Tuna, our main contributor and the most energetic video capper ever known to man (as all of you well know) is currently indisposed. He is in intensive care in a hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. It doesn't make sense to send him any well-wishes at this point, since he is not checking his e-mail, and it would not make sense to call him, since ICU is not the place to do that.
I talked to him yesterday, and he said he'd be back on the job by the middle of next week! (Because the 70-75,000 collages he has already made just aren't enough!) We have no way to know if that is optimism or realism, but he sounded chipper.
I think I'll let him tell you about his experiences when he's back to e-mail. In the meantime, we'll keep you posted on when and how to contact him, as soon as that becomes appropriate.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Dark Town (2004)
Dark Town is sort of a modern morality play passing as a vampire
In the opening scene, a rich slumlord shows himself to be
guilty of racist attitudes in an early scene. It is only fair,
therefore, that he end up a vampire, so he can suck the blood of
poor blacks and Latinos literally, after already having drained them
He starts to propagate vampirism through his own
family and friends. Two black gangs converge on his house (and
battle in the streets). The city
experiences a power outage. The black hero has to team up with a
white lesbian social worker to defeat "the man," who in this case is
also "the vampire." Hilarity and graphic violence ensue,
in the form of vampires feasting on the living, and the living
slaughtering the vampires in turn.
I lost interest in this low budget film, which seems to feature
improvised dialogue by melodramatic amateur actors, but I did
notice some plusses along the way:
Completely gratuitous girl-on-girl action
Excellent DV photography transferred faithfully to
Dead baby-fu, as Joe Bob Briggs would say.
The Bounty (1984)
This is the Mel Gibson version of Mutiny on the Bounty, with
Hannibal Lecter as Captain Bligh. I haven't seen this movie since it
was in theaters, but someone did some nice clips, so I converted 'em
to smaller files (zipped .wmvs)
- Tevaite Vernette. She played Fletcher Christian's Tahitian
girlfriend. She was never seen in any other film before or after
The Bounty. Scene 1 (3 meg) is a clip of her and her fellow
Polynesians welcoming the Bounty's crew. Scene 2 (12 meg)is Tevaite and
Gibson making wiki-wiki 'neath the taka-taka trees. Or whatever.
- The making of a great sports movie:
Where is Bobby Thompson's home run ball?
- In theory, it is now being auctioned off, but at least two
eyewitnesses say that the auctioned ball can't be genuine
because they saw the ball being caught by a black youth, who
promptly exited and did not ever re-surface with a claim to
glory. I believe, with Ralph Branca who threw the pitch, that
the boy probably played with it until it fell apart, as my
friends and I would have done in those days. In 1951 there was
no real sense that such a ball had significant historical or
Censored Nagasaki Bomb Story Found.
- "In 1945 journalist George Weller snuck past the American
occupying forces and became the first American Journalist to see
the devastation left by the atomic bomb that fell on Nagasaki.
His story infuriated MacArthur, who had it quashed. The Japanese
paper, Mainichi, has now published Weller's account. CNN has a
story discussing how it was found."
- The main Slashdot link has sub-links to Weller's story as
well as the CNN article.
- You might want to see if this guy is living near you.
Sexual Offender Details - OHIO Attorney General's Office - Brian
Simon's photos of pregnant animals
- At last!
The Truth About Anal Bleaching.
Latino Review talks one-on-one with one of my favorites, John
Leguizamo. Like Jim Carrey and Robin Williams, he's
turned into an excellent serious actor, but I still wish those
guys would be funny again.
"Michael Jackson presumably is enduring ... with the help of his
family, his friends and his personal magician."
- Headline of the day:
Goat Scheme Flounders.
- "BENEFICIARIES of a government's resettlement programme that
involves giving small livestock to needy community members are
reportedly selling goats in exchange for liquor"
Conan O'Brien welcomes an improbable new sponsor.
Two new clips from George Romero's Land of the Dead
Here's the International Trailer for Stealth, "an epic
action thriller about a squadron of elite pilots who embark on a
mission of global consequence to neutralize an out-of-control
prototype drone fighter plane equipped with artificial
intelligence and the ability to precipitate a nuclear war."
Here's the international trailer for The Island, which
hopes to be a summer sci-fi blockbuster.
The trailer for Saraband - a new film from ... Ingmar Bergman.
- I'm prety sure this is not the long-awaited wacky
collaboration between Ingmar and the Farrelly Brothers. "Saraband
can be seen as a concerto grosso, a concert for full orchestra —
only, here, with four soloists," says Bergman. "The drama
consists of ten dialogues that follow a particular pattern, and
it's an attempt at analysis of a difficult situation."
'Five Easy Pieces' waitress dead at 85. Her will
specifically forbids cremation because it is a form of toasting.
- URL says it all:
In this case, the URL doesn't just say it all about the website,
but literally says everything that can possibly be said. No need
to visit the actual website or any other websites ever again.
David Spade will do a mock Hollywood Insider show for Comedy
Washington Family Scandal: The Fifth Bush Brother. "The
four Bush siblings America knows -- George Jr., Jeb, Neil and
Marvin -- are reported to visit their mentally challenged sibling
Jethro as much as their busy schedules allow."
The Smurfs Epic Mini-Series
The history of Russian matrioshka nesting dolls
- Michael Vick is going to love this page:
A script review of Shoot 'em Up
Wimbledon referee says women should stop grunting. Man,
he must be a real treasure in the sack, eh? ... "I do say, my good
woman, you really must stop that infernal grunting, or I shan't
Howstuffworks "How the Batmobile Works"
"At the ripe old age of 54, actor Jane Seymour dared to go topless
on screen for the first time."
- The article is talking about an upcoming Owen Wilson and
Vince Vaughn movie called The Wedding Crashers.
- I haven't seen The Wedding Crashers, but even if she is
topless in that film, I certainly have to call shenanigans on
the "first time" claim. Jane was topless in The Tunnel in 1987.
She also supplied some modest toplessness in Lassiter and three
other films. She showed her bum very clearly in Lassiter,
including some rather uncomfortably revealing shots.
Here is the link for her nude filmography.
Sen Byrd talks about his time in the Klan.
- "He described it essentially as a fraternal group of elites
-- doctors, lawyers, clergy, judges and other 'upstanding
people'' who at no time engaged in or preached violence against
blacks, Jews or Catholics who historically were targets of the
- The Klan? I mean, they didn't *want* to nail heads to the
floor. Their victims had to insist. They wanted to let them off.
They'd do anything for you.
Swimsuit model Joanna Krupa bares all in the July Playboy
Forbes Magazine's Annual Celebrity 100 - the 100 most powerful
celebrities. Oprah is #1 overall, but Bill Clinton
finishes #1 in three of the four categories. The category that
pulls the Slick One down completely from the top fifty is "pay,"
where he ranks a humble 89th, barely ahead of Ken Jennings, and
behind Frenkie Muniz. The top five based on pay alone are George
Lucas, Oprah, Mel Gibson, Tiger, and Spielberg
- URL says it all except "why" -
Today Concert Series Front Page - Bo Bice in Rockefeller Plaza
- Good news for guys with mullets:
Onkel Dieter wants you.
- Now THIS would have been a helluva Father's Day gift:
Remote controlled lawn mower
The REAL Coach Carter
TV SHOW? Two words? "Celebrity Charades!"
RUNAWAY BRIDE, DEEP THROAT TO WED ... Match Made in
Publishing Heaven, Experts Say
- Headline of the Day:
"Cheerleaders Disciplined for Feces Pizza"
China town needs "lifetime" to pay restaurant tab. At a
rural restaurant, Chinese officials ran up a bill so large it will
take the cash-strapped local government 36 years to pay it off. I
told them they shouldn't let Barkley do the NBA recruiting there.
Busty motormouth actress Sally Kirkland says that Ted Koppel was
the first man to touch her boobies. To be honest, ol'
Sally has been known to say a lot of stuff which seems - um -
romanticized. It is an entertaining story, however, and she tells
Microsoft clones BitTorrent
Muslim world isn't big with U.S. students. I'm
surprised. Their Spring Break parties are hot, and - oh, those
keggers! Just about every college kid in the whole Middle East
loves to impersonate the dubbed Will Ferrell as "Kareem the Tank."
"The director of the CIA says he has an 'excellent idea' where
Osama bin Laden is hiding, but that the United States' respect for
sovereign nations makes it more difficult to capture the al-Qaida
chief." Yah, that's what we expect from our CIA. If
they know where bin Laden is, don't go after him, just call a
press conference and whine! WTF? Is Jimmy Carter still President?
Hermes store in Paris denies entry to Oprah "because
they have been having a problem with North Africans lately." Say,
what? Yeah, she looks so Algerian.
I love Rio Fashion Shows
Tom Cruise pranksters could face assault charges. "Four
men arrested for squirting water at Tom Cruise at the British
premiere of 'War of The Worlds' could be charged with assault on
the Hollywood star,"
- ... and there is no greater crime than "assault on a
Hollywood star." That's how they finally nailed Capone. Not to
- For playing a harmless practical joke on Tom Cruise, the
fiends deserve worse than merely life imprisonment, but England
has no death penalty, so I suggest they move the trial here to
Texas, where we know how do deal with people who assault a
Hollywood star with a squirt gun that looks like a microphone.
They think it was so damned funny? Let's see how much they're
smiling when the warden gives the signal to juice up that chair.
If you can afford $70,000 per month, Ozzy Osbourne's Malibu beach
house is for rent.
Yahoo! Closes User-Created Chat Rooms.
Big Shot Bob does it again. What is the deal on Horry
and the last minutes of a game? Why can't he play like that during
the rest of the game?
Tom Cruise gets squirted with water through a gag microphone.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we go back to my favorite..."Babes in Bondage".
I took the ol' Time Machine back to 1981 and came back with 'caps from "The Howling". This is a scene is from a movie that Dee Wallace's character was watching (it's a porno movie in a peep store). The scene features an uncredited Beverly Warren being manhandled by two bad guys and then tied down to a bed. Beverly shows us boobs & bush.
Most of this scene was cut from the theatrical release, but thanks to the miracle of DVD, we get to enjoy it now.
- Beverly Warren
|The UK native and "L Word" co-star briefly topless in a love scene from the 1997 movie "Photographing Fairies".
|Here is Tom's previous hot babe showing off just a little bit of her lovely breasts and also doing some posing for "Holding Your Own Boobs" magazine in scenes from the Italian drama "Non ti muovere" aka "Don't Move" (2004).
A couple of things to note here: #1 Cruz looks a little rough on purpose. In fact her character is destitute. #2 Apparently Cruz's performance is amazing. Of the reviews I checked out, they all say that this is 'her film' and that her performance can easily be compared to Theron in "Monster" or Berry in "Monster's Ball". #3 This film (and Cruz in particular) earned about two dozen assorted nominations from European Award groups. It won seven of those nominations, including two best actress awards for Cruz.
|Here is the "Run Lola Run" and "Bourne Identity" co-star topless in a couple of scenes from "I Love Your Work" (2003). I have not seen this indie yet, but it has a pretty strong cast including: Giovanni Ribisi, Joshua Jackson, Christina Ricci, Judy Greer and Vince Vaughn. It was directed and co-written by Adam Goldberg...better known to many as "The Hebrew Hammer"...or possibly from that war movie he was in about finding some Private Ryan dude.
|Here is the thin, but amazingly well-chested French actress going topless in scenes from "Bienvenue chez les Rozes" (2003). Look for her on the big screen this November as she co-stars in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". Sadly, I'm sure she'll remain clothed.
|The B-movie babe looking great showing cleavage, going topless, and baring a bit of under bum and bush in scenes from the 1992 thriller, "The Fear Inside".
|The lovely, young French actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from "Sex Is Comedy" (2002). Fair warning, #2 features fully erect dude parts.
|The paparazzi catch the "Friends" star in a bikini.
Raven De La Croix
|Kudos to the Skin-man for unearthing a VHS (or really crappy DVD) of "The Lost Empire" (1983). This flick has the honor of being the first movie ever directed by B-movie legend Jim Wynorski! This is classic 80's trash cinema! Complete with gratuitous nudity from busty babes, and of course, plenty of ninjas.
For fans of the original Trek series, I'll think you'll enoying seeing Angelique Pettyjohn nippling out of her top. She of course was one of Kirk's bimbos (from the episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion").
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
GRAPEFRUIT SMELL MAKES WOMEN SEEM YOUNGER
The Acid Tightens The Skin - A study by the Smell and Taste Institute of
Chicago found that if a woman wants men to think she's younger, she should
smell like grapefruit. Dr. Alan Hirsch wanted to see what makes a woman
smell young, so he smeared middle-aged women with banana, broccoli,
spearmint and lavender, and none had any effect on male perceptions. But
when the women smelled of grapefruit, men estimated their ages at about six
years younger than they really were. But the smell of grapefruit on men
does nothing for them.
Men should try smearing themselves with chocolate...or money.
The big loser: a middle-aged woman smeared with broccoli.
The women seemed six years younger, but that still wasn't enough for the
men to date them.
So men don't like middle-aged women who smell like broccoli? No wonder
my aunt never had dates!
Tom Cruise liked Katie Holmes because she smells like lollipops.
I have this weird suspicion Dr. Hirsch only did this because he enjoys
rubbing food on middle-aged women.
"AMERICAN IDOL" RADIO STATION
How Ashlee Simpson Got On The Radio - "American Idol" is launching an
online radio station called "American Idol Underground," where people can
pay a $50 fee to upload their songs. They will be played a minimum of 200
times and listeners can vote on which is best, but the winner is not
guaranteed a record deal.
Of course not: voters have no way to tell if the singer looks hot.
Older folks might know this by its original name: "Payola."
Just what we need: more bad singers who are on the radio because
somebody somewhere got paid off.
CRUISE GETS COLD SHOWER AT MOVIE PREMIERE
It Short-Circuited Him - Four men were arrested at the London premiere of
"War of the Worlds" after one used a prank microphone to soak Tom Cruise
with water while he was talking to reporters. The furious Cruise called
him "incredibly rude" and said, "You're a jerk...jerk...you're a jerk."
The other three men were in a TV truck, filming the prank for a new Channel
4 comedy prank show a la "Punk'd." A spokesman said they hoped Cruise will
be able to see this in the "spirit of fun" with which it was intended.
To be fair, Tom has been acting as if he really needed to be doused with
DiCAPRIO BEANED WITH BEER BOTTLE
I Love L.A. Beer - Leonardo DiCaprio got 12 stitches in his head Friday to
close a wound from a beer bottle thrown at him by an unnamed woman at a
Hollywood party at around 4 a.m. Thursday. The party was at the home of
Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriend and sex videographer, Rick Solomon, and the
woman was allegedly an angry trespasser looking for her ex-boyfriend.
If she's a coked-up fashion model, odds are it was Leo.
She was so out-of-control, Rick Solomon almost didn't have sex with her
and tape it.
He's lucky the party wasn't at Paris Hilton's house: girls throw
champagne bottles there.
That's how you know you've made it in Hollywood: Leo DiCaprio gets
beaned by a beer bottle at your house at 4 a.m. on a Thursday!
PURSE STORE LOCKS OUT OPRAH
Those People Have No Money! - The New York Post reports that tony purse
maker Hermes made a huge blunder when the staff at their store in Paris
failed to recognize a dressed-down Oprah Winfrey and refused her entry
because they've been "having a problem with North Africans lately."
So she bought the store...And the company...And North Africa.
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