,
Kristofferson would be a better drummer as well.
Plus he can actually play an instrument, and he's
a helluva lot better looking than Ringo. In fact,
when you're looking for the most complete loser
at every possible facet of entertainment, look no
farther than the Ringman. I can't think of one
activity that Ringo is even remotely capable of.
Maybe he's good at snooker.
Then there is the more
subtle pick in the unnominated Mac Davis. Mac, in
fact, is a triple-threat. Kristofferson's fame is
redeemed by the fact that he's a pretty damned
good songwriter, but Mac Davis has sung, acted
and written songs professionally, and is poor at
all three. As Letterman would say - three words:
"Watchin' Scotty Grow".
I'm also kinda surprised
that you guys ignored Burt Reynolds, who has
steadily improved as an actor, but can also list
bad dancing on his resume with the bad singing.
Finally, from the
nominations and voting, I can tell that I'm the
only one who heard Julia Roberts sing in
"Everyone Says I Love You".
It might be interesting
to vote for the BEST singer-actor crossover to
see how they differ. Despite their placement on
your bad list, Eddie Murphy and Barbra Streisand
are pretty decent at both, as was Frank Sinatra.
Sinatra was also a tremendous natural dancer who
more than held his own alongside Gene Kelly.
Madonna can dance at bit, and is at least
acceptable at both acting and singing. I liked
her quite a bit in Dick Tracy, in both roles.
John Travolta is no Sinatra, but he can carry a
tune and the man was a helluva dancer if he can
get credit for that. Despite his inclusion on
your bad list, I think David Bowie is an
excellent actor, possibly the best actor among
those who started as singers. Goldie Hawn is
respectable at both professions, and can dance as
well. Queen Latifah is a tremendous singer with a
pretty good natural acting gift. Mark Wahlberg is
not great at either, but can do both, sorta.
Comic madman Trey Parker is a pleasant singer and
one helluva writer-arranger. Others on the poll
might include Sissy Spacek, Julie Andrews, Cher
(who started as a singer, but is actually far
better as an actress), and Sean Connery (yes,
he's a good singer - rent "Darby
O'Gill").
"Exotica"
(1997)
This movie made some of
the top 10 lists in 1997, including those of such
influential critics as Berardinelli and Ebert. It
is indeed an excellent movie, but viewed in
retrospect, after the brilliant "The Sweet
Hereafter", which treats some of the same
themes with the same actors, "Exotica"
seems to be only prefiguring what might yet come
from the director. Strange that even a terrific
movie like this can find itself in the shadows.
I very much like the
circular way Egoyan tells his stories, in which
characters know other things about other
characters, but we don't know who knows what, and
we find out only when the other characters do. It
conveys a real sense of mystery, and it is
especially effective for treating the deep sense
of loss felt by so many of the characters in his
movies. What can I tell you, this guy is
brilliant at mood and atmospherics. Perhaps he is
already the greatest writer-director in the
world, and he's still a very young man (he turns
40 next week). Will he learn to expand his talent
and make his movies ever more human and sweeping,
like a more intellectual Spielberg, or will he
start to pigeonhole himself into a narrowly
pretentious artistic niche like Tarkowsky or
Peter Greenaway? Either way, he's going to give
us some great moments in the next few years, and
I eagerly await his next efforts, but I'm
embarrassed to say that I haven't even seen
Felicia's Journey yet.
Mia Kirshner (1,
2,
3)
Arsinee Khanjian
"Liberty
Heights", (1999), from Johnny Web
Barry Levinson makes
wonderfully human films, mostly centered around
memories of his own childhood and youth in
Baltimore. This time it's 1954 and through the
eyes of some teenagers, we see the country's
reaction to the landmark Supreme Court decision,
Brown Versus the Board of Education. Our
protagonists come to a public swimming pool and
stare down the ugly sign "no jews, dogs, or
colored". The Jewish guys wonder why they
got top billing, and then in a marvelous bit of
dialogue they reason that dogs can't read the
sign, and black people never go swimming at pools
or beaches anyway, so the sign is really just to
keep out Jews, and all the extra words are
subterfuge.
I like his movies. They
are perfect little masterpieces with excellent
production values, careful attention to period
details, real-life dialogue from real people, and
they always strike close to the bone if you
actually lived through those times. The good and
bad characters are never black and white, but
rather as complicated as in reality. The preppie
guys aren't Marmalard, but usually just decent
guys with different core values, and our nerdy
friends can usually figure out a way to get along
with them if everybody stays sober, and the
numbers are small and even. Levinson remembers it
well, and tells the stories beautifully. There
isn't anything on earth wrong with his movies,
except that you may not have a taste for these
character based slice-of-life dramas with no
traditional narrative structure. There are no big
events leading up to a stirring climax, followed
by a satisfying denouement. His people just move
on to another stage in their lives, or maybe they
don't but their friends do. Some friendships just
wither away, moods pass, times change, and some
promises are broken, even when they are made with
good intentions. Just the way things really
happen. I'm glad some people still make movies
like this.
Sorry, not a lot of
nudity. People were not allowed to see other
people naked in 1954. They weren't even allowed
to shower without dark sunglasses.
Kiersten Warren
"Puppet
Master III" from Tuna
This threequel is a
prequel, and explains how the Puppet Master ends
up in Bodega Bay with Nazis on his heels. He is
running a friendly anti-Hitler puppet show in WW2
Berlin. A gestapo officer who is also a puppeteer
catches his act, suggests a different topic for
the show, then spies on him as he feeds his
puppets. Realizing that the puppets are actually
alive, he brings the discovery to Herman Hess,
who is working on a formula to do a similar
thing, but with dead soldiers. Hess and the
gestapo don't see eye to eye on what to do with
the Puppet Master, and the Puppet Master (and his
puppets) take a dim view of their murdering his
wife.
This is better than
number two. It is better directed, and the art
direction is better again. It is actually more of
an action flick than horror. The acting is a
little wooden, but it is watchable. All of the
nudity is again gratuitous. A gestapo general has
a fondness for a whore house, and we see him
there twice. First time, he is being bathed by
Jasmine Totschek on the left and Landon Hall on
the right, with Michelle Bauer wandering around
in the back. The second time, Michelle is riding
him. We also have a new puppet (Sixgun) who has
six arms all with working guns. I am now nearly
half way through the boxed set, and don't regret
buying it.
Thumbnails
Michelle Bauer (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
Totschek Hall (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
"Puppet
Master 4 and 5" from Tuna
Puppet Master 4 and 5
are chronologically after Puppet Master II, and
are really one episode. They were, in fact,
filmed concurrently. I think of them as a homage
to Gremlins, as the evil creatures from the dark
side, sent to kill everyone who knows the secret
of re-animation, look very much like Gremlins,
and all of the puppets start talking like Gizmo.
A young genius is working in the hotel in Bodega
Bay on a secret government contract which is
trying to merge artificial intelligence with
robotics. The evil creatures are sent to kill his
colleagues first. His girlfriend and another
couple arrive to spend the weekend with him. The
other couple are an asshole (he also works on the
same project) and his psychic girlfriend. The
psychic girlfriend discovers the puppets and what
they can do. An evil creature is delivered to the
hotel and does in the asshole, then goes after
the rest. The puppets join forces with the good
guys and, with the help of a new super-puppet
named Decapitron, defeat the evil creatures.
Puppet Master 4 stinks
(so does 5). The plot is thin, the acting ranges
from bad to ok, the art direction is only so so,
the dialogue is the pits, and there are many
obvious continuity problems. I will point out one
research error. We are led to believe that our
hero is working on a secret project in the hotel,
where he is living as a caretaker during the off
season. For him to be doing secret work, he would
need a facility clearance, and a classified
computer system. His Packard Bell computer is
clearly not cleared or secured, and, to have a
facility clearance, he would need either 24/7
guards, or a security system and approved secure
locks, and he would need a classified container.
None of this is present. Add the fact that there
is no nudity whatsoever, and that the
puppeteering for some reason has seriously
deteriorated, and this is one to skip completely.
The good news is that
the first 10 minutes of Puppet Master 5 are a
detailed summary of number 4, so you can safely
skip 4 completely. The bad news is that 5 is no
better than 4, and also has no nudity. After the
10 minute remake of 4, we find our hero in jail,
and charged with the murders of his associates.
The company pays his bail, and he returns to the
Hotel in Bodega bay, which has been sealed by the
police, to retrieve the puppets. The acting
company president also breaks in to the hotel
with three hoods to steal the puppets, so he can
sell them to the DOD under the table. The dark
lord unleashes his nastiest demon yet, who does
in all of the bad guys. Our hero is visited by
the original puppet master Tulon in the form of a
morphing Decapitron and made the new puppet
master. He, together with the puppets, defeats
the evil demon. We are warned of future sequels
in the last scene. There are, in fact, two more,
and I will review them when I am up to two more
bad films.
"After
Dark My Sweet" from Tuna
First the good part.
Rachel Ward shows a little bit of public hair,
and partial breasts in a pretty hot love scene
near the end of After Dark My Sweet. Some of the
art direction is good, as you can see by the
images used in the top logo section. Acting by
Jason Patric and Bruce Dern was good. Some of the
unspecified locations (which I suspect are around
Indio, CA), were also scenic. The story, the
pace, and the directing are mostly absent. What
little plot there is has to be explained with
voice-overs.
Patric is an ex boxer
who killed a man in the ring, and has been in
mental institutions on and off ever sense. He is
still two beers short of a six-pack. He runs into
Ward, and gets sucked into a kidnap plot along
with her and her gutless wanna-be crook friend,
Dern. They kidnap the boy, only to discover that
he is diabetic, and reacts badly to the sugar
coated sugar they feed him for dinner. Meanwhile,
none of the three trust each other, and each have
hidden agendas. None of the characters are
likeable, and none of them do anything we can
admire. I had to walk away and do something
interesting 4 times to make it through this
turkey. To top it off, the DVD has no special
features of any kind. I hereby award this the
first Tuna's Dead Fish Award. It not only stinks,
it reeks.
Thumbnails
Rachel Ward (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6)
Graphic
Response
Beverly D'Angelo, "Pacific
Heights" Candice Bergen, "Starting
Over" Heidi Schanz, "Body
Language" Jill Clayburgh, "Starting
Over"
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