Gang, here's an update on Tuna's condition. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is email@example.com
It was the extreme shortness of breath that got my attention. I was admitted to the hospital in atrial fibrillation with a heart rate of 180. They rather quickly drained 1.4 liters of bloody fluid from my right lung. They have subjected me to dozens of tests, and ruled out many possible causes of this, but they still don't know what went wrong. I am still in atrial fibrillation, but with a heart rate under control using 3 drugs. I am home waiting for some of my medication to reach the proper level in my system, then I may have another hospital stay to try and convert my heart to normal rhythm.
I am able to spend some time at the computer, and am again reading my Email.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Melissa (aka Secret Sins) (1995)
This really isn't a movie at all. It is an aborted 1995 movie that
was resuscitated nearly a decade later, presumably to use film
already shot to recuperate some losses on expenses already incurred.
According to some stories, the director started shooting this in
1995 and never finished.
I'm going to guess that the version available on DVD consists of
about 40 minutes of plot development, but the running time was
padded out to an 81 minute "movie" in the following way:
1) many scenes are shown again and again, sometimes in flashback
sequences, sometimes just in the hope that you won't remember having
seen it before.
2) the running time is further padded out by adding a musical score
to raw footage and outtakes. There must be five minutes of Nicole
Eggert dancing around her new apartment as she unpacks her things.
It is my guess that this would have provided five or ten seconds of
footage if the film had been completed, but since the running time
needed padding, the director simply used everything he shot.
3) I'm just guessing here, but my speculation is that the plot was
re-written to whatever extent was necessary to accommodate the
details of the scenes they had filmed.
4) The missing parts of the plot were filled out at the end with the
dreaded "word slides."
I mentioned that two of the cast members are recognizable: Summer
Quinn from Baywatch (Nicole Eggert) and Paulie Walnuts from The
Sopranos (whatever the hell his real name is). Unsurprisingly,
Paulie Walnuts runs a strip club. Eggert is the star of the film, a
hopeful broadway dancer supporting herself by working as a stripper
in Paulie's fine establishment until she ends up getting arrested
because there is a dead man in her bedroom, and she is found a block
away grasping the murder weapon. The murder story is told in
flashback from a framing story in which Eggert tells her
psychiatrist and her lawyer the details of how her life led
inevitably to the corpse in her bed.
- Nicole Eggert (1,
- Denise Faye
- Stripper #1 (1,
- Stripper #2 (1,
- Model (1,
Monsieur N (2003)
Monsieur N is to Napoleon as Immortal Beloved is to
Beethoven. Each film is an imaginative historical speculation which
attempts to provide an explanation for the great mysteries
surrounding a great man's death and its aftermath. Each film is made
more cinematic by placing the costume drama in the context of a mystery
film. In the case of Napoleon, the speculation involves
whether he was actually buried in St. Helena or escaped to start
another life, perhaps in Louisiana. Just as with Immortal Beloved,
the case is based around a comprehensive and plausible
interpretation of the known facts, so that the story told in the
film might be, but not necessarily must be, true.
The plot of Monsieur N is quite complicated. Neither
the British nor Napoleon are happy with the situation surrounding
his exile. For the British the arrangement is an economic hardship.
Maintaining the guard involves eleven warships and 3,000 troopers at
a cost of several million pounds per year. For Napoleon, the
arrangement is loneliness and imprisonment. Both sides scheme to
improve the situation. The British conspire to poison Napoleon.
Napoleon conspires to escape. That may sound like a simple enough
plot, but the intrigues sway to and fro like the most complicated
Agatha Christie mystery. At one point, Napoleon seems to have an
escape within his grasp, and chooses instead to betray his rescuers
- because he has decided on an even more devious and subtle plan. He
realizes that if he were to be rescued by Bonapartist zealots, he
would have to go back to being a great man, and he is not sure that
he wants to end his life with more warfare and empire building.
This film is not quite as effective as Immortal
Beloved because the Beethoven biography was able to fall back on
Beethoven's music to provide additional punch and drama and elegance
to the film. Napoleon has nothing on St Helena to provide ambiance
except words, so the film tends to be talk, and counter-talk, and
The English language critics were divided by the
Ocean. American critics generally admired it, and it is rated a
sound 65 at Metacritic, but there was not one good review in the
U.K. BBC's 2/5 was the BEST score among the Brit-crits. The film
does basically portray the British as the scheming villains of the
piece, and I suppose that didn't play well in Britain. I enjoyed all
the verbal parrying, and the robust character development, but I'm
aware that this kind of talky period intrigue is not for everyone,
especially since the talk is in both French and English.
- Irony and ivory work together in perfect harmony.
Ivory poacher smothered in elephant shit. This would be
a great story ... if it WAS a story and not the imagination of
Weekly World News.
The Mighty Thor shows how to roll a joint. Thor a
doper? I think not. Loki maybe.
A house made entirely of books. Except the toilet paper
- that's made of stucco.
- The Smoking Gun:
Author Terry McMillan's messy divorce action pretty much boils
down to her contention that she unknowingly got her groove back
with a scheming gay guy. The guy, in his response, says
Terry tricked him into thinking she was Liza Minnelli.
Mexican Stamps Racist, Civil Rights Leaders Say. Oh,
they're just overreacting. Well, the Stepin Fetchit tribute was a
bit archaic, and they may have a point about the watermelon thing,
but that Buckwheat stamp was adorable, and you just can't beat Al
- This always gets me laughing, and yet ... um ... gotta get a
hankie. There's something in my eye.
John Cleese and Eric Idle at Graham Chapman's Funeral
- Holey Moley! Looks like Spielberg's still got it.
War of the Worlds takes in $21 million on a Wednesday opening (7th
best ever). Batman Begins took in $15m on its Wednesday
I Hate Horses. "Fuck Off Horse Hater Posers! If You Are
Reading This, You Had Better Fucking Hate Horses!!!"
Possibly the most fucked-up commercial ever, basically a Luis
Bunuel movie for Stella Artois beer
Elizabeth Book, the stay-at-home mom with a rose tattoo, has won
the right to bare her breasts in her ongoing fight to go shirtless
anywhere men can.
ELEVEN clips from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I
don't know about this ... I've been keeping an open mind because
Burton and Depp are geniuses, but this is startin' to give off
some bad vibes.
You wanna pass my class? Burn my car. I wish it had
been like that in my day. I could have been valedictorian.
A clip from the bizarre MirrorMask
- "MirrorMask centers on Helena, a 15 year old girl in a
family of circus entertainers, who often wishes she could run
off and join real life. After a fight with her parents about her
future plans, her mother falls quite ill and Helena is convinced
that it is all her fault. On the eve of her mother's major
surgery, she dreams that she is in a strange world with two
opposing queens, bizarre creatures, and masked inhabitants. All
is not well in this new world - the white queen has fallen ill
and can only be restored by the MirrorMask, and it's up to
Helena to find it. But as her adventures continue, she begins to
wonder whether she's in a dream, or something far more
Guardian - Arts quizzes - Lit pop. When I submitted my
answers, it told me, "You clearly have spent far too many warm
summer days indoors writing frightening verse to a buck-toothed
girl in Luxembourg. "
Paris Hilton wants a royal wedding
U.S. TO CREATE ONE NEW SPY AGENCY FOR EVERY TERRORIST ON EARTH
WOMEN who play beach volleyball risk being left with saggy breasts
TV Shows that should be on DVD, but aren't. Let me add
to the list: He & She, and the rest of Pete and Pete (only eight
episodes are available).
- Y'know, the world is still full of racism, but sometimes it's
good to look back and see that we are at least making progress.
"Anti-Japanese Propaganda War Posters "
"SADDAM Hussein is set to sue The Sun over our pictures of him in
his Y-fronts. " "He hopes to pocket £1million from us,
though that might be difficult unless he pulls his trousers back
Kenny Rogers doesn't know when to fold 'em
- Caliente chica-en-chica accion!
Spain's lower house of parliament has voted in favour of allowing
gay couples to marry and adopt children.
- "Perspective is everything" department:
Al Qaeda slams Al Jazeera for pro-American bias
The United States is falling ever farther behind Russia in the
all-important "nerd gap"
Angelina Jolie doing the famous "fence" scene in Gia
- Write your own damned comment.
Affleck misses J.Lo's toe sucking, and Matt Damon's ...
You have no right to use the word "koozie"
Affleck and Garner are married
Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises In President Bush's Prime-Time
- "Claimed he had plan to win war, then switched on the bat
- "Ten minutes of policy, 20 minutes of Karaoke"
- "It was basically a 50-minute infomercial for new George
The Weekly Script features both of the Jason Bourne movies.
ABC pulls edgy reality show after groups complain. ...
"ABC has pulled an upcoming reality series in which people with
various backgrounds vie to win a house in a white neighborhood,
after gay and conservative watchdog groups raised concerns"
Triumph the insult dog meets J-Lo
Gettysburg Cemetery Dedication in Powerpoint
Google's upcoming 2006 press releases.
Four new clips from Cronicas (Leguizamo's first Spanish language
The trailer for ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW. I hope
they did a better job on the sound mixing in the film than on
their web site.
Roger Ebert gave this film four stars.
Thousands and thousands and thousands of old 45s for sale in a
single lot. You have to see this just for the pictures.
If you can rent a truck to haul them away, you could buy the
entire collection for a few grand.
- The end of a high concept life.
Domino Harvey, the inspiration the upcoming Keira Knightley film
(Domino), died in her Los Angeles home on the evening of June 27.
Harvey was the daughter of the legendary actor Laurence Harvey.
She rejected Beverly Hills life as a model to become a bounty
"Dancing with the Stars" is a ratings smash!
An American held hostage in Iran for 444 days says 'there's no
question about it' - the country's new president was one of his
Jacko brings peace and love and his family to the Middle East.
He needs to talk one of those sheikhs into giving him enough land
to create a new sovereign nation - with its own laws.
'Sabrina the Teenage Witch,' is reportedly expecting her first
child, whose career is already hotter than her own.
Sharon Stone is using body doubles for her sex scenes in Basic
Instinct 2. Stunt cunts? How proud their parents must
be! "Mom, look - here - when she uncrosses her legs - those are my
Maria is the lads' favourite: "Maria Sharapova has been
voted men's favourite female tennis player of the last 20 years at
Starter home, 15 car garage ...
- Legal strategy of the month:
Flesh-eating aliens were chasing me when I caused a fatal car
Lawmaker's Wayward E-Mail Refers To Constituents As 'Idiots'.
He was immediately dismissed from the politicians' union for their
one unforgivable sin - telling the truth.
The trailer for Into the Blue, a film about ... oh, who
the fuck cares what it's about? Some underwater treasure and
sharks and bad guys. The usual crap. The point is that Alba spends
the entire film in skimpy bikinis.
A new clip from The Island
- Borowitz: COMPETING WITH CANADA, MEXICO OFFERS GAY DIVORCES
... U.S. Tightens Both Borders, and will especially guard its back
Titan dark spot may be a large lake. Don't pack your
swimsuit quite yet. Even if they are right, the lake consists of
The legendary 'DVD Jon' cracked the Google Video Viewer within 24
hours!! That guy is amazin'! He's still only 21 years
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
A nice bit o' variety from the Ghost today....
First up, from 1982 Dramedy "Best Friends", here is Goldie Hawn briefly baring a bit of breast.
Next we have couple of scenes from the John Badham film "Incognito" (1997). Irène Jacob looks amazing topless, while one-timer Maja Ottesen doesn't look too shabby either playing a nude model.
Finally, we have Victoria Dillard topless in a love scene from the 1992 movie "Deep Cover" starring Laurence Fishburne and Jeff Goldblum.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Yet another all "Hankster Light" day.
Today we return to "Eurotrip" and actually pick up where we left off yesterday with a topless Molly Schade feeling herself up in the pool.
I found these at the end of the screen credits, so if you watch the movie don't shut it down early.
Next we have the star of the movie Michelle Trachtenberg (from "Buffy"). She off course does not get naked, but looks sweet in a bikini and a low cut top.
Then its Edita Deveroux & Petra Tomankova topless on the beach.
Next it's Jessica Boehrs toless while getting it on in a confessional at the Vatican.
Finally we have Kristyna Simova & Tereza Brettschweiderova topless in an Orange Juice commercial, from the deleted scenes. Whatever happened
to shortening your name for movies?.
- Molly Schade
- Michelle Trachtenberg
- Edita Deveroux and Petra Tomankova
- Jessica Boehrs
- Kristyna Simova and Tereza Brettschneiderova
'Caps and comments by Dann:
The title of this 2001 comedy is also a fair description. It's not a great movie, and it has a tendency to stray into dumbness, but all in all it's pretty cool, especially on the nudity front.
Scientists develop a technique that allows them to give a person the ability to read minds and control thoughts. Due to a computer oopsie, these powers are accidentally transferred to a high school geek.
Without a clue, our geek manages to turn this golden opportunity into something of a mess, but in the process, he gets plenty of lovely young women naked, so it's not a total loss.
Sure, it's been done before, and it's kind of lame, but it's still a cute comedy that provides an excuse to show lots of skin which, with skinmeister Alain Siritzky as the producer, is not unexpected.
|Paparazzi pics of everyone's favorite busty blonde stuffed into an outfit that's way too tight and showing some nipplage as the mega-hooters try to escape.
|The Skin-man takes a look at the "Uncut Killer Collector's Edition" of "American Psycho" (2000).
Here's the breakdown:
Samantha Mathis shows the briefest bit of nipple in a deleted scene.
Cara Seymour also shows just a hint of nipple while sipping champagne in the tub.
Krista Sutton shows her breasts during a 3-way scene.
Guinevere Turner (who also worked on the screenplay for the movie) shows a little toplessness.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
U2 IS "SPOILED"
The Unforgettable Firing - U2 is suing their former stylist Lola Cashman,
claiming she stole "iconic" items, such as Bono's hat and hoop earrings, to
sell at auction. Wednesday, Cashman testified that Bono gave her that
stuff when they were alone and she was dressing him, which is why there
were no other witnesses, but she "didn't think it was any big deal." She
also stood by a claim in her unauthorized book about U2 that she hesitated
to work for them because she thought rock stars were spoiled. She said, "I
did believe that, and I believe that now."
Rock stars, spoiled?! What's next, movie stars who are stupid?!
Seriously, they actually hire people to DRESS them!
MEN CONFUSED ABOUT THEIR ROLES
So Buy A Cat AND A Dog - The "2005 Man Study," a poll of men in 13 nations
by Leo Burnett Advertising, found that many men are confused about their
role in society, and whether women expect them to be macho or sensitive.
Indian men are the least confused (36 percent), half of American men are
confused, and French men are the most confused (64 percent).
American men are confused because they're expected to be both macho AND sensitive.
In what country do men not give a rat's ass? Because I'm moving there!
And To Be The World's Biggest Liar - Most surprising, men said their
ultimate fantasies were, in descending order: To end world hunger, to be a
famous sports star, and to marry a supermodel.
But if there were no more starving people, there would BE no supermodels.
The typical man's #1 fantasy wish is to be able to end world hunger with his new, foot-long, magical penis.
What liars! Give the average guy a choice of ending world hunger or nailing Gisele Bundchen, and it's "Sorry, Ethiopia!"
|A quick site note
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