Thanks to the experts who
filled me in on Emilie DeRaven and the alleged Marilyn Monroe stag
tape. The MM answer has been consolidated from several responses.
re: Emilie: A pic from this set first appeared in FHM a few years back and
then in a Girls of FHM special. Subsequently other shots from
the shoot (like the one from yesterday's Fun House) have turned
re: Marilyn: A film in the 1950s called The Apple Knockers and the Coke
was purported to feature Marilyn Monroe, but is now recognized
to star Playboy model (08/54 POM) Arline Hunter"
The movie short can be found, among
other places, on the DVD called "The Wild, Wild World of Jayne
Mansfield," which is widely available for less than 15 bucks.
Some more great film clips:
Three clips from Basic Instinct 2. In
the first clip,
Morrissey peeks in on an orgy and watches
Sharon Stone get it on.
In the second,
they have sex, spiced by asphyxiation.
In the third,
they get violent and nasty in the hot tub. There will be many more
clips from this film when the DVD streets on July 11th.
Breaking the Waves can never be accused of mediocrity. Everything
about it is either exceedingly good or pathetically bad. (Movie
House Review). The best thing about it was a very brilliant
and very naked performance by Emily Watson,
who was nominated for both an Oscar and a BAFTA. She lost both,
although I would have voted for her. Brenda Blethyn (Secrets &
Lies) won the BAFTA and Frances McDormand (Fargo) won the Oscar. I
wondered if she would become one of the great actresses, but I was
off-target. Although she's gone on to a quietly competent career
in general, Watson has never again given a performance of
This zipped .avi
shows her full-frontal nudity.
Lea Thompson and Tom Cruise in All
the Right Moves. (Movie
House Review). The early 80s were the Golden Age of coming-of-age movies. Cruise, Cusack, and Broderick established their
careers by excelling in that genre in that time. Cruise had
four such films in 1983 alone! All the Right Moves, Risky
Business, Losin' It and The Outsiders. 1983 was his year. In 1982
he had been an unknown. Lea Thompson didn't become a superstar,
but she won our hearts and showed off a magnificent body in
Evil Breed: the Legend of Samhain
includes about an hour of boring set-up followed by some crazy
nudity and gore. This is one where you have to read the review,
because the movie has a fascinating back-story. (Movie
This zipped .avi shows porn star Jenna
Jameson being torn apart by a homicidal monster. Important
note: the British and American DVDs include only the tame R-Rated
version, which the director hates. The unrated version, with the
uncut scenes and deleted scenes, is only available in Canada! (Link
Day of Wrath (2005)
Very minor spoilers:
Day of Wrath is very much targeted at those who enjoyed The Name of
the Rose. Like its more famous predecessor, Day of Wrath is a story
about a rational man trying to solve some murders in an unenlightened
pre-modern world controlled by religious superstition, and filled with
corruption within the ranks of both church and state officials. Like
The Name of the Rose, Day of Wrath also deals with a legendary missing
historical artifact. This time it is not "Aristotle's Comedics," but a
mysterious list of noble Spanish families. A 16th century sheriff
investigates the lineage of the great Spanish families and finds that
there are two versions of history. Some of the official books of
genealogy include family names which are not in other versions. The
sheriff then comes into possession of a mysterious list which includes
the same exact families which comprise the difference between the two
versions of history. What does all that have to do with his murder
case? Well, the mysterious list is also a perfect match for the roster
of murder victims.
Most movies with complex
historical backdrops are more interesting if you know the background
in advance, so I usually summarize the pertinent historical context in
my comments, but I am not going to do that in this case because
anything I tell you would be at least a partial spoiler. The story
works best if you don't know very much about the details of the
Spanish Inquisition and the historical circumstances which caused the
Inquisition to be created in the first place. Furthermore, the film
eventually gives you all the details which I might describe here, but
presents them in a sequence designed to allow you to maximize your
enjoyment of the mystery.
The sheriff is
played by Christopher Lambert, who has not had such a meaty role in
about two decades. If you are familiar with his work, I don't have to
tell you that Lambert has a very limited number of facial expressions,
that his voice is not sonorous, or that he delivers most of his lines
in an uninflected monotone with some kind of indefinable accent.
Moreover, he is nearly 50 years old, and that's not a great age to be
engaging in rollicking swordsmanship and strenuous horseback riding -
including some fights between men on horseback. In spite of all those
things, he handles the role with satisfactory professionalism. He
doesn't have the swaggering macho charisma of Sean Connery or the
creative and sophisticated line readings of Kenneth Branagh, and his
age prevents him from being Doug Fairbanks in the action scenes, but
Lambert realized that this was a good project for him, and he gave his all to this movie. Nobody can accuse him of
phoning it in. He has the right "period look," and I believe he gives about as good a performance as he is
capable of giving, and he seems to have done almost all of his own
stunts. Lambert does look somewhat clumsy in the physical scenes from
time to time, but the sheriff is supposed to be a heavy drinker, so
his lack of grace fits right into the character.
You won't find that this film has the
sophistication of The Name of the Rose, which was directed by the
highly accomplished Jean-Jacques Annaud from an exceedingly complex
novel by the brilliant
Umberto Eco. In comparison to that minor masterpiece, Day of Wrath has
some clumsy continuity problems, does not delve into the historical
nuances, does not give off much of the feel of Spanish culture, and seems to reveal some of its
secrets too early, but it's still well worth a watch, because it has
some real positives:
- It has several interesting characters, including a
fascinating Hungarian mercenary.
- It has some impressive-looking Gothic
locations, and I especially liked the look and feel of the interiors.
The libraries, churches, and houses were obviously created from
period paintings. (The entire film, including the studio shots,
was filmed in Budapest, and it was made with a
substantial budget, reportedly $12 million.)
There is some nice nudity.
Above all, the mystery is both interesting and educational.
I can't believe I'm writing this about a
Lambert movie, but this is one of the best non-theatrical movies I
have seen recently.
This week in Unnecessary
A handy checklist of
links to (fully dressed) pics of hot female
Superman and Spider-Man,
as imagined by some people who are very
Italian and very mad.
WORDCOUNT / - the 86,800
most common words in English
- Although I was not
suprised to see that "the," "of," and "and"
finished 1-2-3, I did not expect "Brangelina"
to finish fourth.
Jeopardy nerd Ken
Jennings now has a blog.
"Blige, Brown, West, Foxx
lead BET winners"
Headline of the day
goes to USA Today:
"Hasselhoff sings and
acts, and has been known to cry"
Hey Colbert - threat
"A freedom-loving grizzly
bear named Boo smashed a heavy steel door and
barreled through two electric fences to escape
a second time from a BC resort."
"IN BID FOR AMNESTY,
DeLAY BECOMES IRAQI INSURGENT
... Former Texas Lawmaker Changes Name to
Colbert wrestles with
Hardball host Chris Matthews - literally!
"Cold, Dead Fingers:
They're trying to take away our guns!"
Conservative Rock Songs
Flagburning Amendment... One Vote Shy
"Is there no one who loves our flag enough to
burn one just to remind us how horrible it
Colbert Report: Movies
Destroying America: Summer Edition 2006
"Daily Show: Headlines -
A Times to Kill.
Some critics claim that when the government's
in trouble they get all Nine-Eleventy up in
"Ed Helms investigates
the double entendre behind the Pink Taco
restaurant in Arizona."
The Daily Show looks at
the Freedom vs Security issue
Jon Stewart interviews
the venerable newshound Helen Thomas
Weekly World News: "BUSH
TO STAR ON FOX'S 24?
Rove Fears Role May Confuse Constituents"
"Kate Beckinsale Gives
Her Husband a Head ... "
It seems Harper's
Bazaar feels that
Britney Spears naked and
pregnant is a
worthwhile cover subject.
A classic from The
Gay-Pride Parade Sets
Mainstream Acceptance Of Gays Back 50 Years
Separated at birth:
Britney Spears and Ursula the Octopus:
Britney Spears of the sea
Some clips from Overdrive
- "Two wealthy
sisters (the Duff sisters), both heiresses
to their family's cosmetics fortune, are
given a wake-up call when a scandal and
ensuing investigation strip them of their
The trailer for The
- "Virginie Ledoyen
and Paddy Considine play a young married
couple at the end of the 1970s, who come to
visit a friend (Oldman) who now lives in the
Basque region because he has married a woman
from there (Aitana Sanchez-Gijon). Their
tranquil summer turns to horror when they
discover a girl with horribly mutilated
hands in the forest. They try to help her by
taking her away from the home in which she
is locked, but the local villagers, who have
to protect the girl, start a pursuit in the
forest they know much better than the
"Watch Kevin Costner and
Ashton Kutcher in the trailer for 'The
Costner and Kutcher
together? Let me guess what it's about: a
father and son with thick Hungarian-Jewish
accents (Costner and Kutcher) are
emotionally devastated when they find that
they are both in love with the same woman,
and she's dying of cancer. They weep like
babies throughout the film, and speak
philosophically of the nature of life.
- Or maybe they're
laconic and stoical heroes in the Coast
Guard, each essentially playing himself.
- Could go either
"U.S. THREATENS TO LAUNCH
ANN COULTER TOWARDS NORTH KOREA"
... Rabid Pundit Could Destroy Entire Korean
Peninsula, U.N. Warns
Next Generation - THE TEN
GREATEST YEARS IN GAMING
"The U.S. Supreme Court
on Monday agreed to take up a case involving
one of the thornier questions in patent law:
What makes an invention 'obvious'--and
therefore unworthy of a patent?"
- This is one of the
thorniest elements of intellectual property
law, especially as it relates to the
internet. People are alwasy claiming that
they own the patent on something like the
pop-up window, the .jpg, content delivered
in a separate frame, and other such
universal elements of web construction.
- According to the
linked article, somebody claims he owns the
patent on the gas pedal!
Now - play K-Fed on line
- you're a bouncer and must keep K-Fed from
your club. (wait about a minute for it to
Straight Dope Staff
Report: How much money do panhandlers make?
The Rocket tosses six
good innings, but the Astros fail to score him
Thanks for the
"The average size of the
American breast has grown from 34B to 36C,
according to manufacturers."
Could Mario Lopez defeat
South Park episode: Scott
Tenorman Must Die
Mellow 20th century
Duke Ellington & His
Orchestra play Satin Doll
- This is your only
chance to hear this song outside of an
Hey, kids ...
Let's color Billy Ray
widely-reported deaths in the last 100 years
Michael Jackson to
reignite his career in Europe
- He figured if they
buy into Hasselhoff, anything is possible.
He has been seen looking around Ireland,
possibly scouting home sites.
High-tech efforts aim to
track wooden cow thieves
- In Texas, our
attitude depends entirely on disambiguation.
If by wooden cow thieves, you mean, like bad
actors stealing real cows, then we hang 'em.
- If you mean wooden
robots stealing real cows, we burn' em - and
then we hang the evil scientists controlling
- On the other hand,
if you mean thieves who steal wooden cows,
we honor them with statues and memorials.
Austin even has the Tomb of the Unknown
Wooden Cow Thief.
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Barbed Wire Dolls (1975)
Barbed Wire Dolls, originally Frauengefängnis (Women's prison), is a Jess
Franco WIP film. For once, the English title is cooler than the original one.
It is basically about women in prison being tortured and sexually abused by
sadistic male guards, the governor of the island, an evil bisexual warden
(Monika Swinn), as well as a supposed doctor who killed the real doctor for a
chance at the great job.
A plot of sorts does eventually emerge, but is not allowed to interfere
with the nudity and general nastiness. Maria (Lina Romay) is in prison for
killing her father, played by Jess Franco. However, it seems the warden was
having an affair with Franco, and thought this the perfect opportunity to end
it, so when Romay knocked him unconscious over a silly little rape attempt,
the warden actually finished the job, then arranged for Romay to come to her
prison so she could kill her as well. Franco made liberal use of the ol'
"Vaseline on the lens" trick during the attempted rape flashback.
However, lets go back to the beginning. As the film opens, redhead Beni
Cardosa is chained naked in a small cell, where she is kept just out of reach
of a bowl of pasta, and beaten each time she tries to reach it. There is also
a wire frame bed and springs in the room which will see plenty of use later.
She is eventually broken, and placed into her cell with another crazy woman
(Peggy Markoff) who constantly exposes her genitals, masturbates with
cigarettes, and is fixated on Christopher Columbus. Also in the cell is the
relatively normal Matine Stedil. Once Lina Romay undergoes her requisite
torture, which includes electric shock on the bed springs, she becomes the
From here, things become pretty routine for the genre, except that there is
no shower scene. Various officials force our four cellmates to have sex, they
As this is a European WIP, the ending is not a happy one.
The WIP film is one of my favorite genres of B-movie schlock, but this one
is sub-standard. The cinematography has focus problems, especially in the
small cell. The plot manages the unlikely combination of minimal and
far-fetched. And no shower scene!!! Even with extra points for cigarette
masturbation and for emptying a piss pot out the cell window on a guard, this
is still only a D+.
On the positive side, the DVD transfer is nothing short of superb.
IMDb readers say 5.2.
Monika Swinn shows breasts
through a negligee, and a hint of bush through the open front.
Peggy Markoff shows bush and
more than one gynocam shot.
Beni Cardosa shows breasts,
buns, and a hint of bush.
Lina Romay shows everything.
Martine Stedil shows
An unknown guard with an automatic rifle is topless, for
no apparent reason, just before she is easily attacked and killed by a
Kinda hidden away on the same disc as My Brother's Wife and Indecent
Desires is a mess of extras. A whole mess of 'em. Of particular interest are a
couple of nudie short films starring Darlene Bennett. The first of these is
called Music to Strip By and it sparkles. Not only does Darlene Bennett get
topless and dance around a lot, but so does the absolute doll, Gigi Darlene.
The film itself is in horrible shape but you just have to admire the boys and
girls down at Something Weird Video for finding a copy and for letting all of
us see it.
In addition to the two Darlenes, a third gal is in this short...a woman who
in the context of the film is a professional clothing removal engineer. And
she looks it. From all I have seen and read, the mid-60's were not good times
for looking at live nude girls...the women were more than sorta tough-looking.
This gal would have been no winner had she been the only woman on the planet,
but in a film featuring the two spectacular Darlenes she looks like a dog's
breakfast. But she does have the sense to go nameless, which must make her one
of the first uncredited strippers in the history of cinema. Ah well, as
Margaret Thatcher used to day, if you can't be gorgeous you can at least be
The first clip is Darlene Bennett and the uncredited stripper. The film
quality blows chunks but Darlene has the kind of face and form that would have
made her a B-movie goddess had she waited 20 years to be born.
The second clip starts as Darlene Bennett's routine ends. She passes the
tassles to Gigi Darlene (you will notice that even though Darlene is no Amazon
she towers over Gigi. That blonde lass must have been tiny). Anyway, Gigi
strips while Darlene watches and the two get back together, along with the
hapless and nameless stripper.
Pat's comments in yellow...
Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach,
Florida, International Airport because he had a bottle of Viagra without a
prescription. He was finally released without being charged, but the sheriff
plans to refer it to state authorities, who say it could be a second-degree
misdemeanor. Limbaugh's attorney said he has a prescription for the Viagra,
which is for his personal use, but the doctor didn't put his name on the label
for the sake of privacy.
* They confiscated his Viagra and let him go. That's two
reasons why he won't have to do hard time.
As part of a public toilet cleanup campaign, Singapore wants to improve their
toilet cleaners' "low morale and low skills." To turn them into proud
professionals, they are importing Japanese experts in toilet technology to teach
a three-day course. Graduates will earn the title of "restroom specialist."
* It's hard earning a degree in bathroom studies. You
have to do a lot of
reading. Mostly magazines.
* If I wanted to go to school just so I could end up cleaning toilets, I'd
get a liberal arts degree.
Many Catholics questioned how divorcee Nicole Kidman was able to marry Keith
Urban in a Catholic Church. The BBC reports that Kidman was advised by church
officials that she didn't need an annulment because her first marriage was in
the Church of Scientology. Since the Vatican doesn't
recognize that as a religion, in their eyes, her 10-year marriage to Tom
Cruise was a sham.
* Proof that the Catholic Church is definitely right about at least one
Moose, the Jack Russell terrier who played Eddie on "Frasier," has died at
16-1/2, or 115 in dog years. Like many stars, he had a shady past: his trainer
Mathilde Halberg was called as a last resort after he kept running away and
chewing up things, and he was sent to the pound's death row for killing a
neighbor's cat. .
* Pretty much the same backstory as Alec Baldwin.