Some more great film clips:
This zipped .avi
is a great sex scene between Charlie Sheen and
Linda Fiorentino in Beyond the Law. I
noticed that this film has now been released in a widescreen DVD
so I'll take a look at that next week (I've never seen the film at
all, at least not that I can remember).
Ah, the cinema classics: a short
lovemaking scene between Mia Sara and
Jean-Claude Van Damme in Timecop. (Zipped
.avi) I'll look at this one next week as well.
Tuna just did Private Resort last
week (find his comments and captures in the back issues for
Saturday, June 24th), so I mainly concentrated on film clips.
(Zipped .wmv files, more or less DVD quality):
Tuna and I disagree on this one. I
don't like this film very much at all. Some of the scenes flow
smoothly and are fairly funny. Others fall completely flat. The
humor is exactly at the level of The Love Boat. In fact, this is
essentially a Love Boat script. Guys go on a vacation hoping to
hook up with chicks. The only real differences between this film
and an episode of Love Boat is that this resort is on dry land
instead of floating on the ocean, and this episode has breasts and
bums. I'm not totally opposed to that in principal. I have to
admit that I would have watched The Love Boat if it had included
nude scenes, so I can see how Private Resort could be an easy
watch for some, but I kept looking at the timer on the DVD, just
as I used to watch the odometer of my parents' car on long trips,
wondering when it would be over.
Besides the broad and completely
predictable slapstick humor, there are some other things I
First, there are pieces missing.
Obviously this was once a much longer film that was edited down to
82 minutes. Some characters have relationships which must have
been developed in missing scenes. Other scenes just seem to be
missing connections between them.
Second, there is no character
development at all. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow are seen arriving
in a resort. Are they rich? Apparently not. They order a beer
because they can't afford cocktails. How did they afford the
resort in the first place? How old are they? Are they working? Are
they students? Are they good guys or scumbags? Cool guys or
douchebags? How did they get there? Why are they together? Where
did they come from? Everything just starts in the middle, and I
Third, some of the scenes and
ideas are just not funny to me. Morrow is planning to get laid by
using date rape drugs, for example. (Granted it is kinda funny
when the Quaaludes intended for his uptight date end up being
taken by her granny, who mistakes them for aspirin.) At another
point, the baddie sprays the entire resort with M-16 fire during
the lunch buffet. That doesn't seem appropriate for this type of
movie. OK, custard pies - fine, but machine gun fire? Up until
that point (it's at the end of the movie), the film had been
strictly faithful to the Love Boat level of glibness. Now, all of
a sudden, one of the passengers is riddling Doc and Gopher with
machine gun bullets?
Fourth, the best films of this
genre take place in something very close to the real world, and
are populated with characters we know in situations we can
imagine. This one has no real multi-dimensional characters and
places its cardboard undeveloped characters in generally
unbelievable situations. It's not really possible to relate to the
characters or their predicaments. It's strictly farce. It
represents two kids at a resort in the same sense that F Troop
reflects the true relationship between the U.S. Army and the
Native American populations.
Fifth - no full frontal nudity. 'Nuff
said. If you're gonna do a sex comedy, do a GOOD sex comedy,
and don't skimp on the nudity.
There were also some elements that
were surprisingly good:
Not many of these youth-oriented
sex comedies feature a multiple Oscar nominee in the lead. There
are times when Depp delivers his lines so credibly that he makes
you forget you're watching a shallow, unbelievable movie.
In the middle of the obvious stuff
there are a couple of incredibly obscure jokes. The baddie
pretends to be a count named Repulski with a long list of first
and middle names, but he tells the "mark" to call him "Rip."
You have to be a big baseball fan to catch the reference to a
particular St. Louis Cardinal from the early 1950s. Outfielder Rip
Repulski and third baseman Jabbo Jablonski, two solid everyday
players, batted in order for the Cards in 1953-54, and were always
abbreviated as R'ski and J'ski in the box scores of the day. What
can you say? The Cardinals were into Polish players. There were
others besides those two, the most famous of who was the great
star Stan Musial!
Well, of course, there is some
nice nudity for us guys, and I suspect that women and gay guys
will not find it difficult to look at Johnny Depp naked.
In general, this one is strictly
for those who will watch any youth sex comedy.
On the other hand, given Depp's
presence, I don't understand Tri-Star's decision to issue this as
a bare-bones DVD. There is a respectable widescreen anamorphic
transfer, but not one feature of any kind - not even a "splash"
page for the main menu. When you boot up this DVD you text a
simple text page with the choices for audio and sub-titles and a
"play movie" link!!! Obviously if Deep hadn't been in it, it
would never have come to DVD at all.
One last point. Since it is the
only pubic hair in the film, and only a hint at that, here's
Vickie Benson's shower scene:
Internet Explorer 7, Beta
Difference Makers: Steve Pelkey, the Harriet
Tubman of fireworks."
abolishing the Supreme Court
- "Tell it to the
judge, by which Stephen means the
"Colbert Report: Star
- "In solidarity with
Star Jones, Stephen will be leaving his show
... for a week."
"So many vexing questions
on Scarborough Country: Is Jon Stewart a
threat? Is that guy's head real?"
The Daily Show:
"The flag debate took up
two days in the Senate, generally the less
asinine of Congress' two houses."
Rob Corddry - This Week
in God: SpiritCenter
- Asking such
questions as "How does God work? When will
he show himself? Why did he make Rob Corddry
"Top Ten Signs The
Supreme Court Doesn't Give A Damn"
Top Ten Signs You're At A
Bad Fireworks Display
The Straight Dope: Have
any millionaires ever been executed in the
A script review of the
Wolverine solo movie
Somebody has gone to the
trouble of making an index of all the
full-length cartoons available on YouTube
Oh, happy day. Another
Resident Evil film.
First Resident Evil:
Extinction Images -
The trailer for Boynton
- "As the original
Baby Boomer generation now approaches
retirement age, the concept of what it means
to be older has dramatically changed. In a
world where 60 is fast becoming the new 40,
'Boynton Beach Club' shows us that it's
never to late too fall in love."
- I think I'm going
to wait for the Quentin Tarantino version,
when the seniors find that it's never too
late for their first violent kill.
AstroPic o' the Day:
"Some 60 million
light-years away in the southerly
constellation Corvus, two large galaxies have
"J Lo (temporarily) halts
ex-hubby's plan to profit from intimate tales"
"Variety reports that
Sony Pictures showed 20 minutes of Casino
Royale at the Cinema Expo International in
Warcraft III and Google
Earth on a Table
"Monty Python's Search
for the Holy Grail Camelot song reproduced
"Poison Ivy Rash Hall of
Geek chique: how to make
Broadway dancer fired for
having big boobs
- I knew that gay
influence on Broadway would come to no good
Paparazzi pictures of the
original Fun House princess, Jennifer
Connelly, looking leggy
Pamela Anderson bares
skin to fight skin
(and shows a skin condition on her shoulder)
Video: one guy dances
around the world...
Light a candle with ass
"Learn How The WB Plans
To Say Goodbye!!"
ESPN.com: Page 2 : Toast
to World Cup Uniforms
Playboy Radio Reaches
Million Subscriber Mark
- Wow. I guess this
proves that people really do read the
magazine for the articles.
The mystery of Corey
- Very entertaining
site! Today it includes an escaped boob from
"Wet and wild! Olympic
swim champion Amanda Beard talks about the
life aquatic at her FHM cover shoot."
Bin Laden now releasing
tapes on the internet
- Whoda thunk he'd be
a YouTube man. I wonder if he has a page on
MySpace, and if so how many friends.
Sam Kinison's video for
Bewitched Meets The
Oh, dear --- Britney
Spears Pregnant Bikini Pictures
(Not a pretty sight)
lightbulb from anus
- with a picture of the X-ray!
Did you ever wonder what
happened to Tinker Toy? Think merger.
The trailer from Harsh
- "The film stars
Christian Bale ('Batman Begins') as an
ex-Army Ranger who finds himself slipping
back into his old life of petty crime after
a job offer from the LAPD evaporates. Freddy
Rodriguez ('Six Feet Under') plays his best
friend and Eva Longoria ('Desperate
Housewives') plays Rodriguez's girlfriend.
It marks the film directing debut of David
Ayer, who is the creator of 'Training Day'
and the writer of 'The Fast and the
The trailer for The U.S.
vs. John Lennon
Two trailers (one
R-rated) and a clip from The Science of Sleep
- This is Michael
Gondry's first non-documentary since his
brilliant Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless
Mind, but the early returns are not very
5.8 at IMDb,
but Variety liked it.
- In director Michel
Gondry's, "The Science of Sleep," life seems
to be looking up for shy and withdrawn
Stephane (Gael Garcνa Bernal) when he is
coaxed to return to his childhood home with
the promise of a job...in the mundane world
of copy setting. Wildly creative, his
fanciful and sometimes disturbing dream life
constantly threatens to usurp his waking
world. Stephane is quickly drawn to his
neighbor, Stephanie (Charlotte Gainsbourg)
whose imagination easily matches his own. As
their relationship blossoms, the confidence
Stephane exudes in his dreams begins
bleeding over into his real life. Unable to
bear the prospect of a waking world without
Stephanie's love, and with no satisfying
solutions coming out of his dream world,
Stephane faces a dilemma he may not be able
to depend on the science of sleep to help
Eight clips from A
Scanner Darkly, Linklater's rotoscope film
based on a Philip K. Dick story.
The R-rated trailer from
Clerks II: The Passion of the Clerks
Long comment by the
submitter of this link:
From the files of
"Films That I Pray Die in Development,"
Dragons of Autumn
cannot believe that after twenty years
someone is actually producing a film based
on that POS book by Tracy Hickman and
Margret Weis. Here is the link for
of the book
I remember when that
book was prominently displayed in every
bookstore in the America. Out of curiosity I
bought a fifty cent copy from Paige Turner's
used bookstore. They wouldn't buy it back
from me. The book did however, revive for me
a long lost love. I remember it well after
having read page after page, where in our
alleged hero Tanis faced the world with his
customary fortitude. "Tears formed in Tanis'
tears ran down Tanis' face
Tanis wept in misery
Tanis bawled whilst pounding his little
fists and wetting his breach clout." I
dropped the book, my fingers trembling, my
mind reflexively recoiling from the very
concept, that one of these authors was
indeed in possession of a penis. I staggered
to my book case and searched desperately
through it. Christ where is it? I need it.
There in the back, found it! I slumped to
the floor and started reading. "Die with
your axes red," roared Conan of Cimmeria. I
sighed with relief. The works of Robert
Howard were things of beauty and wonder to
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Love on the Side (2004)
Eve is a woman stuck as a waitress in a diner she actually owns, and pining
for her childhood friend, a former high school football star named Jeff.
Despite the advice of fellow waitress and best friend Jennifer Tilly, she is
having no luck pursuing her dream-guy. Eve is not svelte, and Jeff has never
thought of her romantically, so she is feeling ugly, and stuck in the small
town. She dreams of attending art school.
Enter Linda (Monika Schnarre), a leggy, smart woman with a model's face.
Eve's brother and Jeff both fall instantly in lust, but -surprise - Linda
plays for the other team and wants Eve. She is there to pave the way for a
huge casino project, and to acquire property in the quaint small town so they
can despoil it.
This Canadian romantic comedy is pretty much a by-the-book small town
romantic comedy with the exception of the gender-bending. Shot entirely in
Canada, the film looks great, and is a pleasant enough diversion with a few
humorous moments and basically likeable people. Jennifer Tilly seems to have
accepted that she has lost the Battle of the Bulge, and shows no small flair
for quirky character actress roles.
IMDb readers say 5.1.
The only nudity comes when Monika
Schnarre bares a breast and has Eve sketch her.
As with most things that have to do with nude scenes in movies, you started
all this. The Gimp and I both take note of the new image you post to the front
page of The Funhouse every day and each of us found he could recognize most of
them. That got us to wondering about the iconic nekkid performances of the big
and small screens. So we used The Gimp's database to figure out which
performances had been capped 9 or more times. The reason we chose nine is not
arbitrary, but I am pretty sure no one cares. Let's just say that of the more
than 23,000 performances The Gimp has squirreled away in the database, only
548 make this list. Problem is, I am afraid we might have missed something.
Here's the list. Lemme
know what you think.
- Interesting list. I am still amazed that anyone
has put this kind of material into a database! Unless I missed something,
Kate Winslet is the all-time champ with six "iconic scenes," followed by
Kari Wuhrer with five. Several women have four: Nicole Kidman, Pam Anderson,
Rosanna Arquette, Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Connolly, and Demi Moore. (Did
I miss any?)
- An interesting thing to me is that some of the
iconic performances from the 70s and 80s have been captured so many times
despite never having been on DVD or HDTV. We have only video tape captures
of Pia Zadora in The Lonely Lady; Susan Blakely in Capone; Corinne Bohrer in
Dead Solid Perfect; Barbara Carrera in I, The Jury; Blythe Danner in Lovin'
Molly, and Jacqueline Bisset in Secrets, for example. There must be a whole
bunch more since I only scanned the top and bottom of the list.
In a way, it's a shame that TV shows became so
profitable on DVD, because the popularity of the old shows caused the DVD
production industry to re-tool completely, and thus slowed down the
conversion of these old movies (which, after all, have a very small market
compared to any familiar TV series, and are therefore not very profitable to
transfer, maybe not profitable at all). I'm starting to think that some of these, and other nudity
classics, like Vanessa Redgrave in Isadora and Ellen Burstyn in Tropic of
Cancer, will never make it to DVD.
- NOTE to readers: The formatting problems in
Brainscan's list are my fault. Brainscan sent me the list as a Microsoft
Word document, and I couldn't get it to export to .htm format without losing
the spatial integrity of the columns. Anyway, it's still readable, if
not very pretty.
Dann reports on Dreams in the Witch-House (2005)
Another episode from Showtime's Masters of Horror series, 2005's H.P.
Lovecraft's Dreams in the Witch-House is scary and well done.
A graduate student looking for cheap
accommodations takes a room in a 300 year-old rooming house. The house is
overrun with rats, and he befriends a young single mother when she and her
baby are attacked by a huge rat.
Strange occurrences in the house finally
convince the student that the house contains a crossroads to another
dimension, through which a witch and her human-faced rat are coming and
Things build to a climax that ends with a
tragedy involving the baby, and the student accused of murder. Or, is he
just crazy? Or, is he just telling the truth?
Great episode based on the Lovecraft story
is a treat for horror fans.
The big news of the day in celebrity nudity was a runaway breast from
Courteney Cox, as caught by a paparazzo
Here is Milla Jovovich's incredibly dark rear
nude scene from Ultraviolet.
These pictures are said to be Pink. they look
real to me, and most of the chatter in the newsgroups agrees, but I never
trust anything when the original source is unrevealed, so maintain a healthy
skepticism until we have some confirmation.
Pamela Rabe in Paradise Road. She played the
artist's wife in the celebrity nude-fest Sirens, and seemed to have much
bigger breasts in that film than in this one. (Sirens was made three years
earlier, for the record.)
Shea Alexander in Ghosts Never Sleep. Although
this film stars Faye Dunaway and Sean Young, it went straight to DVD after a
couple of minor film festival appearances, and it is rated a sparkling 2.7 at
IMDb. It will not hit the streets until August 8th.
Man, Faye Dunaway's
career is smokin' hot, eh?
Pat's comments in yellow...
The mayor of Britney Spears' hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana, claims that she's
leaving Malibu and moving back to Kentwood. Britney is reportedly spending
$200,000 to expand and upgrade her mother's house, and is looking for another
property nearby so husband Kevin Federline will have someplace to go to escape
Spears' mother, who reportedly doesn't like him.
* Federline is just what Louisiana needs: one more
unemployed person living off someone else's debit card.
The $24 million stage musical of "Lord of the Rings" will close in
Toronto without reaching Broadway, becoming the most expensive flop in
* Turns out there just aren't that many
The Comedy Wire is going on vacation ... will return in a