Tuna, our main contributor and the most energetic video capper ever known to man (as all of you well know) is currently indisposed. He is in intensive care in a hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. It doesn't make sense to send him any well-wishes at this point, since he is not checking his e-mail, and it would not make sense to call him, since ICU is not the place to do that.
He is in good spirits, and said he that he hopes to back on the job by next week! (Because the 70-75,000 collages he has already made just aren't enough!)
We'll continue to keep everyone posted and let you all know when he's ready to get e-mail and/or calls.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Fire on the Amazon (1993 or something)
(The 1993 date is arbitrary. It was filmed in 1990 or 1991.)
Fire on the Amazon is a cheapozoid Roger Corman flick
about the disappearing rainforest. The film is only 75 minutes long,
and about half of it is a complete digression from the main story!
A famous indigenous environmentalist is killed.
Although it is obvious that the money interests wanted him out of
the way, the murder is performed with an arrow to feign an Indian
attack, and the local police somehow arrest a taciturn Indian who
"hangs himself" in his cell after signing a full confession. When
his fellow tribesmen come for his body, a local North American
environmentalist (Sandra Bullock) and a magazine reporter from the
States (Craig Sheffer) try to talk to them, but they are
unresponsive. On the spur of the moment, the Americans follow the
Indians up the river to their reservation.
Pause. Let's think about that. Sheffer and Bullock
see the Indians paddling upstream, so they just decide to commandeer
a canoe and follow. They don't know the terrain, they don't know how
far they will be traveling, they have no supplies - not even insect
repellant, and they're in a stolen canoe paddling through the
unfamiliar jungle, surrounded by crocs, snakes, the greedy bad guys,
stone age tribesmen, and probably O.J. looking for the real killer.
Not to mention the owner of the canoe.
Check. That all makes sense so far.
And that was the sensible part of the movie!
Soon thereafter, the reporter is shot by an
unknown assailant and the canoe overturns, so the two adventurers
just decide to saunter through the Amazon rainforest in a random
direction, even though night is approaching, they are soaking wet,
and one of them has a gunshot wound. Well, as luck would have it,
they are captured by indigenous people. The sojourn in the native
village is the thirty minute digression I spoke of earlier. During
this time, the confusing plot simply grinds to a halt so that the
Americans can exchange cultural enlightenment with the villagers and
bodily fluids with one another. Fortunately for the helpless
Americans, their kidnappers are not real natives but movie natives,
and therefore live in harmony with the nature spirits and possess
the wisdom of their ancestors, including secret herbs that cure the
wound, and more secret herbs that make Sandra Bullock want to make
nice-nice for hours with the reporter (whom she had previously
detested). These native guys have enough secret herbs and spices to
open up their own fast food chain. Furthermore, they have more
advanced forensic medicine than Quincy and CSI put together. They
perform an autopsy on the guy who "hanged himself," and are able to
conclude that he was dead before the hanging, killed by Colonel
Mustard, in the conservatory, with a lead pipe.
The search is then on for Colonel Mustard, but the
lovebirds are still under the spell of those secret herbs and
spices, so they are constantly sneaking a quick feel on the dirt
roads, and playing kissy-face in sleazy taverns filled with
environmental terrorists and competitors in the Anthony Quinn
look-alike contest. All of this romance is pursued with the same
nonchalance you'd have with your best girly on the streets of
So what happens in the story?
This must take the award for the most abrupt
deus ex machina ending ever. After their investigation pisses
off everyone in South America, Bullock and Sheffer are pursued by
about a zillion heavily armed bad guys, including all possible
corrupt local authorities with Pancho Villa moustaches. The two
lovebirds are finally trapped on a dock, lacking a boat, and facing
a horde of approaching baddies. Their predicament includes machine
guns in their faces, water at their backs, and no place left to run
- with only a minute left in the film's running time ...
How can Pauline escape this Peril?
The reporter's buddy, a guy we saw for only a
minute in the opening scene, suddenly arrives from the sky in a seaplane to
rescue our lovebirds at the last second!
Unfortunately, Bullock had been severely wounded during their
escape and dies from her wounds, but not before making a tearful
deathbed environmental speech on the plane, after which some informative word
slides tell us how much of the rainforest is lost each year.
OK, the concept was poor, I'll give you that, but
it was genius compared to the execution. The production values are
abysmal. The photographic quality is about equal to your dad's home
movies, and the sound track is both inappropriate and cheesy. In
other words, director Luis Llosa defied the odds by taking a bad script and
making it worse!
His career was not over
however. Before returning to Peru to produce TV programs, Llosa would go on to make two more
Hollywood classics: Anaconda
and The Specialist.
It's amazing that Llosa could have made an incoherent film like
Fire on the Amazon, then almost immediately get bankrolled to make a
$45 million film with Sharon Stone, James Woods, and Stallone. The
results were predictable. As we noted in
our review, The Specialist may be the career nadir for
everyone involved with it except, of course, for Llosa, since it
would be almost impossible to sink lower than Fire on the Amazon.
The Specialist scored a cellar-dwelling 5% at Rotten Tomatoes but,
because Stallone and Stone were big stars at the time, it did nearly
$60 million at the domestic box office, and more than $100 million
Do you think anyone in Peru believes Llosa when he takes a deep
sip of Inca Cola and tells available listeners that he once directed
a hundred million dollar movie starring Sharon Stone? They must
think he is kidding.
And, in a very real way, he is.
- Sandra Bullock Collages (1,
- The collages don't seem impressive, but this really is a
fairly sexy scene. Here's all 84 seconds in a film clip. (Zipped
.wmv. About 11 meg)
Ever wonder what happened to the MST3000 guys? They are
mounting as comeback as
The Film Crew Online
Video monitor stuck to a wall with a camera focused on it
So what? Well, you can send real time messages to it.
Cool Hunting: How to Disappear Completely
Jewelry and accessories made from computer parts
star trek dating : because love isn't logical: "Here
you can form friendships, socialise and date with others who love
the tv show Star Trek."
Geek 2 Geek - The Best Place on the Net to Meet Geeks!
Jessica Simpson lookin' mighty hot on the cover of GQ
The Smoking Gun reveals the FBI file of "Scientology's Nut Job
A love poem written 2,600 years ago by Sappho, the greatest female
poet of ancient Greece, was published on Friday for the first
time. "If carpets be the food of love, munch on ... "
Urban Legend: U.S. buffalo nickels are being recalled because the
bison depicted is anatomically correct. Status:
Yo momma so fat that - small moons orbit her ...
TIME picks The 50 Coolest Websites of 2005. This list
pretty much shows you Time Magazine's concept of cool rather than
anything else. It's pretty much the same as my mom's.
Texas Governor Rick Perry has a new nickname for reporter Ted
Oberg. "Adios, mofo" has now become the official catch
phrase for all Texas DJ's.
"A new breed of ultra-feminine straight men has arrived that make
the metrosexual look like a rugged caveman."
Conan and Max go for a picnic in Central Park
Six clips from Rize, the streetdancing documentary
Exclusive Clip from Hustle & Flow, which features
another underappreciated character actor, Terrence Howard.
"Hustle & Flow" is the redemptive story of a streetwise
Memphis hustler trying to find his voice and realize his
long-buried dreams. Though DJay (Terrence Howard) has always had a
way with words, that gift has long been misused; this
philosopher-hustler lives a dead-end life at the fringes of
society. Anything more feels out of reach. Still, DJay wonders
what happened to all the big dreams he had for his life. A chance
encounter with an old friend, Key (Anthony Anderson), a sound
engineer who has always wanted to make it in the music business,
spurs DJay: if he's ever going to make his mark, it has to happen
now. He begins to write down his freestyle raps - his flow - and
the two team up with Shelby (DJ Qualls), a church musician with a
beat machine, to lay down bass-thumping crunk tracks. DJay's
metamorphosis affects his entire house, as the women in his life -
Shug (Taraji P. Henson) and Nola (Taryn Manning) - find ways to
contribute to the creative process. With the impending visit to
Memphis of hometown platinum-selling rapper Skinny Black (Ludacris),
DJay has to make one last hustle if he's ever going to flow.
The Girl in the Cafe is the best romantic comedy set at a G-8
summit. Hard to argue that point. I don't know anything
about the film, but Bill Nighy is one of the most underrated
character actors in the business - comedy or drama, mainstream or
offbeat, restrained or zany. He's kind of like a middle aged
Stuck at Prom - the annual contest to make prom clothing from Duck
Supermodel Elle Macpherson is now available.
Oprah Winfrey plans to discuss Hermes Paris shop incident on
"Winfrey believes she would have been admitted to the store
had she been a white celebrity."
Aha! Now we see the real issue - the divine right of
Her belief seems to be purely hypothetical. Perhaps Celine
Dion would have been turned away, perhaps not. How could anyone
say? Frankly, I don't know how she could form that belief at all,
and there is really no reason I can see for Oprah to play the race
card, unless there is more to the incident than what is already
(Amazingly - the store clerks admit that they recognized her,
but still turned her away!)
The Daily Show:
"The House votes in favor of a flag-burning amendment, thus taking
care of the Iraqi insurgency."
A Republican porn star gives Stephen Colbert an ... um ...
Jon Stewart interviews Screamin' Howie
Porn Wars (This is actually a good light saber fight.)
Great moments in sports shoe history. (No kidding)
Show me the chicken! Submitter wrote: "I don't know
what kind of a season he is going to have, but Jake is getting
into his acting groove in this funny take off of Jerry Maguire. It
is a Charlotte area ad for a chicken fast food restaurant. (I love
the nice touch of the Cajun music on the radio.) PS - Wide
receiver Steve Smith steals the ad at the end. I had to watch the
ad twice to get his line - You complete me."
Open Letter to Kansas school authorities about intelligent design.
The question he asks - quite rightly - is this "If we are going to
teach a theory of intelligent design based on arbitrary religious
beliefs, whose arbitrary beliefs shall we choose?"
The Freaky Universe of McDonald's Commercials (Includes
an article, plus a download of all the commercials he discusses.)
Whale burger goes on sale in Japan amid growing criticism over its
whaling. Those pigs! Why can't they just eat manatee
steaks like the rest of us ... I mean ... oops.
How to throw a no-hitter on acid, and other lessons from the
career of baseball legend Dock Ellis
DareToSing.com (Kinda like .. an online karaoke bar.)
URL says it all:
Upcoming military manpower crisis?
Poll: Most Oppose Military Draft, Would Not Want Kids To Enlist
"The Army has repeatedly missed its monthly recruiting goals
this year, falling short by 42 percent in April."
"There isn't a chance in the world that the draft will be
brought back," Rumsfeld told a House hearing Thursday.
Frankly, I don't understand this. If military recruitment is
down, then the U.S. either has to reduce military troop
commitments or institute a draft, right? But Rummy is obviously
rejecting both of those options, so just what IS his plan? He
appears to have all of his eggs in this one basket: "The Army has
responded to the recruiting slump by increasing the number of
recruiters and offering bigger signup bonuses."
Turns out that Oprah incident was a little more complicated than
The latest version is that the store was closed at the time.
They close at 6:30, and Oprah insisted on entering at 6:45 because
she could see people inside shopping (in a privately-sponsored
My own note: even if the shop was 100% in the right, and they
may well be, they have to be some seriously dumb fucks to turn
away the single most powerful person in the world in the when it
comes to what women buy. This is like running a golf shop and not
recognizing Tiger Woods at the door.
Sing along with me again:
"The River Jordan is a sewage soup. Alleluia" "Covers
the body with human poop. Allelu-hu-ya."
Today on Today: Tom Cruise Takes On Matt Lauer's Thetans
Terry Schiavo's Body to be Relocated to Florida Governor's Mansion
(Mad Guerilla Brigade)
"It is reported that the governor will perform his own autopsy
following his dissatisfaction with autopsy results released last
Spurs win, Duncan gets finals MVP.
I was wrong about this series. The Pistons are damned good.
After the Spurs laughed away the Suns and the red-hot Nuggets (who
had won the teams' last two regualr season games), the Pistons
surprised the hell out of me. The finals turned out to be a
completely even match that could have gone either way, and which
the Spurs finally won based on their having the extra home game
(they went 38-3 at home in the regular season). Even at that, the
last game in San Antone was tied at the end of the third quarter,
and Detroit held a nine point lead halfway through the third. The
Pistons coulda shoulda won.
This is a real headline:
Cardinal Sin dies
Sing along ...
Jews, Christians, and Muslims finally agree on one thing in
Jerusalem ... they all think a gay parade is "an abomination."
Many religious leaders think that hatred of gay people could
finally bring the world together as one, possibly even more
dramatically than that Coca Coca commercial. Yes, I can hear it
now, a song rising from all nations ...
Making a profit on 'Naked Zorro'
Letterman's "Top Ten Reasons Saddam Hussein Loves Doritos"
... "The crunch sounds like the breaking of a dissident's bones."
Rhode Island couple celebrates 82nd anniversary today.
That is believed to be a world record. (Also probably a record is
the fact that their never-married daughter still lives with them -
she is a sprightly 78 years old! It's hard to imagine there would
be anyone older than that still living with both her parents.)
The Rolling Stones appear on Ed Sullivan
A new poster for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
"Batman Begins Again" RUMOR:
"a magazine in the UK is reporting that Christopher Nolan has
approached Sean Penn about starring as The Joker."
Babylon A.D., a big-budget futuristic thriller, to be directed by
Mathieu Kassovitz (The Crimson Rivers, Gothika) from his own
ER star Goran Visnjic will reportedly screen test for the next
James Bond film, along with Burt Young and Wilford
Tom and Katie planning a family
On-Line Ouija. The Ouija for the Ouorld Ouide Oueb
The people versus Conan O'Brien (lawsuits against Late
The trailer from The Baxter
"The Baxter chronicles the chaotic two weeks prior to the
wedding of Elliot Sherman (Showalter), a conservative, risk-averse
guy who is a quintessential 'Baxter' - a guy who never actually
gets the girl.
The trailer from Kamikaze Girls, a new Japanese comedy.
Eight clips from Wedding Crashers, the new comedy with
Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, and Christopher Walken. (It does
feature a clip with Jane Seymour topless. Unfortunately, the
camera is behind her.)
Roger Ebert Gets a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
Except for queers ...
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we have some "Babes in "Bondage" along with a little "Hankster Light".
First up, we have Megan Lee Ethridge topless, strapped down and being given a shock treatment in scenes from "Alien Abduction". The last cap is just to show you how cute she is. She is not a bad actress at all, very convincing performance.
- Megan Lee Ethridge
Next, we take the old Time Machine back to 1983 for a look at "The Lost Empire". The Skin-Man did this one a few days ago and I said to myself I have an old tape of that one so let's try my luck at it.
Here's what I came up with:
First, Angelique Pettyjohn having a hard time keeping her nipples in her top. Then it's Raven De La Croix showing off her mega-boobs. Next, Melanie Vincz. She's top billed, but doesn't get naked. However, she is in chains, so she qualifies as a "Babe in Bondage" :-) Finally, we have the ultra-busty Karen Ribbins playing a topless "Damsel in Peril".
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
A quickie from the Ghost today...here are a couple of vids of Michelle Johnson bouncing around nekkid in several scenes from the 1984 Michael Caine movie, "Blame It on Rio".
She's topless in all of these, plus she goes full frontal very briefly in #3. Clip #1 also features a little bonus toplessness from a pre-implant Demi Moore.
- Michelle Johnson (zipped .wmvs)
||Johansson only shows part of her breast here, but her part is still a heck-of-a lot skin! Here she is in "A Love Song for Bobby Long".
|From the Spanish comedy "Di que sí" (2004)....Paz Vega keeps her clothes on, but still looks wonderful in a bikini. Mateeva shows off a pair of mega-lo budget implants.
|The ladies of "Alfie"....Here's the breakdown:
Former "Ally McBeal" co-star Jane Krakowski shows a brief nipple peek as she gets it on in the back seat.
Tomei stays clothed as usual, but we do get a quick look at her thong.
Nia Long ("Big Momma's House", "Boyz n the Hood") shows most of a breast in during a love scene.
Sarandon's cleavage looks as inviting as ever.
Sienna Miller goes topless.
|Tilly shows off her usual truckload of cleavage, while Chambers plays the official topless shower scene murder victim in the latest Chucky movie, "Seed of Chucky" (2004). As Scoop pointed out in his review, this installment completely gives up trying to be a slasher flick. Instead it's a spoof of the genre as well as self-referencing and self-deprecating. Tilly is great as she makes fun of herself in the same way Shatner did in "Free Enterprise". I enjoyed it.
|Playing a topless dancer in scenes from the direct-to-vid flick "Maniac Cop 2" (1990).
|Scoop covered "The Jacket" pretty thoroughly a few days ago (click her for his review), now it's Señor-Skin's turn. Here is Keira briefly baring her lil'uns in a couple of unfortunately dark scenes. Links 9-12 feature nudity found in the deleted scenes.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
LOHAN RULES OUT NUDITY
Naked, She'd Be Invisible - Bad news for Lindsay Lohan's male fans: she told
Access Hollywood, "You will never see me in a nude scene. Then there's no
mystery for my private life." She said, "Personally, I think there are other
things you can do to show people you have talent."
For example, do what Renee Zellweger did: gain weight.
Lindsay's lost so much weight, there's nothing left to see anyway.
A PENNY SAVED IS NOTHIN'
Worse Than Social Security - Edmond Knowles of Flomaton, Alabama, saved
pennies for 38 years until he had over 1.3 million. This week, he took them to a
bank and used a Coinstar machine to cash them in for $13,084.59, a new Coinstar
record. He'd been keeping the pennies in his garage in four 55-gallon and
three 20-gallon oil barrels that weighed 4.5 tons. He said he started saving
them because he appreciated the value of a penny and thought "they're worth
something or they wouldn't keep making them."
And this week, he found out how wrong he was.
Cost of the gas used to haul them to the bank: $14,000.
He burned out the motor on the Coinstar machine, and they billed him
Cost of his hernia operation: $25,000.
TRULY SAD: LAUGHTER SCHOOL OPENS IN GERMANY
Laughing All The Way To The Bank - Susanne Maier of Berlin, Germany, has
opened the world's first laughter school. She said Germans have become so
serious, they need to be taught to lighten up, so she has pupils stand around in
groups, slapping their foreheads and practicing different kinds of laughter. She
said the most important one to learn is "the believable laugh." She hopes to
open schools nationwide and make Berlin the "laughter capital of Europe."
Frankly, I get nervous when Germans start laughing for no apparent reason.
The believable laugh is tough, but once you can fake sincerity, you
For the final exam, you have to laugh through an Ingmar Bergman film.
RADIO STATION JOKE PROMPTS LAWSUIT
Don't Try This - In Lexington, Kentucky, WLTO-FM radio host DJ Slick said
listeners could "win 100 Grand" if they listened to WLTO all through the
"American Idol" finale then were the 10th caller. Pregnant mom Norreasha Gill won,
the station ran promos of her screaming about what she'd do with the money, and
she promised her three kids they'd have a minivan, shopping spree, savings
account and a house with a back yard. But then, she got her prize: a Nestle's
"100 Grand" candy bar. She wasn't amused and filed a lawsuit. The DJ is off
the air, and WLTO offered her $5,000, which she rejected.
She responded to that offer with Snickers.
She's hoping the jury will award her a big Payday.
She may win $100,000, but after taxes and legal fees, she won't have
enough money left to buy a candy bar.
She's a pregnant woman: you'd think she'd take the candy bar.
Even worse, she won their "Take Home Eminem" contest, and it wasn't an M&M
candy, it was actually Eminem.
|A quick site note
Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!