Monday

Tuna
"Poetic Seduction The Dead Student Society"

Poetic Seduction The Dead Student Society (1998 video) is a Seduction Cinema soft-core teen slasher take-off on Dead Poet Society. Roxanne Michaels and her brother are traumatized as children when their mother (Dawn Ross) seduces a college student by reading him poetry, and then the two are discovered by her husband the dean. Daddy kills the college kid, then mommy stabs daddy. Now that the are grown, they are on a quest to rid the world of the evil that caused this. Michaels is a poetry teacher, who seduces then kills the male students with her brother's help. A couple of women, including Tina Krause and Misty Mundae (in her second ever performance) get caught in the cross fire.

Krause shows everything in a very lengthy shower scene, and the other three women show breasts. IMDB readers have this at 4.5 of 10. This is the worst offering I have seen fro Seduction Cinema. First, the plot is lame to start with, and is told very badly. The acting sets new lows, there is precious little nudity, sex or gore, and the transfer is very blurry in most frames. F.

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  • Dawn Ross (1, 2, 3)
  • Misty Mundae (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Roxanne Michaels (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Tina Kraus (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Millennium (1989):

    How did MST3000 miss this film?

    Cheryl Ladd plays a visitor from 1000 years in the future, a time so hopeless and forlorn that the human race has despaired of its existence, and cares about nothing except really cool and elaborate hair-dos. All earthlings are barren, so the last human generation is trying to save the race. Having mastered time-travel, they decide to kidnap people from the past (our time), and ship them into the even more distant future. In order to avoid any time paradoxes, they only capture 20th century people who were just about to die anyway, and replace them with identical fresh corpses from their own world, so that the past will continue unchanged. It seems that the perfect place to pull this off is on an airliner which is just about to crash.

    A thousand years in the future, the last generation of humans looks exactly like the cast from The Wiz, minus the munchkins. Cheryl Ladd is the main time-traveler, and she has her own personal robot who looks exactly like the Tin Man. She reports to a guy who looks like the Cowardly Lion in a futuristic wheelchair, and she talks to a bunch of wizards who counsel her to ignore the people behind the curtain, not to mention the guy holding the boom mike. They seem to have some gaps in their science. Although they cannot cure their own infertility, they can move freely through time and have the technology to create exact replicas of 20th century humans, right down to fingerprints and dental records.

    They have one great fear in their time-meddling. They must not create a time paradox which will cause them never to have existed at all. You would think that such an occurrence would simply cause them to disappear quietly, but such is not the case. Instead, when they do finally create a time paradox, it causes sirens to go off, while robot voices say "danger, Will Robinson", and people start running about helter-skelter, while the camera jiggles very fast to simulate a "time quake". Furthermore, when they create the paradox which destroys them, it does not cause all their work to be undone. Indeed, while the paradox is slowly unraveling their world, Kris Kristofferson and Cheryl Ladd are able to escape into the really, really distant future.  At least I guess that's where they are. They get into some big building, then walk into a light, then we see some hallucinogenic special effects from 2001: A Space Odyssey, and then we see Kris and Cheryl making nice-nice in some really orange light.

    This is a very forgiving paradox that gives almost everyone time to escape by walking away in single file. It doesn't seem like a real full-fledged paradox at all. Maybe it's just a mild enigma, or a puzzlement.

    Kris Kristofferson plays a 20th century investigator for the NTSB who falls in love with the time-traveling 30th century Cheryl Ladd, and eventually joins her in her own time, at least for the twenty or thirty seconds it lasts until his presence there causes the entire cosmos to unravel from the whole wacky paradox of his existence in the 30th century. Dan Travanti provides the character necessary in all cheesy 1960esque sci-fi stories - the scientist who has figured out the whole plot and keeps explaining it to the other characters so we in the audience can understand it. Since Travanti is not present in the 30th century scenes, Ladd's personal robot performs the exact same function in that era, explaining to Ladd things that she must have known, but that the scriptwriter needed us to know.

    This movie couldn't be a lot worse.

    • Production values are about on a par with Plan 9. The long shots of airplanes are obviously models, and the cockpit shots look like they take place in somebody's breakfast nook in 1959. As for the mid-air collision, I've seen better F/X on Dark Shadows.
    • The acting is - well, the stars are Kris Kristofferson and Cheryl Ladd, which tells you about all you need to know.  Kristofferson walks around trying to look like an expert, which means that he squints his eyes a lot, seems always to be in pain, and growls to every reporter about how he'll have a better answer in a couple a days. Maybe they told him he was playing Shake Tiller in "Semi-Tougher".
    • The paradox concepts are just plain silly, and the future of the entire earth looks like it takes place entirely in one shabby warehouse.
    • About a quarter of the running time repeats the same scenes from a different point of view, without really adding anything significant the second time.
    • Using the robot's and the physicist's dialogue as an ersatz voice-over was a seriously clumsy way to provide plot exposition.
    • The final voice-over was as follows: "This is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning"

    The screenwriter, John Varley, is a science fiction author who has written several novels and has been honored with both the Hugo and Nebula awards. Millennium is based on his 1977 short story "Air Raid," which he later expanded into a novel Millennium, published in 1983.

    Varley himself adapted his story for this 1989 film, an act which should have caused the Hugo and Nebula people to revoke all his awards, strip off his S/F epaulets, and break his pen over their knees, ala the opening scene in Branded.

    Poor Varley may have done well in print, but the whole movie thing isn't really workin' out for 'im. Millennium is sheer genius compared to his other credit at IMDb. His only other story listed is "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank", a Raul Julia film which has the 11th worst score of any movie in history (2.2/10), tied with Leonard Part 6 and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and worse than the 2.3 earned by Shaq's classic, near-Shakespearian performance in Kazaam.

    The illusion is that you can see Ladd's nipples in collages 3 and 4, but I think that is merely an illusion. I believe she had something between her breasts and her shirt. It's sexy either way, because you seem to be getting a full downblouse.

    • Cheryl Ladd (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

     

    Road Games (1981):

    This film is incorrectly called Roadgames at IMDb. The DVD includes dozens of print ads and posters from different countries, and nothing would justify making the title into a single word.

    Australian director Richard Franklin is a major fanatic when it comes to Hitchcock films, and a friend of Hitch himself. The master once accepted an invitation to speak to Franklin's film class at USC - when Franklin was just a student. How's that for impressing the teacher! (Franklin later managed to bring in John Ford to speak about Westerns!). Two years after filming "Road Games", Franklin was chosen to direct Psycho 2.

    Road Games itself is an Hitchcock homage which offers several tips of the cap to the master:

    1. It stars Jamie Lee Curtis, whose mother appeared in Hitchcock's most famous scene, the shower murder in Psycho.
    2. Curtis's character is a hitchhiker who is called "Hitch". (Hitchcock's nickname)
    3. The main character, played by Stacy Keach, is a trucker whose cab includes quite a bit of reading matter, including a copy of Alfred Hitchcock Mystery magazine.
    4. According to the director in an interview on the DVD, the movie itself was founded on this premise: "what if Rear Window took place in a moving vehicle?"

    Keach plays an independent trucker who works the long, barren Australian route from Melbourne to Perth. One night he just misses the last room in the last motel, and has to sleep in his cab, when he sees some activity which seems suspicious. The previous night he had seen a man in a green van check into the last available room. The man had a hitchhiker with him. The next morning, Keach sees the driver of the van, but the hitchhiker is nowhere to be found, and man seems inordinately interested in some large garbage bags. When Keach hears a radio report about missing girls, he spins a fantasy about the man in the van. His fantasy is fueled to an inferno when he passes the green van on the side of the highway, and sees the driver digging a very large hole in which he apparently plans to bury some more garbage bags.

    The long trip from Melbourne to Perth creates a community on the highway. One passes someone, and is later passed by them, playing road tag along the a desolate route which creates a sort of community of travelers. Keach interacts with this community, but some of his actions turn the suspicions back upon him. When he is stopped by the police, it turns out that the mysterious man in the green van signed into the motel as Keach, so ol' Mike Hammer is actually the main suspect. (The evil guy could see that Keach had "Pat Quid, Independent Trucker" written on the side of his cab.) Keach then resolves to prove his innocence by catching the green van himself.

    For about the first third of the film, Keach delivers a virtual monologue in his cab, since he has only his pet Dingo to interact with, but he eventually pick up a hitchhiker (Jamie Lee Curtis). She believes his story, and together they pursue the van to a rest stop where Keach follows the driver into the bathroom, only to find that he's been tricked. Keach leaves the bathroom to find Curtis missing, and to hear the squealing tires of the van as it leaves in a hurry.

    This sets the stage for the final chase, with Keach now fully committed to the chase, since he's not only trying to clear himself, but also trying to save Curtis's life. Keach pursues the van. The police pursue Keach.

    And ...

    You have to see the movie to see the rest.

    This is a pretty cool thriller, with some humorous touches, some real tension, some macabre details, a very well developed character, and a budding romance which is  woven sensibly into the narrative. There is a cliffside wrestling match, a refrigerated truck full of pig carcasses which may include at least one human, and a few other guilty pleasures, like Stacy Keach playing Mozart on a harmonica. It is surprising that the film is all but forgotten.

    Great full-featured DVD as well, as detailed to the left. Well worth a look if you are interested in this kind of film. Sorry, no nudity from Jamie Lee

    Graphic Response
    • Helen Mirren, not only a great actress, but a great actress that has never been afraid to show off her body. Her first nude scene was in the 1969 movie "Age of Consent", and her most recent nudity was in the 2003's "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone"! Today Graphic Repsonse us takes us back to 1989 for these topless, full frontal and rear nude scenes in "The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Hankster
    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    It's an awesome "Babe in Bondage" day featuring Amber Smith in 1997's "Lowball"!

    I don't normally review the movies, but on this one I will warn you, stay away. This movie stinks. It's dark, grainy and makes no sense. If you see the box cover in your video store it will completely fool you as it has a gorgeous picture of Amber on the cover.

    There is not much nudity. Mostly we see her tied being kidnapped, tied up, drugged, groped and in chains. But in links 9, 10 and 11 there is full frontal nudity.

    The producers of this film were fools...after they had her naked, they re-dressed her! (links 12 and 13) At least there is some partial breast exposure.

    Oz
    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde"
    There's a bit of nudity in Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde but how much is uncertain. It is supposed to be all of Sean Young but there are obviously prosthetics used and a body double, played by Marie-Helene Pierre.


    "Fear of a Black Hat"
    No nudity in Fear of a Black Hat. There's almost a nip slip by Rosemarie Jackson and lots of nice women dancing in a music video.


    "Girls on Top"
    The topless nudity in the German film Girls on Top (aka Mädchen Mädchen) comes from Diana Amft and Anke Schwiekowski. Arza Bozmon and Felicitas Woll also look good.


    "Rock Star"
    The brief nudity in Rock Star comes from a groupie flashing her tits and another lot of groupies after the post concert orgy. Jennifer Rovero and Natalie Raynes also give a brief flash. I hope I have identified them properly - in the credits they are identified as Cutie #1 and Cutie #2.

    However, there are a lot of other interesting girls to cap. Jennifer Aniston wears a see-through dress that shows her form beautifully. Lots of cleavage and other delights of Carey Lessard, Heidi Mark, Rachel Hunter, Kristin Willits, Dagmara Dominczyk, Carrie Stevens and Jennifer Uilani Warren.


    "Riding in the Cars With Boys"
    There's a brief upskirt by Brittany Murphy in Riding in the Cars With Boy.


    "Places in the Heart"
    Sally Field is topless in Places in the Heart but she is facing the wrong way. Some mild pokies by Amy Madigan as she lies down in her underwear.


    "The Real Casanova"
    The Real Casanova is a British television documentary about Casanova. Topless nudity by several actresses, including Carolyn Hume, Christina Baker and some unknowns, often spoilt by the soft focus technique. There's lots of cleavage by Joceline Brooke Hamilton.


    "Bathing Brooke"
    Bathing Brooke was supposed to be the making of Brooke Burke's 2002 calendar. Unfortunately, of the 12 months only about 4 months had a camera there showing the scenes behind the calendar shots. The rest of the year was recycled Wild-On footage showing where Brooke had been. However, on the plus side there's lots of bikinis and a couple of see-throughs and pokies.


    "Love and Treason"
    Some brief pokies by Kim Delaney in Love and Treason.

    • Kim Delaney (1, 2, 3)


    "Meatballs"
    With a name like Meatballs you'd expect a lot of nudity but there's none. Lots of lingerie and pokies by Cindy Girling, Kristine DeBell, Ruth Rennie and Sarah Torgov.