Tuna, our main contributor and the most energetic video capper ever known to man (as all of you well know) is currently indisposed. He is in intensive care in a hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. It doesn't make sense to send him any well-wishes at this point, since he is not checking his e-mail, and it would not make sense to call him, since ICU is not the place to do that.

I talked to him yesterday, and he said he'd be back on the job by the middle of next week! (Because the 70-75,000 collages he has already made just aren't enough!) We have no way to know if that is optimism or realism, but he sounded chipper.

I think I'll let him tell you about his experiences when he's back to e-mail. In the meantime, we'll keep you posted on when and how to contact him, as soon as that becomes appropriate.

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Dark Town (2004)

Dark Town is sort of a modern morality play passing as a vampire movie.


In the opening scene,  a rich slumlord shows himself to be guilty of racist attitudes in an early scene. It is only fair, therefore, that he end up a vampire, so he can suck the blood of poor blacks and Latinos literally, after already having drained them figuratively.


He starts to propagate vampirism through his own family and friends. Two black gangs converge on his house (and battle in the streets). The city experiences a power outage. The black hero has to team up with a white lesbian social worker to defeat "the man," who in this case is also "the vampire." Hilarity and graphic violence ensue, in the form of vampires feasting on the living, and the living slaughtering the vampires in turn.


I lost interest in this low budget film, which seems to feature improvised dialogue by melodramatic amateur actors, but I did notice some plusses along the way:

  • Completely gratuitous girl-on-girl action

  • Excellent DV photography transferred faithfully to DVD

  • Dead baby-fu, as Joe Bob Briggs would say.




The Bounty (1984)

This is the Mel Gibson version of Mutiny on the Bounty, with Hannibal Lecter as Captain Bligh. I haven't seen this movie since it was in theaters, but someone did some nice clips, so I converted 'em to smaller files (zipped .wmvs)

  • Tevaite Vernette. She played Fletcher Christian's Tahitian girlfriend. She was never seen in any other film before or after The Bounty. Scene 1 (3 meg) is a clip of her and her fellow Polynesians welcoming the Bounty's crew. Scene 2 (12 meg)is Tevaite and Gibson making wiki-wiki 'neath the taka-taka trees. Or whatever. (clip #1, clip #2)



Other Crap:


Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

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Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we go back to my favorite..."Babes in Bondage".

I took the ol' Time Machine back to 1981 and came back with 'caps from "The Howling". This is a scene is from a movie that Dee Wallace's character was watching (it's a porno movie in a peep store). The scene features an uncredited Beverly Warren being manhandled by two bad guys and then tied down to a bed. Beverly shows us boobs & bush.

Most of this scene was cut from the theatrical release, but thanks to the miracle of DVD, we get to enjoy it now.

Johnny Moronic
Rachel Shelley
(1, 2)

The UK native and "L Word" co-star briefly topless in a love scene from the 1997 movie "Photographing Fairies".

Penélope Cruz
(1, 2, 3)

Here is Tom's previous hot babe showing off just a little bit of her lovely breasts and also doing some posing for "Holding Your Own Boobs" magazine in scenes from the Italian drama "Non ti muovere" aka "Don't Move" (2004).

A couple of things to note here: #1 Cruz looks a little rough on purpose. In fact her character is destitute. #2 Apparently Cruz's performance is amazing. Of the reviews I checked out, they all say that this is 'her film' and that her performance can easily be compared to Theron in "Monster" or Berry in "Monster's Ball". #3 This film (and Cruz in particular) earned about two dozen assorted nominations from European Award groups. It won seven of those nominations, including two best actress awards for Cruz.

Franka Potente
(1, 2, 3)

Here is the "Run Lola Run" and "Bourne Identity" co-star topless in a couple of scenes from "I Love Your Work" (2003). I have not seen this indie yet, but it has a pretty strong cast including: Giovanni Ribisi, Joshua Jackson, Christina Ricci, Judy Greer and Vince Vaughn. It was directed and co-written by Adam Goldberg...better known to many as "The Hebrew Hammer"...or possibly from that war movie he was in about finding some Private Ryan dude.

Clémence Poésy
(1, 2, 3, 4)

Here is the thin, but amazingly well-chested French actress going topless in scenes from "Bienvenue chez les Rozes" (2003). Look for her on the big screen this November as she co-stars in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". Sadly, I'm sure she'll remain clothed.

Jennifer Rubin
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

The B-movie babe looking great showing cleavage, going topless, and baring a bit of under bum and bush in scenes from the 1992 thriller, "The Fear Inside".

Roxane Mesquida
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

The lovely, young French actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from "Sex Is Comedy" (2002). Fair warning, #2 features fully erect dude parts.

Jennifer Aniston
(1, 2)

The paparazzi catch the "Friends" star in a bikini.

Angela Aames
(1, 2, 3)

Tracey Adams
(1, 2, 3)

Raven De La Croix
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Angelique Pettyjohn
(1, 2)

Kudos to the Skin-man for unearthing a VHS (or really crappy DVD) of "The Lost Empire" (1983). This flick has the honor of being the first movie ever directed by B-movie legend Jim Wynorski! This is classic 80's trash cinema! Complete with gratuitous nudity from busty babes, and of course, plenty of ninjas.

For fans of the original Trek series, I'll think you'll enoying seeing Angelique Pettyjohn nippling out of her top. She of course was one of Kirk's bimbos (from the episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion").

Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...

The Acid Tightens The Skin - A study by the Smell and Taste Institute of Chicago found that if a woman wants men to think she's younger, she should smell like grapefruit. Dr. Alan Hirsch wanted to see what makes a woman smell young, so he smeared middle-aged women with banana, broccoli, spearmint and lavender, and none had any effect on male perceptions. But when the women smelled of grapefruit, men estimated their ages at about six years younger than they really were. But the smell of grapefruit on men does nothing for them.

  • Men should try smearing themselves with chocolate...or money.
  • The big loser: a middle-aged woman smeared with broccoli.
  • The women seemed six years younger, but that still wasn't enough for the men to date them.
  • So men don't like middle-aged women who smell like broccoli? No wonder my aunt never had dates!
  • Tom Cruise liked Katie Holmes because she smells like lollipops.
  • I have this weird suspicion Dr. Hirsch only did this because he enjoys rubbing food on middle-aged women.

    How Ashlee Simpson Got On The Radio - "American Idol" is launching an online radio station called "American Idol Underground," where people can pay a $50 fee to upload their songs. They will be played a minimum of 200 times and listeners can vote on which is best, but the winner is not guaranteed a record deal.

  • Of course not: voters have no way to tell if the singer looks hot.
  • Older folks might know this by its original name: "Payola."
  • Just what we need: more bad singers who are on the radio because somebody somewhere got paid off.

    It Short-Circuited Him - Four men were arrested at the London premiere of "War of the Worlds" after one used a prank microphone to soak Tom Cruise with water while he was talking to reporters. The furious Cruise called him "incredibly rude" and said, "You're a jerk...jerk...you're a jerk." The other three men were in a TV truck, filming the prank for a new Channel 4 comedy prank show a la "Punk'd." A spokesman said they hoped Cruise will be able to see this in the "spirit of fun" with which it was intended.

  • To be fair, Tom has been acting as if he really needed to be doused with cold water.

    I Love L.A. Beer - Leonardo DiCaprio got 12 stitches in his head Friday to close a wound from a beer bottle thrown at him by an unnamed woman at a Hollywood party at around 4 a.m. Thursday. The party was at the home of Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriend and sex videographer, Rick Solomon, and the woman was allegedly an angry trespasser looking for her ex-boyfriend.

  • If she's a coked-up fashion model, odds are it was Leo.
  • She was so out-of-control, Rick Solomon almost didn't have sex with her and tape it.
  • He's lucky the party wasn't at Paris Hilton's house: girls throw champagne bottles there.
  • That's how you know you've made it in Hollywood: Leo DiCaprio gets beaned by a beer bottle at your house at 4 a.m. on a Thursday!

    Those People Have No Money! - The New York Post reports that tony purse maker Hermes made a huge blunder when the staff at their store in Paris failed to recognize a dressed-down Oprah Winfrey and refused her entry because they've been "having a problem with North Africans lately."

  • So she bought the store...And the company...And North Africa.

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