Contact junior by writing Contact Scoopy by writing Contact Tuna by writing Send submissions to

Search by keywords:
In Association with
Use this search device to seek additional information from about any of the books or movies you read about here.
"Dracula 2000" (2000)

Dracula 2000 (2000) is a very pretty film, loaded with stunning visuals. That being said, it is easily the worst Dracula film ever made. Not only that, but most of the story takes place in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, and they only have one pair of boobs in the crowd scenes, and that has motion blur. The film starts with the obligatory sailing from Transylvania to England, then cuts to the present day. There was to have been a lengthy montage showing the complete history of the Count up to the present day, but budget constraints reduced the scope of the intro. Dracula has been well hidden in the dungeon of an antique dealer, who has been extending his life by filtering Dracula's blood through leeches, then injecting himself. His goal is to find a way to kill Dracula and save his daughter, who has also been tainted with the blood.

Thieves break in looking for whatever treasure is worth the security in place, and free the Count on an airplane trip to New Orleans. The film, after that, is the good guys vs. the count and his converts, who all learned to fly from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. In the end, Dracula's origin, and the reasons for all of his allergies (silver, religious artifacts, wooden stakes, etc) are explained. Colleen Anne Fitzpatrick briefly shows her nipples while having sex on the ceiling with Dracula

Berardinelli has it exactly right at 1 star. For some unaccountable reason, the film grossed $31m, still short of the $35m budget. IMDB readers say 5.2/10, with 64 giving a one, and 76 giving a 10. I say D+.

  • Thumbnails

  • Colleen Fitzpatrick (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    "Vénus beauté (institut)" (1999)

    Vénus beauté (institut) (1999) or, Venus Beauty (Salon) was recently reviewed by Scoopy. As he mentioned, the photography is artistic without being artsy. The film centers around a beauty parlor, and, in particular, Nathalie Baye, who is 40 something, has hurt a former lover deeply, and claims to be after sex only. Life gets more complicated when a young engaged man falls madly in love with her, and does not discourage easily. Think of it as the Dolly Parton portion of Steel Magnolias, except with a real mean and pretentious Dolly. This film won about every French award it got near, and is especially popular with women in their mid-40s.

    Claire Nebout, as a tan-obsessed exhibitionist, walks around stark naked in plain sight of the front door in several scenes, and shows all three B's. Helene Fillieres shows her breasts as she lies down on a massage tabl3e, and then one nipple during the massage. I got very tired of a cutesy chime that was played every time the front door opened, and the sub-titles could not be turned off. The image quality on the DVD is very good. I will agree with Scoopy's C+, but add that this was not really my kind of film ... I make it a point to stay out of beauty parlors.

  • Thumbnails

  • Claire Nebout (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Helene Fillieres (1, 2, 3)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Not a very productive day for new releases. Tuna did Drac 2000, and I covered it a couple of days ago. No nudity in Snatch, or The Body. I suppose none in The Wedding Planner. I'll get to Wedding Planner tomorrow or someday. I have to score some heroin or something before I can bear to pop it in the DVD player..

    Snatch is supposed to be rated r for "blah blah blah ... and some nudity". I still don't know where the nudity is, and I've watched it three times. None in the deleted scenes, either. 2-Disc set

    The Body was supposed to end up as a big-time movie. Banderas, Derek Jacobi, Vilmos Zsigmond as cinematographer, locations in Rome and Jerusalem. After they saw the movie, the studio virtually buried it. It opened in NY and LA, and amassed a domestic gross of $33,000, which is about three guys at NY ticket prices. The movie stinks, but you might find my review good for a laugh or two.

    Graphic Response
  • Georgina Cates, long nude scene from "Big City Blues" (1999). Topless and rear nudity.

  • Kelly Preston in her fully nude prime...all three B's in this collage featuring scenes from "Mischief" (1985).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Spaz
    Chantal Quesnelle From "Paradise Falls" (2001) episodes 3& 4

    Last week's premiere episodes of Paradise Falls had more than 250,000 viewers, the biggest such audience in that timeslot for the Canadian cable channel Showcase. The second batch of episodes shows Chantal Quesnelle heating up the hot tub. Butt and some breast exposure, and nearly showing if she is really is a natural redhead. Future nudity may be shown by Marni Thompson (already nude in a Hunger episode) who plays the town sheriff and newcomer Michelle Latimer who plays the resident Goth.

    Maria Del Mar The star of the Canadian TV series "Blue Murder" shows major cleavage while doing the tango in Matrix episode "Marked Man", not to be confused with the movie of the same name (even though both the TV series and the movie starred Carrie-Anne Moss).

    Corrine Clery From "The Story of O" (1975)
    Bond-babe Corrine Clery having some very explicit sex in the French cut of Histoire d'O (1975). (yes, I ordered this straight from a French website and had to deal with a surly French webmaster who wanted to see my passport).

    "Dracula 2000"...aka "Jeri Ryan's Cleavage: The Movie"

    Just out on video is the latest flick about everyone's favorite Count. (Well, excluding Count Chocula and The Count from Sesame Street of course...."One not so scary, scary movie ha-ha-ha".)

    Here is Scoop's review from when it first hit the theaters.

    There's not much nudity, but there is some nice skin from some hot babes....mostly in cleavage form. Colleen Fitzpatrick has the only topless scene while she gets it on with Drac. Surprisingly, as hip as this new Drac his, I don't recall hearing Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" during the love scene.

  • Justine Waddell
  • Jeri Ryan (1, 2, 3)
  • Jennifer Esposito (1, 2)
  • Colleen Fitzpatrick (1, 2, 3)

  • and ...
    Chantal Quesnelle Snowblind's version of Chantal's nude scene from the new Canadian show "Paradise Falls".

    Florence Darel Frontal nude scene from the movie "Fausto", by Touch.

    Alexondra Lee
    (1, 2)

    Two very hot scans of the sexy read head from FHM. Plenty of cleavage in #1, great legs in #2. Gen-Xers may remember her as Bailey's party girl roommate during a season of "Party of Five". Currently she can be seen on the UPN show "Special Unit 2".

    Athena Massey
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    One more look at Atheny and her robo-hooters in scenes from "Undercover", by Donbun.

    Nekkid Celeb News

    You had a piece in the Fun House about Kerry Fox doing a blow job in an upcoming movie. There is another English actress who either did it or was damn close.

    The actress in question is Harriet Walter but I can't for the life of me remember which BBC mini series it was in.It could have been "The Men's Club" but I can't say for certain.

    I have outtakes of the scene on one of my tapes and it would have been done quite a few years ago as the first bird listed on the same tape is Alonna Shaw in "Double Impact" --I think.That came out around 1991.

    She's getting it on with her lover--both starkers--and she's underneath when the phone rings and he crawls over her and stops with his schlong right over her mouth area.She grabs it with her hand and guides it to the mouth area when they cut to him on the phone with a surprised look on his face.

    Maybe she decided to have a bit of fun with him during the shooting of the scene but whatever it was pretty explicit stuff for a TV Mini Series----not cable.

    I'll see if I can knock up a few caps or a small clip of the scene to give you an idea.I notice you have nothing of her in the Encyclopaedia.She's not what you'd call a pretty but rather an attractive woman with a good body and who is damn sexy and doesn't mind getting her gear off.

    I've seen her in a few things doing nude scenes and she seems to really put her all into it and she never looks like she's just acting the part but rather doing it for real.Who knows??


    Sorta Celeb News
    From Yahoo Entertainment News...

    Comic Poundstone Pleads Innocent to Lewd Acts

    By Dan Whitcomb

    SANTA MONICA, Calif. (Reuters) - Comedienne Paula Poundstone (news - web sites) pleaded innocent on Tuesday to sexually molesting a girl and endangering four other minors, and was ordered to stay away from the alleged victims and all unsupervised children.

    Poundstone, wearing a lime green suit, pink shirt and plaid tie, pleaded not guilty to three counts of ``lewd acts on a child'' and one count of child endangerment during a brief hearing in a courtroom packed with members of the press and her supporters.

    "Not guilty, your honor," Poundstone told Los Angeles County Commissioner Roberta Kyman when asked for her plea.

    The popular 41-year-old comic stood next to her attorney, Steven Cron, during the proceeding and addressed the court only to answer questions from Kyman or from Deputy District Attorney Gina Satriano as to her rights.

    Poundstone, who has three adopted children and has cared for a number of foster children, appeared shaken after Kyman ordered her not to contact the alleged victims -- who have reportedly been in her care -- even by phone or in writing.

    All of the children who were in Poundstone's care have been placed in foster care.

    Prosecutors have kept a tight lid on the case, refusing to identify the victims or detail the accusations.

    "That protection is for the alleged victims in this case because Ms. Poundstone is a celebrity, to protect them from suffering any irreparable harm," Los Angeles Deputy District Attorney Gina Satriano said.


    Kyman also ordered Poundstone to stay away from ``any minors'' without that child's legal guardian present, an order that Cron said outside court was typical for child abuse cases but unnecessary for his client.

    Cron said Poundstone -- who faces a maximum of 13 years in prison if convicted on all the charges -- was feeling "nervous, anxious, but also confident we'll be OK in the end," adding that she was "not happy" about the so-called protective orders.

    "You don't need protective orders against Paula," Cron said. "She's been a wonderful advocate for children's rights." "I can't tell you how upset she is," Cron said. `"She loves children. In many ways, she is a big kid. She loves to laugh and have fun and for her to be told that she has got to stay away from kids is very painful for her."

    Poundstone, who was comforted by friends in the courtroom after the hearing, was taken out of the building by a back entrance to avoid reporters. Outside the courthouse Poundstone's supporters said they were shocked at the charges and expected her to be ultimately exonerated.

    Satriano said the "lewd acts" charges against Poundstone all related to a single child, a girl. She said those charges were filed against defendants accused of "any type of touching of a child under the age of 14 for a sexual purpose."

    The child endangerment charge against Poundstone involves four other children, she said.

    Poundstone, a stand-up comic who appears on the syndicated game show "To Tell the Truth," was arrested by Santa Monica police on June 27.

    Jr's comments:
    Wait a minute...this guy wrote she is a popular comic. Don't these journalist do any homework!? She hasn't been popular or funny in years, if ever.

    The Funnies

    MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

    EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.

    PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

    COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
    1. Go to Africa.
    2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
    3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
    4. During each traverse pass,
    a. Catch each animal seen.
    b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
    c. Stop when a match is detected.

    EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

    ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

    ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

    ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

    STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.

    CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

    OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

    POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

    LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.

    SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

    VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does see a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

    SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

    QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

    SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.

    SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

    HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.

  • Click Here!