The Tulse Luper Suitcases, Part One:

You know how it is with fame. Some people seem to get far more of it than they deserve, while others get short-changed. In my opinion, Caroline Dhavernas has been short-changed. She's gorgeous, talented, charming, completely bi-lingual, comes from a show-biz family, and will get naked whenever the role requires it. Maybe even when it doesn't. She came within a hair's-breadth of the A-list with her series, Wonderfalls, which got tremendous reviews and built a cult audience, but never got high enough numbers to break through.

Maybe fame will still come to her. Maybe not. In the meantime, we can smile ruefully that Paris Hilton is known to all the world while Dhavernas is toting her head shots around to auditions.

The Tulse Luper Suitcases is a typically complex, convoluted, wildly imaginative, often surreal film from the mind of filmdom's resident aesthete, Peter Greenaway. Actually, it's several films, a TV series, some DVDs, a few websites and God knows what else. Probably a breakfast bar too, for all I know. It's too long to explain, and I've already done so once, so check it out here if you really care about the details.

The key element for today: seven zipped .avis of Dhavernas in various (and all) stages of undress. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ,7)

No region 1 DVD. Region 2 DVD info (PAL) can be obtained by clicking on the image below.

The Tulse Luper Suitcases DVD Widescreen Peter Greenaway (2003)




Other Crap:

LOST babe Evangeline Lilly has revealed she covers up all the mirrors in her house because she hates the way she looks. Well, that and the vampire thing.

Colbert takes a strong stand against gay snake marriage!

Who says TV quality is deteriorating? "Corey Feldman and Corey Haim will join forces to hopefully resurrect their careers from the gutter. They will star in a new comedy series called The Coreys."

"South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are working on a Broadway musical - about Mormons."

"The Hitler vs. Coulter Quiz" Can you correctly attribute the quotes?

Brazil Vs. Turkey, World Cup clash of cultures! (nudity)

ROVE, SATAN PLOT G.O.P. FALL STRATEGY ... White House Advisor, Prince of Darkness Resume Longtime Collaboration

NFL pre-season power rankings

World Cup - now THESE are the types of soccer uniforms I approve of.  (nudity)

New York is the politest major city?

Letterman's "Top Ten Signs New York City Is Becoming More Polite"

"Paramount Pictures is suing a Washington, D.C. filmmaker for copyright infringement, claiming that the man used a 'bootleg script' to create a knockoff version of director Oliver Stone's upcoming film on the September 11 attacks."

"Rare interview with Andy Kaufman." ... This is from the documentary 'The Real Andy Kaufman'."

"From the MTV awards. Jimmy Fallon spoofs Anakin."

The best bootleg DVD cover ever! (This would have been a very different film if it delivered on the promise of this box. Nudity.)

"Natalie Portman and Eric Bana are in final negotiations to topline Columbia Pictures' 'The Other Boleyn Girl.'"

L.A. debut of "The God of Hell" = directed by George Costanza, starring Booger and Dauber. (Written by Sam Shepard)

Angelina Jolie on CNN's Anderson Cooper 360

The trailer for Invincible

  • Disney sports movie starring Marky Mark

The trailer for Conversations with Other Women

  • "When a man and a woman flirt with each other at a wedding reception, the sexual tension between them seems spontaneous. But as the conversation deepens, their previous life together is gradually revealed. As they break from the party to a hotel room, the flirtation turns into a night filled with passion and remorse."

In The Land of Women preview Trailer

  • A film that looks like Garden State. Starring Adam Brody, Meg Ryan, Kristen Stewart, Olympia Dukakis, and Makenzie Vega

"During last night's performance in Chicago, Radiohead premiered a new song called 'All I Need.' Naturally, the video is already online."

Comedy Central to Roast William Shatner

"The director of 'Sunshine', Danny Boyle, introduces himself and the film. Including loads of sneak peeks of 'Sunshine' which is still in post-production. "

DailyTech - DirecTV Titanium For the Ultimate Couch Potato

  • Comments by Cheerleader Guy: "Too much time AND too much money on your hands? This is just the thing for you. DirecTv announced the Titanium Package. Every channel (including every pay-per-view) and all of the DVRs you need to record 'em. Only $7500 per year. This MIGHT be ok if the DirecTv DVR wasn't a total piece of shit. I have one, and I will NEVER switch from my TiVos again. I rank the DirecTv DVR as one of the worst electronic purchases that I have EVER made. The software is just so bad, I hate to use it."

Oregon's new Nike-designed football uniforms"

Welcome to | Who's Your Caddy?

  • Even my obscure little home course - a public layout in Temple, Texas - has a caddy available!

Reader feedback:

  • Re: the Caddy site: "I don't know about any of the other 'caddies' but
    this one is also an amateur porn model, as seen here. God bless the internet."

'That bikini is mine' Sports, streakers, bikinis, fake breasts, law suits ... this story has it all!!!

Photo Gallery - Fanatic (and Sexy) World Cup Fans

  • The USA needs a win and some help, or it's auf wiedersehen.

Childhood pics of NBA stars

The trailer and a clip from Edmond, a new film with script from David Mamet

  • "'Edmond' is the dark, picaresque tale of an everyman (William H. Macy) who, after realizing his life is boring and meaningless, leaves it all behind to embark on his own quest for truth and fulfillment"

Shatner joins the TV Hall of Fame

  • What amazes me is that 100 people went in before Shatner

"Harry Knowles and his blurby young acolytes oust the old-school film critic"



Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Sex and the Emperor (1994)

"Man qing jin gong qi an" is a HK Category III historical drama about a young emperor who dies of syphilis. The story is narrated by a "half-eunuch." You see, his father saved the castration expert's life, and wanted an heir, so the official castrator only took one testicle. He is the favorite companion of the young emperor, who is madly in love with a humble chambermaid named Guilian (Yvonne Yung Hung). Meanwhile, the eunuch impregnates a different chambermaid. The head eunuch senses that he is in political danger from the friendship of the young emperor and the partial eunuch, so he manages to kill the partial eunuch's pregnant girlfriend.

The queen mother has the emperor's favorite chambermaid sold to a whorehouse, and then forces the emperor to marry a women with the proper pedigree. Guilian refuses brothel work, even after expert training from Madame Hongyi, played by Julie Lee. (Watch for an inspired scene where Julie Lee demonstrates the 8 semi-devils to a new crop of working girls.) The emperor figures out what happened to his lost love and starts sneaking into town, trying to find her. At first, he only searches through the numerous whorehouses in town, but he eventually begins sampling the wares, which is how he contracts syphilis.

This is a C-.  The narration is nearly constant, which makes it rather talky but, even more important, requires lots of sub-titles. Since the subtitles are burned in, the constant chatter of the narration gets in the way of a lot of nudity! The video quality also leaves much to be desired.

IMDb lists this one, and rates it 5.2.

The sub-titles are good this time, with no glaring errors in translation.

Julie Lee shows everything.
Yvonne Yung Hung shows breasts and buns.
 Numerous unidentified women show various body parts.








More from "Sexy Movie."

Amber Ambrose in her only credited role at IMDb - and that's  a shame because I would really like to see more of this sexy girl. Although she does show it all here, I guess she decided this career wasn't for her.






Mr Skin looked at the new unrated DVD of The Doom Generation, and came up with some views of Rose McGowan. One of the two frames below is new-to-me, and the other is a clearer version of the ones I've seen.
I don't really know what Cemetery Gates is (Bill's high school nickname?), but Kristin Novak did some nice nudity here.

One more of Calamity Jane in the buff (from Deadwood)


Pat's comments in yellow...

Lena Sims Driskell, 79, of Atlanta, Georgia, is on trial for murder after she allegedly shot her 85-year-old boyfriend for dumping her for another woman.  Police say when they arrived at their retirement home, Driskell was waving the gun and shouting, "I did it, and I'd do it again!"  But she may have found a unique way out.  Jury selection began Monday, and her lawyer said it's the youngest jury pool she's ever seen, with most of them looking under 30, young enough to be Driskell's great-grandchildren.  She argued that they aren't old enough to be a jury of Driskell's peers, so her rights are being denied.  And the legal age to be exempt from a jury is 70.

*  They'll have to entice seniors to volunteer for jury duty by offering them free "Matlock" on the hotel TVs.

* She demands a jury of "peers," which in this case is pronounced with two syllables - jurors so old, they constantly have to pee.

HEADLINE OF THE DAY!  From the Houston, TX, Chronicle: "Avoid Swimming in
Sewer Overflow"

* Well, there go my vacation plans!