Gang, here's an update on Tuna's condition. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

My Condition...

It was the extreme shortness of breath that got my attention. I was admitted to the hospital in atrial fibrillation with a heart rate of 180. They rather quickly drained 1.4 liters of bloody fluid from my right lung. They have subjected me to dozens of tests, and ruled out many possible causes of this, but they still don't know what went wrong. I am still in atrial fibrillation, but with a heart rate under control using 3 drugs. I am home waiting for some of my medication to reach the proper level in my system, then I may have another hospital stay to try and convert my heart to normal rhythm.

I am able to spend some time at the computer, and am again reading my Email.


Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Haggard (2003)

This film is kind of a cross between Jackass: the Film and Freddy Got Fingered, which is to say that it takes the Jackass/CKY guys and places them into a fictional narrative. I have deduced from reading the comments and watching a little bit of the "making of" documentary that the fictional story is not all that fictional. Apparently Ryan Dunn went through a bad experience with an ex-girlfriend who was a chronic cheat, and this film is basically just an exaggerated and embellished version of that relationship.

These guys do definitely have a hardcore youth following, but grown-ups should probably stay away, because Haggard basically just consists of guys acting like assholes, which can be funny even to adults when it is spontaneous street theater, but is stripped of its impact in a scripted piece. Because Haggard has a fairly traditional narrative form, the film basically has the same weakness as Freddy Got Fingered. Both Tom Green and the Jackass guys derive their humor from doing outrageous things in public and provoking spontaneous shock reactions from the random people who witness their antics. The humor derives more from the reactions than from their actions. The Jackass guys do things like placing one of their crew in a body bag and dropping the body in a public dump in full view of construction workers, or sticking toy trucks up their assholes and going to a doctor to see what's wrong. It can be funny to hear a medical man try to explain in professional terms that a patient's problem is the result of a toy truck up his butt, just as it can be fun to see Tom Green shave a dead raccoon on live TV. Once those shenanigans are placed within a fictional story, however, the humor is lost. The audience is no longer watching other people react to street theater, but rather watching actors pretend to react to street theater. That's just not the same thing.

Especially when the actors are at this level of competence.

The film does have plusses. You would expect it to have some kick-ass music, and it does, but you would not really expect it to look spectacular, and you'd be wrong on that count. Amazingly enough, the photography in this film is outstanding. The action scenes (mostly skateboarding) are shot and edited expertly, and the entire film has a rich palette, using colored lighting and exaggerated saturation to give the story a fairy tale aura.

The IMDb ratings by age tell you almost everything you need to know:

Under 18 7.7
18-29 6.6
30-44 4.3
45+ not enough voters

Even though Haggard scores a respectable 6.4 overall at IMDb, it scores only 4.6 with the most prolific voters, and as you can see from the table above, it scores 4.3 with voters aged 30 or more. The basic takeaway is that you may like these juvenile antics if you are under 30,  and you will be even more likely to enjoy these goings-on if you are under 18.


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Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

A little variety today from a real stinker of a movie called "Demonwarp". We have two "Babes in Bondage" in this one...scream queen Michelle Bauer goes topless while having her heart ripped out. She's joined by a topless Pamela Gilbert who is strapped down, but rescued. Sadly, the 'caps are not the best quality as they are from a very poor source.

  • Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Pamela Gilbert (1, 2, 3, 4)

Next up former porn star turned b-movie queen Ginger Lynn Allen in an equally bad movie "Mind, Body & Soul". Ginger shows her breasts in a love scene. In the final 'cap she is a "Babe in Bondage", but fully clothed.

  • Ginger Lynn Allen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Crimson Ghost
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

A little variety from the Ghost today....

First up, UK actress Patsy Kensit going topless (long before her implants) in scenes from "Lethal Weapon 2".

  • Patsy Kensit (1, 2)
  • Patsy Kensit zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

Kelly Lynch briefly shows a bit of breast as well as one of her long, nekkid legs while lying in bed with 'Fat Tony' in a scene from "Persons Unknown" (1996).

Last up, here is Melanie Griffith topless while gettin' it on with Michael Douglas in "Shining Through."

'Caps and comments by Dann:

"7 Seconds"
This 2005 direct-to-video action/thriller is half of a pretty good movie.

A veteran thief plans an armored-car robbery, but at the end as he is taking the money, he's hit by another gang that takes his loot. During the confusion, he winds up with a case containing.....he doesn't know.

Turns out the case contains a priceless Van Gogh, and some very bad people want it back. Even worse, they've snatched his partner/lover and they don't mind hurting her to get their point across.

Lots of action and some really good car chases highlight this flick. It is set in Bucharest, Romania, which is where it was filmed, and the car chases through the narrow streets are very effective.

The movie also had an interesting and twisty ending, so my main problem with it is the unevenness. Between the action, the movie really drags, so that we wind up with a lot of good movie interspersed with some really boring filler. Still, Wesley Snipes does a good job in these kinds of movies, and despite the flaws, it is worth watching.

Kelly LeBrock
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

The former Mrs. Steven Seagal and star of one of the best movies from the 80's, "Weird Science". Here she is showing off her great legs as well as giving us a very brief view of her breasts and bush in these 'caps by Mr. Nude Celeb from "The Woman in Red" (1984).

Darcy DeMoss
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Starbase 'caps of the 80's and 90's B-movie regular in scenes from the softcore cable series "Eden". She bares breasts and bum in girl-on-dude and girl-on-girl scenes.

Rachael Crawford
(1, 2, 3, 4)

Vejiita 'caps of the Canadian actress baring her breasts in a dark, lesbian love scene from "When Night Is Falling" (1995).

Kim Dickens
(1, 2)

Rhona Mitra
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

The Skin-man takes a look at "Hollow Man", Paul Verhoeven's 2000 interpretation of "The Invisible Man", starring Kevin Bacon and Elisabeth Shue. Both ladies look great topless.

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