"Dish Dogs"

Dish Dogs (1998) is a romantic comedy/coming of age/road trip/buddy/surfer/philosophical drama movie. If this sounds to you like way too many genres to mangle into one film, you are clearly brighter than the director. Not only does the film have this severe identity crises, but it also has poor acting from most of the principles. The comedy elements fall flat, it features Brian Dennehy in a spray-on wet suite as a retro hippie surfer guru, and it is full of cliches, such as the stripper who is really a wonderful, wholesome, intelligent girl who just needs the money (Shannon Elizabeth). The final scene featured one of the worst songs ever written, performed as a wedding present by Matthew Lillard, who not only can't sing, but should probably not be allowed to even listen to music.

Two friends have graduated from college with degrees in business, and take jobs as dishwashers (Dish Dogs), not because that is all a BA in business is good for, but because they want to become great philosophers and have their Epiphany. When one of their friends gets married, Morgan (Sean Astin) meets Shannon at the bachelor party and is attracted to her, and Jason (Matthew Lillard) gets back together with his old girlfriend (Maitland Ward) at the reception. Thus the conflict in the film ... philosophy or sex. Guess which wins.

The story was set in Oxnard, California, which is an odd choice. Oxnard is between LA and Santa Barbara, and is primarily a farming area, especially flowers. It has a Seabee base (Port Hueneme), a mental hospital in nearby Camarillo, and an Air Force base. Oxnard is not actually on the beach, as the film shows, and Oxnard is not listed as one of the filming locations. In the 60s, there was nearly nothing between LA and Oxnard. Now it is nearly all tract housing the entire way.

Some of the supporting performances were very good, the production values were there, and there was some good scenery and art direction. To me, the failure was that the director didn't figure out what he was trying to say. The first images come from arguably the best scene, where Shannon drags Morgan into the changing room and makes him help her try on and select bras. Unfortunately, it was cut from the released version. Thank god for deleted scenes. As near as I can tell, this went direct to vid, so I have no idea why they would have cut this scene. I also wonder how much other exposure met the same fate. The dialogue is pretentious, with nearly every male cast member quoting philosophers every few minutes. IMDb readers have it at 4.3 of 10. It was most popular in the under 18 set. This is a C-. It is technically sound, and has "offbeat energy," but most will feel it lacks a point, and will find it overly predictable.

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  • Shannon Elizabeth (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

    "Doc Hollywood"

    Doc Hollywood (1991) is a PG-13 moderately amusing Michael J. Fox "feelgood" romantic comedy. Before opening credits, we see Dr. Stone (Fox) working ER at Washington hospital in DC. He is having his going away party, for he is off to join an exclusive plastic surgery center in Hollywood. As he drives off, the credits roll, he gets into a traffic accident and get stuck in a small town, and I predicted that he would get stuck in a small town, fall in love, and end up staying there.

    Despite the fact that I correctly guessed the entire plot during the opening credits, the film is amusing throughout, and has some good characters. Fox's love interest, Julie Warner, has an amazingly long topless scene for a PG-13 film. It is entirely predictable and full of quaint rural characters, including a small part by Woody Harrelson as an insurance salesman, and rival for Warner's affection. Of course, this small South Carolina town is idyllic. There is no poverty, no meanness, and no crime. Surprisingly, men and women rate this about the same. IMDb has it at 5.8. Maltin says 2 1/2 stars. Ebert says 3 stars, and fell for the love story. IMDB readers agree more with Maltin at 5.8/10. US gross was $54.8M, and rentals have brought in an additional $24.5M. This is a C+. If feelgood romantic comedy is your sort of film, this is a good one, but nothing more.

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  • Julie Warner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Valley of the Dolls

    Amazingly enough, I have seen this, I saw it when it was in the theaters, but not since then. Because that was during the Grant administration, my memory is a bit hazy, and I won't be attempting a review.


    (Not from Shiloh )

    • Quick flash of  Drew Barrymore in Bad Girls (.wmv - zip)



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Some of the usual paparazzi activities.

    We got your singers: Gwen Stefani, Nadine Coyle and Victoria Beckham (although memebership in the Spice Girls allows one into the category of "singer" only on a technicality). Nadine's bendover concert... from both the front and the rear... well, it's the stuff dreams and legends are made of. And Victoria? Seems her nickname should be "Bullet Beckham."

    We got your actresses. Old pics of Gwyneth Paltrow and Halle Berry, re-worked a bit. See-thru for Gwyn, a most compelling cleavage from Halle.

    And we got your tennis players in action: Karolina Sprem, Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams. I know Maria is the current flavor of the month and I know these things are a matter of taste, but honestly now, has there ever been a more attractive combination of power and grace than Serena Williams? I figure in God's dictionary, under "woman" is a picture of her....possibly also under "she-hulk".

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    From the Ghost today....former "Baywatch" babe and Heffer (July '89) Erika Eleniak is scenes from the 1994 'comedy', "Chasers". Starring Tom Berenger and directed by Dennis Hopper.

    The goodies are in the same order for both the images and zipped-wmvs....Undies with mega-cleavage and partial rear nudity, toplessness, toplessness and a different kind of partial rear nudity.

    Christina Applegate
    (1, 2)

    Applegate showing some subtle pokies at the premiere of the new Will Ferrell movie, "Anchorman".

    Julia Roberts
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Mr. Nude Celeb takes a look at the movie that made her famous..."Pretty Woman" (1990).

    Here's the breakdown of goodies:
    Link #1...Julia in her "working clothes" showing a bit of an upskirt.
    Links #2-4...Julia in undies and lingerie
    Link #5...Julia all cleaned up, showing an upskirt.
    Link #6...Semi-see-thru/pokies in lingerie.
    Link #7...The famous, rare and very brief breast view!

    Rachel McAdams
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    Meredith Ostrom
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Señor Skin 'caps of "Mean Girls" co-star Rachel McAdams and Meredith Ostrom both briefly going topless in scenes from joint Italian/Canadian production, "My Name Is Tanino" (2002).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Note To Men: 74 Percent Of Women DON'T Prefer That! - Maxim men's magazine polled 3,000 Marie Claire readers to find out what women really think. When asked the best way to impress them, 47 percent chose "Show a sense of humor." 26 percent of women actually prefer men who don't want a second date to spare their feelings by asking for their number, then never calling.

  • Too bad 100 percent of men do that.
  • Men consider that to be "showing a sense of humor."

    Asked why they go out with jerks, 36 percent said "Sweet moments are even sweeter," 33 percent said "I didn't know he was a jerk," and 13 percent said "So I can change him."

  • Translation: 100 percent said, "Because we're stupid."

    And when asked how long a guy should wait to fart in front of them, 34 percent said "Forever, if at all possible," but 39 percent said, "Until he's my boyfriend."

  • And then, they'll change him, so he'll never fart again.

    It Had A Great Web Campaign - "Spider-Man 2" is smashing box office records, taking in $40.5 million its first day, including $5 million from midnight shows alone.

  • Mostly attended by 35-year-old men in Spider-Man pajamas.
  • Let's pray this doesn't inspire Michael Moore to put on a Spider-Man costume...Although he will fight back by digitally adding tentacles to President Bush.

    Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave... - Bootleggers are already trying to pirate "Spider Man 2." A 16-year-old boy in Los Angeles was caught trying to videotape a copy off the screen by a projectionist who spotted him with night vision goggles.

  • He instantly swooped down and threw a net over him!

    More Reality Craps - With both Paris Hilton and her mom working on reality shows, Paris' dad is now getting into the act. Hotel heir Rick Hilton is pitching a show called "777." Seven high-rollers would live together in a Las Vegas hotel suite and compete in various games, with the winner taking $7 million. But each would be expected to put up $1 million, making it the first reality show where if you don't win, you lose $1 million.

  • It could end up being a reality version of "CSI."
  • But the only person rich enough and desperate enough for attention to apply for this is Donald Trump, and he already HAS a reality show.
  • They should do this on "Survivor"...That would make it even harder to survive.
  • The winner gets $7 million, and he gets to have sex with Paris Hilton...Probably, anyway. Most guys with $7 million do.

    Sexy, Indeed! - Jennifer Lopez's first ex-husband, Ojani Noa, exposed one of her bedroom secrets on the WE special, "Young, Sexy & Spoiled." He said he knew the honeymoon was over when every time he wanted to have sex, J-Lo would claim she was sick, run to the bathroom and pretend to throw up.

  • Oh, she wasn't pretending...
  • This was on their wedding night.
  • These days, you know your marriage to J-Lo is over when she says "I do".

    His Lawyers Planted It There - Fox Entertainment reporter Roger Friedman says his sources claim police removed something surprising from Michael Jackson's bedroom: a collection of porn magazines and DVDs. But the really surprising thing - and oddly enough, good for Jackson's defense -- is that it was adult porn for straight guys. It included Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler and Cheri magazines and at least one lesbian porn DVD. His source said Michael sends his friends and relatives out to buy it for him because "it's not like Michael can go out and get this stuff himself."

  • If Michael Jackson walked into 7-11 and tried to buy a Playboy, the clerk would think he was on "Punk'd."
  • He was just curious...He'd never seen a naked woman before.
  • Michael only has Playboys so he can hide copies of "Boy's Life" magazine inside them.