Reno 911: Miami

The inept Reno cops (as seen in their Comedy Central TV show) are attending a police convention in Miami, and their reservations have been misplaced, forcing them to stay in a run-down motel in a decaying part of town. This turns out to be serendipitous when a terrorist attack on the police convention forces every other law enforcement officer, including the entire Miami police force, to be quarantined in the convention center. The Reno team is immediately pressed into service in Miami, and only our eight idiots stand between civilization and chaos.

I'm not really sure how to review a film like this. It's really just an extended TV episode. It's only about an hour long between the credits - and that's the unrated version. Cut out the raunch, and there isn't much left. Maybe that's good because it keeps the film from dragging too much. Only a few scenes are laugh-out-loud funny, including a good cameo by The Rock as the baddest-ass cop ever. Many of the bits go on too long either setting up a punch line or waiting for one that never seems to arrive.

If not you're a fan of the show (I've never see it), it's an hour of raunchy, low-brow humor with enough gags to avoid wearing out its welcome. I won't watch it again, but found it a decent time-killer.


The nudity is as follows:



* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Refinements in Love

Refinements In Love (1971) is a hardcore effort from Carlos Tobalina that bills itself as a cross between the Mondo films, I am Curious Yellow, and hardcore. I see nothing in common with the Mondo films or the I am Curious films. Actually, it is a series of hardcore scenes tied together and justified by the "redeeming social importance" of a mockumentary about changing sexual mores which zeroed in on the hypocrisy of then-president Richard Nixon.

Some years earlier, Lyndon Johnson had commissioned a panel of 18 to study pornography and its effects on society, and to recommend appropriate legislation. The report advised that all laws regulating pornography for adults be removed because the pornography was not only harmless to adults, but often strengthened marriages. The panel suggested that the government exercise no control of sexual-oriented material other than to restrict the public display of certain kinds of porn, and to take steps to keep it from minors. The commission also strongly advocated detailed sex education for all school students.

By the time the majority report was ready, Nixon was in office. The lengthy report, which contained a great deal of research study data, was leaked to the press a few days before the official release, and the administration went postal. The Nixon camp tried to suppress the report, and then the President himself came out very strongly against it, declaring "I have evaluated that report and categorically reject its morally bankrupt conclusions and major recommendations." In other words, he made it clear that the "Dick" in "Tricky Dick" simply stood for "Richard."

The film, in a supposed interview, discusses the stupidity of Nixon's actions, and suggests that it was unscrupulous politicians, trying to excite the voting public by creating a threat to "American Values," who were the cause of the ridiculous moral restrictions and persecutions in the US. The film ends by zooming out from a contented post-coital couple, showing these words:

To which we would have responded, "Right on, brother. Power to the people." Years later, when the libertarian zeitgeist of the seventies had dissipated, President Reagan formed his own study group, the Meese Commission, which dutifully found porn harmful and proposed ways to combat it. "Wrong on, brother. Power back to The Man."

The politics are used to justify a rather routine sex film. Rene Bond, and several early porn actresses do show everything, and oral and vaginal sex is clearly shown, but the film stops shy of anything too kinky like money shots or anal. The best surprise for viewers is a scene with Rene Bond before her breast enhancement. I had previously thought her hard core career started after the boob job.

There was plenty of product placement, including baby oil, baby powder, cigarettes (the film was against them) and water beds. There was even a song about bouncing together on their water bed. The film was down on telemarketers, suggesting disconnecting the phone before sex. It advocated getting medical help if necessary to improve your sex life, but cautioned against quacks, giving the example of a doctor who "uses his body as a tool" to give his nympho patient her first real climax and cure her. 

The original was not in good shape, but the DVD producers did the best they could to remaster it, resulting in a watchable transfer. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do to change the fact that this was not a good hardcore sex film to begin with, and the redeeming social merit is not strong enough to recommend it. As a movie it is a D- on our scale.

However, it was of great interest to me as a time capsule, reminding me of long-forgotten attitudes and events. In that light, it excels, and is a welcome addition to my collection. As a time capsule, call it an enthusiastic C+.

No score at IMDb


Rene Bond










Bachelor Party


The Time Machine travels to 1984 for a comedy classic ...


Angela Aames kicks it off with some mighty impressive cleavage in a very funny scene.


Talk about impressive, Monique Gabrielle is awesome in all her full frontal glory.




Tawny Kitaen was the star and did not get naked, but still a very sexy chick.







Notes and collages

Wild Things

Denise Richards








La Vida Abismal


Valencia, 1972. Ferran es un joven de veintiún años sin perspectivas en la vida. Está obligado a vivir con sus padres, pero exige un espacio propio al margen de la mediocridad familiar. Así que se instala en un antiguo gallinero de la casa. Su vida gris consiste en malvivir de algunos trabajos esporádicos. Todo cambia cuando conoce a 'El Chino', un jugador de cartas que le descubre cómo sobrevivir fugazmente en el abismo.



Valencia, 1972. Ferran is twenty one years old and lacks both prospects and perspective. He is forced to live with his parents, but demands his own space to escape the mediocrity of his family life. He settles down in their old chicken coop.

He merely endures his gray life and his sporadic employment until he meets "The Chinaman," a card player who teaches him how to spice up "the abysmal life" with the excitement of gambling. Ferran eventually movies on from card games to Russian Roulette.


Karme Malaga








Me da igual (I don't care)

Jorge (Alejandro Cano) is writing his up-and-coming novel, and has to put up with his roommate Marta (Maria Jurado) who always has someone over (boy or girl, she doesn't care) and moans all night long driving him crazy. Not only that she is not shy at all and walks around him in her birthday suit.

Jorge is not worried that he's gay he is "worried he might START to like men." Alberto, a gay friend of a friend unlocks that angst trying to seduce him. Marta then moves with Mario, a coke-snorting, violently abusive man, who is charming at first, with dreams of a happy marriage and a fulfilling life together. Becoming a battered-wife, Marta watches her life dissolve around her, having to wear shawls to cover bruises.

Alberto discovers he has AIDS and Jorge's ex, Eva, pops up, trying to incorporate Jorge back into her life. As some sort of social-trigger, Jorge helps his friends to overcome their problems and ultimately come out shining.

Maria Jurado is drop-dead stunning, she has a great body and since this is a Spanish movie, we get to see every inch of it. Viva España!

I also want to congratulate the best soccer team in history, Real Madrid, for winning their 30th Spanish league last Sunday. Hala Madrid!



Begona Hernando


Maria Jurado


Maruxa Yusty



Melanie Olivares









A third party film clip of Anna Falchi in SPQR. I think Anna is adorable, so I made a couple of captures (right)
The movie itself is an Italian-made 1994 comedy with the usual assortment of international stars, including Leslie Nielsen.

(In the past, most Italian films have been recorded without live sound, then dubbed into various languages. This is true even with the great Italian directors like Fellini. People generally speak their own languages during filming, but it doesn't really matter what they say, since it is not being recorded. The primary language of commercial Italian films is really English, since the English-language market is the largest one. Some Italian actors have even complained that they have been forced to speak phonetic English in Italian movies instead of Italian - even when they can't speak a word of English! The logic behind it? It makes it easier for the professional voice talent to dub the film into English if the actors' lips are making the correct movements!)

If you're curious about seeing Frank Drebbin / Enrico Palazzo in Italian, here's the Italian-language trailer.






The Comedy Wire

Comments in yellow...

In Landshut, Germany, a 17-year-old hospital patient who was recovering from a car crash unplugged his roommate's life support machine because it was keeping him awake.  Luckily, the nursing staff rushed in and reconnected it.  The teen told police the machine's pinging was getting on his nerves and he wanted some peace and quiet.

*  Just that guy's luck; he's put with the one teenager who likes peace and quiet. 

Tuesdsay, New York's state Assembly approved a bill to legalize gay marriage, but it's not expected to get through the Republican-led Senate.

* Unless it sneaks in through the back door.

Airbus reports that someone whose identity they won't reveal has ordered the world's largest plane, the 840-passenger A380, as a private jet for the buyer's entourage.

*It can't be John Travolta: he already owns one, and he flies it solo to global warming rallies.