This B-movie classic is now available on Region 1 DVD.
(It took long enough!)
Tuna reviewed this already, so I won't repeat his plot
summary. His comments are excellent, and include some captures, so
catch them at the Movie House, then return here. I'm not going to
duplicate his nudity collages unknowns, so you can review those in the back
issues - March 29th - if you are interested.
On to the point:
Gwendoline has its weak points, and I'll get to those in a
minute, but it has one truly extraordinary strength. It had
the most exotic and beautiful photography ever seen in a
soft-core erotic film up until that point. Just Jaecklin had a
wonderful visual imagination, and he knew how to get the
optimal mileage from his cinematographers. (Emmanuelle, The
Story of O and Gwendoline had three different
cinematographers, although all three films look splendid.)
Jaecklin outdid himself in this one. In fact, it seemed that
he was trying to create as many different types of locales as
possible, just to show off. The story starts in the teeming
streets of the port of Singapore, proceeds to an exotic
bordello and casino, thence to sinuous tropical rivers lined
dramatically by palm trees, thence to thick African-style
jungle inhabited by exotic tribes, thence to dramatic desert
scapes, and finally to an imaginary underground kingdom filled
with campy Art Deco architecture and stylized machines. There
is even a chariot race, ala Ben-Hur, except with the "horses"
consisting of leather-clad B&D chicks! All sections are
photographed well, and the visual story-telling can be
outstanding. The first five minutes of the film set up the
entire premise with nary a word of narrative nor expository
dialogue, just by showing the necessary incidents with compact
camera movement and a bit of editing. Orson Welles and Steven
Spielberg would tip their hats to the effectiveness of the
wordless exposition. Indeed, Jaecklin
pulled off a credible homage to Spielberg's Raiders of the
Lost Ark, which clearly inspired this film. Gwendoline may
have been the most professionally imagined and filmed
soft-core of all time until Jean-Jacques Annaud filmed The
Lover and raised the bar so high it may never again be
Gwendoline's storyline and dialogue
can be fun as well, so I have no quarrel with Tuna's affection
for this film. The script even includes one of the greatest
lines of all time: ""It's raining, take your clothes
off." In fairness, however, we might
point out a few flaws:
1. The acting is just dreadful.
Jaecklin seemed to ignore acting in most of his movies. He
liked the kind of leading lady who seemed like a childish and
nearly mindless bimbo, someone who could feign wide-eyed
innocence and seem younger than her years. His favorite
leading lady was Sylvia Kristel, who was actually reputed to
be exceptionally brilliant and sophisticated, but whose screen
persona seemed especially dense and immature. Kristel was too
old to be playing the virginal naïf in this film, but if
Jaecklin was looking around for an American actress who was as
much like Sylvia Kristel as possible, he hit the jackpot in
Tawny Kitaen. Kitaen's line readings were a bit rough around
the edges, but she seemed like Helen Hayes compared to Brent
Huff, who was in his first major movie role - and it showed.
He was 23 when he made this film, and he was just too young
and immature to be playing the crusty world-weary adventurer
ala Indiana Jones. He read his lines like, and generally
seemed like, a high school kid - albeit a very handsome and
buff one. Kitaen became a self-parody and was not able to
sustain a real acting career, but Huff did manage to hang in
there, and still works regularly, now usually typecast as an
authority figure. His characters often have a military rank or
titles like "agent," and "officer." He almost always works in
films you never heard of, but he does work! It actually took
him quite a while to establish his B-list career. After
Gwendoline, the best he could come up with was Nine Deaths of
the Ninja, a film rated a sterling 1.6 at IMDb. His "sorted by
rating" list at IMDb looks like this:
Girls' Night (1998)
Falling from Grace (1992)
Oblivion 2: Backlash (1996)
Hollywood Confidential (1997) (TV)
I Spy Returns (1994) (TV)
Dead Tides (1997)
More Mercy (2003) (V)
Hitman's Run (1999)
Armed Response (1986)
Scorpio One (1997)
The Bad Pack (1998)
Hot Boyz (1999)
Final Examination (2003) (V)
Glass Trap (2005)
Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985)
As you can see, he had no rated films
between 1985 and 1992, by which time he was 31 and, I suppose,
had grown into his "Agent Taylor" roles.
2. There is virtually no nudity in the
first 42 minutes of the film, and there is absolutely none
from the stars during that period. That's a long time to wait
for the two leading ladies to get out of their shirts. To be
fair, however, one must note that the last 40 minutes, the
portion in the land of the Yik-Yak, presents virtually
wall-to-wall breasts, and thong-clad bums, and that includes
Kitaen and Zabou.
Rare Licensed DVDs is having a two
for one sale on this item. Buy it and you also get a choice of one
of six others. I can't speak for the bonus DVDs, but Gwendoline is
uncut and unrated
full length director's commentary
still photos of Tawny Kitaen (topless) from the director's
Dr Kinsey interview with the creator of Gwendoline
an interview with the director
domestic and international trailers
available in English or French
Click on the link below for
Some miscellaneous film clips:
Again, there is some great third
party material here.
Melanie Griffith, a Fun House
favorite in another Fun House
favorite, Brian de Palma's Body Double. (Movie
House Review). Two clips (1,
Gypsy 83 is an OK film, nothing special (Movie
House Review), but Sara Rue has
breasts so big (zipped
.wmv) she makes Mimi Rogers look like .. well ... like our
next subject, Selma Blair.
Selma Blair in Storytelling.
I wrote that it is, "Intelligent,
but soulless, and with a sense of contemptuousness rather than
true humor." Ambitious movie, but not a
great one (Movie
House Review). It is Selma's career nudity highlight. She
does two very different sex scenes. Two
Speaking of nudity highlights,
this zipped .avi
clip from Nicole is Catherine Bach's
moment. (She was Daisy Dule in the original Dukes of Hazzard.)
Nicole is a laughably bad movie. (Movie
New York Times Crossword
Creator Will Shortz Gets Rich Off Puzzles
--- but NOT crossword puzzles.
Mona Lisa Descending a
- "A tour-de-force
that compresses the history of modern art
into seven minutes. Directed by Joan Gratz.
Won the Oscar in 1993"
Minor League manager
makes a complete ass of himself
"J.K. Rowling said two
characters will die in the last installment of
her boy wizard series, and she hinted Harry
Potter might not survive either."
"One of the hottest items
at the weekend's Erotica pornography show was
a Bible with a cover that said 'Jesus Loves
Parents use dyslexia
rules to give children exam advantage
- I did the same
thing when I was in school. In fact, I went
to a special high school for Dyslexics just
so I could get the part of Frank Butler in
the school play, Annie Get Your Nug.
In newly updated editions
of Enid Blyton's novels, the ubiquitous phrase
'I say' has been replaced by ...
How did Nicole Kidman
manage to re-marry in a Catholic church?
- Simple answer. In
the eyes of the Catholic faith, this was her
first marriage. The legal union to
Scientology Boy was never recognized by the
(He liked it)
CHENEY STARS IN
PRO-GLOBAL WARMING FILM
... "A Really Convenient Truth" Set For
- Soon it will be so
hot everywhere in the country that it will
no longer be necessary to go to Florida for
vacation, adding, “which is a good thing,
because no one can afford to drive to
What could be more
entertaining than Horse Farts?
You KNOW this will show up in the next Adam
The trailer from Wondrous
- "Eleven year old
David Wiseman is mad about cricket but no
good at it. He has all the kit but none of
the skill, and he's a laughing stock at
school. So when a Jamaican family moves in
next door and builds a cricket net in the
back garden, David is in seventh heaven. But
this is 1960's England, and when the
neighbors start to make life difficult for
the new arrivals, David's family is caught
in the middle, and he has to choose between
fitting in and standing up for the new
friends who have turned his world upside
- I watched this and
thought that Delroy Lindo has to be the most
underappreciated actor in the world. I guess
directors know how good he is, but for all
his magnificent screen presence he has made
it to 53 years old without ever being
nominated for an Oscar, Emmy, or Golden
Globe. (He has earned a Tony nomination for
his stage work.) Did you know he is British?
Behind the Scenes:
Backstage at Broadway Bares 16
Here is the original
version of Hombre Religioso (song from Nacho
Watch Paul Walker's hand
as he swims with Jessica Alba in In the Deep
The amazing psychic web
If you don't think
about it too much, it's pretty cool.
- Any two digit
number is represented as 10a+b, where a is
the first digit and b is the second.
- The sum of the
digits is obviously a+b
- Therefore, when you
subtract the sum of the digits from the
original number, your result is always 9a.
In other words, it will always be nine times
the first digit of the number you selected.
- Therefore, the
mystic puzzle places the same symbol on all
multiples of nine. Since one of them has to
be the answer, it always "guesses"
The Relative Size Of Our
URL says it all:
New Orleans terrorized by
The Maury Show - Weird
Phobias - Fear of Pickles
MovieJuice! reviews Click
- "Then I break open
a popcorn kernel and unspool the fortune
inside: 'You get the life you choose,' it
says. Or, in Rob Schneider's case, you get
the one Adam Sandler chooses for you."
The federal government
has decided to put its own secret Homeland
Security hotline on the federal Do Not Call
- "Every time that
phone rings, it's telemarketers"
- I wonder if the
White House ever gets telemarketing calls on
that nuclear hot line. Maybe they WANT them
- could be a chance to get a cheaper long
How did they bring Brando
back to life?
- The two keys: a
good witch doctor and plenty of snacks
DAN RATHER LANDS JOB AS
ANDERSON COOPER'S INTERN
Fresh Air - The Movie
- "Following the
success of its movie based on radio show 'A
Prarie Home Companion,' Picturehouse has
signed a deal with NPR to adapt several
other radio series for the big screen,
starting with 'Fresh Air.'"
THREE MILLION PEOPLE
CLAIM "CLICK" WAS THEIR IDEA
ANGELINA JOLIE TO ADOPT
AL-QAEDA TO VIE FOR 2010
WORLD CUP ...
Bin Laden Makes Overture to Beckham
See-Through Pictures taken by paparazzi in The
- I'm remaining
skeptical about the authenticity of these
pics. They may well be completely genuine,
but the ones with clear nipple-views look
"Grown-ups are more
immature than ever"
The Astros blow a late
9-1 lead, then go on to win in the 13th!
"hungry teenagers around
the world will soon be snacking on something
more exotic than McDonald's hamburgers: or
- I'll bet you can
guess which country these come from.
- Octopus porn and
octopus fast food! The Japanese are to
octopi (octopusses/octopods) as the Native
Americans were to buffalo - they never waste
Kidman to honeymoon at
the Keith Richards Tree
- More and more
celebrities are starting to share their
romantic moments near the causes of brain
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Candy Stripers (2006)
Candy Stripers was written, directed and produced by Kate Robbins,
which makes it really easy to assign blame. Aliens enter a hospital because
they need human hosts as incubators, and more particularly the plethora of
candy stripers, to spread the plague. So, lets tackle the first two plot
issues. One, we have to get the first alien into the hospital. Easy enough.
Two girls, one blind, stop to help an accident victim after radio reports of
alien activity. One dies, and the other is rushed to the hospital. Second
problem? We need some good guys. Lets have a visiting basketball team get
mauled at a game and put in the hospital.
So, we have the first girl who infects the first candy striper, a
basketball captain with a broken leg, his teammate with a broken wrist and a
diabetic sister who is sweet on the captain, another player who is more or
less a jerk, and the annoying head cheerleader who is dating the captain. The
last thing you need to know to figure out the entire plot for yourselves is
that the infected "candy" stripers crave sugar, unlike the good diabetic girl
who takes insulin to avoid having high blood sugar.
Kate Robbins was faced with a choice. Cast actresses for the two main candy
stripers, or rent expensive breasts. Given the script quality, she made the
right choice and went for Playboy breast flesh in the persons of Deanna Brooks
(breasts and buns) and Serria Tawan (breasts).
Lets add up what we have. No acting, predictable script, really weak gore
effects and cgi, modest nudity in darkly lit scenes and what it adds up to is
a low D-. Even if you are a genre addict, I think you will find this one
This has no score as yet at IMDb.
Pat's comments in yellow...
Fortune reports that investment guru Warren Buffett, the world's second
richest man, will begin giving away his $44 billion fortune. It was expected
that he would leave it to charity on his death, but he's decided to give away
most of it now. Ironically, five-sixths of it will go to the $30 billion Bill &
Melinda Gates Foundation, the charity set up by Buffet's friend, Bill Gates, the
* They are funding important medical research into how to
billionaires live forever.
In 1948, something emerged from the Gulf of Mexico and left giant tracks on the
shore. Self-proclaimed experts said it had to be very tall and weigh 2,000
pounds, like "a giant penguin." But now, the St. Petersburg, Florida, Times
reveals that the fabled "Clearwater Monster" was actually a hoax created by
local jokester Tony Signorini and some pals. Inspired by dinosaur tracks he saw
in National Geographic, Tony made giant creature-feet shoes and would step off a
boat and tromp around the beach. He was especially amused by witnesses who
claimed they saw the monster. He said his late wife knew, because he'd be gone
from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. and come home covered in sand. But she thought it was
funny and figured there were worse things a man could be sneaking out to do than
making monster tracks.
* Other sightings of giant footprints in Florida just
turned out to be
from Janet Reno.
Because of a salmonella scare, the Cadbury company is recalling 250 tons of
chocolate bars and Easter eggs from all over the UK. They'll be unwrapped and
buried. The company wouldn't reveal where it would be buried, and warned
children against attempting any "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory"-type treasure
hunt to find it.
* They also warned Kirstie Alley not to buy any
Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were married Sunday in Australia, and they bashed
a report that Kidman made Urban sign a draconian pre-nup that would have limited
him to $875,000 for every year they are married and impose strict penalties if
he goes back to using drugs. Their spokesperson said they are baffled by the
report and "are too much in love to even consider a pre-nup."
* No pre-nup? Maybe Nicole is the one on drugs?!
* She's not worried because if anyone can pick the perfect husband, it's