"Making Believe"

Making Believe (2001?) is the third episode of Intimate Strangers on the Little Acts of Naughtiness DVD. This opens with Stella Porter having sex. This scene didn't seem to have anything to do with the plot. Tane McClure is seeing someone but not really clicking with him, especially in bed. She is complaining to Kim Yates about it, and a customer within earshot suggests she try a male gigolo, namely him, who has a business called Making Believe. She goes for it, and it is everything she hoped. The episode ends with Kim asking for his phone number.

Porter and McClure show everything, as is the norm for this series. There is no information available at IMDb. This, again, is a C+. Not only does it have naked women and simulated sex in decent light and an excuse for a story, but it is short enough that it doesn't become tedious.

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  • Stella Porter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Tane McClure (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

    "One Night Affair"

    One Night Affair (2001?) is the final of four episodes of Intimate Strangers on the Little Acts of Naughtiness DVD. In this one, Dana Robbins is to be married in two days. She and her intended have agreed that they can each have a final fling the night before the wedding with no recriminations. She tells Tane McClure and Kim Yates about this, and they help her figure out a good fantasy to act out. First, Tane recounts a fantasy of a strange man staying after closing in the bar and seducing her, then Kim talks about watching her boyfriend with another woman (Fabiola). Finally, Dana decides her fantasy. She will wear a wig and visit the groom, pretending to be someone else, but have Kim watching from outside.

    I didn't find the story especially interesting this time, but again, it delivered on nudity and simulated sex, with Robbins, McClure and Fabiola showing everything. This DVD is a real bargain, with no less than nine different women showing everything in couples type erotic stories, all in good light, and in four bites size independent stories. Again, C+. Skinemax couples erotica doesn't get much better than this.

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  • Dana Robbins (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Fabiola (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Tane McClure (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Dragon Storm (2004):

    Two sentences tell you most of the story on this film:

    1. It is about medieval dudes battling dragons from outer space.

    2. It was directed by Flounder from Animal House.

    Flounder is quite thin now and doesn't really look like a geek any more. He looks pretty much like any other 50 year old guy. But there is a key sign that he still is a geek. He hired Angel Boris to be in this film, and couldn't get her to take her clothes off. How lame is that? It probably reminded him of some of his dates in high school.

    The story begins in "Carpathia" in 1190, with the meteors from space bearing the flying, fire-breathing creatures who immediately open a can of whoop-ass on a local kingdom. This "kingdom" actually consists of one run-down former church with about forty people living inside it, so the five dragons didn't get much of a match. The evil "king" and his entourage flee the attack through a secret underground passage, after which they make their way to the next "kingdom" - on foot.

    This arduous journey takes them a few minutes.

    They are welcomed by the neighboring "king", who is a much nicer guy than the evil king, and who at least has a decent castle, and not just a decrepit old church. I guess he blew all his treasury on the castle, however, because his crown seems to consist of one of those paper hats from Burger King, with "burger" crossed out in magic marker. 

    Based on the size of the kingdoms in this film, it is a safe guess that Europe had about 100,000 members of phoney-baloney royalty in 1190.

    Pretty much the same as today.

    By the way, John Rhys-Davies plays the evil king. He is a real actor who was Sallah in the Indiana Jones movies, and Gimli in the Lord of the Rings flicks, and shouldn't be desperate enough to be in this film.

    The two kings organize a hunting party to go out and do battle with the dragons. The dragonslaying team consists of an alchemist, a huntsman, the evil king's #1 henchman, a weapons inventor, and the tomboy daughter of the good king. There is also a Chinese martial arts specialist who understands gunpowder. There is some possibility that a Chinese man would understand gunpowder in those days, because the Chinese have records of its use dating back even a couple centuries before that time, but I presume this Chinese man is a bit lost, wandering through the Carpathian mountains in 1190 A.D., some sixty years before Marco Polo was born.

    While the dragonslayers hunt for their prey, the evil king is back in the castle plotting to depose the good king with the help of a corrupt bishop. The evil king's not-quite-as-evil henchman also plans to kill some other members of the dragon-slaying team, although he's not the brightest guy in the world, because he tries to kill off one of the party's most valuable members before they ever kill the friggin' dragons.

    The medieval power struggle between the kings and bishops is underwritten grade-z crap, but the battle between the hunting party and the dragons is not bad as grade-b fodder goes. The characters on the hunting party were fairly interesting, and I was shocked to see that the actual dragons were not predictably laughable, but were in fact quite scary and realistic.

    It isn't a good movie at all, and I can't tell you that adults will get a kick out of it, but it's better than it sounds, and it might amuse your kids for a while if you need a break from them. Angel Boris's lack of nudity means that it's PG-13, and essentially safe for youngsters. I called it a generous C-, although you could argue for a D and I wouldn't have much of a rebuttal case.

    • Angel Boris getting almost naked. (1, 2) I guess you may be able to see her nipple in the second one, if you want to get technical on me.


    Six Figures (2004):

    Six Figures is an "urban crime drama" about six figures who plan to rob a strip club of six figures. If my division is right, that means they would get one figure each.

    "Urban drama" is now the official euphemism for "movie involving people of dark-skinned African-American descent".

    Thing go wrong for the urbanites. Much blood is spilled, and most of them end up dead.

    At least I think so. I lost interest halfway through, and just snapped the nudity. There is quite a bit, but it consists of professional Clothing Removal Engineers in the strip club.

    The movie is virtually at "home movie" levels in many ways, although it does lift itself above that level by affecting a bit of Guy Richie cool with speeded-up motions, saturated stills with written captions, etc. I didn't write a review, but I'd say D is about right.

    • Clothing removal professionals (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


    I don't have a clue which movie, or even whether it is a movie:

    • These pictures sure as hell look like a young Emmanuelle Beart. Can anyone tell me where they come from, when they were taken, and whether they are really Ms Beart. (1, 2)




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap





    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Click on the files as you normally would to play them. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Lesbotronic Film Clips, Part 1

    • What could be better than advanced lesbonics between Emmanuelle Beart and Pascale Bussieres? The film is La Repetition. Here they are in the tub. (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Emmanuelle Beart and Pascale Bussieres again. The film is still La Repetition, but this time they are making out. (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Aimee and Jaguar is an artistic film about a lesbian relationship in Nazi Germany. Here are four of the main tootsies. We'll have much more from this film tomorrow. (.avi) (.wmv) (review)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Mason Marconi was Pet of the Month for Oct. '97. Girl had one of the most entertaining natural bodies in this quadrant of the galaxy, then she went and got all pumped up in the hooter dept. Kept the killer rumpus, however. Been in lots of things. Showgirls, a few Skinemax movies (sic) and maybe two dozen strip-n-wiggle videos... even a couple of adult films (double sic), although she has not done the nasty on-camera.

    It is the devil keeping track of just how many times Ms. Marconi has stripped for the moving camera, but it seems a good bet the disk I just capped, entitled Private Dances Mason Marconi, is:

    a) One of the first. Mason has her naturally dark hair and her all-natural bod.

    b) One of the most explicit. We be talkin' gynocam in the extreme here, fellas.

    c) One of the worst photographed and transferred. Clearly a transfer from a commercial videotape, which was shot by some asshole who you hear giving Mason directions but who knows less about cameras and lighting than my border collie, this DVD is a tragic waste. Not on a par, say, with the First World War, but tragic and wasteful nonetheless.

    So I grabbed a bunch of frames and put them together into something resembling themes. Full frontal in 1 & 2, outrageously attractive bum (including bend-over action to open the eyes of a dead man) in 3, 4 and 6, serious spread-the-legs views in 5 and 7. Not half bad.

    • Mason Marconi (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Crimson Ghost
    WOW! The Ghost went all out covering the Skinemax flick "Fast Lane to Vegas" (2000)! 45 new video clips and 121 new collages of softcore babes and even a few famous porn stars!

    Here is the fist installment.

    As Scoop noted above, we currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Angela Penny...mostly just toplessness in the 'caps of her pseudo-sex scene. But we do see pubes in links #2 and #4. The .wmvs show breasts and a whole lot more pubes.

    Flower Edwards aka "Flower". The former hardcore (if you count girl/girl action as hardcore) actress turned Skinemax regular. Mostly breast views in the 'caps, but link #1 features a view from the gyno-cam! The .wmvs have more skin, including all 3 B's and gyno-views in links #1 and #2.

    Sarah Kalla bares breasts, bum and plenty of up close and personal gyno-views in her one and only film credit.

    'Caps links 2,3,4 and 11 are full of gyno views.

    Kelly LeBrock
    (1, 2)

    The star of the 80's favorite "Weird Science" showing all 3 B's in scenes from the 1984 comedy, "The Woman in Red".

    Meg Ryan
    (1, 2, 3)

    The romantic comedy sweetheart switches gears and goes topless, bares her bum and even shows frontal nudity (in a very dark scene) in the 2003 movie "In the Cut".

    Sienna Guillory
    (1, 2, 3)

    Rear nudity and see-thru nipple views in scenes from the made for TV movie "Helen of Troy" (2003).

    Debi Mazar An excellent collage of 'caps by ZonononZor featuring toplessness in a scene from the low-budget John Cusack movie, "Money for Nothing" (1993).

    Rosa Blasi
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Cleavage and some open robe breast views in scenes from the made for Showtime movie "Noriega: God's Favorite" (2000).

    Elettra Wiedemann Comments and scan by Arthur Figgis:
    Elettra Wiedemann is the daughter of Isabella Rosselini. She is kicking off a career as a model and if you ask me, I think she has the looks for it.

    Jenya Lano
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the B-movie and sometimes bit-part-in-A-movie actress topless in scenes from "Stealing Candy" (2002).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Or Pay Someone To Have Sex With You - The major German-owned investment bank Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein sent a note to customers reminding them that there are more important things than money. Written by investment strategist James Montier, the note advises clients to have sex, ideally with someone they love; reflect on the good things in life; get enough sleep; exercise regularly; and stop equating happiness with money.

  • In other words, do NOT live the life of an investment banker.
  • Translation: "We've lost all your money in the commodities market."
  • They should let a hooker run that bank...She'd tell you, "Sex is overrated; get as much money as you can."

    He Enjoyed Being Stripped - Dr. Randall J. Smith of the Adventist Health Medical Group clinic in Gresham, Oregon, was sentenced to 60 days in jail and stripped of his license for having sex with a patient. She said he told her that massaging her "trigger points" would relieve her pelvic pain. He then charged the Oregon state Health Plan $5,000 for the 45-minute "treatment sessions." Smith was also ordered to perform 200 hours of community service.

  • Providing "medical treatment" to wayward teenage girls.
  • $5000 sounds high, but he is an expert on the female pelvic region.
  • They were typical 45-minute doctor visits: 40 minutes of sitting naked on a cold table, then five minutes of probing by the doctor.
  • He found a way to screw his patients and the taxpayers at the same time.

    Madonna's new tour trumpets her spirituality and disinterest in materialism, but the New York Post reports that it doesn't apply at the souvenir stands. The cheapest T-shirt is $40, with a navy blue tank shirt for $65, a black "Re-Invention Tour" tank top $85, and a rhinestoned T-shirt for $119.95. Questioned about the outrageous prices, Madonna's spokeswoman insisted her shirts were higher quality, "more creative and interesting" than other artists' shirts, that some are double-layered, they're printed with a "special-technique," and some can even be worn inside-out.

  • To show off their price tags.
  • ...For when Madonna is OVER!
  • But girls who like Madonna wear their underwear over their T-shirts.
  • When you wear a T-shirt protesting materialism, you want it to be made of only the finest materials.
  • The real reason for those high prices? Botox is also very expensive.

    She's His Heroine - Finally, some nice words for Courtney Love: Lenny Kravitz said she's a "sweetheart" with "a very intelligent, beautiful person inside" of her. Also, she runs through the lobby of their apartment building naked, which he said "adds a little excitement to the building."

  • Or at least it did the first 400 times.
  • He just wishes she'd slow down enough for him to read all the tattoos.
  • There's an intelligent, beautiful person inside of her, but unfortunately, the outside is a really skanky naked chick.

    Ozzy Now Worships Sharon - Sharon Osbourne, who masterminded the TV show that made the Osbournes $160 million, was named #1 on "Kerrang!" magazine's list of the most important people in rock. She beat out #3 Brian Becker, the boss of Clear Channel, and #2, Satan, "because the devil has all the best tunes."

  • Sharon beat out Satan because she knows more obscene words than he does.