Ali Larter
1, 2, 3, 4)
The famous Readi-whip bikini from "Varsity Blues".
Wendie Malick
1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"Just Shoot Me" star and former model in some rare nude vidcaps from "Divorce". Looks like very quick glimpses only, but Aesthete was able to capture some frames with bare bottom exposure, as well as a couple of side breast peeks.
WhyScan's Page Three Report
If Page Three is unfamiliar to you, this link describes the Page Three tradition.
Today's Page 3 girl....Maria from August 25, 1999. (1, 2, 3, 4)
Unique 1
Debra Beatty
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12,
13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,
22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
Just about every frame of nudity from Debra in "Hollywood Dreams". Each link features 6 frames...that's 180 images! Almost all of them feature her topless, plus there are also plenty of bum, and quick frontal shots here as well! This is a dream come true for all of the fans of this B-movie starlet...all 8 of them!
Patrizia Adiutori
1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

A Hooker
1, 2, 3)

A Dancer

Cristina Airoldi
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Angela Covello and Carla Brait
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Carla Brait

Angela Covello

Comments by RDO;
Here's something I don't think has been covered in the funhouse before: "Torso". Actually, I tried to capture mostly UNcovered torsos, but hey, it was too good a pun to pass up. The movie is also known as "Bodies Bear Traces of Carnal Violence" which is a direct translation from the Italian title. Gee, I wonder why they shortened it up for release in English?
Nadja Auermann Head shots, and a few serious pokers from Max TV.
Angie Harmon Bikini 'caps from the best TV show ever made...."Baywatch Nights"! (Very tongue in check on that one!)
Marg Helgenberger From "Distant Cousins".
Rosie Perez
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Vidcaps from "White Men Can't Jump".
and ...
Goldie Hawn
1, 2, 3, 4)
Topless paparazzi pics published yesterday in a UK tabloid.
Pam Grier
1, 2)
Topless 'caps by UC99 from "Coffy".
Bettina Zimmermann No idea who this one is, but it's a nice find from German TV.

Members Bonuses

a Working links in the members' page, text-only in the AdultCheck version

notes to Lawdog

I don't agree with you that Kristofferson is the only singer/actor crossover who is bad at both. First of all, there is the once and future king Bill Shatner. Shatner's acting isn't as bad as his singing, but it's worse than most other human sensory experiences, and it's worse than almost anybody else's acting. I would argue that Shatner is not only the worst singer on the list, but arguably the worst actor as well, with the obvious exception of Burt Ward. On the other hand, it's difficult to compare the acting of Shatner and Kristofferson, since on the animation scale, Shatner is 100 and Kristofferson is zero, so there isn't a lot of common ground. Is a complete lack of muscle movement better or worse that hammy gesticulating and over-emoting?

Or Burt Ward his ownself? Wouldn't you say that Burt Ward is both a worse actor than Kristofferson and a worse singer?

One might also mention Bob Dylan, who is one of the greatest songwriters in the history of humanity, but his singing and acting? Well, he's a combination of Pavarotti and Richard Harris. Unfortunately, it's Pavarotti's acting and Richard Harris' singing.

I know you guys worship the Beatles, but I would say that Ringo Starr is both a worse singer and a worse actor than either Shatner or Kristofferson. And I'd be willing to bet that, with two days to practice, Kristofferson would be a better drummer as well. Plus he can actually play an instrument, and he's a helluva lot better looking than Ringo. In fact, when you're looking for the most complete loser at every possible facet of entertainment, look no farther than the Ringman. I can't think of one activity that Ringo is even remotely capable of. Maybe he's good at snooker.

Then there is the more subtle pick in the unnominated Mac Davis. Mac, in fact, is a triple-threat. Kristofferson's fame is redeemed by the fact that he's a pretty damned good songwriter, but Mac Davis has sung, acted and written songs professionally, and is poor at all three. As Letterman would say - three words: "Watchin' Scotty Grow".

I'm also kinda surprised that you guys ignored Burt Reynolds, who has steadily improved as an actor, but can also list bad dancing on his resume with the bad singing.

Finally, from the nominations and voting, I can tell that I'm the only one who heard Julia Roberts sing in "Everyone Says I Love You".

It might be interesting to vote for the BEST singer-actor crossover to see how they differ. Despite their placement on your bad list, Eddie Murphy and Barbra Streisand are pretty decent at both, as was Frank Sinatra. Sinatra was also a tremendous natural dancer who more than held his own alongside Gene Kelly. Madonna can dance at bit, and is at least acceptable at both acting and singing. I liked her quite a bit in Dick Tracy, in both roles. John Travolta is no Sinatra, but he can carry a tune and the man was a helluva dancer if he can get credit for that. Despite his inclusion on your bad list, I think David Bowie is an excellent actor, possibly the best actor among those who started as singers. Goldie Hawn is respectable at both professions, and can dance as well. Queen Latifah is a tremendous singer with a pretty good natural acting gift. Mark Wahlberg is not great at either, but can do both, sorta. Comic madman Trey Parker is a pleasant singer and one helluva writer-arranger. Others on the poll might include Sissy Spacek, Julie Andrews, Cher (who started as a singer, but is actually far better as an actress), and Sean Connery (yes, he's a good singer - rent "Darby O'Gill").

"Exotica" (1997)

This movie made some of the top 10 lists in 1997, including those of such influential critics as Berardinelli and Ebert. It is indeed an excellent movie, but viewed in retrospect, after the brilliant "The Sweet Hereafter", which treats some of the same themes with the same actors, "Exotica" seems to be only prefiguring what might yet come from the director. Strange that even a terrific movie like this can find itself in the shadows.

I very much like the circular way Egoyan tells his stories, in which characters know other things about other characters, but we don't know who knows what, and we find out only when the other characters do. It conveys a real sense of mystery, and it is especially effective for treating the deep sense of loss felt by so many of the characters in his movies. What can I tell you, this guy is brilliant at mood and atmospherics. Perhaps he is already the greatest writer-director in the world, and he's still a very young man (he turns 40 next week). Will he learn to expand his talent and make his movies ever more human and sweeping, like a more intellectual Spielberg, or will he start to pigeonhole himself into a narrowly pretentious artistic niche like Tarkowsky or Peter Greenaway? Either way, he's going to give us some great moments in the next few years, and I eagerly await his next efforts, but I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't even seen Felicia's Journey yet.

Mia Kirshner (1, 2, 3) Arsinee Khanjian

"Liberty Heights", (1999), from Johnny Web

Barry Levinson makes wonderfully human films, mostly centered around memories of his own childhood and youth in Baltimore. This time it's 1954 and through the eyes of some teenagers, we see the country's reaction to the landmark Supreme Court decision, Brown Versus the Board of Education. Our protagonists come to a public swimming pool and stare down the ugly sign "no jews, dogs, or colored". The Jewish guys wonder why they got top billing, and then in a marvelous bit of dialogue they reason that dogs can't read the sign, and black people never go swimming at pools or beaches anyway, so the sign is really just to keep out Jews, and all the extra words are subterfuge.

I like his movies. They are perfect little masterpieces with excellent production values, careful attention to period details, real-life dialogue from real people, and they always strike close to the bone if you actually lived through those times. The good and bad characters are never black and white, but rather as complicated as in reality. The preppie guys aren't Marmalard, but usually just decent guys with different core values, and our nerdy friends can usually figure out a way to get along with them if everybody stays sober, and the numbers are small and even. Levinson remembers it well, and tells the stories beautifully. There isn't anything on earth wrong with his movies, except that you may not have a taste for these character based slice-of-life dramas with no traditional narrative structure. There are no big events leading up to a stirring climax, followed by a satisfying denouement. His people just move on to another stage in their lives, or maybe they don't but their friends do. Some friendships just wither away, moods pass, times change, and some promises are broken, even when they are made with good intentions. Just the way things really happen. I'm glad some people still make movies like this.

Sorry, not a lot of nudity. People were not allowed to see other people naked in 1954. They weren't even allowed to shower without dark sunglasses.

Kiersten Warren

"Puppet Master III" from Tuna

This threequel is a prequel, and explains how the Puppet Master ends up in Bodega Bay with Nazis on his heels. He is running a friendly anti-Hitler puppet show in WW2 Berlin. A gestapo officer who is also a puppeteer catches his act, suggests a different topic for the show, then spies on him as he feeds his puppets. Realizing that the puppets are actually alive, he brings the discovery to Herman Hess, who is working on a formula to do a similar thing, but with dead soldiers. Hess and the gestapo don't see eye to eye on what to do with the Puppet Master, and the Puppet Master (and his puppets) take a dim view of their murdering his wife.

This is better than number two. It is better directed, and the art direction is better again. It is actually more of an action flick than horror. The acting is a little wooden, but it is watchable. All of the nudity is again gratuitous. A gestapo general has a fondness for a whore house, and we see him there twice. First time, he is being bathed by Jasmine Totschek on the left and Landon Hall on the right, with Michelle Bauer wandering around in the back. The second time, Michelle is riding him. We also have a new puppet (Sixgun) who has six arms all with working guns. I am now nearly half way through the boxed set, and don't regret buying it.


Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) Totschek Hall (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

"Puppet Master 4 and 5" from Tuna

Puppet Master 4 and 5 are chronologically after Puppet Master II, and are really one episode. They were, in fact, filmed concurrently. I think of them as a homage to Gremlins, as the evil creatures from the dark side, sent to kill everyone who knows the secret of re-animation, look very much like Gremlins, and all of the puppets start talking like Gizmo. A young genius is working in the hotel in Bodega Bay on a secret government contract which is trying to merge artificial intelligence with robotics. The evil creatures are sent to kill his colleagues first. His girlfriend and another couple arrive to spend the weekend with him. The other couple are an asshole (he also works on the same project) and his psychic girlfriend. The psychic girlfriend discovers the puppets and what they can do. An evil creature is delivered to the hotel and does in the asshole, then goes after the rest. The puppets join forces with the good guys and, with the help of a new super-puppet named Decapitron, defeat the evil creatures.

Puppet Master 4 stinks (so does 5). The plot is thin, the acting ranges from bad to ok, the art direction is only so so, the dialogue is the pits, and there are many obvious continuity problems. I will point out one research error. We are led to believe that our hero is working on a secret project in the hotel, where he is living as a caretaker during the off season. For him to be doing secret work, he would need a facility clearance, and a classified computer system. His Packard Bell computer is clearly not cleared or secured, and, to have a facility clearance, he would need either 24/7 guards, or a security system and approved secure locks, and he would need a classified container. None of this is present. Add the fact that there is no nudity whatsoever, and that the puppeteering for some reason has seriously deteriorated, and this is one to skip completely.

The good news is that the first 10 minutes of Puppet Master 5 are a detailed summary of number 4, so you can safely skip 4 completely. The bad news is that 5 is no better than 4, and also has no nudity. After the 10 minute remake of 4, we find our hero in jail, and charged with the murders of his associates. The company pays his bail, and he returns to the Hotel in Bodega bay, which has been sealed by the police, to retrieve the puppets. The acting company president also breaks in to the hotel with three hoods to steal the puppets, so he can sell them to the DOD under the table. The dark lord unleashes his nastiest demon yet, who does in all of the bad guys. Our hero is visited by the original puppet master Tulon in the form of a morphing Decapitron and made the new puppet master. He, together with the puppets, defeats the evil demon. We are warned of future sequels in the last scene. There are, in fact, two more, and I will review them when I am up to two more bad films.

"After Dark My Sweet" from Tuna

First the good part. Rachel Ward shows a little bit of public hair, and partial breasts in a pretty hot love scene near the end of After Dark My Sweet. Some of the art direction is good, as you can see by the images used in the top logo section. Acting by Jason Patric and Bruce Dern was good. Some of the unspecified locations (which I suspect are around Indio, CA), were also scenic. The story, the pace, and the directing are mostly absent. What little plot there is has to be explained with voice-overs.

Patric is an ex boxer who killed a man in the ring, and has been in mental institutions on and off ever sense. He is still two beers short of a six-pack. He runs into Ward, and gets sucked into a kidnap plot along with her and her gutless wanna-be crook friend, Dern. They kidnap the boy, only to discover that he is diabetic, and reacts badly to the sugar coated sugar they feed him for dinner. Meanwhile, none of the three trust each other, and each have hidden agendas. None of the characters are likeable, and none of them do anything we can admire. I had to walk away and do something interesting 4 times to make it through this turkey. To top it off, the DVD has no special features of any kind. I hereby award this the first Tuna's Dead Fish Award. It not only stinks, it reeks.


Rachel Ward (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Graphic Response

Beverly D'Angelo, "Pacific Heights" Candice Bergen, "Starting Over" Heidi Schanz, "Body Language" Jill Clayburgh, "Starting Over"

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