"Hard to Die"
Hard to Die (1990) is a Jim Wynorski slasher film in the same vein as the Sorority House and Slumber Party Massacres, but played for humor. It has the good sense not to take itself at all seriously. Five "B" bimbo scream queens are stuck on the 11th floor of a high rise doing inventory on a Saturday for a lingerie company. The janitor gives them all the creeps, and no wonder, for he is Orville Ketchum (Peter Spelos) from Sorority House Massacre. The girls must retrieve everything from the basement, which is very dusty, so they take a shower one by one, and change into lingerie. Then they start dying, and suspect Ketchum as the killer. They stab, bite, kick, shoot and spindle him, and throw him off the top of the building, but still he keeps coming. IN one of the better moments, he pulls a knife out of his stomach, then staples a bandage over the wound.
Meanwile, their number keeps shrinking. Two police detectives are on there was to investigate, as they don't like Ketchum anyway, but stop to question a porn actress (Carolet Girard) who once worked in the building. The bad guy is the soul of the Sorority House owner, which was misdelivered to the building in a magic box. The five women in the building are Robyn Harris, Lindsay Taylor, Debra Dare, Melissa Moore and Bridget Carney. They all show breasts and some buns. Girard is wearing a transparent top.
IMDb readers have this at 3.3 of 10. Give me a break. This is a great time to point out the fallacy of the IMDb scoring system. Every film is rated as if it was trying to be The Godfather (the current number 1 film), and is compared to that standard. IF you made Hard to Die the standard, The Godfather would probably end up in the sub 2 range. This film is exactly what it tries to be, a cheesy slasher film filled with homages to Wynorski's other works, and is meant to be laughed at. If you like that sort of film, it is great fun. If you hate that sort of film, don't rent it, and please don't review it. We know it is a bad film. That is the entire point of it. A Gold Medal goes to the five women for synchronized screaming, completing the feat at least three times, and executing a perfect recoil in terror maneuver for an extra degree of difficulty in the process. The film ends with a shootout using the automatic weapons from another shop in the high rise that used more ammunition than all of Vietnam. This is a clear C+. If splatter parody appeals to you, this film is no end of fun.
A tribute to Laura Gemser
Laura Gemser (1950 - Present) -- And now for something completely different. This gallery is from the special features of a Joe D'Amato DVD, which I will present tomorrow night. There was far too much nudity to include tonight, as the first act is a hard core sex film, the second act a soft core sex film, and the short last act a flesh eating zombie film.
Laura was born in Java, Indonesia. She was noticed in 1975 in Emmanuelle, The Joys of a Woman, but became big the same year as Black Emanuelle. Her career includes 64 titles, the most recent in 1992. She is now retired from film, and is living in Italy since the death of her husband, Gabriele Tinti. She has commented that after his death, films no longer interested her. She isn't new to the Fun House, but hopefully some of these images are.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Emmanuelle Beart update:
notes on the pictures from yesterday:
1. Comments from PH.D.
I had a little investigation on the
pictures of (supposedly) Emmanuelle Beart that you ran today.
Especially the spots on her body (see attachment) show a clear
alikeness with another picture of Emmanuelle. The constellation of
the spots and the distinct position and shape of her breasts show
that this is indeed Ms Beart.
As to their origin, I have no clue.
2. Comments from Celebrity Sleuth.
Yes, those are definitely young shots of Emmanuelle Beart ...
usually, I don't use these for identication, but those "North South"
breasts and upturned nipples are unmistakable. In fact, if you
enlarge them visually from 32A to 34C (as she did surgically after
Manon of the Spring) you'll note that her chest is identical
to that of La Belle Noiseuse.
So yes, it's most clearly her.
As for the source (of the Spring?), I'd venture it might have been a
part of her early screen test for director Robert ("Dirty Old Man")
Altman. Emmanuelle lived in Montreal for three years (careful now,
from age 13-16) and worked as an au pair (even though hers
was still in its formative stages). Altman (still a Player) took a
"personal interest" in her, and signed her up for "a collaborative
project" (I'll bet) for which she took a series of screen tests. As
one bio put it, "The planned project never came to fruition"
(perhaps Bob couldn't get it up...the financing, I mean) and she
went back to Paris, where legendary lens letch David Hamilton
spotted Em and cast her at age 17 in Premiers desirs.
She already looks more mature in that film (nude as well)
than in these shots you've unearthed, so I'd have to say they came
from slightly before that--pointing to Altman or, possibly, a
screen/photo test for Hamilton.
That would be my best guess ... it's a NICE FIND!
The American Film Institute chooses the Top 100 songs in American
movies. "Puberty Love", from Attack of the Killer
Tomatoes, was #1. OK, maybe not. Click on the link for the
"My Life", the lengthy memoir by former President Bill Clinton,
has been declared a weapon of mass destruction The 957
page tome fell off a bookstore shelf in Portland, Oregon today,
killing three people and seriously wounding five others.
COLIN FARRELL's full-frontal nude scene was cut from A Home at the
End of the World because his dick is so enormous. Whoa.
I guess that's why my acting career never took off. He only got
one scene cut, but my entire career was cut. You do the math.
- Colin is so incensed he won’t be shown in his full glory in
cinemas, he is demanding the scenes be included when the film
comes out on DVD. The producers have agreed, so his gay and
female fans have a treat in store.
Jennifer Lopez employs a professional shoe-fastener.
This position pays a bit more than her
nipple-tweaker. In fact, the nipple-tweaker applied for
the shoe-fastening job, but was told he just wasn't ready.
Some celebrity bloggers.
Val Kilmer says Brad Pitt is a wimp.
The Daily Show: President Clinton reflects on his special White
House memories while wearing silly shoes.
Michael Moore 'has consulted with lawyers who can bring defamation
suits against anyone who maligns the film or damages his
reputation' They better get started against Christopher
Hitchens (see link below).
Awful Plastic Surgery says Tara Reid has new breasts.
Three FBI officials have contradicted sworn testimony by Attorney
General John Ashcroft to the 9/11 commission.
The Lollapalooza music festival tour has been canceled because of
poor ticket sales, according to its Web site.
Senate, still showing off their post-tittygate morality, votes to
up fines for indecent broadcasts
The official website for Oliver Stone's ALEXANDER. The
voice-over, only a couple of lines, seems to be supplied by
Hannibal Lecter himself.
Gary Oldman in Episode III?
''Fahrenheit 911'' loses R rating appeal
The trailer for Code 46, which is rated R for "brief graphic
nudity". : "'Code 46' is a love story set in an eerily
possible near-future where cities are heavily controlled and only
accessible through checkpoints. People cannot travel unless they
have 'papelles,' a special travel insurance. Outside these cities,
the desert has taken over and shanty towns are jammed with
non-citizens - people without papelles whose lives are severely
restricted. William (Tim Robbins) is a family man who works as an
insurance investigator. When his company sends him to another city
to solve a case of fake papelles, he meets a woman named Maria
(Samantha Morton). Although he knows she has been creating the
forgeries, he falls completely in love with her. He hides her
crime and they have a wild, passionate affair that can only last
as long as his papelles: 24 hours. Back home, William is obsessed
with the memory of Maria. He tries to see her but is refused the
necessary papers to travel. Desperate, he uses one of the fake
papelles he kept from his investigation. He eventually tracks her
down, only to discover she has been accused of a Code 46
The company distributing 'Fahrenheit 9/11' says it won't reject an
offer of help from Middle East terrorist organization Hezbollah.
From Disney to Hezbollah? Who's doing his ad campaign, Carlos the
- FROM THE SITE: "Last month, Moore and his partners boasted
the movie would be rolled out in more than 1,000 theaters
nationwide. Later, that number was revised to 'about 1,000.' The
next estimate was 750. In recent days, the guess had dropped to
- FROM MOORE'S SITE: Moore wrote on June 18th: "As of this
morning, a little over 500 theaters have agreed to show the
movie beginning next Friday, June 25."
UNDERSTANDING THE 9/11 COMMISSION STATEMENTS: VICE PRESIDENT
CHENEY'S SELECT TRANSLATIONS OF DELUSIONAL LIBERAL MUMBO-JUMBO
INTO PATRIOTIC FACTS
Pimp eye for the Volvo guy. If TV can make you over,
surely it can do your car as well.
Cult Novel-Turned-Film "Fight Club" May Become a Musical.
The first rule about fight club is you don't talk about fight club
- you SING about it instead.
ESPN's Page 2 - Poker ain't like it used to be
David Bowie hit in the eye by a lollipop in Norway. The
Norwegians are a gentle people, but don't get them riled - they
turn rabid. Nearly half a dozen Norsemen suffer each year from
ferocious lollipop wounds.
Big news in Norway: 97% of the elderly people in Northern Norway
wear dentures. How the hell many elderly people live in
One of the Olsen twins has reportedly entered a treatment facility
to seek professional help for an eating disorder.
The Trailer for Stupidity, the Documentary
The trailer for Kung Fu Jesus (I think the trailer IS
the movie, or movie parody, or whatever you want to call it)
Lots of video excerpts from the BBC's interview with Bill Clinton.
Model Claudia Schiffer is expecting her second child
The man who created broadcast news - Edward R Murrow
The United States Professional Dodgeball League
U.S. to Give 'Legal' Custody of Saddam to Iraqis. This
is an oblique way to say that the US will keep him prisoner, but
will allow Iraqis to decide his fate.
Christian Slater betrayed his wife with a £300-a-time London vice
girl, says The News of the World. He enjoyed explosive
sex with 19-year-old Abbey Russo, a scandal echoing the star's hit
film True Romance in which his character falls for a vice girl.
Porn actress claims, "I fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass".
He was probably researching a role, possibly for a prison movie.
- Nudity report from the CineVegas Film Festival on THE HILLSIDE
STRANGLER (2004) ...
- 5 minutes: Brittany Daniel engages in sex at a swingers
party, revealing her breasts.
- 32 minutes: There is a picture of Brittany Daniel, revealing
- 44 minutes: (1)Brittany Daniel takes off her blouse,
revealing her breasts before joining her boyfriend and another
woman. She gets out of bed completely naked, offers a good look
at her posterior, but never goes full-frontal. (2) Michelle
Borth, the other woman in the threesome, shows her breasts.
- 60 minutes: Brittany Daniel's breasts are seen as she takes
A British schoolboy was banned from an important exam because his
trousers were the wrong shade of black.
Here's a picture from that naked shopping night in London.
Has any event with 15 participants ever gotten this much
publicity? At least this article has a picture.
Researchers have located the Browning automatic pistol used to
assassinate Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the
throne of Austria-Hungary, and his wife Sophie in Sarajevo on June
28 1914. The act is generally considered to have started WW1,
The Man Show's Fat Kid tries to pick up chicks
Bill Clinton's dream of becoming president began during a
fortuitous 1963 visit with John F. Kennedy, who told him the job
was 'great for nailing chicks'. The New York Times
called the work "skanky, auto-erotic and libido-crushingly dull,"
lamenting that the memoir contains no mention of Clinton's alleged
Lincoln Bedroom gangbangs or his racy "Interns Gone Wild" videos.
Turn in a pirate, get $500, and you get to keep his
Supreme Court says police can arrest you for failing or refusing
to identify yourself.
Here's the full-length version of that Jessica Alba bikini picture
ABC and the Chicago Tribune were able to obtain the divorce
documents of Jack and Jeri Ryan. Most of the story is
about sex clubs at this moment. Jack is a Senate candidate. Jeri
is 7 of 9.
60,000 people and 2,500 policemen jam Palace Square to see Paul
McCartney play in St Petersburg. Of course, this
article is from Pravda, and it is usually safe to knock a zero off
all their claims. Assume there were 6,000 people, and 250
policemen, and you'll probably be closer to the truth.
PAIGE Davis does an impromptu strip for charity. "The
star of The Learning Channel's 'Trading Spaces,' could easily
trade places with a stripper. At the Broadway Bares/Equity Fights
Aids gala at Roseland Sunday night, Davis 'pulled up her sundress
to her hips, showing off her tiny thong, and started to strip,' a
witness says. 'She did a go-go dance and then, all sweaty, let men
maul her breasts and shove dollar bills into the front of her tiny
- From the "I didn't make this up" department:
Sharon Osbourne is named the most powerful person in Rock, just
edging out #2, Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness. 'Twas a
time when the Evil One dared to challenge God himself for
supremacy of all of creation. Now it turns out he can't even beat
Sharon Osbourne. Satan did manage to finish a few spots higher
than Avril Lavigne, and I'm pretty sure he edged out Anson "Potsie"
Naked shoppers hunt for bargains. It's already Courtney
Love night again? The big shopping event drew 15 naked shoppers in
the massive city of London, which means BBC must have been having
a mighty slow news night to report it. I assume BBC's staff at the
event must have outnumbered the shoppers.
Johnny Web reviews the immortal cinema classic, Dragon Storm.
Entertainment at its finest. Two key points: (1) medieval guys
battle creatures from outer space in 1190 A.D. (2) the film was
directed by the guy who played Flounder in Animal House
- Very interesting article from GALLUP:
The Cultural Landscape: What is Morally Acceptable? "A
recent Gallup Poll testing Americans' reaction to the moral
acceptability of 16 social issues finds nearly unanimous agreement
that three of the items are immoral: polygamy, extramarital
affairs, and human cloning. On the other hand, most believe that
six are morally acceptable: divorce, the death penalty, gambling,
use of animal fur for human clothing, medical testing on animals,
and premarital sex. Americans are close to split on four: having a
baby outside of marriage, abortion, homosexual behavior, and
doctor assisted suicide. Nearly equal numbers consider each of
these morally acceptable as morally wrong. Generational
differences in these attitudes are generally greater than gender
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
Comments on the Jenna
Lewis tape from Celebrity Sleuth:
would appear that either Jenna, her model husband or both would
have to be involved in the release of this "wedding night" tape.
By May 1, when it was filmed in Las Vegas, she already knew she
hadn't won the $Million on Survivor All-Stars (even though
the taped final wouldn't be broadcast for another 5 days), and that
her 15 minutes was at about 14:58. Most tellingly, the website that
now sells the tape was set up on May 4, 2004--just 3 days after the
tape was made and before most people even knew she was married (she
didn't announce it until the "Reunion" on May 6, and it was quickly
overshadowed by Rob proposing to Amber). So, who else would
know that there even WAS a tape to be hawked 3 days after the
wedding night except the two participants?
Alas, much like all celebrities now check into rehab for addiction
to "painkillers" and/or "prescription drugs" (rather than real
cause of cocaine and/or heroin), it certainly seems like "the tape
was stolen" is the rationale de jour for all celebrity sex
tapes that surface. Doesn't anybody lock their doors anymore?
I mean, c'mon: if you had just made an intimate sex video THREE DAYS
BEFORE with someone you'd known for about 3 weeks, wouldn't you keep
it under lock and key in a cabinet (or at least be viewing it every
night for stimulation)? How would anybody else know it was
there...and New York, New York Hotel & Casino (where the tryst was
taped) has pretty good security -- my wife's handbag was searched a
mere 4 months ago when we were going to see RITA RUDNER!!! You think
maybe it might have been difficult for someone to get into their
room and snatch a video that they somehow knew was there and
Perhaps only the male model huckster was involved, but I notice
Jenna hasn't appeared particularly outraged. Also, if it was really
was "stolen goods," anyone buying the tape would have to done
extensive legal legwork to make sure they could sell it without
getting their pants sued off (Jenna's and Travis' were already off,
thereby saving valuable lead time). People don't generally traffic
in stolen merchandise until and unless they're pretty sure they
won't get caught. And it would be pretty clear (like say, the
absence of signatures) if Jenna and Travis hadn't consented.
Sadly, we live in an age where--as I wrote in a recent "SleuthSayer"--infamy
is merely "celebrity with an edge." People now become most famous
through some formerly discouraged act: Paris and Gena Lee Nolin's
videos, Janet's "wardrobe malfunction," Madonna's "Lesbo Liplock,"
Ozzy's profanities, Jessica Simpson's exaggerated stupidity, and on
and on. I fear that's why our "Favorite Former Mouseketeer" has
seemingly veered from one outrageous stunt to another (55 hour
marriage, public displays, etc.), since she'll be 23 later this year
and pulling inexorably away from the Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan
audience. And speaking of Lindsay, she's obviously been paying
Note that neither Jenna Lewis nor Travis Wolfe has publicly
condemned the sex tape (even through a spokesperson) and no lawsuits
have been filed. Gosh, if ever something called out for a TRO this
would be it! Her reputation as a Survivor could be ruined...though
as a Sword Swallower, enhanced.
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Click on the files as you normally would to play them. When
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Lesbotronic Film Clips, Part 2
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
From the 1977 movie Ken Russell bio-pic "Valentino" (1977).
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
Today we have Part 2 of The Ghost's coverage of the Skinemax flick "Fast Lane to Vegas" (2000)!
As Scoop noted yesterday, we currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up, Kelly Alane and porn star Dee Summers (aka Dee) both showing all 3 B's in a 3-way sex scene. The amount of goodies are in this order: breasts, bush, then bum.
- Kelly Alane and Dee Summers
- Alane and Summers, individual zipped .wmvs
- All Kelly Alane and Dee Summers .wmvs in one zip file
Next, the former Miss USA (1991) and daytime soap star turned softcore babe going topless and also showing some gyno-views ('caps #1 and #7, .wmv #2).
- Kelli McCarty
- Kelli McCarty individual zipped .wmvs
- All Kelli McCarty .wmvs in one zip file
Skinemax regular Mia Zottoli, aka Mia, aka Ava Lake is up next and showing off her robo-hooters.
Last but definitely not least...one of my favorite porn stars, Tera Patrick. Breasts in every image, plus pubes and a near gyno-views in 'caps #1 and #2 and .wmv #1. .wmvs #2 and #3 show all 3 B's.
- Tera Patrick
- Tera Patrick individual zipped .wmvs
- All Tera Patrick .wmvs in one zip file
Assorted goodies from Vejiita today...
- Maria Conchita Alonso, topless in scenes from the 1988 Spanish language film "Con el corazón en la mano".
Next up, Vejiita takes a look at the slasher/comdey "Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood"...a fun, campy, tongue-firmly-planted-in cheek, spoof of vampire movies starring one of our comedy heroes, Dennis Miller.
- Angie Everhart, no nudity, but she looks good.
- Assorted nekkid babes
- Juliet Reagh, topless.
- Kiara Hunter, topless and wearing bondage gear.
- Leslie Ann Phillips, when 2 pierced nipples just aren't enough.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
This 2003 movie is all about ballet (and particularly about the Joffrey Ballet Company in Chicago), but what the movie ISN'T will make the movie more attractive to non-ballet lovers than what the movie IS.
The movie does follow the course of a young dancer (Neve Campbell) who's trying to become a principal performer, but it doesn't get too wrapped up in the side stories. They are there, but minimally, and mostly the movie focuses on the dancing. That's good, because the non-dance stuff is pretty low-key, and kind of boring.
The dance numbers are beautiful to watch, and equally fascinating is the comparison between rehearsal performances and the final performances. Real ballet lovers may or may not feel the performances are top rate, but to the average bear, this movie simply has lots of beautiful dancing. Although I'm no ballet fan, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.
Incidentially, if you're surprised at the nudity in a PG-13, apparently so was the rating board, which originally rated it R. After an appeal, they changed it to PG-13, which makes sense since the nudity was not really sexual in nature. What I don't know is what (if anything) they had to cut to get it to PG-13.
||The gorgeous former Heffer turned daytime soap star going topless in a scene from the direct-to-vid Emilio Estevez movie "Late Last Night" (1999).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the Swedish model and two time Bond babe ("The Man with the Golden Gun" (1974) and "Octopussy" (1983)) baring all 3 B's in scenes from the 1981 movie "Tattoo".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
AFFLECK WINS POKER CHAMPIONSHIP
The Next Gabe Kaplan - Avid gambler Ben Affleck won the 2004 California
State Poker Championship, becoming the first star to win a major
tournament. Affleck paid tribute to fellow poker player/"Welcome Back,
Kotter" star Gabe Kaplan for tutoring him.
And to J-Lo, for helping him develop his poker face.
The way Gabe and Ben's acting careers are going, it's good that they
have something to fall back on.
BRITNEY'S MOM RUNS OVER PHOTOGRAPHER
I Wouldn't Wish This Life On A Dog - Britney Spears and her mom and sister
went to a pet shop in New Orleans Monday to buy a puppy, but they were so
mobbed by paparazzi that when her mom tried to back up their SUV, she
allegedly rolled over a photographer's ankle. He screamed and lay on the
pavement. Britney was so upset, she began crying and screaming, "Oh no! Oh
no!" When a paramedic arrived, he feared she was having a panic attack and
held her hand and consoled her until she calmed down, then treated the guy
who was run over.
He had to wait about three hours, but Britney was VERY upset.
Britney was so grateful, she married the paramedic and divorced before
he ever got to the photographer.
Britney was scared to death that after this, nobody would ever take her
Britney was hysterical because she had no idea it was illegal to run
over a tabloid photographer.
POLE DANCER ALLERGIC TO POLE
Chris Rock Hopes His Daughter Has This - Donna Cleeve, 20, of Portsmouth,
England, was forced to quit her $1600-a-week job as a pole dancer because
she's allergic to the metal pole. She knew she was allergic to nickel but
didn't know the pole contained it. For three months, she suffered a
mysterious and painful rash that was only eased by soaking in a bathtub for
hours. She said it's hard to look sexy when your legs are inflamed. After
figuring out the cause, she took a lower-paid job in sales, but said she'd
go back if she could find a way around the pole allergy.
Maybe a wooden pole? No, splinters...
Her customers all offered to let her dance on their poles.
I'll bet she could get guys to pay just to watch her soak in the