Some more great film clips:

This zipped .avi is a great sex scene between Charlie Sheen and Linda Fiorentino in Beyond the Law. I noticed that this film has now been released in a widescreen DVD so I'll take a look at that next week (I've never seen the film at all, at least not that I can remember).

Ah, the cinema classics: a short lovemaking scene between Mia Sara and Jean-Claude Van Damme in Timecop. (Zipped .avi) I'll look at this one next week as well. 

Tuna just did Private Resort last week (find his comments and captures in the back issues for Saturday, June 24th), so I mainly concentrated on film clips. (Zipped .wmv files, more or less DVD quality):

Tuna and I disagree on this one. I don't like this film very much at all. Some of the scenes flow smoothly and are fairly funny. Others fall completely flat. The humor is exactly at the level of The Love Boat. In fact, this is essentially a Love Boat script. Guys go on a vacation hoping to hook up with chicks. The only real differences between this film and an episode of Love Boat is that this resort is on dry land instead of floating on the ocean, and this episode has breasts and bums. I'm not totally opposed to that in principal. I have to admit that I would have watched The Love Boat if it had included nude scenes, so I can see how Private Resort could be an easy watch for some, but I kept looking at the timer on the DVD, just as I used to watch the odometer of my parents' car on long trips, wondering when it would be over.

Besides the broad and completely predictable slapstick humor, there are some other things I disliked.

First, there are pieces missing. Obviously this was once a much longer film that was edited down to 82 minutes. Some characters have relationships which must have been developed in missing scenes. Other scenes just seem to be missing connections between them.

Second, there is no character development at all. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow are seen arriving in a resort. Are they rich? Apparently not. They order a beer because they can't afford cocktails. How did they afford the resort in the first place? How old are they? Are they working? Are they students? Are they good guys or scumbags? Cool guys or douchebags? How did they get there? Why are they together? Where did they come from? Everything just starts in the middle, and I feel stranded.

Third, some of the scenes and ideas are just not funny to me. Morrow is planning to get laid by using date rape drugs, for example. (Granted it is kinda funny when the Quaaludes intended for his uptight date end up being taken by her granny, who mistakes them for aspirin.) At another point, the baddie sprays the entire resort with M-16 fire during the lunch buffet. That doesn't seem appropriate for this type of movie. OK, custard pies - fine, but machine gun fire? Up until that point (it's at the end of the movie), the film had been strictly faithful to the Love Boat level of glibness. Now, all of a sudden, one of the passengers is riddling Doc and Gopher with machine gun bullets?

Fourth, the best films of this genre take place in something very close to the real world, and are populated with characters we know in situations we can imagine. This one has no real multi-dimensional characters and places its cardboard undeveloped characters in generally unbelievable situations. It's not really possible to relate to the characters or their predicaments. It's strictly farce. It represents two kids at a resort in the same sense that F Troop reflects the true relationship between the U.S. Army and the Native American populations.

Fifth - no full frontal nudity. 'Nuff said.  If you're gonna do a sex comedy, do a GOOD sex comedy, and don't skimp on the nudity.

There were also some elements that were surprisingly good:

Not many of these youth-oriented sex comedies feature a multiple Oscar nominee in the lead. There are times when Depp delivers his lines so credibly that he makes you forget you're watching a shallow, unbelievable movie.

In the middle of the obvious stuff there are a couple of incredibly obscure jokes. The baddie pretends to be a count named Repulski with a long list of first and middle names, but he tells the "mark" to call him "Rip."  You have to be a big baseball fan to catch the reference to a particular St. Louis Cardinal from the early 1950s. Outfielder Rip Repulski and third baseman Jabbo Jablonski, two solid everyday players, batted in order for the Cards in 1953-54, and were always abbreviated as R'ski and J'ski in the box scores of the day. What can you say? The Cardinals were into Polish players. There were others besides those two, the most famous of who was the great star Stan Musial!

Well, of course, there is some nice nudity for us guys, and I suspect that women and gay guys will not find it difficult to look at Johnny Depp naked.

In general, this one is strictly for those who will watch any youth sex comedy.

On the other hand, given Depp's presence, I don't understand Tri-Star's decision to issue this as a bare-bones DVD. There is a respectable widescreen anamorphic transfer, but not one feature of any kind - not even a "splash" page for the main menu. When you boot up this DVD you text a simple text page with the choices for audio and sub-titles and a "play movie" link!!!  Obviously if Deep hadn't been in it, it would never have come to DVD at all.

One last point. Since it is the only pubic hair in the film, and only a hint at that, here's Vickie Benson's shower scene:


Other Crap:

Internet Explorer 7, Beta 3 downloads

"Colbert Report: Difference Makers: Steve Pelkey, the Harriet Tubman of fireworks."

Colbert recommends abolishing the Supreme Court

  • "Tell it to the judge, by which Stephen means the President."

"Colbert Report: Star Jones"

  • "In solidarity with Star Jones, Stephen will be leaving his show ... for a week."

Daily Show: "So many vexing questions on Scarborough Country: Is Jon Stewart a threat? Is that guy's head real?"

The Daily Show: "The flag debate took up two days in the Senate, generally the less asinine of Congress' two houses."

Rob Corddry - This Week in God: SpiritCenter

  • Asking such questions as "How does God work? When will he show himself? Why did he make Rob Corddry bald?"

Letterman's "Top Ten Signs The Supreme Court Doesn't Give A Damn"

Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Fireworks Display

The Straight Dope: Have any millionaires ever been executed in the United States?

A script review of the Wolverine solo movie

Somebody has gone to the trouble of making an index of all the full-length cartoons available on YouTube

Oh, happy day. Another Resident Evil film. First Resident Evil: Extinction Images -

The trailer for Boynton Beach Club

  • "As the original Baby Boomer generation now approaches retirement age, the concept of what it means to be older has dramatically changed. In a world where 60 is fast becoming the new 40, 'Boynton Beach Club' shows us that it's never to late too fall in love."
  • I think I'm going to wait for the Quentin Tarantino version, when the seniors find that it's never too late for their first violent kill.

AstroPic o' the Day: "Some 60 million light-years away in the southerly constellation Corvus, two large galaxies have collided."

"J Lo (temporarily) halts ex-hubby's plan to profit from intimate tales"

"Variety reports that Sony Pictures showed 20 minutes of Casino Royale at the Cinema Expo International in Amsterdam"

Warcraft III and Google Earth on a Table

"Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail Camelot song reproduced with Legos!"

"Poison Ivy Rash Hall of Fame" WARNING: unpleasant stuff

Geek chique: how to make cuff links

Broadway dancer fired for having big boobs

  • I knew that gay influence on Broadway would come to no good

Paparazzi pictures of the original Fun House princess, Jennifer Connelly, looking leggy

Pamela Anderson bares skin to fight skin (and shows a skin condition on her shoulder)

Video: one guy dances around the world...

Light a candle with ass gas

"Learn How The WB Plans To Say Goodbye!!" Page 2 : Toast to World Cup Uniforms

Playboy Radio Reaches Million Subscriber Mark

  • Wow. I guess this proves that people really do read the magazine for the articles.

The mystery of Corey Feldman solved

Celebrity terrorist.

  • Very entertaining site! Today it includes an escaped boob from Courtney Cox

"Wet and wild! Olympic swim champion Amanda Beard talks about the life aquatic at her FHM cover shoot."

Bin Laden now releasing tapes on the internet

  • Whoda thunk he'd be a YouTube man. I wonder if he has a page on MySpace, and if so how many friends.

Sam Kinison's video for Wild Thing

Bewitched Meets The Flintstones

Oh, dear --- Britney Spears Pregnant Bikini Pictures (Not a pretty sight)

Operation removes lightbulb from anus - with a picture of the X-ray!

Did you ever wonder what happened to Tinker Toy? Think merger.

The trailer from Harsh Times

  • "The film stars Christian Bale ('Batman Begins') as an ex-Army Ranger who finds himself slipping back into his old life of petty crime after a job offer from the LAPD evaporates. Freddy Rodriguez ('Six Feet Under') plays his best friend and Eva Longoria ('Desperate Housewives') plays Rodriguez's girlfriend. It marks the film directing debut of David Ayer, who is the creator of 'Training Day' and the writer of 'The Fast and the Furious.'"

The trailer for The U.S. vs. John Lennon (Documentary)

Two trailers (one R-rated) and a clip from The Science of Sleep

  • This is Michael Gondry's first non-documentary since his brilliant Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but the early returns are not very positive ... 5.8 at IMDb, but Variety liked it.
  • In director Michel Gondry's, "The Science of Sleep," life seems to be looking up for shy and withdrawn Stephane (Gael Garcνa Bernal) when he is coaxed to return to his childhood home with the promise of a the mundane world of copy setting. Wildly creative, his fanciful and sometimes disturbing dream life constantly threatens to usurp his waking world. Stephane is quickly drawn to his neighbor, Stephanie (Charlotte Gainsbourg) whose imagination easily matches his own. As their relationship blossoms, the confidence Stephane exudes in his dreams begins bleeding over into his real life. Unable to bear the prospect of a waking world without Stephanie's love, and with no satisfying solutions coming out of his dream world, Stephane faces a dilemma he may not be able to depend on the science of sleep to help him solve.

Eight clips from A Scanner Darkly, Linklater's rotoscope film based on a Philip K. Dick story.

The R-rated trailer from Clerks II: The Passion of the Clerks

Long comment by the submitter of this link:

From the files of "Films That I Pray Die in Development," comes Dragons of Autumn Twilight. I cannot believe that after twenty years someone is actually producing a film based on that POS book by Tracy Hickman and Margret Weis. Here is the link for Somethingawful's review of the book

I remember when that book was prominently displayed in every bookstore in the America. Out of curiosity I bought a fifty cent copy from Paige Turner's used bookstore. They wouldn't buy it back from me. The book did however, revive for me a long lost love. I remember it well after having read page after page, where in our alleged hero Tanis faced the world with his customary fortitude. "Tears formed in Tanis' eyes … tears ran down Tanis' face … Tanis cried aloud … Tanis wept in misery … Tanis sobbed … Tanis blubbered … Tanis sniveled … Tanis bawled whilst pounding his little fists and wetting his breach clout." I dropped the book, my fingers trembling, my mind reflexively recoiling from the very concept, that one of these authors was indeed in possession of a penis. I staggered to my book case and searched desperately through it. Christ where is it? I need it. There in the back, found it! I slumped to the floor and started reading. "Die with your axes red," roared Conan of Cimmeria. I sighed with relief. The works of Robert Howard were things of beauty and wonder to me again.


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Love on the Side (2004)

Eve is a woman stuck as a waitress in a diner she actually owns, and pining for her childhood friend, a former high school football star named Jeff. Despite the advice of fellow waitress and best friend Jennifer Tilly, she is having no luck pursuing her dream-guy. Eve is not svelte, and Jeff has never thought of her romantically, so she is feeling ugly, and stuck in the small town. She dreams of attending art school.

Enter Linda (Monika Schnarre), a leggy, smart woman with a model's face. Eve's brother and Jeff both fall instantly in lust, but -surprise - Linda plays for the other team and wants Eve. She is there to pave the way for a huge casino project, and to acquire property in the quaint small town so they can despoil it.

This Canadian romantic comedy is pretty much a by-the-book small town romantic comedy with the exception of the gender-bending. Shot entirely in Canada, the film looks great, and is a pleasant enough diversion with a few humorous moments and basically likeable people. Jennifer Tilly seems to have accepted that she has lost the Battle of the Bulge, and shows no small flair for quirky character actress roles.


IMDb readers say 5.1.

The only nudity comes when Monika Schnarre bares a breast and has Eve sketch her. 









As with most things that have to do with nude scenes in movies, you started all this. The Gimp and I both take note of the new image you post to the front page of The Funhouse every day and each of us found he could recognize most of them. That got us to wondering about the iconic nekkid performances of the big and small screens. So we used The Gimp's database to figure out which performances had been capped 9 or more times. The reason we chose nine is not arbitrary, but I am pretty sure no one cares. Let's just say that of the more than 23,000 performances The Gimp has squirreled away in the database, only 548 make this list. Problem is, I am afraid we might have missed something. Here's the list. Lemme know what you think.

Scoop's notes

  1. Interesting list. I am still amazed that anyone has put this kind of material into a database! Unless I missed something, Kate Winslet is the all-time champ with six "iconic scenes," followed by Kari Wuhrer with five. Several women have four: Nicole Kidman, Pam Anderson, Rosanna Arquette, Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Connolly, and Demi Moore. (Did I miss any?)
  1. An interesting thing to me is that some of the iconic performances from the 70s and 80s have been captured so many times despite never having been on DVD or HDTV. We have only video tape captures of Pia Zadora in The Lonely Lady; Susan Blakely in Capone; Corinne Bohrer in Dead Solid Perfect; Barbara Carrera in I, The Jury; Blythe Danner in Lovin' Molly, and Jacqueline Bisset in Secrets, for example. There must be a whole bunch more since I only scanned the top and bottom of the list.

    In a way, it's a shame that TV shows became so profitable on DVD, because the popularity of the old shows caused the DVD production industry to re-tool completely, and thus slowed down the conversion of these old movies (which, after all, have a very small market compared to any familiar TV series, and are therefore not very profitable to transfer, maybe not profitable at all). I'm starting to think that some of these, and other nudity classics, like Vanessa Redgrave in Isadora and Ellen Burstyn in Tropic of Cancer, will never make it to DVD.


  2. NOTE to readers: The formatting problems in Brainscan's list are my fault. Brainscan sent me the list as a Microsoft Word document, and I couldn't get it to export to .htm format without losing the spatial integrity of  the columns. Anyway, it's still readable, if not very pretty.







Dann reports on Dreams in the Witch-House (2005)

Another episode from Showtime's Masters of Horror series, 2005's H.P. Lovecraft's Dreams in the Witch-House is scary and well done.

A graduate student looking for cheap accommodations takes a room in a 300 year-old rooming house. The house is overrun with rats, and he befriends a young single mother when she and her baby are attacked by a huge rat.

Strange occurrences in the house finally convince the student that the house contains a crossroads to another dimension, through which a witch and her human-faced rat are coming and going.

Things build to a climax that ends with a tragedy involving the baby, and the student accused of murder. Or, is he just crazy? Or, is he just telling the truth?

Great episode based on the Lovecraft story is a treat for horror fans.

Chelah Horsdal





Wrapping up this current theme of recent horror movies we have Kristanna Loken in "BloodRayne."

Left breast from Kristanna in a lovemaking scene, and then she becomes a clothed "Babe in Bondage".



The big news of the day in celebrity nudity was a runaway breast from Courteney Cox, as caught by a paparazzo
Here is Milla Jovovich's incredibly dark rear nude scene from Ultraviolet.
These pictures are said to be Pink. they look real to me, and most of the chatter in the newsgroups agrees, but I never trust anything when the original source is unrevealed, so maintain a healthy skepticism until we have some confirmation.
Pamela Rabe in Paradise Road. She played the artist's wife in the celebrity nude-fest Sirens, and seemed to have much bigger breasts in that film than in this one. (Sirens was made three years earlier, for the record.)
Shea Alexander in Ghosts Never Sleep. Although this film stars Faye Dunaway and Sean Young, it went straight to DVD after a couple of minor film festival appearances, and it is rated a sparkling 2.7 at IMDb. It will not hit the streets until August 8th.

Man, Faye Dunaway's career is smokin' hot, eh?



Pat's comments in yellow...

The mayor of Britney Spears' hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana, claims that she's leaving Malibu and moving back to Kentwood.  Britney is reportedly spending $200,000 to expand and upgrade her mother's house, and is looking for another property nearby so husband Kevin Federline will have someplace to go to escape Spears' mother, who reportedly doesn't like him.

*  Federline is just what Louisiana needs: one more unemployed person living off someone else's debit card.

The $24 million stage musical of "Lord of the Rings" will close in
Toronto without reaching Broadway, becoming the most expensive flop in
theatre history

* Turns out there just aren't that many gay geeks

The Comedy Wire is going on vacation ... will return in a week.