The Journey to Kafiristan (2001) is a German film originally titled Die Reise nach Kafiristan, concerns an Ethnologist (Nina Petri as Ella Maillart) and an author (Jeanette Hain as Annemarie Schwarzenbacher) who start a trek together to Kafiristan on the eve of WWII. Traveling alone as women in the orient, of course, is a rather bold move in 1930. Schwarzenbacher is hoping to find herself, or at least a better option for her life than her morphine addiction. Mailart wants to enhance her career studying somewhere that is still pretty much an unknown.

This is the sort of film that only hints at things, and lets you jump to your own conclusions. There is a definitely lesbian undercurrent between the two women, and they do have some sort of special relationship, but we can only guess what. Likewise, we get sparse information as to the difficulties they encounter as they try to reach Kafiristan. Hain shows one breast swimming, then two breasts later after taking morphine.

A handful of IMDB readers have this at 7.7 of 10. Some find it brilliant, while others are bothered by the thin plot, half formed characters, etc. Put me in the second group. I was more than ready for the film to end. The only real dramatic tension was in waiting for a good lesbian sex scene, which never happened in front of the camera. This is a C. If it is your cup of tea, you will love it. If not, it is a very long way to spend 101 minutes.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003):

There is a point of stupidity beyond which it becomes clever again. An excellent illustration of this point is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, in which Jim Carrey acts so stupid that he's obviously making fun of people who act stupid, and reaches his own level of demented and original genius. Another good example is The Three Stooges shorts, which I loved when I was 10, then reviled when I got more "sophisticated", then loved again when I reached a point in life which we all reach eventually, the point where I could like what I liked, not what I was supposed to like. I watched some Stooges shorts when I was thirtyish and "rained in" one day, and I suddenly had an epiphany in which I saw the sheer exuberant genius in their stupidity.

As I'm sure you know, intentional stupidity isn't pretty when it fails. It takes guts to try for this because it's the kind of failure that is both very ugly and very public. For every Jim Carrey there are a thousand Larry Storches. For every Curly Howard we remember, there are a thousand forgotten guys with silly names and bad haircuts, like Ish Kabibble and Huntz Hall. But director McG is not lacking in courage, for it is joyful, exultant, over-the-top stupidity that Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle reaches for and sometimes attains. Unfortunately, it succeeds for only a few minutes of its running time.

The rest of the time is what I call "whoo entertainment". My daughter watches shows on MTV in which audiences gather and shout "whoo" whenever they hear a famous name mentioned. That's it. That's the entire entertainment. The famous people rarely show up, so the audiences celebrate only the syllables of their famous names. The people in those audiences come to have a good time and many of them are probably under the influence of various consciousness-expanding substances, so their determination to have a good time becomes a good time in itself. Jumping around and shouting "whoo" entertains them, and in turn entertains my daughter when she watches them.

Hey, young girls. Look at us, we've having fun. Isn't it fun to watch us?

There is altogether too much of this in the second Charlie's Angels film, too many times when we are supposed to enjoy it simply because it is loud, and energetic, and "young", and the people making it are obviously having a good time doing so, and shouting "whoo".

They are obviously after my daughter's peer group, the demographic group which is amused by "whoo entertainment". Check out the scores at IMDb:

Hey, young girls. Look at us, we've having fun.

In fact, virtually everyone in Hollywood seems to have gotten into the spirit of the thing. There must be twenty famous people with just a few lines or no lines at all. I don't think superstar Bruce Willis had any lines, and I think I spotted several more people who were mentioned neither in the credits nor at IMDb.

My favorite cameo appearance was made by former TV Angel Jaclyn Smith (picture available, see review), one of the great beauties of her generation, possessor of a famously sexy purring voice and a natural elegance - and still a major fox in her 50's.

Frankly, watching this self-amusement got mighty old mighty fast. I like the sight of Cameron Diaz shaking her booty, giggling, and shouting "whoo", but I don't think you can build an entire movie on it. McG, the director of Full Throttle, had no choice. He had no script nor plot nor funny dialogue to speak of. Whatever dialogue and development there was could easily have been covered in a 22 minute sitcom episode. That left another hour to pad out, which he did by turning the movie into a very long rock video, with plenty of fast cuts, computer graphics, loud music, outrageous stunts, bright and saturated colors, sudden changes in motion speed, and people shouting "whoo". They all seemed to be having a good time. Some moviegoers will find that to be enough entertainment.

I didn't.

I would have liked it better if there were more scenes involving real people, but there was so much CGI that the movie was yet one more layer removed from actual fun. Not only were we supposed to get off on watching other people have fun, but specifically on watching other computer-generated people. In essence, we're supposed to enjoy watching a video game in which the characters are having a good time. That's way too post-modern for me.

It's a shame, because I found the first Charlie's Angel's flick to be a very entertaining junk movie, and I had some moderately high hopes for this one as well. This is a C-. I was disappointed. I expected to like it about as much as the first one, but it seems to have gotten lost somewhere between entertaining the audience and entertaining the cast and crew.

It was budgeted at $120 million for production, and the distribution/advertising costs are estimated around $40 million. It opened strong, at #1 with a $37 million dollar weekend, more than the next two films (Hulk and Finding Nemo) added together, but it will have tough sledding this weekend, against Legally Blonde 2 for the teen girl audience and T3 for the action crowd.

There is some PG-style non-sexual non-revealing nudity.

• Cameron Diaz(1, 2)
• Various Angels (1,2
• Demi Moore

Terminator 3 (2003):

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy attending elementary school in his native Austria, he was always a little different from the other kids. In the annual Famous Composer's Pageant, all the other kids fought about who was going to be Mozart. Not Arnold. He knew from the beginning what he wanted. "I'll be Bach"

He has now spurred more sequels than Bach himself. T3 is like the Carl Phillip Emanuel Bach of his career, except that so much of the film was created by computers that we'd have to say he's not CPE, but CPU Bach. As the Terminator series has progressed, it has slowly moved away from cerebral apocalyptic fiction to F/X-centered shoot-'em-up. T2 was some years ago but remains the state of the art for action scenes and many computer-generated effects. T3 is a worthy and noisy successor.

Do you like chase scenes? You can forget about your barroom arguments over the best one. The French Connection and its successors have been retired from the argument, because the bar has been raised, and I don't see another film jumping over this one for years. The evil advanced Terminator 3 drives a giant industrial crane at top speed in pursuit of a simple van driven by Ah-nuld and the good guys. The crane turns sideways on the flatbed, so as its cab powers it down a city street at top speed, it simply destroys all the buildings on both sides of the street, killing everyone in its path.

Warning: implicit spoilers

T3 the cyber-organism and T3 the movie have something in common. They are unflinching. When the new Terminator is sent back from the future with a hit list of some two dozen people from our time, she wastes no time dispatching them and everyone that stands between them and her. She kills efficiently, emotionlessly, without comment, as a machine should. That isn't the only element of the film which progresses to its logical but negative extreme. The previous two films left us with the hope that Armageddon could be avoided, the past re-written for the better, that the circumstances which caused the near destruction of mankind could be altered in our favor, so that John Connor never has to lead the mankind's uprising against the machines, because the machines never win. Fuggitaboudit! This film tells it the way it has to be. Neither Connor nor mankind can about-face in their march toward destiny. Of course, we knew that in our hearts, but we didn't want to face it. This film grabs our heads and forces them to face the screen, then props our eyelids open and gives us the complete Ludovico Treatment, the full dose of ugly reality.

As he promised, Ah-nuld is back, and the 55 year old version doesn't really seem any different. He's still as hulking, buff, and stoical as ever. Although the premise of T3 is about as far from comedy as a movie can get, the Big Guy still manages to inject the maximum amount of allowable irony into his situations and the Original Terminator gets off his usual share of visual gags and one-liners, dominating the competition in the "I don't realize the irony because I'm a robot" category.

You have to love the tough guy wearing the glittery Elton John sunglasses (right) . He doesn't know anything about style because he's a freakin' robot. Nonetheless, he does eventually crush the Elton glasses and pick up some cool wrap-arounds. He may be a cyber-man, but he's not a cyber-girly-man. He's here to pump (clap) us up.

I don't think you'll find T3 disappointing. It's the biggest and baddest boy on the block this summer. The action sequences and F/X are impressive. Ah-nold does his thing. Nick Stahl and Claire Danes are terrific. I've never thought of Danes as an action hero, and The Mod Squad reinforced my negative preconceptions, but Danes is a good enough actress that she managed to bring exactly the right amount of "terrified-but-not-defeated" to this role, giving it punch and credibility. Last and certainly not least, the film manages in the last ten minutes to overcome its previous lack of thoughtfulness by simply presenting the case as it must be, and ending the trilogy as it must end, without compromise.

Hasta la vista, mankind.

Based on this description, this is a C+. Maybe too noisy and brainless for the more thoughtful crowd, but a helluva non-stop shoot-'em-up in the true Schwarzenegger tradition of action and irony, and a movie which resists all temptation to provide a happy, sappy, Hollywood ending to the trilogy. It should look good. They spent $200 million on production and another $40 million on marketing. It will open with about $65 million on a five-day weekend.

• Kristanna Loken (1, 2)

MAILBOX:

OTHER CRAP:

• Patch Adams: Clowning around in Gaza. This is the real Patch Adams, who led a clown delegation into the disputed territory.
• Midgets don't make good bullfighters. But the bulls really love them. A lot.
• How to talk like a pirate: "The Official British Headquarters for International Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19th"
• Cheeky protest against bull run: "Animal rights activists have stripped naked to protest against the running of bulls through the streets of Pamplona"
• Lady Di takes on mutant Eurotrash: "Diana has risen from the dead and will embark on a comeback tour. That's not the latest supermarket tabloid headline but the plot of a new Marvel comic book that casts the late Princess of Wales as a superheroine. "
• Ex-Bond girl ordained Anglican minister: "Shannon Ledbetter, who had a part in the 1997 movie Tomorrow Never Dies, was ordained last Sunday at the cathedral of Liverpool in northern England. Ms Ledbetter, who will serve as a vicar in a small English town, said she had always known her real calling was religion. "
• Women have their rules. Here are ours.
• Winter Olympics sports ESPN would like to see.
• An American conservation group is calling for an international boycott of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver because of the annual baby seal hunt. "The Newfoundland sealers have a game called head hockey, where they use a baby seal's head instead of a puck," claims the California-based Sea Shepherd Conservation Society.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Melissa George, showing off her amazing breasts as well as a bit of bum and a hint of pubes in scenes from the 1998 sci-fi flick, "Dark City".

• "The Mummy" star, Rachel Weisz, breifly goes topless and shows bush in a dark scene from "I Want You" (1998).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

First up is Charlize Theron showing off her great legs on a "Conan".

• Charlize Theron (1, 2, 3)

Then it's supermodel Giselle on 'Leno" with leg and cleavage.

• Giselle (1, 2)

From "My Tutor", it's Amber Denyse Austin in a short sexy nightgown.

• Amber Denyse Austin

Finally Tiffani Thiessen on "Conan" with cleavage.

• Tiffani Thiessen (1, 2)

We're travelling around the world with today's caps.

"Tipping the Velvet"
Starting off with a couple of euphemisms, we have Tipping the Velvet - I gather it's something lesbians do. The movie is a British TV series with Rachel Stirling playing the main lesbian lead role. Keeley Hawes liked it both ways and Sally Hawkins was still at the experimental stage. Plenty of topless and rear nudity.

• Rachel Stirling (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Keeley Hawes (1, 2, 3)
• Sally Hawkins (1, 2)

"Volavérunt"
Crossing the English channel to Europe we have Volavérunt, which seems to be Spanish euphemism for bush. Unfortunately, the only bush seen is in one of Goya's paintings. However, Penelope Cruz goes topless and Aitana Sánchez-Gijón and Stefania Sandrelli look very nice.

• Penélope Cruz (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Aitana Sánchez-Gijón (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Stefania Sandrelli

"Lisa"
Heading north we come to the French film Lisa. Very brief bush by Julia Vaidis-Bogard and we see a silhouette of a topless Marion Cotillard.

• Julia Vaidis-Bogard (1, 2)
• Marion Cotillard

"The Night Nurse"
Continuing further north to Germany for a topless Franziska Petri in an episode of the Erotic Tales series called The Night Nurse.

• Franziska Petri (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Dead Romantic"
Back across the Channel we have the British film Dead Romantic. Good topless shots of Janet McTeer and Caroline O'Neill.

• Janet McTeer (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Caroline O'Neill (1, 2)

"Wit"
Another British film is Wit, starring Emma Thompson. It sounded like a sloppy chick-flick with Emma playing a professor being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. However, it sucked me in and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can see why the IMDb users rate it with a very high 8/10. The nudity comes from a topless Emma.

• Emma Thompson (1, 2)

"Wide-eyed and legless"
Staying with the terminal illnesses we have Julie Walters suffering from (the then unknown) M. E. - Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. Another good film and we see a topless Julie during bath time.

• Julie Walters (1, 2, 3)

"Lady Caroline Lamb"
Remaining in England we have a topless Sarah Miles in Lady Caroline Lamb.

• Sarah Miles (1, 2, 3)

"Golden Braid"
Heading to the other side of the world to Australia we have Gosia Dobrowolska in Golden Braid.

• Gosia Dobrowolska (1, 2, 3)

"Snakeskin"
Crossing the Tasman we have Melanie Lynskey in the kiwi film Snakeskin. No nudity, just a bit of underwear.

• Melanie Lynskey (1, 2, 3)

"Dead in the Water"
Across the Pacific we have the interesting Brazilian film Dead in the Water. No nudity but Dominique Swain looks terrific in a bikini and there's pokies by Lavinia Vlasak, described in the credits as Brazilian beauty.

• Dominique Swain (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Lavínia Vlasak (1, 2, 3)

"One Million Years B.C."
Going back in time we have One Million Years B.C. There's something to be said for leather and fur bikinis. No nudity, just cleavage by Raquel Welch, Martine Beswick and some extras.

• Raquel Welch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Martine Beswick (1, 2)
• Extras (1, 2)

Fashion TV
Completing the world trip, we have miscellaneous caps of a variety of models. They're taken from the pay TV channel Fashion TV. Overall, it is one of the most boring of channels. It is mainly one fashion parade after another. To relieve the monotony they use different video effects and techno music for each parade. There are lots of boobs that help make the viewing interesting, but you don't know who the models are.

Occasionally, they focus on a model, a designer or a photographer. I've capped one of the sessions when they looked at different models - some of whom I've never heard of. The caps are of Elisa Crombez, Eugenia Volodina, Kamila Szczawinska, Natalia Vodianova, Anne Vyalitsyna, Eva Herzigova and Caroline Winberg.

• Elisa Crombez (1, 2)
• Eugenia Volodina
• Kamila Szczawinska (1, 2)
• Natalia Vodianova (1, 2)
• Anne Vyalitsyna
• Eva Herzigova (1, 2)
• Caroline Winberg (1, 2, 3)