• * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.









Gypsy Eyes


Scoop's notes:

Claire Forlani is one of the most beautiful women in the world. She is a reasonably competent actress now as well, but it was her beauty alone which originally qualified her as an actress, and it was this beauty which enabled her career to survive some stinking performances in stinking films.

Like this.

Forlani is supposed to be playing a gypsy in Romania (the movie was actually filmed in Croatia and processed in Slovenia), but she quite literally has a different accent in every scene - including a few scenes which she speaks with an American accent (she's from the U.K., but she can portray Americans convincingly). The accent was only the beginning of her troubles. She was about high school age when she made this movie, and she really didn't have any idea how to deliver the scenes. Except for dancing roles, her only acting before this film had been three brief appearances in UK television shows.

The performance in Gypsy Eyes may not have been entirely her fault. Who knows what the youngster might have done with some competent guidance. Nobody really seems to have been aware of where this film was going. There is no writing credit, and I don't think that is a coincidence. It appears that scene after scene was improvised, with no particular relevance or connection to the surrounding scenes. Ideas mentioned in some early scenes are never mentioned again. A rendezvous is promised, then forgotten. Characters enter and leave for no apparent reason. All the Rumanian gypsies speak perfect English, albeit with a variety of accents. (Where would they learn English in rural Romania, away from any formal schooling?)

It really seems that nobody was in charge, and I guess that is pretty much true. The director, a Slovenian guy named Vinci Vogue-Anzlovar, would never direct another English-language film, which is not surprising after the investors saw the mess he made of this film. He directed a micro-budget Slovenian film in 2001, then disappeared.

In the first scene, Forlani is a Gypsy hooker about to slip a Mickey Finn to an American and steal his valuables. Beneath the window of their hotel room is a mysterious armed stalker. We think perhaps the hooker and the stalker are in cahoots, but when she goes to the bathroom, the stalker enters a window, shoots the American, and the hooker stays hidden, terrified, until the stalker/killer leaves.

Now think about that for a second.

  • The American guy is in a hotel room in the same city in which he lives, and the stalker knows exactly which room he is in.
  • Given those two facts, the stalker must also know the American's purpose for being there. (Makin' whoopee, natch.) That purpose requires a second human being, of course. There were also two champagne glasses in the room, and the American had not yet removed all of his clothes, indicating that the sex had not yet taken place.
  • So when Mr Stalker shot the American, did he check to see if there might be someone in the bathroom, like, oh, I don't know - a hooker? Nah.

That's how illogical the film was in the first three minutes. And that was actually the logical highlight of the film, since (1) unlike some of the characters elsewhere in the film, the characters in that scene were actually important to the development of the alleged plot, and (2) since it was only the first scene, it did not yet present any continuity problems with previous scenes!

The filmmakers had about the same authoritative command of a title as they did of the shooting script. The original title was Pick Pocket; it was released briefly in theaters as Gypsy Eyes; it was then released on video as C.I.A. Trackdown; and is now back to Gypsy Eyes on DVD.

The score at IMDb is 5.2, but that has been poisoned by the fact that fifteen voters scored it a ridiculous 10/10 - that was undoubtedly Vinci himself, since he clearly has nothing else to occupy his time these days. Without those perfect tens, the average score is about where it should be.

Having made those points, however, let me point out that there are some good things to see and hear if you watch this film, but do not do so without having your thumb very near to the fast-forward button.

1. It doesn't matter how bad Claire's acting is. The girl is absolutely stunning, and you can't take your eyes off her. It doesn't hurt that she removes her clothing quite a bit.

2. There is a very nice acoustic guitar score.

If you are female or a gay male, consider it a 1/10 unless you're into acoustic guitar, because the film's only appeal is Claire Forlani's beauty, which is not meaningful to you.


Claire Forlani film clips (samples below)



Ashley Graham film clip (samples below)

unknown actress film clip (samples below)



Control Alt Delete


Movie about software company preparing for the Y2K bug while one of the workers develops a sex fetish for computers and starts having sex with them, eventually raping the computer of his female boss (Alisen Down's reaction to this violation was a hilarious performance).

A major goof throughout is everyone is coding in HTML, which is only a mark-up language ill-suited for large business applications. HTML is primarily used by Star Trek geeks to put together their FAQs on why Captain Kirk is better than Captain Picard.

Scoop's note: True enough. I had one of those in 1997! Bad as it was, it won some competitions on the early web. It's still online in its original eye-destroying  format!

During 1999 the software industry used CGI (comnon gateway interface) based applications using C++/perl/Java.

Laura Bertram: nude in 69 sex position but showing absolutely nothing.

Here is A FILM CLIP.

Sonja Bennett: buns sitting on toilet, bra and panties having fully clothed sex.

Alisen Down: legs.

Long Pigs


Low budget cannibal horror.

Barbara Walsh: huge butt as dead hooker,

Barbara Walsh: flashing some boob during the making of her body cast.

Kelly Trumpour: cleavage

hooker: she *was* the director's real-life girlfriend.

All that time on the casting couch and he only cast her as a whore!

Terror Inside


Swamp-ploitation about some contaminated Florida mud which infects a small town turning all the local women into Goth girls who mutilate themselves. Sounds like British Petroleum aka BP Global is to blame.

Tanya Memme: 1993 Miss World Canada shows some cleavage and offers an upskirt but the last row may be a stunt butt.

Susie Feldman: obvious bodydub.


 (2006 TV movie)

Taryn Manning: bra and panties.

Genelle Williams: cleavage.

Angels Fall

 (2007 TV movie)

Heather Locklear: brassiere having sex.

Lisa Marie Caruk: brassiere having sex.

Something Beneath

(2007 TV movie)

Brittany Scobie: cleavage.

Just Business

(2008 video)

Gina Gershon: cleavage and leg.

Exquisite Corpse


Deanna Prall: blonde b-movie actress shows all three Bs having nude lesbian sex with unknown brunette.

'Her latest film, released last week, is the poignant award bait known as "Vixen Highway 2006: It Came from Uranus!"

Barney's Version

(2010; caps from trailer only

Based on the classic Mordecai Richler novel, the movie is to be released this winter. For a movie based on a Quebec novel there seems to be a lot of non-Canadian actors and actresses in the lead roles.

looks like Rosamund Pike showing some cleavage and Minnie Driver naked on bed.

Year of the Carnivore

(2009; caps from the trailer)

Movie currently in Canadian theatres directed by Sook-Yin Lee. The lead actress is unknown American actress Cristin Milioti, who looks a lot like a young Molly Parker. She shows boob and butt during skinny-dipping and a lot of sex.

"Outlaw Bikers"

(tv series) episode: "Angels Ascending"

Talia Russo: bra and panties as biker chick.

Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy

(2006 TV movie)

One of the waitresses has been ID'ed. Michelle Suppa is in the first frame.  She has the same hairdo as when she was in Naked Mile.




Lucy Liu

Bai Ling in Circle of Pain

Shannon Lepard in Circle of Pain

Nicoll Dawson in Circle of Pain



Anna Nicole Smith in Skyscraper

Emily Lloyd in When Saturday Comes

Episode 9 of Gravity: Gillian Glasco, Krysten Ritter, Melissa Bacelar, Violet Krumbein

Imogen Stubbs in The Rainbow

Victoria Vanegas, KellyDawn Malloy, Tabitha Stevens in The Curse of El Charro

Nena in Gib Gas ich will Spass

Patsy Kensit double feature: Beltenebros and The One and Only

Sharon Stone in Blood and Sand