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Delta Heat

There are some things which Hollywood does not do well. The world of Hollywood movies is larger-than-life, contrived, implausible, formulaic, and over-the-top. Therefore, they almost always screw up serious drama by extending it so far beyond reality that it is barely recognizable as human activity. They can't seem to relate to normal people facing normal problems, but always have to resort to outlandish Oscar-baiting themes like tormented suicidal gay junkies with AIDS.

And I don't have to tell you how outrageous and grim horror stories have become.

We could continue with that thread, but it makes more sense to accentuate the positive. What is Hollywood good at? Certain genres actually benefit from or are unaffected by the characteristics I described above, especially escapist action/adventure films and high-concept comedies, the sorts of films where contrivance is expected and welcome. It stands to reason, then, that Hollywood's consistently strongest genre is the mismatched buddy film, which naturally combines the two things Hollywood does best: action and humor. The mismatched buddy film is always formulaic, but that doesn't matter, because that type of film succeeds or fails based on the execution rather than on the premise. We know before the action begins that the Russian cop is going to make a fool of himself in Chicago, and vice-versa, but that predictable formula can still result in a great film or a poor one, depending on the jokes and the stunts.

In this case, the set-up is the usual formula. A prissy, dandified L.A. cop (Anthony Edwards) ends up in Louisiana by following the trail of a dangerous new designer drug. He has long hair, an earring and a few suitcases full of fancy shoes, body sprays, and pastel suits. He drinks vintage wine by decanting it properly and says things like, "I don't eat shellfish. They're scavengers." As you can imagine, the New Orleans cops, who have yet to evolve opposable thumbs, ridicule "Hollywood," and think he's a pretentious douchebag - and one who's likely to starve if he stays in New Orleans too long, since the entire city lives on stale beer and shellfish. Following the formula to a "T," the local police captain assigns Hollywood to partner up with grungiest possible local, "Swamp Rat", a growling, possibly psychotic ex-cop (Lance Henriksen) who lives deep in the bayou, carries knives the size of Samurai swords, and has a hook for a hand as a result of an unplanned encounter with an alligator.

The plot basically makes no sense at all. The N'awlins police captain tells Hollywood and Swamp Rat that they have only 24 hours to investigate the case before Hollywood is shipped back to California, whereupon they proceed to pick up some chicks, get into fights with the bumbling local cops whose case they have usurped, drink and eat in the local bistros, catch a few z's, and (in Hollywood's case) change suits several times. Little did the captain know they didn't really even need that 24 hours to crack the case. They actually only worked on it about two hours, in between getting laid, kicking ass, and getting drunk. And during those two hours they basically just followed some useless leads waiting for the drug lord to reveal himself on his own.

Which, of course, he did.

OK, let's just say this is not the film for you if you're seeking a thoughtful crime-solving procedural. Does that really matter? The detective work is really just a vehicle for the film to exhaust all the "fish out of water" possibilities of a yuppie wandering through the swamp. Some of the humor is trite (Hollywood commenting with no special wit on the incomprehensibility of the local accents), but some of it is effective. The film is also very sexy. Betsy Russell, former teenspoitation queen, made what was essentially the last gasp of her career before she retired to raise a family, and she went out with real pizzazz. There is no actual sex scene, but the before and after are excellent. Prior to having sex with Hollywood, she seduced him by stripping down to a bikini which was barely there, then did a little exotic dancing which promised some light bondage. After the sex, she got out of bed stark naked and walked past the obnoxious local cops. And she looked mah-velous!

Is it a mismatched buddy classic? No, it's not Lethal Weapon or Beverly Hills Cop. It's not even Shanghai Noon or Rush Hour. It more on the level of Red Heat, the Chicago/Moscow mismatch which I described above. But because Hollywood is good at comedy and action, even an inferior mismatched buddy film can still be a watchable, entertaining film if it includes enough guilty pleasures, and in this regard Delta Heat overcomes its inane plot to deliver just enough lurid entertainment.

I liked the film much more than I expected to, but the DVD is disappointing. There are no features other than a trailer; there is no widescreen transfer; and the full screen transfer is not much better than VHS quality.

But Betsy is still mighty sexy even in low-res - and what a cute butt!


* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Mina Ja Morrison

Mina Ja Morrison (2001), or Me and Morrison, is the second in the Levottomat trilogy. The goal of the trilogy was to get three different views of youth and lust in contemporary Finland. The first dealt with upwardly mobile 20 somethings. For this second one, we are at the fringes of society with marginalized characters. Note that we have a new director, and no returning characters, so it is not truly a sequel. We do have a returning actress, however. Irina Bjorklund plays a young woman with an attitude and a drinking problem. She lives with a fashion model who is tiring of Irina's games, and her inability to hold a job and pay her share of the rent. Things change when she meets Samuli Edelmann at a club, and ends up waking up in his bed.

First big surprise is finding that he has a son the next morning. He tells her a long story about dead parents, a wife who died of heroin overdose, and about how he is going to move to Belize, and wants to take her. He seems to be the same sort of party animal she is, and it looks like she might find redemption in his arms. She forces herself along on a trip with he and his son, where we learn that he is a heroin addict deeply in debt to some dealers, and is being forced to smuggle to pay off his debt. He has a plan to double cross them and leave the country with the profits. The film title comes from his devotion to Jim Morrison.

It was nominated for Best Film and Best Editing in the Jussi (Finnish Academy) Awards, but is rated only 4.9 at IMDb. That probably fairly reflects a film with strong positives and negatives. I am not fond of drugs suck films in general, and this had all the problems inherent to the genre. The story is too dark, and all of the fun is gone for the second and third acts, followed by the usual appropriately unhappy ending. Having noted that, one must add that it hits the right notes for the genre, and had a talented principal cast developing fully realized characters. Irina Bjorklund proved yet again that she is an excellent actress, and won the Best Actress Jussi. Samuli Edelmann also gave a good performance, and Roope Karisto was great as his son. Eva Rose was the lone disappointment, playing a one-dimensional airhead.

Call it contemporary drama, and give it a C.


Eva Rose briefly shows her buns. Irina Bjorkland does full frontal and rear nudity in clear light, which may be the film's greatest plus. On the male side, Samuli Edelmann also does full frontal.

Levottomat 2 (Me and) Minš ja Morrison DVD Widescreen (2001)


Eva Rose


Irina Bjorklund







The Rules of Attraction


Jessica Biel is not naked, but looks rather sexy in her undies. There is a topless unknown in the background of a few of her caps.


Tits from Theresa Wayman and hope you don't mind a little blood.

And top it off with some more topless unknowns.







Notes and collages

Il Fiume del Grande Caimano

More Barbara Bach. More obscure Italian movies.

Barbara Bach 








La mujer mas fea del mundo

"The ugliest girl in the world"


Elia Galera









El Viento

On his daughter's death, Patagonian sheep farmer Frank (Federico Luppi) leaves his dog with his neighbor and heads for Buenos Aires to find his granddaughter, Alina (Antonella Costa). Ostensible reason for the trip is to tell her the bad news about her mother, but Frank also intends to reveal a secret he's been carrying for 28 years about the identity of Alina's father.

The movie throws in some other sub-plots, like Alina's having two relationships, one with young computer programmer Diego (Esteban Meloni), and the other with her boss at a children's hospital, fortysomething doctor Dufour (Pablo Cedron). But in the end it is about Alina and Frank finding each other.

Luppi is great once again, he is one of the best actors in the world without a doubt.



Antonella Costa








Hello, dear Scoopy!

Congratulations for the happy event to you and rest of your family of course. Will you be changing the name of your web page to Grandpa Scoopy's Fun House ? :-)

I thought a soon-to-be grandfather could also do with a little present. It comes in the form of Fun House regular Ursula Andress with material that I've never seen before.

These files come from a movie that aired yesterday evening on Italian TV. It's called Doppio Delitto (1977) and stars, besides Ursula, Marcello Mastroianni and Peter Ustinov. I just burnt it to DVD, fast-forwarded to the naughty bits and quickly made a few vidcaps of Ursula coming clean in the bath tub. All I know for the moment about the film is that Marcello plays a police commissioner investigating a crime.

This last one is from the bonus material of the Scandinavian (Danish) DVD of Mountain of the Cannibal God and shows a black and white poster for that movie featuring a full frontal Ursula Andress. I can't remember seeing this one before either.

My very best wishes once again. Yours faithfully, ICMS






In a Dark Place

Leelee Sobieski and especially Tara Fitzgerald make this 2006 ghost story bearable, but a mediocre script and well-worn plot keep it from being anything special.

Anna, a young woman with her own baggage, is let go from her job as an art therapist and teacher at a private school. She lands a job as a Nanny for two children who are orphans in the care of a wealthy uncle. He wants no involvement with the children, and she is placed in complete charge of them, working under his personal assistant/estate manager.

Life on the beautiful country estate is good, and the children are delightful, although a bit strange. Soon, things begin to emerge, such as the fact that the boy had been expelled from his school for actions so bad the headmaster would not discuss them. Then comes the revelation that Anna's predecessor had died, apparently at her own hand. Now, Anna begins to see strange figures darting about the estate, a man and a woman. Their drawings seem to indicate that the children see them also, but they claim they don't.

Based on the classic 1898 novella The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, and done many times before, this version just doesn't seem to get it done. Although it is a horror/thriller, it comes across as neither horrific, nor thrilling. Unfortunately, it is rather bland, despite a great performance by Tara Fitzgerald and an adequate one by Leelee Sobieski.


Lee Lee Sobieski Tara Fitzgerald






A film clip of Leelee Sobieski in In A Dark Place, to go with Dann's caps. Is the butt a body double? Don't know. I haven't seen anything authoritative on this matter.

A film clip of one of my favorites, Miranda Otto, in Love Serenade.

Emmanuelle Beart in Raison perdue (From Frypan)

Kirsten Scott-Thomas in Arsene Lupin

Kiki's breasts and nipples clearly visible under her lacy top. (Beware: that second one is a great photo, but not safe for dial-up connections)






The Comedy Wire

Monday, the Supreme Court handed down several decisions boosting freedom of speech, including striking down restrictions in the McCain-Feingold campaign finance bill on private groups running political ads close to elections.  But they ruled against an Alaska student who was suspended from high school for holding up a banner that read "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" in front of TV cameras when the Olympic torch came through town.  He claimed it was a free speech experiment, to see if he could get something meaningless on TV, but the Court agreed it promoted illegal drug use, so school officials had the right to suppress it.

*  If there's no constitutional right to put meaningless gibberish on TV, then explain "The View."

*  The good news: more free speech!  The bad news: more campaign ads.

Indiana University's Giving USA Foundation found that Americans are by far the most charitable people in the world, ever.  Last year, American gave nearly $300 billion to charities, beating the 2005 record that was swollen by aid to hurricane victims.  As a percentage of GDP, Americans gave twice as much as the #2 nation, the UK.  The least charitable nation was France, which gave 0.14 percent of its GDP to charity, less than South Africa, Singapore, Turkey or Germany. 

*  The French have a good excuse: after taxes, they're broke.

*  It's not really a fair comparison unless you don't count Oprah.


Heather Bays, a mom from Milwaukie, Oregon, was charged with theft and banned from all Target stores over an alleged fraud scheme.  Police say she would go into Target and switch the price tags of expensive items with the tags from 99-cent juice cups, then sell the expensive things on eBay.  Police believe she did it for a year, but it
took nine months before any Target clerk noticed that she was paying 99 cents for the most expensive items in the store. 

*  They just thought it was the greatest TV and stereo sale ever. 

Researchers reporting to the National Academy of Sciences say they've discovered that giant penguins up to five feet tall were in what is now Peru more than 40 million years ago, much earlier than scientists thought.

* Hollywood is already planning a movie about the extremely tall penguins.  In it, the penguins form a ragtag, underdog basketball team.