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"Volunteers" (1985)

Volunteers (1985) is a mostly unfunny comedy staring Tom Hanks as a spoiled Yaley who runs off to the Peace Corps to avoid paying a huge gambling debt. He is off to Thailand with Rita Wilson, a "Long Island Princess" who he later married in real life, and John Candy as Tom Tuttle from Tacoma. Candy is to build a bridge across the river for a small town. The CIA, a drug lord, and the Red Chinese all have interests in the bridge. Hanks tries to scam his way to success.

Jude Mussetter briefly shows breasts and buns during the setup as the Smith valedictorian who beds Hanks. Maltin says 1 1/2 stars, and IMDB readers agree at 4.8/10. The film includes homages to many films including Bridge On the River Kwai. The performances are all over the top, but there are some nice scenics. C-.

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  • Jude Mussetter (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Mission Manila" (1987)

    Mission Manila (1987) is a low budget thriller shot in the Philippines. There are a lot of bad guys, and they have something to do with drugs, and also seem to have other crime interests. Then there is our hero, who flies back from the states to find and rescue his brother who is in deep with the bad guys. He meets his brothers fiancee on the plane, although neither realize it at the time. His brother's wife, Maria, is at the airport to meet him. He shoots, knifes, and otherwise maims a lot of people, the fiancee is shot in the head while under his protection, and other things go on that were far too muddled to follow.

    Isabel Lopez, as a bar girl, shows her nipple in a flashback, and wears some sexy outfits. The DVD case says that our hero is ex CIA, and that he is fighting corrupt CIA agents. Might be true, but you couldn't prove it by anything that happens in the film. Nobody has seen or reviewed it, proving again that the public sometimes has more sense than I do. D-.

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  • Isabel López (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    These three films with no female nudity were scripted by the same guy, James Goldman, who was a helluva writer, but really needed to sneak some naked chicks into these scripts. I love these three films, but my review of The Lion in Winter is the best reading of the three. The other two are just quickies.

    They Might be GiantsThe Lion in Winter,  Robin and Marian

    Honte's site is updated

    Very good news! ICMS has ordered a DVD of the notorious "Baise-moi"!

    ICMS's comments....

    Time for the new stuff. I'm still working my way through the back issues, so I only quickly scanned some pictures from two magazines (Coralie from Play in the House and Martine Jonckheere from Cover).

    First let's take a close and detailed, and I mean detailed, look at Coralie Trinh Thi, a porn star but also the co-director of "Baise-moi" (Fuck Me), the French movie that caused such a stir in its homeland. I have ordered a copy of the DVD and hope to bring vidcaps from it next week. In the meantime we'll have to do with Coralie whose pictures could go straight into an anatomy manual for gynecologists.

  • Coralie Trinh Thi (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    And finally after so many months without, it's time to bring some Flemish talent to the Fun House. Here are some scans of Flemish actress Martine Jonckheere who finally at age 44 decided to pose sans clothes for Cover magazine. She said she didn't do it for the money but for the self-esteem of older women, nevertheless she obtained a percentage on each copy of the mag sold. She was very popular more than five years ago when she had an important part in a succesful soap over here. She then decided to quit the series hoping for better work I guess, but that didn't happen. She only got some insignificant minor roles. A couple of years ago she still refused to pose naked, although back then she said in a magazine that she could do with the money to repair her leaking roof. Well, given this pictorial and the fact that it has rained a lot over the past months in Belgium, I can only guess that she and her husband are tired of running around with buckets through their house each time it rains.

  • Martine Jonckheere (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    And so ends this week's contribution. Hope to be back next week with scenes from that controversial French movie!

  • Spaz
    Melissa Behr Melissa lets her large puppies loose in "Blue Flame" (1996) but does not let them get too far. She did similar near-nudity in "The Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" and according to someone at CNDB.COM she goes full frontal in "Me and Will" (1998).

    Helen Jones The Aussie actress shows her boobs and some bush in the movie Bliss (1985).

    Pamela Springsteen Bruce Springsteen's sister is topless while skinny-dipping at night in "Dixie Lanes" (1988).

    Karen Elkin

    Jayne Heitmeyer

    Donna Sarrasin

    "Sci-Fighters" (1996) is a Canadian sci-fi movie with three actresses doing nude scenes, all forgettable.

  • Karen Elkin: buns and breasts but her nipples are covered with artwork.
  • Jayne Heitmeyer: during struggle her brassiere rides up partially exposing a breast. Despite this, this is her best nude scene without the use of a body double.
  • Donna Sarrasin: Ewww!

  • Anna-Maria Monticelli A dark love scene in the New Zealand movie "Smash Palace" (1981).

    Amy C. Bass Hopping around nude in bed with Nick Nolte in scenes from "Weeds".

    Elaine Lakeman Shows all three B's and a classic full frontal in "Sentimental Reasons" (1987).

    Michčle-Barbara Pelletier The French-Canadian actress has a dark side-topless in "The Lotus Eaters" (1993).

    A nice collection of scans of supermodel Georgina Greenville. Plenty of topless images, plus a full frontal scan too! (link #12)

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  • Georgina Greenville (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

  • Variety
    Louise Nurding
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    A little something for the Euro-Scoopy fans...

    The British tabloids strike again with paparazzi pics of Louise baring a breast a the beach! Thanks to Richie H and Skease for the scans.

    Demi Moore
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    More of Moore's robo-hooters (plus a thong in #4) from "Striptease". Thanks again to Penman.

    Angelina Jolie Fantastic collage by Pro and Palrune of Jolie in "Hackers".

    Celeb Nudity News
    Thanks to Pat Reeder at the Comedy Wire...

    From IMDB News. Apparently, it's only tasteful to appear naked whenyou're on the cover of Rolling Stone.

  • For Brad's Eyes Only
    Jennifer Aniston has refused to appear in her birthday suit in her new film The Good Girl. Director Miguel Arteta didn't realize that Jennifer has a no- nudity clause in her contracts - ensuring husband Brad Pitt is the only man who gets to see her curves. A crew-member says, "A lot of people were making the assumption she wasn't happy stripping off because she is pregnant. But she said it was simply a matter of taste and she wasn't going that far."

  • The Funnies by Number 6
  • EP-3E surveillance plane Cockpit Voice Recorder recovered...

    To: George W. Bush
    From: National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice
    Subj: EP-3E surveillance plane Cockpit Voice Recorder recovered

    Sir: A Team of five experts from "Lockheed Martin" (i.e., three Lockheed Martin, two CIA), arrived Hainan Island to inspect EP-3E surveillance plane.

    Team managed to recover cockpit voice recorder (CVR) intact. Miracle Chinese did not find as CVR in clear sight on pilot's seat. Team played CVR.

    Authentic? Crew voices sound odd; possible stress related. Also mention of New York Yankees. Conclusion: authentic. Transcript follows. Safe to say we now have big problem.

    Transcript of Cockpit Voice Recorder aboard EP-3E surveillance plane.

    Voices of pilot, Lt. Shane Osborn; co-pilot, Lt. Patrick Honeck; co-pilot, Lt. Jeffery Vignery:

    OSBORN: Co-pilot Honeck, please to state where are we.

    HONECK: Sir, we are fly over South China Sea.

    OSBORN: Ah! So we are in violation clearly of sovereign Chinese airspace! Good for our hegemonist purposes!

    VIGNERY: Go New York Yankees!

    OSBORN: I will bring our illegal flight closer even much to the righteous land of People's Republic! Look you all now. I think I can see the humble domicile residence of the honorable servant of the people Jiang Zemin! We despise him for his goodness!

    HONECK: Tell us, my American captain of U.S. EP-3E spy plane travelling in purposeful illegality, is it still of our secret plans to kill the noble protector of China Jiang Zemin and to show disrespect also to all righteous veterans of the People's Glorious Revolution?

    OSBORN: Yes of course! We are committed to be dastardly always!

    VIGNERY: Go Michael Jordan of Chicago Lakers basketball team!

    HONECK: But Wang Zhi Zhi of Dallas team is much superior we concede!

    VIGNERY: Yes he will break in all ways all records held by inferior American players of his sport who have not to cringe in terror ever before superior Chinese competitor of great stature Wang Zhi Zhi!

    OSBORN: Holding down that chatter you members of sinister crew! See how we are foiled in our evil purposes! It arrives the magnificent and courageous Air Force of the People's Republic of China come to rain on our vile parading!

    HONECK: Damn their meddling valiant ways!

    VIGNERY: Now are we foiled in our plot to set up offensive-minded missile defense shield for our masters in Taiwan, which is in truth part of China as we know!

    HONECK: Go military-industrial complex!

    OSBORN: My news is the worse for us yet, crew of foul evildoers. This pilot of this plane pursues us with such skill and vigorousness of purpose and has no intention of performing in a hot-dogging or dangerous manner and so could not possibly make error of which we will wrongly accuse him.

    VIGNERY: What shall we do?

    OSBORN: I am committed to fly in calculated reckless way into his path!

    HONECK: Yes! We must showing reckless disregard for all in our quest take over world domination!

    VIGNERY: Go Corporation of Microsoft!

    OSBORN: It is done! I have destroyed the faultless aircraft of People's Republic of China and am a hegemonist hero!

    HONECK: But damn the torpedoes! See how our cowardly deed has undone us! In our behaving recklessness our plane in clear violation of sovereign Chinese territory is damaged and falling from sky!

    VIGNERY: If only our low of quality aircraft were strong and true as those made by the tireless workers of People's Republic of China!

    OSBORN: Stop your chatterings! Now move in quick way! Destroy all records of our crimes against citizens of Chinese nation and marvelous leader Jiang Zemin!

    HONECK: Also we must have plan for lying to humane and caring interrogators of extraordinary Chinese Army whom all nations should be in fear.

    CREW: Yes, we must lie like Imperialist Capitalist dogs! It is our nature!

    OSBORN: I concur. But let us too hide the voice recorder of the cockpit so none will ever know of our criminal actions taken by us the real crew of the American illegal spying plane of which we are truly the realcrew.

    HONECK: Yes, this voice recorder of the cockpit is very honest and not a forgery. I the real co-pilot who is Honeck lieutenant will do this hiding now! May the world never know who is in clearly at fault guilty United States!

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