Tuna, our main contributor and the most energetic video capper ever known to man (as all of you well know) is currently indisposed. He is in intensive care in a hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. It doesn't make sense to send him any well-wishes at this point, since he is not checking his e-mail, and it would not make sense to call him, since ICU is not the place to do that.

He is in good spirits, and said he that he hopes to back on the job by next week! (Because the 70-75,000 collages he has already made just aren't enough!)

We'll continue to keep everyone posted and let you all know when he's ready to get e-mail and/or calls.

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

The Ranch (2004)

If I had known more about this I never would have watched it.

Not that it is so very bad. It is just a typical made-for-cable kind of project about a bunch of girls who work at a legal bordello in Nevada. Several of the girls have their own storylines. One is leaving to get married, but has not told her family or her fiancé that she is a prostitute (they think she's an international flight attendant). One is running away from a vicious pimp. One aspires to be a professional singer. One is trying to be a real mother on her week off (they work "three on, one off"), and hopes to leave the life, even if it means a pay cut. And so forth. The script tries to generate additional dramatic tension through the interaction between the girls. One of the girls is a complete loner who refuses to get along with the others. One of the girls is a closet lesbian who is secretly in love with a co-worker. You get the idea. It's a soap opera in format, with the only twist being their unusual profession. Come to think of it, their profession is not so unusual in real life, only as a subject for a TV series.

The Ranch even has a few creditable professionals attached to it. Amy Madigan plays the manager, and Susan Seidelman directed. She's the director of Desperately Seeking Susan. So what's so wrong with The Ranch that I regret having watched it? Well, you see it was not made to stand as a discrete 90 minute movie. It was meant to be a pilot for a series on Showtime. As a result, none of the plot lines are resolved. Everything is simply left hanging in order to whet our appetite for a series which would never materialize. Given that fact, I'd advise you to stray away.

One piece of advice. If you do decide that you just have to see this, do not get the R-rated version. It has no skin, and the dialogue has all been re-dubbed to eliminate the naughtiest words. Yeah, I know that's pretty silly when you consider that it is already rated R for the thematic material, but that's the way it is. The "uncut, unrated" edition does have lots of topless exposure, although no lower body action. It also has the original, natural dialogue, although even that will not be mistaken for the richest parts of  "Scarface." In other words, the "uncut, unrated" version would probably also be rated R if it were to be submitted, but at least it could be deemed worth watching for some lurid guilty pleasure. The so-called "R rated" version is simply a complete waste of your time.

  • Jessica Collins (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Jennifer Aspen (1, 2)
  • Paige Moss (1, 2)
  • Nicky Michaeux (1, 2, 3)
  • Samantha Ferris (1, 2, 3)
  • Bonnie Root



Other Crap:


Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today is kind of a "Damsel in Peril" day.

No Time Machine today as we take a look at a current release called "Blood Relic".

Here we have Caitlin Sabins forced to strip by a gas masked intruder who then fondles her gorgeous boobs with a knife and his hands.

This girl really has a set! Oh, and by the way, it turns out the bad guy was her boyfriend and they were just doing a little role playing!

A great movie? No. But it has some nice nudity, which means we will be back with more from this one including a real "Babes in Bondage" scene.

Mr. Nude Celeb
'Caps and a few comments by Mr. Nude Celeb:

I fell asleep watching "Darkness" but at least I saw Lena Olin show some serious pokies before I nodded off into dreamland.

Enjoyed the hell out of "Harold & Kumar"! When a stupid movie is done right, I laugh my ass off. Plus, Malin Akerman topless was a very nice surprise (as was the Neil Patrick Harris cameo!).

I only watched the Canadian movie "The Fall" so I could see Hélène de Fougerolles in a love scene (she's extremely sexy if you ask me). Canadian actress Soo Garay also briefly bared a breast.

And finally today, I watched "A Love Song for Bobby Long". I didn't expect to like this movie for some reason, but I was in a good mood when I watched it, and was captured by it's spell. Besides, the fact that Scarlett Johansson looked absolutely amazing throughout the film didn't hurt either.

  • Scarlett Johansson (1, 2)

Alice Taurand A little bit of toplessness in scenes from the 2001 French movie "Objectif bac" aka "The Final Exam".

Catherine Deneuve
(1, 2)
Delphine Chuillot

Next up we have French film legend Catherine Deneuve topless in a bath tub scene from "Pola X" (1999). There's also a little bonus breast exposure from Chuillot.

Charlotte Becquin Yet another French breast is on display in these 'caps from the 2003 film "Bienvenue chez les Rozes"

Edwige Fenech
(1, 2, 3)

Vejiita's final Euro-babe for is Fenech topless and baring a bit of bum in scenes from "Io e Caterina" aka "Catherine and I" (1980).

Farrah Fawcett
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Holly Pelham
(1, 2)

Señor Skin takes a look at the Richard Gere movie, "Dr T and the Women" (2000), directed by Robert Altman. Many folks consider Altman to bee one of the great Hollywood directors. Personally, I don't get it. Sure, he has made many, shall we say "workmanlike" and/or "satisfactory" films. And of course, he was at the helm for a couple of fantastic movies like "MASH" and "The Player". However, he also made "Popeye".

One thing I will give him full credit for is his ability to get big named stars to show some skin! Here we see Farrah nekkid and still looking great in her early 50's! By the way, Pelham also bares a breast or two.

Pat Reeder
Pat's comments in yellow...

But Michael Escaped Grilling! - Inspired by the Virgin Mary cheese sandwich, some sellers on eBay are auctioning slices of toast with Michael Jackson's face on them or the words "Not guilty" burned into them. They claim these aren't faked and miraculously popped out of the toasters around the time the verdict came in. One claims his slice of toast is "a wonderful memento of this historic day that you will cherish for years to come."

  • It's like the verdict: you can chew on it for years, but it'll still be impossible to swallow.
  • Michael never eats toast himself...He prefers small, buttered buns.

    Will Work For Horse Rectums - Over 1,000 writers and editors for TV reality shows asked the Writers' Guild to represent them, but producers are refusing to recognize the union in negotiations. The writers say reality shows are "written," and the people who create them deserve union representation because they're overworked and underpaid.

  • I've seen their work: it is not possible for them to be underpaid.
  • The writers for "Fear Factor" are so underpaid, they eat worse than the contestants.
  • Donald Trump would just say, "You're fired."
  • I say they should go on strike! Or better yet, all of them quit!

    Good Call! - The Scotsman newspaper reports that Motley Crue offered to play the Live 8 charity concerts but were rejected. The promoter said they were one of 65 bands who were turned down because they didn't have room for them all. However, Bob Geldof said the only thing preventing a Spice Girls reunion is that Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is holding out and doesn't want to return to the past.

  • Wow! She's the most charitable of all!
  • Just the thought of a Spice Girls reunion is scary enough.
  • Tommy Lee also lost interest when he heard they'd only be four Spice Girls there.

    Mission Unbearable - claims that Scarlett Johansson pulled out of "Mission Impossible 3" after Tom Cruise took her to the L.A. Scientology Center, proselytized for two hours, then opened a door to reveal a room full of upper-level Scientologists waiting to dine with them. At that point, she politely excused herself and left.

  • And they all followed her home.

    But He'll Sue For RayBan Rust - Tom Cruise will not press criminal charges against the four men from a British practical joke show who sprayed him with water at a movie premiere.

  • But only if they'll come to the L.A. Scientology Center.

  • A quick site note
    Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at

    If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!