Film clips:

Dangerous Touch is a B-movie which was written and directed by Lou Diamond Phillips, who also co-starred. (Movie House Review). It offered a fairly good amount of sex and nudity from attractive people, all carried by a reasonably involving plot. Do NOT get a widescreen or R-rated DVD. The unrated full screen version is the one you want to see. The R-rated one omits this lesbian scene (zipped .avi) between Monique Parent and Dean Wormer's daughter. Of course, you'll also want to see the other nudity (three .avis zipped together) from Kate Vernon. 


Timecop (1994):

Writers, do yourself a favor. If you have a science-fiction script, don't locate it in 2009. By the time that date arrives, everyone will realize what a schmuck you are when nothing in your script bears any resemblance to their reality. Locate the damned thing in 2099. You will, of course, be just as wrong, but nobody will care, and you'll be dead, so you really won't mind when the people of that time laugh at you. The worst-ever embarrassment of this nature was Strange Days, an otherwise thoughtful movie, which was written in 1995 about 1999, but predicted improvements in technology and changes in society that would have required decades, perhaps centuries. Timecop does not have the philosophical gravitas of Strange Days, which makes it even more embarrassing that it was written in 1994 about 2004 and got nothing right.

Here's another favor you can do yourself. If you have a time-travel script, burn it. If you are unwilling to do that, at least have the common decency to call it something other than science fiction. It isn't a "science" fiction concept at all, but a fantasy concept like carpets flying in the Arabian Nights, Merlin living backwards, and fire-breathing dragons flying around Europe in the Middle Ages. You see, there is nothing in science that suggests back-and-forth time travel is possible. Thanks to the possibilities of space travel at tremendous speeds, your descendants may some day be able to jump forward in time so that they are alive hundreds of years after their birth, but they sure as hell aren't coming back to us. The best principles available to science - observation and logic - indicate that back-and-forth time travel will never be possible. Forget about the riddles of the time-travel paradox. There is a simpler way to draw the right conclusion.  Look around. Do you see any travelers from the future? There is no reason to think it will ever happen in the history of the human race.

Given that point, it doesn't make sense to offer a stinging critique of a time travel plot. There are NO logical time-travel plots. There could only be one which could be neither proven nor disproved: some time in the future, let's say in the year 2999, a method of time-travel was developed, but the first time-traveler went back into his past, our future, let's say to 2899, and changed something so that time travel would never be invented. End of story. That has an advantage over most time-travel plots in that, while it doesn't make any more sense than usual, at least it can't be disproved.

Anyway, bottom line, Timecop is a time-travel movie, so you know it will be gibberish. The question we have to ask ourselves with this kind of movie is not "does it make sense?" but "does it entertain or instruct or move the emotions?" After all, some time-travel movies can be a hoot, like Back to the Future, for example. The answer in the case of Timecop, however, is pretty much "no, across the board." Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a cop who belongs to a special unit dedicated to preventing the abuse of time travel. His nemesis is a senator who wants to do said abusing, in order to make himself inordinately rich and powerful. In fact, however, his motivation for craving all that power and wealth is kind of murky. If you take him at his word, he just wants to be President so he can give tax breaks to the rich, and make everything "just like the eighties." Say, you don't think that President Bush actually accomplished this ..... ? Nah, couldn't be. Could it? Anyway, bringing back the eighties seems like a modest goal for a man in 1994 capable of altering the past to gain absolute power over the entire human race. His theoretical power is practically limitless, but his imagination is limited to bringing back Reaganomics and hair bands.

Most of the film is filled up by routine dialogue, stock characters, extremely dark action scenes, and just about every film cliché known to man. There was one thing I liked. Ron Silver provides entertainment in his characterization of the baddie. He's arrogant and smug in that unique way he always has, except more so, and his character is even condescending to his past self, who shows up several times in the plot. Embarrassed by a constant struggle with his weight and a craving for junk food, he confronts his past self and tells him to lay off the damned candy bars! The best line from 2004 Ron to 1994 Ron: "I remember myself having bigger balls!"


Mia Sara. One of the lamest love scenes ever filmed. It lasts 11 seconds, is in almost complete darkness, and is all edits and isolated body parts.



Laura Murdoch. Laura Murdoch's full-frontal nude scene is completely gratuitous. Ms. Murdoch is what a slacker techie sees when he's playing with his virtual reality machine. This scene could have been cut completely without affecting the plot or characterization in any way. Hey, that may not sound like a positive to you, but to me it indicates that the director knew his audience and was trying to entertain them ... er ... us. And he didn't wimp around with any fancy camera angles or lighting. He made it complete nudity in perfect light!



Gloria Reuben. I went through about the first half of her screen time before I realized it wasn't Rae Dawn Chong. They sure look alike from some angles. No nudity, but sexy.




Other Crap:

Mega Nipple Slip Compilation Video

Movie Quotes: How To Use Them

Two girls, aged 17 and 18, have been banned from a church festival after they flashed their breasts to a ride operator so that they could stay on it longer. The operator gave the girls an extra twenty minutes on the ride.

First sign of the apocalypse: Mouse Rides Frog

Today's top story from China: Breast powder MAY not work

  • "The Shanghai Food and Drug Administration yesterday said it is closely monitoring Bolibao, a type of powder which the producer claims can enlarge female breasts"

Seven clips from You, Me and Dupree - Owen Wilson's latest.

The Quiet

  • Elisha Cuthbert stars as a popular and beautiful girl in a typical middle-class family. She seems to have it all until a supposedly deaf orphan teenager comes to live with her family, sparking events that reveal her family is not at all what it seems to be.

The trailer for Déjà Vu, Tony Scott's latest, which stars Denzel, Val Kilmer, and Jesus.

  • Everyone has experienced the unsettling mystery of déjà vu – that flash of memory when you meet someone new you feel you've known all your life or recognize a place even though you've never been there before. But what if the feelings were actually warnings sent from the past or clues to the future? In the captivating new action-thriller from producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Tony Scott, written by Terry Rossio & Bill Marsilii, it is déjà vu that unexpectedly guides ATF agent Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) through an investigation into a shattering crime. Called in to recover evidence after a bomb sets off a cataclysmic explosion on a New Orleans Ferry, Carlin is about to discover that what most people believe is only in their heads is actually something far more powerful – and will lead him on a mind-bending race to save hundreds of innocent people.

Robert Downey Jr has signed a deal to write his memoirs.

  • The book will cover everything he remembers. Although the thirteen pages are padded out with a lot of pictures.

The Internet Tubes Keep Moving My Furniture by Senator Ted Stevens

"One of the Emmy nominees for best animated program is the episode of South Park that's said to have angered Tom Cruise and Isaac Hayes."

A court rules that former House Majority Leader Tom Delay's name must stay on a Texas ballot in upcoming congressional elections

  • And given the unpredictability of our Texas politics, he just might get re-elected. I guess it could be worse. If he were from New Jersey, he'd be running unopposed.

Memphis church unveils a seven-story Statue of Liberty clone - with a cross instead of a torch

Outrageous! Kid performs a 720 Dunk!

Scarface re-positioned as a romantic comedy: How Scarface Got His Groove Back

"Fawnley Remembered" - The greatest hits of forgotten country singing sensation Fawnley Conley.

Tom Waits Set For Rare U.S. Tour

  • One very positive thing about the singing of Tom Waits, the geriatric skid-row Sinatra: he doesn't have to worry about losing his voice.

Are the Chinese building the Death Star?

  • That is one weird-lookin' building from an aerial view, but it looks fairly normal from street level. It is actually the Hong Kong convention center.

Headline of the day so far: Smut-affected cane seen as ideal for 'cow candy'

The international trailer for DEAD OR ALIVE, another video game adaptation. Familiar faces include Devon Aoki, Jamie Pressly, and Eric Roberts.

The trailer for Trade

  • Kevin Kline plays a Texas cop who finds out that he may have had a daughter who was trafficked some years ago. In the course of his investigation, he meets a young boy (Mexican actor Cesar Ramos) from Mexico City whose 13-year-old sister (Mexican actress Paulina Gaitan) has been kidnapped. They go on a quest to save the Mexican girl, who is befriended by Jovovich, a young Russian woman who thinks she is coming to the U.S. to become a nanny, but is instead enslaved in Mexico.

The trailer for Hollywoodland

  • This is another film that interests me. It's a drama/thriller based upon the death of George Reeves, TV's Superman. (Ben Affleck plays Reeves, and definitely resembles him.)

The trailer from The Illusionist

  • I'm totally hooked on this film from the trailer, but I'm not sure if there is any audience for it. It seems too stuffy and aloof for mainstream audiences, and too slick and sturdy for the arthouse crowd. Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti star, Jessica Biel is beautiful as the love interest, the production looks opulent.
  • Comes to theaters August 18th

"Grey's Anatomy", "24", and "Into the West" top Emmy nominations (Well, and Will & Grace, of course.)

Chappelle back on TV for 3 fresh episodes

  • The material has not been broadcast before, but is not "new." It's stuff recorded before he walked from his old show.

North Korea Missile Crisis: Private Note from Kim Jong Il to President Bush (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

Fake agency offers ads on hookers' thighs

  • "A Dutch design student bored with conventional advertisements has set up a fake online agency offering advertising space for beer, cars and TV stations on prostitutes' thighs and cleavage."
  • Raoul Balai also proposed painting brand names on zoo animals. Far from taking his ideas as a joke, an Amsterdam zoo had its lawyer threaten Balai with a defamation suit after his website depicted fish from the zoo bearing the brand name of a frozen fish company!'s Early Report for July 4

Sudoku toilet paper rolled out

Because of Ken Lay's alleged death, his wife may get to keep everything he stole!

Stories of stupid criminals

  • Example: "A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

Basic Instinct 2, like the original, is all about Sharon Stone's cunt, except that she doesn't show it this time.  After realizing the expense of shooting in San Francisco, they decided to do London, but focused on the new sections rather than the historical buildings. Swap a shrink for the Michael Douglas detective, then add a possibly crooked cop, et voila!

Sharon is much older this time, and has supposedly gotten more skillful at her mind-fuck game. As the film opens, Stone dries her car into the Thames at the moment of orgasm, and her partner drowns. She is arrested for murder, and a shrink (David Morrissey) is appointed to examine her. It is just a matter of time before she seduces him. Meanwhile, people keep dying, and the obvious suspect is Sharon, no, it is the cop, no, it is Sharon, no ... you get the idea.

Some of you may remember that I savaged the original, but, compared to this sequel, it was a masterpiece. Prop your eyes open with tooth picks, and I dare you to stay awake.

The "Unrated Extended Cut" DVD has one deleted scene with a wet blouse see-through, and a lot of non-naked junk that deserved to be cut.

  • IMDb readers say 3.3
  • It only returned $5.85M on its $70M budget. 
  • In a making of featurette, the director spoke of a possible threequal. I am not alone in hoping that never happens. Ebert was not impressed, nor was Berardinelli.


Scoop's notes: This DVD is really a rip-off. The deleted scenes do NOT include several of the scenes we have already seen on the internet, including the three-way!!! Why not? It's bad enough that the movie sucks ass, but at least they could give us our money's worth and show us everything they filmed. Are they determined to make this film as despised as possible? Sharon does look great for her age, but ... so what?


Sharon Stone shows breasts and buns


Flora Montgomery shows breasts and buns









Jennie: Wife/Child is such a hoot. Has to be the most literate, best-made, best-acted and (this for sure) best photographed cheapo sleazy movie made in the 60's. You got yourself some humor and a bit of a message in a coherent story with characters you don't mind caring about. The cinematographer was Vilmos Zsigmond, only a decade away from an Oscar for Close Encounters. What he captured in his camera was two gals who by some definition got nekkid. The title character is played by Beverly Lunsford in her final role (she was 23...hardly a child) and the town floozie, Lulu Bell, was played by Virginia Wood. Both women did a fair bit of television work and a few movies, so they had some talent working for them and they were both more than sorta attractive.  All of this is good news, yes? Attractive women, nekkid, photographed beautifully ... we call that a good combination ... except ... 

Problem is Bev's nekkid scene was done by a body double...or so I assume from the fact that close-ups of her face are intercut with distant of face-hidden shots of a skinny-dipping lass. And the problem with Virginia's scene was just how dark it was. Ginnie is topless, to be sure, but the vital goodies are obscured. They are nonetheless nice scenes so I captured both stills and clips...and here they are.

Beverly Lunsford does a skinny-dipping scene (zipped .avi).  Well, it's supposed to be her but I dun thin so, Lucy. Still it is entertaining, especially accompanied by a classic little tune about her birthday suit.

Two last zipped .avi clips (1. 2) , these of Virginia Wood seducing and boffing the geezer-hubbie of the title character.  Close to some serious exposure, but the vital goodies are kept hidden.






One more look at "Terror Firmer."

Carla Burden exposes her Robo-Hooters doing the Toxic Avenger.

Debbie Rochon shows her breasts while she is getting it on with a dude in the men's room. Gets kind of ugly as a blind man misses his target and gives them a golden shower.



Barbara Windsor in Carry On Camping.
Nicolette Sheridan falls out of her bathing suit top
Debbie Rochon in "Too Hot for Troma's Edge TV"