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Working links in the
members' page, text-only in the AdultCheck
version "Fire on the
Amazon" (limited release 1993, shot in 1990)
Cheapozoid Roger Corman
flick about the disappearing rainforest. The film
is only 75 minutes long, and about half of it is
a digression that takes place in an Indian
village. Here's the general idea. A famous
indigenous environmentalist is killed. Although
it is obvious that the money interests wanted him
out of the way, the murder is performed with an
arrow to feign an indian attack, and the local
police somehow arrest a taciturn indian who
"hangs himself" in his cell after
signing a full confession. When his fellow
tribesmen come for his body, a local North
American environmentalist (Sandra Bullock) and a
magazine reporter (Craig Sheffer) try to talk to
them, but they are unresponsive so, on the spur
of the moment, the Americans follow the indians
up the river to their reservation.
Pause. Let's think about
that. Sheffer and Bullock see the indians
paddling upstream, so they comandeer a canoe and
follow. They don't know the terrain, they don't
know how far it is, they have no supplies, they
don't even have insect repellant, and they're in
a stolen canoe paddling through the unfamiliar
jungle, surrounded by crocs, snakes, bad guys,
and stone age tribesmen. When Sheffer is shot,
their canoe overturns, and they just decide to
saunter through the rainforest in a random
direction, even though night is approaching, they
are soaking wet, and Sheffer has a gunshot wound.
Well, as luck would have it, they are captured by
indigenous people who possess secret herbs that
cure the wound, who perform an autopsy on the guy
who "hanged himself", thus proving he
was dead before the hanging, and who possess more
secret herbs that make Sandra Bullock want to
make nice-nice for hours with the reporter (whom
she had previously detested).
Now that the ice is
broken, the lovebirds are constantly stealing a
kiss on the corner of dirt roads, or in sleazy
taverns filled with environmental terrorists and
competitors in the Anthony Quinn lookalike
contest, and all of this romance is pursued with
the same nonchalance you'd have with your best
girly on the streets of London.
This must take the award
for the most abrubt ending ever. Bullock and
Sheffer are pursued by about a zillion heavily
armed bad guys, including all possible legal
authorites. When they are trapped on a dock, with
only about a minute left in the film, Sheffer's
buddy (who we met for only a minute in the
opening scene) arrives in a seaplane to rescue
our lovebirds. Unfortunately, Bullock dies from
her wounds, but not before making a tearful
deathbed speech in the plane, after which the
word slides tell us about how much of the
rainforest is lost each year, followed by the
credits.
The production values
are loathesome. The photographic quality is about
equal to your home movies, and the sound track is
both inappropriate and cheesy. In other words,
the director defied the odds and managed to ruin
a bad script.
I guess you know by now
that Sandra didn't really show much, but here's
what she did show. There is a bit of aureola on
display in collage #1, maybe even part of a
nipple, but Sandra has said that she had her
nipples taped for this scene, so I don't know
exactly what we are looking at. Maybe some
Pebbles and Bam-Bam band-aids. In some of the
other collages her breasts are hanging downward,
apparently unfettered, but the scene is dark.
Incidentally, it seems there are still several
minutes missing from this cut. The original
unrated cut was 85 minutes. Bullock (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7)
"The
Big Lebowski" from Tuna
I like Coen brother's
films, and The Big Lebowski is no exception. Jeff
Lebowski (based on a real friend of the Coen's)
is stuck in the late 60's. He is a pot smoking,
bowling, easy-going slob who happens to share the
same last name with a millionaire, but goes by
"Dude." When two goons mistake the Dude
for his millionaire namesake, and beat him up and
urinate on his carpet trying to collect a debt,
he gets drawn into a kidnapping and no end of
double-crossing. Some blows to the head and some
good dope provide justification for some truly
unique dream sequences. Most of the characters in
this film were written around actors and
actresses the Coen's wanted in the film. You get
the feeling everyone had fun making this film,
and I had fun watching it. Performances are great
throughout, and there is even a little nudity
from Julianne Moore and Tara Reid. John Turturro
is especially memorable as Jesus the bowler.
Thumbnails
Julieanne Moore (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7)
Tara Reid (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6)
"Embrace
of the Vampire" from Tuna
Embrace of the Vampire
is nearly unanimously seen as a poor film. I
agree. First, the Vampire is a total wimp and a
whiner, and we don't even get to know why he is
at the school, how he knows Alyssa Milano has the
soul of his 200 year old lost girlfriend, or why
he is dying. There is lots of nudity (mostly
Milano) and simulated sex, but the only real
passion is provided in a short appearance by
Jennifer Tilly. I can't help but compare this to
a Rollin film. It has lesbians, naked women,
vampires, castles and slow pace. It even has a
symbol. What is missing then? Rollin's films are
full of memorable images, and amazing colors.
Rollin is visually stunning, where Embrace has
good figure photography. Milano's performance did
pick up near the end, when she stopped being the
all American virgin, but, by then, I was nearly
asleep.
The Nymphs are Glori
Gold, Shawna Ryan and Sabrina Allen, but I have
no idea which is which. I do have to say that
this film provided a large number of high quality
images. The DVD transfer was very good, and has 4
versions. Letterbox/fullscreen of both R and
UNRATED.
Thumbnails Thumbnails
Alyssa Milano (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34) Jennifer Tilly (1,
2)
Charlotte Lewis Nymphs (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
Graphic
Response
Carole Laure, "Get Out Your
Handkerchiefs" Elizabeth Ashley- "Paperback
Hero" Natacha Regnier "Dreamlife
of Angels" Sylvia Kristel,
"Emmanuelle"
In addition to the
pictures that go with these daily member's
bonuses every day, the subscription area now has
two years' worth of back issues of the Fun House,
plus the rasslin' babes site, the fakes, the Fun
House, the Encyclopedia, and the Mardi Gras pics.
Click here to sign up or get info
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