Direct Contact


It doesn't really seem to matter who stars in the direct-to-DVD action films made in Eastern Europe. It might be Wesley Snipes or Steven Seagal, or it might be Dolph Lundgren, as it is here. The result always seems to be the same: a generic script about one tough guy battling gangs of mobsters and/or warlords, peppered with thousands of explosions, gunfights and car chases.

I'll say this for Eastern Europe. They must have a lot of abandoned buildings that can be destroyed inexpensively, without anybody caring. No matter what criticisms you might level at this movie, you have to concede that there are some very impressive explosions, and the things being exploded look impressive before they are blown up - large buildings, tanks, you name it. Even Michael Bay would have to be impressed with the level of destruction they can create on a moderate budget. The Bulgarians also seem to have figured out a way to film car chases that seem to go recklessly through active city streets, running over pedestrians, knocking over vegetable carts, disrupting sidewalk restaurants, overturning magazine kiosks, and so forth, often with cars spinning and overturning in mid-air (in slo-mo, natch) before they crash with the inevitable explosion. I don't think the filmmakers can really be destroying downtown Sofia, which is where most of this film was lensed, so I guess there must be derelict neighborhoods that have been converted to the Bulgarian equivalent of back lots. The action scenes are genuinely impressive.

I also enjoyed seeing some of the landmarks of Sofia. Several scenes were shot in the vicinity of the spectacular Alexander Nevsky Cathedral. There's really nothing else to recommend. The dialogue is embarrassing, especially in the love scene. The plot is confusing and riddled with holes. The character motivations and behaviors defy all logic. There are annoying continuity errors. Instead of the day-night errors common to cheapjack American films, there are fall-winter-spring errors. Car chases go from one block full of snow, to another with no snow and bare trees, to another with everything in bloom. It's just plain irritating and confusing.

But, as they used to say on Farm Film Report, "Things get blowed up real good."

No nudity from the stars. There are some topless dancers in a night club.




Van Wilder: Freshman Year


You are probably aware that the "American Pie" name has been appropriated as a brand name for a string of raunchy youth comedies which go straight to DVD. That's the same situation which applies to VWFY. In fact, one of the stars of the Animal House sequels, Steve Talley, is also a star of this Van Wilder prequel. Within the very loose framework of the original Van Wilder character, but with a different actor in that role, the authors tell a more or less by-the-numbers "slobs vs snobs" tale which is vaguely reminiscent of Animal House, except without any of that pesky humor to slow it down.

Although he would prefer to join his father's business immediately, rich boy Vance Wilder V resigns himself to his father's decision to send him to Coolidge University, in line with four previous generations of Van Wilders. Coolidge was Playboy's top party school one year in the 70s, so Van reasons that it should at least be fun. Wrong. Much to Van's dismay, the school has been converted to a conservative institution which centers on Christianity and ROTC. The charismatic Van recruits some slobs as his disciples and sets out to beat the snobs.

On the "American Pie sequel chart," I'd place it above the deplorable band camp, but beneath The Naked Mile, which had copious nudity and a cutely original love story, and Beta House, which was just raunchy mindless fun. There's nothing incompetent about this movie. It's slick enough, but it has no new ideas at all. It's just a recycling of dozens of other movies you're already scene, with the generic material cobbled into a story which is an approximate match for the Van Wilder character. Let me give you fair warning: there is no writing credit.

On the other hand, there is topless nudity from Meredith Giangrande and various others.




Pretty Cool Two


PC2 is another generic youth comedy, in the tradition of the late 1970s and early 1980s. This particular one is not from the sub-genre of 1978's Animal House, but is a half-step down from there, the kind of 80s film that might have starred Willie Aames and Chachi back in the day. You get an A for class participation if you put up your hand to guess that this one follows in the distinguished tradition of 1982's Zapped. (This film's predecessor, Pretty Cool, which came from the same creative team, was also a Zapped clone.)

 The elements that come together to form the high concept are as follows:

  • a nerd to be our protagonist
  • his female best friend, a brainy geek who has invented a mind-control device
  • a very high-tech new cell phone
  • a lightning bolt

Lightning fuses the mind-control technology to the cell phone, so that the nerd can get anyone to do whatever he pleases if he can call them or get near them. Needless to say, he uses his new power to bring peace to the Middle East.

Nah, I'm just fuckin' witcha. He embarrasses people he doesn't like, and gets as many women naked as possible. Our kind of guy. Fortunately for him, the house next door is being used for a reality show like The Girls Next Door, and he ...

Well, I don't really need to get into the details, do I? If you can't figure it out from there you fail Genre Clichés 101. And I think you can probably scan the information above and figure out which girl he finally ends up with by the end of the film. It's standard lowbrow fare, with plenty of fart and orgasm jokes, but it is at least partially redeemed by two elements:

(1) Breasts.

(2) Some bizarre minor characters and surreal scenes that leave a few fresh footprints on this well trod ground. I did really enjoy the character of our hero's dad, who keeps telling "back in my day" stories that are painfully obvious to everyone but him.

There is plenty of nudity, but far less than one might have expected from the premise. No full frontals at all. Breasts from four women, only one of whom has factory originals.

  • Of the five Petmates next door, only one (Jennifer Day) shows any flesh, and even that one limits the exposure to her breasts.
  • The girlfriend (Angela Dodson) of our hero's bullying brother shows T&A
  • The nerdy girl (Julia Lehman) finally takes off her classes and shows a cute natural chest.
  • An unknown shows her breasts as the film begins.




  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Lost and Delirious


Piper Perabo and Jessica Pare film clips. HD! Impressive

Jessica Pare, Piper Perabo, and the face of a young (not nude) Mischa Barton


Piper Perabo


Scoop's note:

Just a while back, Jessica Pare, who combines Liv Tyler's face and Jessica Biel's body, and is fluent in two languages, seemed to be destined for at least B-level stardom. For reasons unknown to me, she disappeared from the face of the earth for four years, 2005-2008. She is now listed in a 2009 project and three more "in production."

Piper Perabo also seemed like she would achieve more success than she actually has. She's everywhere, but can't seem to break through. And the clock is ticking. She's 32 now.

Of the three female stars in this film, Mischa Barton was the one who actually achieved some national name recognition, even though she seemed to be the least likely candidate of the three.








True Lies


As promised, the great Jamie Lee Curtis strip scene from "True Lies" in full 1920x1080 resolution. Hot. (Caps in yesterday's edition)




Fierce Creatures


Jamie returns again today with some cleavage scenes from "Fierce Creatures." Again no nudity, but I just think she was so sexy. Caps and an HD clip.





TV Land

Over in TV Land here is Lauren Conrad chatting it up with Jimmy Fallon on "Late Night". Caps and an HD clip. A large download as it is pretty much the whole interview, but she was putting on a great leg & thigh show.








Notes and collages

Wide Sargasso Sea


Karina Lombard








Intimate Obsession


Multi-part presentation:

Monique Parent alone, part 3 (Sample below)







Never Surrender


This movie is for fans of Mixed Martial Arts only. Loaded with champions from that sport, it features an extremely lame plot, terrible script, horrible acting, lots of fighting that to me wasn't especially well done, and plenty of nudity. MMA fighter Hector Eschavarria directed and starred in this turkey. Don't quit your day job, Hector.

After winning an MMA championship bout, a fighter (Hector Eschavarria) is enticed by a sleazy promoter to participate in illegal underground cage fights. The rewards include far more cash than can be earned in sanctioned bouts, plus many perks including an unending supply of beautiful and willing young women, but the downside soon becomes evident, leading our hero to confront the promoter in a fight to the death.

Overall, this one's pretty bad unless you're a really hardcore MMA fan, but the nudity is pretty good, so who really cares that the movie sucks.

Cheryl Lynn-Stallard Sabrina Machado Silvia Koys










Lady Gaga topless - a slightly better version


Ashley Jones on True Blood

Film Clips