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Tuna
"Blood Surf" (2000)

Blood Surf (2000), AKA Krocodylus, you might remember from a Scoopy review, is a Jaws type monster as villain film staring a salt water crocodile affectionately called Salty. Scoopy enjoyed the film, even though he won't admit it to himself, and pointed out that it was a terrible horror/thriller. If that were the genre, I would agree with his D rating. However, I think I can prove that the genre is wrong.

1) They have three major female roles: Taryn Reif, tiny breasts, willing to show them briefly; Maureen Larrazabal, medium breasts, loves being naked; Kate Fischer, large ripe breasts, keeps her clothes on (although she has ok pokies late in the film). So they kill off Larrazabal first, then Reif. The compulsive clothes wearer is the only female survivor.

2) Every performance is way over the top. That kind of consistency is not an accident.

3) The more outrageous of the two surfers even cuts his feet to help attract sharks. He is in it for the adrenaline rush. He is on his board and splashing, and his buddy tells him that is a bad idea. A 12 ton shark immediately swims between their two surfboards, and Mr. Macho assumes the fetal position and starts blubbering. The shark manages not to even shake the two boards.

4) Salty is supposedly an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, territorial and vindictive beast with an insatiable appetite and a long memory. That is obviously a crock.

5) Then, near the end, they reveal the true genre. Two women escape across a small stream, then flash their tits at Salty to taunt him, then they decide to stop because "nobody likes a crock tease." I submit that nobody is evil enough to put a pun that bad in a thriller. The genre is obviously comedy.

The photography is lovely, as are the locations, the surfing is top notch, and the DVD transfer is excellent. As a comedy, and a subtle spoof of Jaws, I give this a C+.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Kate Fischer (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Maureen Larrazabal (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Taryn Reif (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    "Il Gatto a nove code" (1971)

    Il Gatto a nove code (1971) is Dario Argento's second directorial attempt, and his second mystery thriller. AKA Cat O' Nine Tails, it stars Karl Malden as a former news reported left blind by an accident, and James Franciscus as a young reporter who teams up with him to solve a break-in followed by several murders at a genetic research company. Catherine Spaak, as daughter of the company owner, shows breasts in a seduction scene with Franciscus.

    Maltin says BOMB. IMDB readers say 5.8/10 - a much fairer appraisal. Argento's mastery of the camera and suspense is evident here, and the story is just not that bad. C-.

  • Thumbnails

  • Catherine Spaak (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Cotton Club is a Coppola disaster which Francis can't really be blamed for. He inherited (1) a contract with Richard Gere that allowed him to play a jazz cornet player - no script attached! (2) $20 million dollars spent, but no working script yet! (3) Robert Evans' aborted attempt to direct it himself.

    Coppola didn't improve it much, though. It still had no working script when they finished it, after 22 months of filming. They were on a 28th draft, and improvising daily.

    Some great musical numbers, filmed beautifully. Some great minor characters. But also poor leads, excessive nepotism, no script, and a somewhat foolish adherence to the movie cliches of an earlier time.

    • Diane Lane (1, 2, 3)

    Hell Comes to Frogtown. Many people say that Welles' Touch of Evil is the best grade-b ever made. Maybe so. Touch of Evil has Charlton Heston with a Mexican accent and Zsa Zsa Gabor, but did Marlene Dietrich or Janet Leigh ever get threatened by rape by a highly-evolved talking  frog with three penises? I think not. My vote goes to Frogtown. An absolute grade-b masterpiece, starring our all-time funhouse favorite, Lord Roderick Piper. 4th Earl of Suplex.

     


    Viewer mail:

    Scoop. Would like to know if you've seen the x rated scenes of Monique Gabrielle currently shown on the Iconophile Reliquary.  I figure if you don't know anything about it, no one does! Could send to you if you haven't seen it. Thanks

    Bottom line, my answer was "no", he sent it to me, and here it is:

    Encyclopedia, volume G, part 1 is updated with a Monique Gabrielle .mpg


    Honte's site is updated

     

    Graphic Response
  • Ellen Greene topless in "Next Stop, Greenwich Village" (1976). We had no idea that Ellen Greene did a topless scene....kudos to GR. By the way in case you're drawing a blank on the name...she is most famous from "Little Shop of Horrors", which was made ten years after this film.

  • Hanna Schygulla, topless exposure as she gets out of the tub in scenes from "Forever, Lulu" (1987).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

  • ICMS
    As I told you last time I also ordered a copy of "Malčna" starring Monica Bellucci at that Italian on-line DVD retailer. On the website it said that the DVD also had English sound. Guess what, no English sound at all, only Italian DD 5.1 and DTS. Luckily I understand a little bit of Italian and there were Italian subtitles for the hearing impaired so I was able to follow the movie with the help an Italian-Dutch dictionary. Also the dialogue in this movie plays a second role. It only supports the beautiful images, the feelings, the scenery, the music etc...The music score is by Ennio Morricone and was written before they started filming! They even played the music on the set to help the actors get into their roles.

    I have to say that I enjoyed this film very much. Really a fine piece of work by director Giuseppe Tornatore. "Malčna" starts in 1940 and tells us the story of a beautiful woman, Malčna, played by Monica Bellucci, who is resented and rejected by the women of the small Sicilian town she lives in because she's too beautiful and thus a threat to their husbands who all lust after Malčna (who can blame them), including 13 year old Renato. Part of the film shows us the boy's imaginations and how he hangs around Malčna who doesn't seem to take notice. Then the focus of the movie shifts toward Malčna and we are witness of the bad things that happen to her. She lives as an outcast and her husband is an Italian soldier who gets killed in action. As a widow she is unable to survive on the army pension so she starts seeing Italian army officers for money and food, then she also goes after the German officers. Meanwhile the people in the town get more and more jealous of her and when Sicily is liberated by 1943 Malčna really cops the flack. Profiting from the power vacuum that occurred the women drag Malčna into the streets, strip her naked, beat her up and cut off her hair and chase her out of the town. She then ends up working in whorehouses all over Sicily. And then there is a surprise ending in which Renato has a small but active part, maybe a bit corny, but surprising nevertheless. No, I'm not telling, you'll have to see it for yourself.

    Some reviewers find the scene where Malčna is publicly humiliated a example of misogyny. Well it most certainly isn't. Director Giuseppe Tornatore has merely filmed what really happened in those days just after the liberation when the old rulers had already left and the new ones weren't in place yet. In fact here in Belgium much worse cases of such violence by the so-called decent people occurred. Many of those women were not only stripped stark naked in public, had their hair cut off and were beaten up by the mob, they also had swastikas painted on them, were locked up in houses where they were repeatedly raped and ultimately convicted to prison sentences in a court of law. So, in the film this part certainly wasn't exaggerated.

    Now let's take a look at the exposure in this film. Most of it comes from Monica Bellucci. Link 1 is the only one in which Renato, the boy, can catch a glimpse of Monica's breast. Links 2-7 all happen in his imagination. Links 8-12 really happen but only 10-12 are witnessed by Renato. There's also some nudity by Elisa Morucci. This film is her only credit in the IMDb. She plays the role of a prostitute. You see, Renato's fantasies make him masturbate so often that his parents can't sleep anymore. Renato's room is above theirs and his bed is really making loud creaking noises. So what does a father in Sicily do (my dad never took my to a brothel dammit) ? He takes his son to a brothel so he can lose some of his energy and in the end he imagines that the prostitute is Malčna. This episode also illustrates the slight irony in some parts of the movie.

    Can we learn something from this film ? Yes we can. It teaches us that we shouldn't reject people because they are somewhat different from us and it certainly teaches us that we shouldn't judge people on prejudices, hearsay and wrong assumptions, but rather on proven facts and reality. The film also shows that people's morals can change really fast. One day they still cheering the fascists, the next day they all welcome the American troops that liberated Sicily.

  • Monica Bellucci (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Elisa Morucci

  • RDO
    Have you heard of "The Naked News Network"? It originates in Toronto and features an Anchor who does a striptease while reading the news and reporters who are naked all the time (full frontal). I've sent some caps from the July 4 netcast and a few from earlier clips. In case you hadn't noticed, Holly is about 8 months pregnant.

  • Diane Foster (1, 2)
  • Holly Weston (1, 2)
  • Gretchen Frazier (1, 2)
  • Devon Calwell (1, 2)
  • Lily Kwan (1, 2)
  • Sandrine Renard (1, 2)
  • Carmen Russo (1, 2)
  • Victoria Sinclair (1, 2)

  • UC99
    Yasmina Filali Excellent cleavage from an episode of the German series "Die Rote Meile"

    Katja Riemann Wearing only undies in these 'caps from "Von Gewalt keine Rede" (1990).

    Maria Schrader Topless in a shower scene from "Burning Life" (1994).

    Angelica Domröse B&W full frontal nudity in scenes from "Fraulein" (1986).

    Nina Hoger Going topless in "Enthüllung einer Ehe" (2000).

    Schmutzfink
    Vanessa Jung Nice topless scene from the German series "Weißblaue Geschichten".

    Sylvia Leifheit Bubble bath nudity in "Im Netz der Lüge".

    Julia Thurnau Brief breast exposure plus a very nice bare bum view in scenes from "Wie angelt man sich einen Müllmann?".

    and ...
    Gale Garnett Comments and 'caps by Spaz:
    Canadian actress Gale Garnett whips out her "lungworts" in front of the late-great Jack Lemmon in the classic movie Tribute (1980). This is one of the best topless scenes in a PG-rated movie and only Jack Lemmon could have handled it with so much class and without ogling the actress' "lungworts" (his term, not mine).

    Kate Winslet In all of her full figured glory. Full frontal vidcaps by DAI from "Holy Smoke".

    Sandra Ramirez Very nice breast exposure from the Showtime original series ""Resurrection Blvd.", by Raja.

    Christine Kludjian Playing a topless stripper in the Lorenzo Lamas movie, "Black Dawn" (1997). Thanks to DeVo.

    Michelle Hunziker

    Rollergirl

    Sabrina Setlur

    Shannon Elizabeth

    4 very nice non-nudes, by Chance. Michelle and Rollergirl pose with "near miss" nudity. Sabrina and Shannon are covered, but still look great.


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