"Fast Lane to Malibu"

Fast Lane to Malibu (2000) is a straight to vid skinemax tittle flick. Two roomies head off to Malibu for the ultimate wild sorority party. School is out, ad the girls want to release all their pent up sexual frustration at the end of school party. Steve Curtis is on the outs with his girlfriend, Renee Rea, after she reacted badly to an experiment with a call girl (Luci Faubert) that she suggested. She sends her roommate (Tracy Ryan) to deliver a note to him the next day, but Ryan spends the day having sex with the roomie, Stephan Harvard, and forgets to deliver the note. The guys are off to Malibu, and the girls are in hot pursuit. Along the way, the guys get laid and rolled by a sexy hitchhiker (Stephanie Schwatrz), have to service two horny deputy sheriffs (Kira Reed and Nikki Fritz), and Harvard does the wife of a garage mechanic (Marie West) and a blonde in a topless bar (Elizabeth Sneider).

To make the DVD even more interesting, the film stops in several places, and lets the viewer choose which course of action the characters take. IMDb readers have this at 2.6 of 10. All of the women show breasts. The story is a complete throwaway, and the simulated sex scenes are way too tame, but they have a different pair of bare breasts every few minutes, which cuts down on the boredom factor. C-.

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  • Devinn Lane (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Elizabeth Sneider (1, 2)
  • Kira Reed (1, 2)
  • Lucie Faubert (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Marie West (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Nikki Fritz (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Renee Rea (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Stephanie Schwartz (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Tracy Ryan (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie"

    The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) Jean Brodie is a liberated school teacher at a private school for girls in 1932 Edinburgh. All of her girls are the "creme-de-la-creme," and she informs them that she realized over her summer holiday in Italy that she was now in her prime. Her girls adore her, but the headmistress feels very differently about Miss Brodie and her teaching methods. Miss Brodie believes passionately about things. Unfortunately, they are often the wrong things. She is a big fan of Mussolini, and later, Franco. She had an affair with the art instructor, but broke it off, possibly because of his wife and five kids. She is now beguiling another professor, and she and her pet girls spend Sundays at his estate.

    One of her girls (Pamela Franklin) goes along, but secretly is not as impressed as the others with Miss Brodie. Franklin has an affair with the artist, but drops him when she sees the portrait he is doing of her -- it looks like miss Brodie. At about the same time, one of miss Brodie's girls runs off to fight for Franco, and is killed on a train in route. Franklin decides it is time to put an end to Miss Brodie.

    Maggie Smith won bet actress for her portrayal of Miss Brodie, and Rod McKuen was nominated for the theme song, Jean. He never had a chance against Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, a song that could be heard anytime day or night simply by turning the radio dial. Jean has become a semi-classic, as has another nominee, Come Saturday Morning. The film was based on a stage play, and is almost entirely dialogue. They did whatever they could to liven up every scene with business, but many find it a long watch. Smith's Miss Brodie, despite being essentially full of shit, and dangerous to the girls, is nonetheless successful as a sympathetic character.

    Pamela Franklin shows both breasts and buns posing for the artist.

    IMDb readers have this at 7.6 of 10. There is much to enjoy here, including the score, and a terrific performance by Maggie Smith. It is a close cousin to The Dead Poets Society, but with girls rather than boys. If you liked Dead Poets Society, you might also enjoy this film. This is number 20 in the 2oth Century Fox studio classics series, and includes a commentary by the director and Pamela Franklin. This is a C+, an excellent genre effort with some great strengths, but too talky for most.

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  • Pamela Franklin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "The Snake Pit"

    With my focus on film nudity, I don't often get to talk about important films that have none. After just watching this landmark film for the first time as an adult, I simply had to review it. It is Number 19 in the 20th Century Fox Studio Classics Series.

    The Snake Pit (1948) The film is based on an autobiographical work by Mary Jane Ward. Although the film changes many particulars from her life, and focuses on a linear narrative of her psychoanalysis, it still portrays her experience realistically enough to move you. It takes its title from an ancient practice of throwing insane people into a pit of snakes. The theory was that a situation that would drive a normal person insane would drive an insane person normal. Just as the novel was deeply personal, we see the snake pit of a public mental health institution through the patient's eyes, and hear her thoughts. The role required a very strong performance by the lead, and Olivia de Havilland delivered an Oscar nominated one. Had she not won Best Actress two years before for To Each His Own, she probably would have won over Jane Wyman.

    The film opens with her on a bench, and men asking her questions. Through a gradual reveal, we see that there are no men around, only another female patient, and the voices are in her head. The patients are then lined up, and marched into the building -- de Haviland still has no idea where she is or why, and remembers nothing of her past life. We then have a period of exposition where her husband fills her doctor in on what of her history he is aware of. Over the next several weeks, the doctor begins to break through a little at a time. Her husband, encouraged by some administrators who want to free up a bed, requests her release against the advice of her doctor. She "goes to staff," and the experience is so traumatic, she regresses and ends up in a ward for more seriously ill patients. Going to staff is a requirement for release. It is something like a parole board, where the entire staff interviews her, and then approves or disapproves her release.

    Her treatment included electroshock therapy, ice baths and being placed in one of the "back wards," where the most deeply disturbed patients are kept. She would make progress, only to have some event trigger a relapse time after time. In actuality, the real Ward was first placed in a private institution that was very good at costing her husband money, but not at all competent at treating her. When he ran out of money, she was transferred to a state institution. Finally, her husband was able to find and afford a decent institution, where she did, in fact recover.

    Censorship laws being what they were in 1948, some of the seedier sex and language aspects of state mental health institutions could not be depicted in the film, and, were it made today, a more accurate portrait could be painted, but the film makers did a wonderful job of allowing us to experience what she experienced. Much of the film was shot in actual back wards at Camarillo State Hospital in California. I had occasion to visit two state mental institutions in the early 60s, and can tell you that the film makers did their homework. Many of the scenes were 100% accurate, based on my first hand knowledge. The film was rather balanced in showing that some staff were caring, and some were detrimental to the patients. It was also very strong in showing the effects of the insane on each other, both positive and negative.

    The state mental health system is all but gone now in the US. The current practice is to detain, medicate and release those deemed to be a danger to themselves or others. Granted that modern psychoactive drugs can allow some patients to function normally in society, there are a lot of people wandering around who are not successfully functioning. One has to wonder how much progress we have really made since 1948.

    IMDb scores this at 7.7 of 10. It won an Oscar for Best Sound/Recording, and nominations for Best Actress, Best Director, Best Picture, Best Music and Best Writing. It is not often that you see both technical and artistic nominations for a film. IMDb comments are very positive, but just over 700 have voted on this masterpiece. The transfer is a pristine 4/3 (which was the theatrical version), and the DVD includes a commentary from a film historian that I have not had time to listen to. Yes, there was a certain 40s quaintness to the film, and such things as language and nudity could not be accurate, but it still delivers an emotional punch today. This is a solid B, with one of de Haviland's best performances, and a fascinating true story.

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.



    Drum is the sequel to Mandingo, with boxer Ken Norton playing the son of the character he played in the first film. It's a mini-classic of mixed race nudity, if not quite another Gone With The Wind in quality. These clips are seldom seen, since neither Drum not Mandingo has ever been on a Region 1 DVD, although Drum was once available in Region 2.



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Here are four collages of Jessica Alba at the premiere of "De-Lovely". Grace Kelly was once described as being so beautiful it was painful to look at her. That is Ms. Alba. The heart simply aches. Evolution at its finest.

    • Jessica Alba (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today the Ghost takes a look at the Skinemax flick "Striking Resemblance" (1997).

    First up, CeCe Tsou shows mostly breasts, bush and some partial bum views in a very slow moving sex scene.

    Skinemax regular Kim Yates showing breasts, plenty of thong views and all 3 B's in image link #10 and zipped-wmv #8.

    Next up, the sometimes Daytime Soap...but mostly late night cable actress Nicole Gian shows breasts and some partial rear views in a couple of scenes.

    Last but not least, the former Pet (January 92) and a woman you see almost everytime you turn on Skinemax...Shauna O'Brien. Here she shows all 3 B's before the mega-hooters were installed.

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Show Me Yours": episode Sexual Healing
    The hottest episode yet but with only two more episode to air I have given up hope of the entire cast having an orgy scene.

    "Naked Josh": episode Flirting with Disaster
    Another skinless episode and the teaser for next week's episode "Celibacy" looks no better.

    "Alienated" season 1
    Season 1 is finally being repeated so if you want to catch Sarah-Jane Redmond nekkid tune into Canada's Space on Tuesdays.

    "The Life and Death of Nancy Eaton"
    TV movie of the week. It is also available on an R-rated DVD but I believe both are the same.

    The stinker horror of the week about a vampire in drag.

    Paige Davis
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    More pics of the "Trading Spaces" host doing her strip tease. This time without all the stupid stuff blocking out the goodies! Not the biggest pics, but the quality is nice.

    Claire Forlani
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the beautiful Forlani baring breasts and bum in scenes from her first movie "Gypsy Eyes" (1992).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    For The Love Of Pete! - Britney Spears told People magazine that she's marrying dancer Kevin Federline for love, and it's not like her quickie Vegas marriage. She said, "That thing was a total ugh. I was not in love at all." But, she said, "I've kissed a bunch of frogs and finally found my prince." She also denied she's pregnant, but she said she wants to have four or five kids and the fact that Federline's ex-girlfriend is pregnant with their second child doesn't bother her. She said, "I love little ones. I think the situation is good."

  • If she thinks his impregnating other women is good, then this marriage just MIGHT last.
  • Her first marriage was a total ugh, but this one sounds like a total BLECH!
  • Too bad she's not pregnant; then the marriage might last at least nine months.

    The Homer Simpson Special - Monday in Clearfield, Pennsylvania, Denny's Beer Barrel Pub hosted the Burger Challenge, which was filmed for the Food Network. Competitive eaters had three hours to finish off Ye Olde 96er, a hamburger containing a large onion, two whole tomatoes, half a head of lettuce, 1-1/4 cups of cheese, a cup each of mayo, ketchup, mustard, relish, peppers and pickles, and six pounds of beef. Pub owner Danny Leigey Sr. said he had two and three-pound burgers on the menu until his daughter called from college to say there was a place there with a four-pound burger, so he had to beat them.

  • Now I know why college girls gain weight.
  • For Atkins dieters, they hold the bun.
  • If you eat Ye Olde 96er, you won't live to be Ye Olde 46er.
  • And you thought McDonald's Supersized you!
  • It's kind of expensive, but it does come with a free side of fries.

    Cheaper Than Divorce - A German company called "The Perfect Alibi" that provides cheaters with excuses for their sex getaways has been a big success. Their services range from just $10 for sending a text message to fool your partner to $75 to mail your home an invitation to a fake weekend business seminar. Their operators even pose as hotel operators to field your spouse's phone calls. The owner says he doesn't think about morality, he's just supplying a service. He's getting up to 350 clients a month, and is about to expand by opening an office in Austria.

  • At least, he told his WIFE he's opening an office in Austria...
  • One problem: he sends the bill to your house.
  • It's a service cheaters will love and cherish until death.
  • If you want some great alibis for cheating, buy a copy of Clinton's book.
  • For $300 more, his operators will have sex with you.