Sorority House Vampires

Brainscan's comments:

Sorority House Vampires (1998) is a perfect cure for constipation.  Stopped up?  Unable to do number 2 for days now?  Forget the drugs and other treatments, just watch this movie because it is guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.  SHV takes a stab at irony and parody and it steals wantonly from classics of horror and classics of humor but the boys what wrote the script and the boy what directed the movie and the folks what acted and the people what stitched it together into its current incoherence are the least qualified group of folk to do anything since NASA launched the shuttle, Columbia.  The 2008 Detroit Lions were a model of efficiency and talent compared to the people involved in this movie (sic).  So it really blows.  Really.  But then so do many movies with nekkid gals running around and they sort of make up for the lack of artistry and technical skills.  In that sort of equation, hooters and bums win out, and so we give most of these movies a 1 for quality and a 10 for T and A.  It averages out.  Here is where Sorority goes from cinematically awful to colon-draining noxious.  There are gals and some of them are right nice looking and they do get nekkid but they are filmed in a variety of ways that turns this virtue into terminal annoyance.   Take Penny Lynn.  The authorities have her dance completely nude on three occasions for a total of some five minutes, but they threw all sorts of cheesy fucking special effects into it.  Scenes are bathed in red light and there this shit that looks likes hydra waving through the scene and everything is double-imaged, so that Penny's offerings are impossible to enjoy.  For various reasons the same is true for all the other gals.  You got a shower scene with three women but almost nothing showing.  You got sport-humping scenes filmed in B & W or in lighting so subdued the camera just gave up and said it refused to work with these morons.  That's what makes it so annoying - the ingredients for redemption were all there but the film-makers (sic) were so thoroughly incompetent and so thoroughly oblivious to their incompetence they wound up turning everything they touched into pure shit.  It is gift of sorts, a reverse Midas touch.  I wish one could excuse this as an attempt to film in 3D - as some sources indicate - but if that were true one would expect the movie might be offered in that format.  Me thinks these folks offered 3D as an excuse for the sheer wretchedness that is Sorority House Vampires.  BTW, IMDb has this rated 1.6, with about 300 folks giving the lowest score (where are the negative numbers when you need them?) and 16 people rating it a 10.  A 10!!!  As though it were the Godfather of campy horror movies.  You have to figure those 16 folk worked on the movie, which means these morons haven't a clue what a fucked up mess they achieved.  So go onto IMDb and give this crap the 1 it deserves.  Vote now.  This is the worst movie ever made and should be recognized as such. 

Kathy Presgrave



Presgrave with Shay Moore and Yvette Davis

Moore



Davis



Missy Browning



Penny Lynn




A bonus: a collage of Shari Blum in this crappy movie:



and another one from a movie that had the good sense to get her naked (Ninja Academy; 1988):