"Death Race 2000"

Death Race 2000 (1975) is a Roger Corman film featuring some of the young stars he seemed to have a knack for hiring early in their careers, like Sylvester Stallone, David Carradine, Mary Woronov and Roberta Collins. It is a then futuristic world. Mr. President has a dictatorship, and spends most of his time in Russia and Japan. The enemy is Europe, lead by the French. The panacea to keep the impoverished masses happy is an annual cross country race. Points are awarded for the first of the five cars to arrive, but most of the scoring comes from running over pedestrians. Add a resistance out to stop the race and depose Mr. President to the fun, and the plot is in motion. Each car has a driver, and a navigator of the opposite sex. Each car chooses its own route, but there are two overnight stops in the three day race.

The front runners are Stallone and Carradine, with Carradine being the public favorite. His navigator (Simone Griffith) is the grand daughter of the head of the resistance, and is a plant. There is a Howard Cosell caricature as an announcer, a flaming swish and a woman announcer that claims to be a close personal friend of everyone important. The resistance starts setting traps for drivers, and the final showdown, predictably, is between Stallone and Carradine.

We have breast and bun exposure from Louisa Moritz, Roberta Collins and Simone Griffith, all in great light. IMDb has this at 5.7 of 10, reflecting that it is one of the better Corman exploitation films. The photography is amazing throughout, with vibrant colors and interesting sets, and the DVD transfer couldn't be any better. The film is completely tongue i cheek and has some excellent satire, but is exploitation through and through. This is a C+.

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  • Louisa Maritz (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Roberta Collins (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Simone Griffeth (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

    "Don Juan de Marco"

    Don Juan de Marco (1995) is a comedy/romance/fantasy staring Johnny Depp as a young man who claims to be Don Juan de Marco, and Marlon Brando as the psychiatrist, near retirement, who is called out to talk him down when he threatens suicide because the "only woman who really mattered" scorned him. He decides he wants to treat Depp for his last 10 days of work. Depp relates an amazing delusion about his entire life, and the more he talks, the more Brando takes the attitudes into his own life.

    The director strikes a perfect balance between delusion and reality. Was Depp born in Mexico, where his father was killed in a sword fight defending his mother's honor, or was he brought up in Phoenix, where his father died in a traffic accident? Had Depp really slept with over 1,500 women, or was he just a disturbed kid stalking a centerfold? No matter. Most of the people he came in contact with were enriched by is delusion.

    The film is rated PG-13, and doesn't have a lot of exposure, but Rachel Ticotin shows her buns, we have see through nipple action from Jo Champa and Talisa Soto, and there is a harem full of naked women.

    Your enjoyment of this film will largely be determined by how much you like the performances by Depp and Brando. Ebert reviewed Brando, made serious mistakes relating the plot, and awarded two stars. Berardinelli liked Brando in the role, and awarded three stars. IMDb readers have it at 6.5. The photography is nothing short of amazing, as is the art direction, and the music received a host of award nominations. It earned a respectable $66.2M against a budget of $25M. If there is a point, it is that not all delusions are bad. I adore this film, but the proper score is C+.

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  • Geraldine Pailhas (1, 2)
  • Harem (1, 2, 3)
  • Jo Champa (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Rachel Ticotin (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Talisa Soto (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Death Wish

    • Kathleen Tolan's nudity is not one of the more noteworthy elements of this film. More important, this movie kicked off the Charles Bronson vigilante revenge genre, and featured a young Jeff Goldblum - as a vicious thug! (.avi - zip) (.wmv - zip)



    (Not from Shiloh )

    • A movie I have never seen. The queen of the screen bitches, Joan Collins, in The Devil Within Her (.wmv - zip)



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Part 2 of the Ghost's coverage of the Skinemax flick "Fast Lane to Malibu".

    First up today, Lucie Faubert in her only 'movie' role (she's also starred as "Herself" in a couple of Heffer vids).

    Toplessness every where, plus pubes in image links 3 and 12 as well as video link #3.

    Next, it's a one-IMDb-credit-only actress named Stephany Schwartz. At least she was kind enough to bare all, including some far-off gyno-views.

    Here are the image highlights:
    Robo-boobs...take your pick.
    Pubes...links 3,4,6 and 18.
    Partial or far-off gyno-views...links 3 and 11.
    Rear views...links 3,4,5,11,12,13,14 and 15.

    Vids and comments by Striplight:

    First up today is an old one but a good'n. It's Marianna Hill distracting the troops in a scene from "El Condor" (1970).

    Followed by Serena Scott Thomas in "Harnessing Peacocks". She's modelling a hat, both with and without a matching ensemble.

    Jessica Simpson

    Everyone's favorite dumb blonde pop star showing some serious pokies.

    Elisha Cuthbert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    Excellent 'caps by Johnny Moronic of the ultra-hot Elisha in scenes from Season 2 of "24". This is when people started to notice she had stopped being the cute girl from shows like "Popular Mechanics for Kids" and "Are You Afraid in the Dark?" and had grown up to become a full-on babe! Links #1 and #2 we see her in the rest we have plenty of tight shirt action.

    Charlotte Rampling
    (1, 2)

    Dragonscan 'caps of the long time cult favorite still looking pretty darn good nekkid at age 58! Toplessness and full frontal nudity in scenes from "Swimming Pool" (2003).

    Victoria Abril
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the Spanish actress baring all in scenes from the 1989 movie, "Si te dicen que caí".