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"Castle Erotica"

Castle Erotica (2001) AKA Castle Eros, is supposed to be a soft-core, but has clear penetration, making it a hard-core. More about that later. Like many in this genre, it has a premise, rather than a plot, but, in this case, the premise was entertaining enough that I didn't miss a real plot. Two cousins visit Italy for summer vacation. One is studious and quiet, and wants to see the sights. The other is interested in wine, men and song, and wants to keep a video diary of her exploits.

The outgoing one lands a local hunk the first night. When she gets out of the shower the next morning, not only is he gone, but so is all of their money. The two end up taking a job as domestic help in a castle run as an inn that promises their guests true love. It is run by Catalina Larranaga, who tells of the origins of the castle, which was built by a prince for the gypsy woman he loved but was not allowed to marry. He was killed in battle, and she died of a broken heart. Since, the castle has been said to have magic, and has been run by the woman's descendants. Larranaga leaves the castle in the hands of the two girls, who discover that they can make people have sex by putting paper doll figures together in a room of a mock-up of the castle in Larranaga's bedroom.

With that premise, there are endless sex possibilities, and they use most of them. The quiet cousin is played by Holly Sampson (Pump Up the Volume, Gia, and several of the Emmanuelle series). The outgoing cousin is credited as Amber Karney. After I finished the images, I realized it is really Gabriella Hall. Sampson shows all three Bs, Karney/Hall shows everything including gyno shots, and Larranaga actually has sex (see mages 1 - 4). Three other women playing guests also show all three Bs, and I will have those images tomorrow night. IMDB data is sketchy, and there are no reviews available. This, despite having nearly no plot, and almost constant sex, is still a quick watch, with lots of beautiful women in nice settings doing enough interesting things that the sex scenes never become tedious. The DVD is a disappointing 4/3 transfer that is oversaturated, but was correctable. C+.

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  • Amber Karney (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45)

  • Catalina Larranaga (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

  • Holly Sampson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Yo, dudes, I'm on summer vacation. Will be back to work in a fortnight, but in the meantime, I'll be sending in a movie report now and then about the stuff now in the theaters, and maybe some "other crap".


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Barbara Windsor Undies, short skirts and plenty of breast teasing in scenes from the campy British flick "Not Now Darling" (1973).

    Trudi van Doorn More from "Not Now Darling". Trudi is also seen wearing only undies and sorta showing some breast views.

    Kirstie Pooley
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Excellent full frontal nudity in scenes from "Der Letzte Schrei" aka "The Last Word" (1974).

    Sabine Postel Rear nudity from "Tatort - Voll ins Herz" (1998).

    Tanja Lanäus All lathered up in a very soapy topless shower scene from German TV.

    Arielle Dombasle Topless and very brief full frontal nudity in scenes from "Le Jour et la nuit"...aka "Day and Night" (1997).

    Barbara Bach Full frontal nudity from the former Bond babe in the Italian movie, "Ecco noi per esempio" (1977).

    Natalya Negoda Toplessness from the Russin movie "Malenkaya Vera" (1988).

    Gina Bellman
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The English actress showing some skin in a couple of movies. Links 1-4 feature toplessness in scenes from the UK mini-series " "Blackeyes" (1989). Link #5 is a bonus fully nude side view with partial breast and bum exposure from the straight to vid Dolph Lundgren flick, "Silent Trigger" (1996).

    Sarah Alexander
    (1, 2, 3)

    Lots of bare bum and partial breast exposure in scenes from the UK sketch comedy series "Armstrong and Miller".

    Rachel Hunter Another paparazzi pic of the supermodel/actress getting felt up by UK pop star Robbie Williams.

    Jennifer Lopez New J-Lo "Glow" (Not to be confused with Soul Glow)

    Here is Lopez appearing nude in a print ad for her new 'Glow' fragrance.

    Jr's replies:

  • Just what all men want, women who smell like a huge ass.
  • Because when you think of fashion fragrances, you think of the star of "Anaconda"

  • Hilary Swank Sisyphus temporarily comes out of retirement with this scan of the Oscar winner wearing see-thu lingerie with a clear, and very lovely nipple sighting.

    Gwyneth Paltrow A great new collage by Dann featuring scenes from "Shallow Hal". Excellent thong and upskirt views! (of the thin Gwyneth, not the fat suit Gwyneth).

    Britney Spears Another look at Britney at the opening of her new restaurant, Nyla.

    Stacey Dash nmd vidcaps of the "Clueless" star's famous nude scene from "Illegal in Blue" (1995).

    Cheyenne Carron
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The sexy brunette model posing nude for the June '99 issue of Photo magazine.

    Here's the breakdown:

  • Link #1...topless
  • Link #2...undies
  • Links #3 and #4...fully nude with beautiful breast exposure and possible pubes
  • Link #5...thong

  • Naomi Campbell Posing topless with Sean "P.Diddy" "Puff Daddy" "Puffy" Combs. From the May '02 issue of Photo.

    Annabel Schofield
    (1, 2)

    The UK actress is seen in her undies, and topless in love scenes from the straight-to-video flick "Midnight Blue" (1996), by Scanman.

    Hollywood Silliness
    From Spaz, a list of some silly cliches and trends he has observed over the years with regards to nudity and sex scenes:
    • A man only has to unzip his pants to have sex.
    • Likewise, a woman only has to take off her brassiere.
    • A male only has to lie on top of a woman to have sex with her.
    • Likewise, a female does not spread her legs during sex.
    • A man sleeps in his shorts, the woman in her panties (even after they had sex the night before).
    • Someone getting out nude from bed is shown from behind.
    • Bed sheets never fall down below the waist or ride up above the thighs.
    • If someone is walking in the nude, objects are strategically placed to obscure any frontal nudity.
    • A nude woman completely uncovered on a bed always lies on her stomach.
    • Any male full frontal nudity is never in the aroused state.
    • Absolutely no kissing or fondling below the equator.
    • Bath water has an abundance of soap suds or is milky white.
    • Showers have doors are made out of semi-transparent glass.
    • Skinny-dippers never do the backstroke.
    • Someone wearing only a towel after bathing does not have to worry about it falling off.
    • Likewise, a woman wearing no underwear can sit down discreetly.
    • All hookers have a heart of gold, look like models, and actually kiss johns on the lips.
    • All underwear and nightgowns are from Fredericks of Hollywood.
    • Likewise, leg stockings and garter belts are preferred over pantyhose
    • When a a nerdy woman takes off her glasses she instantly becomes the hottest women in the movie.
    • When a woman takes off her glasses, clothes follow soon after.
    • A woman wearing a white t-shirt with no brassiere will soon get wet.
    • A topless sunbather tanning her back will soon get startled by getting splashed and have to sit up to expose her breasts.
    • Nice girls wear white, tramps wear black.
    • A virgin will no longer be when movie ends.
    • Background strippers are all bleach-blondes with big hooters.
    • The movies best nudity is done by a secondary or uncredited actress.
    • An actress will show more nudity for a lesbian role.
    • A lesbian couple consists of a short-haired brunette and an long-haired blonde (who is doubting her heterosexuality).
    • Nothing beats a communal shower scene.
    • A topless whipping scene is acceptable for an R-rating, but not an enthusiastic consensual sex scene is not.
    • An actress who says she will do a nude scene will back out at the last minute (or the scene cut by the director, MPAA, actress' mother, etc).
    • Likewise, an actress who said she has never done a nude scene has conveniently forgotten about that softcore-porn movie she did early in her career.
    • Movie with nude scenes will only be shown uncut in limited festival circuit, an obscure cable station, or Europe-only release.
    • Former porn-actresses become extremely shy and will only do topless nudity or less when they make "real" movies.
    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Okay, I know we're on vacation, but then comes word that George W. Bush handed over presidential power briefly to Dick Cheney while he was getting a colonoscopy. We thought, "Rats! What a time for comedy writers to go on vacation!" So we just had to say...

  • Dick Cheney can now say he was the president, but with a big "but" attached.
  • The doctors found no polyps, but they did discover where Osama bin Laden's been hiding.
  • Why does Bush need another anal probe? The press already gave him one during the last election.
  • Doctors found no parasites up Bush's rear end, but the last time they looked up Clinton's, they found Dan Rather, James Carville, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, and the entire New York Times staff.

    Happy 4th!

  • DVD Stuff
    Where to buy online, by Tuna.

    The question of where to buy different Region DVDs is simply answered. The best (and cheapest) place to buy them is in their country of origin, so it is a matter of locating a good choice that is willing to ship anywhere. Here are my suggestions:

    US Region 1: www.lasersedge.com/

    Spanish Region 2: www.dvdgo.com Site is in Spanish and English. The first order will require additional proof that you used a valid credit card, then they are fast and efficient.

    UK Region 2: www.blackstar.co.uk Fast, affordable, efficient, and the most charming support people I have ever found.

    Italy Region 2: www.dvd.it English version of Website. Prompt and affordable.

    EuroSlasher Region 2: www.sazuma.com Rare (frequently Italian) titles. Headquartered in Austria. Often very slow to ship, and not especially affordable.

    Canadian Region 1: www.videoflicks.com Note that not all Canadian releases are available in the US.

    German Region 2: amazon.de is as good as anyplace. German shipping is painfully slow, no matter whom you choose.